How the Darkness Sounds
by Madam RedRose25
Summary: Sharon and Randy get news no parent ever wants to hear, their son has been diagnosed with a terminal disease. Now it takes everything for the family as well as Stan's friends to be strong for Stan as they all go through this difficult time. Multiple POVs
1. Diagnosis

_**HOW THE DARKNESS SOUNDS**_

A/N: Expect sadness and medical terms and scenes. Facts from various sources on the 'net.

**DIAGNOSIS **

_March 2010_

It was another grim day in South Park Colorado. The clouds hung low overhead and the promise of any sun was slim to none. Currently Sharon Marsh was trying to keep herself busy at home by cleaning up the kitchen. It was Wednesday and she was home, left to take care of her nine-year-old son Stanley who had been ill for days now. Not that she was too worried- at least she kept pretending she wasn't. He had gotten a fever hardly two months ago and he had never gotten fevers back-to-back like that before. Plus, it's not as if she had never taken care of him before when he was sick in bed this long. He fell ill as often as the next kid in class, but what was different with her son was the fact that he could grow from bad to worse in the matter of an hour, no matter what he was ill with. She could still remember how quickly he deteriorated after catching Chicken Pox last year. She defiantly had to make sure he did not grow any worse without her immediate knowledge. She checked the time on the microwave; 12:20, time for lunch. Sighing, she turned on a burner on the stove and began to make some soup, hoping Stan would be hungry for it this time.

Ten minutes later, she knocked on the door to his bedroom and stepped in.

"Stanley honey, I just made lunch."

Stan parted his eyes open.

Sharon caressed his warm face. "Sweetie? Are you hungry?"

Stan moaned and rubbed his eyes. "No."

Sharon frowned. "Stan, you have barely eaten anything since Sunday. You even turned down home-made cookies. Are you okay?"

Stan opened his eyes wider to look at his mother. "No, I haven't been since Sunday."

Sharon stroked his cheek again. "Are you still hurting?"

Stan barely nodded. "My head still hurts and my legs. My whole body does Mom."

Sharon sighed. "I don't know what it is; I don't think you have the flu. You got a flu shot last November. You shouldn't be sick now…"

Stan coughed and sniffed.

"I don't know if we can wait until Friday for your doctor's appointment hon. I'm afraid you're only going to get worse."

Stan closed his eyes. "I just wanna try to sleep now…"

Sharon got back to her feet. "I know you do dear but I want you to eat something. C'mon, only a little bit. After you can have a Pediarite pop. Okay? Stan…?"

Stan moaned as his mother moved him out of the comfortable confines of his bed. She then noticed his pajama top wet with sweat and being under blankets. She went to get a new one and helped him out of the old one. She frowned when she noticed a curious bluish mark on his arm.

"Sweetie, how did you get this bruise?"

"Huh?" Stan looked at his arm and frowned. "I dunno, I never saw it before."

Sharon looked at it for a moment before giving him the dry shirt. "I'm sure it's nothing. C'mon, let's get you some fluids…"

After eating half the tomato soup, Stan was given a special pediatric frozen pop to help with his dehydration before going back to bed. Little happened leading up to his doctor's appointment that Friday. Kyle had come over all week to drop off homework and to see how he was doing. He was a bit worried that Friday afternoon when he saw that Stan had not gotten any better.

"Damn dude, what's wrong with you?" he asked.

Stan shrugged as he sat up in bed.

"You look paler than paper."

Stan sighed as he rubbed his cold feet. "For once I just want to go back to school. I don't want to feel like this anymore."

At that moment Sharon walked in. "Sorry to cut your visit short Kyle but Stan has a doctor's appointment in a half hour. You should start getting ready Stanley."

Kyle helped Stan into jeans, a shirt, his jacket, and shoes before they had to leave.

"I'll visit later then okay dude?" Kyle told his friend. "See ya Stan."

Ten minutes later Stan was sitting in the pediatrician's office with his mom, tired and legs hurting. He tried to distract himself during the wait by playing with his mom's iphone but it wasn't distraction enough. He was sick of feeling well, sick, and just wanted to run around and have fun with his friends again. The door leading to the examination rooms opened and a nurse stepped out.

"Stanley?"

Considering there were two girls in the office and the other boy there didn't look up, Stan stood and he and Sharon followed the older woman behind the door. The nurse looked at the file in her hand before turning to Stan.

"Okay Stanley, why don't you take off your shoes and stand on the scale here for me."

She indicated a scale outside an exam room. Stan did as he was told, taking his hat and jacket off as well for a more accurate weight before the nurse took in his height. The nurse hummed as she wrote down the results.

"Do you know how much he weighed during his last weigh-in?" she asked Sharon.

"Oh dear, what was it? I don't know about last weigh-in but I had him weigh himself last night and he was 61.8," Sharon told her.

"Okay. That's what I'm getting right now. I'm sure Dr. Davies will know how much he weighed last time. Why don't we go in here you two?" she nodded to the door by the scale.

The nurse took in Stan's blood pressure, pulse, and temperature before leaving. Stan once again played with his mom's iphone. Popping digital bubble wrap was a bit boring but it took his mind off of waiting. Ten minutes later a man in his late 20s with brown hair and glasses walked in with a smile.

"Hey there Stan, how are you today?" he shook the boy's hand.

Stan sighed. "I feel like crap."

"Aww man, I don't like hearing that." He turned to Sharon. "And how are you doing today Mrs. Marsh?"

Sharon sighed with a nervous grin, happy as she always was in knowing she had found the perfect doctor for her son months ago. "Like Stanley, I've been better. I just hope you find out what's wrong with him."

The man took out his own file and clicked a pen.

"Can you describe to me your symptoms Stan?"

Stan drew in a breath. "I've had a fever all week pretty much. My legs hurt too, and sometimes my back and arms. I've had a headache days ago. Also… well, it's kinda weird but I found a few bruises on my arms and I can't remember how I got them."

"Bruises? Let me see…"

Stan took off his jacket and rolled a sleeve up to show the doctor. Dr. Davies looked at the forearm where two bluish marks sat for a minute before stepping back.

"I'll be sure to look into that. And according to what Nurse Brenda wrote down here, you lost a few pounds since I last saw you."

Stan could only shrug.

The man put his glasses further up his nose. "How long have you been sick son?"

"Sunday."

"And nothing you've been doing has been helping?" he looked to both mother and son for this. They both shook their heads. He rubbed his chin. "Let's not get too concerned just yet; I'm sure it's just a minor infection. Well let's begin; let me take your temp champ…"

The doctor did so, as well as checked his breathing and heartbeat, looked into his ears, throat, and felt his stomach and throat. That's when he frowned. Sharon didn't miss a beat.

"What is it?" she asked.

"His lymph nodes appear a bit swollen… and I don't want to worry you but these bruises on his arm are making me a bit curious as well."

"I'm not dying am I?" Stan asked bluntly.

Dr. Davies chuckled. "Don't worry Stan, you aren't dying. But some of his symptoms have me a bit concerned… you know what? I'd like have some blood drawn from him. A lot of the times the answers you're looking for are hidden in blood cells."

"Aw-awww!" Stan moaned. "I _hate_ needles."

Dr. Davies cocked a half-grin. "I know champ but it'll help me find out what's wrong with you. As soon as I do you'll be that much closer to a diagnosis and feeling better!"

Stan just crossed his arms; no one could ever sweet talk their way out of a needle touching him. No one. So Stan went back in the waiting room before being called back in and led into another room by a different nurse to have blood drawn. He fidgeted nervously as the nurse tied a tourniquet above his elbow and swabbed at the inside of it. Stan gave his mother a knowing look and sighing, she placed a hand on his shoulder for comfort. She had been comforting him, or trying to at least, all his life when it came to needles.

"Don't worry sweetie, we'll be home soon," Sharon reminded him.

Stan had to worry- the damn nurse took two vials of blood before she was through and his right arm now stung. And why did his doctor need two vials? It was usually always one. The extra vial of blood made him slightly nervous something really might be wrong with him. He wasted no time voicing his concern to Dr. Davies when they met up again in the exam room.

"Don't worry Stan; I am sure it is nothing serious like- cancer. I just want to be extra sure when I go over the results. I promise you you'll be okay," the man reassured him.

Dr. Davies was set out on thinking Stan may have just a cause of influenza and told the Marshes he would call with the results from his blood work in less than a week. Both Stan and Sharon were thinking the same thing; they did not want to wait any longer than they already had to find out what was wrong with him. Until then, Stan was prescribed some pills that should have helped with his symptoms and sent him on his way. The next three days were tedious. Sharon forced Stan to go to school that Monday for fear he may already be very behind after missing a full week. His fever was down so she felt safe he wouldn't get other children sick. But it was difficult to pay attention to Mr. Garrison's lessons with a constant headache. And he didn't want to do much during recess for his legs still ached. He was only too grateful when his mother picked him up from school.

The first thing Stan noticed on his mother's face was a troubled frown.

"Mom?" he said carefully.

"How was school Stanley? Boys?" she looked to the back seat where Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny were sitting.

"Okay. The math test was easy," Kyle passed off.

"Mom?" Stan said again, looking up at his mother.

Sharon sighed. "I got a phone call from Dr. Davies' office an hour ago."

Stan blinked. "…and?"

"Well, they found something interesting in your blood work. I-I don't know what it is but I'm going to give them a call when we get home. Dr. Davies will tell us what to do next."

Stan shifted in the front seat. "Okay then…"

Sharon turned around to face the boys. "I'm sorry but I think it's best I just drop you boys off home today. This is very important and I need concentration talking to Stan's doctor."

"Yeah, of course," Kyle said instantly.

"That's bullcrap," Cartman crossed his arms. Kyle hit him.

After Sharon dropped the boys off at home, she immediately phoned Dr. Davies' office to speak with him. Stan sat at the round breakfast table in the kitchen, hardly touching his after-school snack as his mother walked up and down the floor with the doctor.

"Okay, so what does that mean?" she finally took a seat across from her son. She moved her foot in circles anxiously. "All right. What does _that_ mean then?"

Stan looked down at his cheese and crackers. What was it they were discussing?

Sharon rubbed her eyes. "So if that's the case, what do we have to do next? I see. A what-? Oh no... what is that exactly? A-huh... okay...Oh dear… oh I don't know… I don't know Dr. Davies, that's asking a lot and you know it…" she glanced at her son.

"What? _What_ Mom?" Stan almost leapt from his chair in nerves and curiosity.

Sharon just continued to listen on the phone. She nodded a few more times and said a few more 'ah-huhs' before looking defeated. "Okay, if you think it's for the best. Okay. Anytime, it doesn't matter, I just want him to feel better. When? Yes, that's fine. Okay, okay, good-bye."

"What did he say Mom?" Stan immediately asked.

Sharon set the phone aside. "Dr. Davies doesn't like what he's seeing in your blood tests Stanley. He ordered for another round of testing at the hospital. He wants a Complete Blood Count or something done on you as well as something called a Blood Smear."

Stan licked dry lips. "What- what does that mean?"

"You're going to have to have more blood drawn sweetie, I'm sorry."

"That's not fair! I don't want to! When do I have to have it done?" Stan moaned.

"Tomorrow morning."

"And at the hospital?"

"Yes, they're better equipped to look over your test results and come up with a define answer." Sharon studied her son's worried face. She took his hand. "Don't worry sweetie, I'm sure it's nothing serious. You have nothing to be afraid of."

"Yeah I do. I never had to have so much blood drawn for anything."

Sharon sighed. "I know honey. I wish I could do something about it. But I'm sure there won't be any more testing after tomorrow."

It was difficult for Sharon to pull her son out of bed the next morning for more blood work instead of going to school. But she called the school to reassure them he would be back right after, he just couldn't miss anymore class time. So Stan was called in by a nurse at Hell's Pass Hospital and this time had to hold out his left arm on the chair. He twitched when he saw the chubby black lady take out the butterfly needle.

"Mom…" he said softly, looking for her head.

Sharon held onto his shoulder like she did four days ago. She wished her son didn't have an almost phobia of needles. She couldn't be holding his hand when he was seventeen. Stan made tiny gasps from the unpleasantness of the needle going under his skin and two more vials of blood being taken from him. What was wrong with him? He was taken back to school right after; being told results would come in by the end of the week. It was another long waiting game for the Marshes.

Thursday evening, all four boys were gathered at Stan's house playing video games after school. Sharon had taken the rest of the week off; she wanted to be home in case anything happened. That's when the phone rang.

"Oh, hello Dr. Davies," she greeted.

Stan's stomach dropped- what was he going to tell her?

"Dude, are you paying attention or not?" Cartman called at Stan, indicating the video game.

"I- wait…"

"Ha! I just killed you Stan! Hahaha!" Cartman laughed at the TV screen.

"Stan's doctor is on the phone fatass! This is important!" Kyle told him.

"Oh? Seeing whether or not you have AIDS Stan?"

"Shhh!" Stan hissed, trying to eavesdrop. It was unusually quiet in the kitchen. Stan didn't know whether or not this was a good thing. He could only hear a few agreement sounds coming from his mother. Almost twenty minutes had passed, then thirty. Why was this such a long phone conversation? Stan was feeling very on-edge now. Finally the sound of the phone being placed on the receiver was heard. Stan expected his mom to come straight out but she did not. Having enough of this, he got off the couch to see what was up.

"Mom? What- what did the doctor say?" Stan asked carefully.

Sharon turned to face him, tears were in her eyes. She sniffed and went into the living room. "Boys- boys, I'm sorry but you're going to have to leave."

"Leave? Awww, c'mon, my stupid cousin has _my_ X-box!" Cartman complained.

"I'm sorry boys but you have to. I need to speak with Stan alone."

The air that hung above them all was very thick with worry and anticipation.

"O-kay Mrs. Marsh. No problem…" Kyle trailed and turned off the game.

Stan looked at his friends helplessly before they went out the door. He immediately turned around to his mother.

"Mom, you're scaring me. What is it? What do I have?"

Sharon didn't answer right away. "I want to call your father first, he needs to know too."

"No- just tell me now. It's my body. It's my doctor. I need to know what is wrong!" Stan cried.

"I- I don't know what's wrong. He thinks- let me call your dad," Sharon struggled to say. She picked the phone back up and called Randy at work. "Randy, you have to come home now. Stan's pediatrician just called and he- well he said some things that we really need to go over. Yes now Randy!" she hung the phone back up. Stan blinked innocent blue eyes at her. She stroked his face lovingly. "I love you baby."

Stan's brows met in the middle. This was not the time to be saying those things. It only made him more suspicious. Five minutes later the door opened and Shelley walked in. Sharon gasped at seeing her daughter.

"Oh good, you're home! Shelley, Dr. Davies just called. We need to have a family talk about what he said okay? Your dad will be here soon."

Shelley glanced at her little brother. To not appear too concerned she went into the kitchen to make herself a snack. Randy came by ten minutes after. The family sat down at the round breakfast table, kids on one side, parents on the other.

"What did he say?" Stan immediately asked.

Sharon drew in a steady breath. "He said he doesn't like the results of all of Stan's blood work. It's making him worried. He- he said the results from the Complete Blood Count was- abnormal. He has abnormal cells."

Stan blinked. "Well what does that mean?"

"Cells are overcrowding in his blood," Sharon continued as if her son hadn't spoken. "Taking that into account, as well as his lymph nodes… they were swollen when he examined him a week ago. That and the reoccurring fever, the pains, the headaches, and the bruises that he couldn't find any source for… they think- well, he thinks he may have- have"- Sharon couldn't go on.

"_What_ Mom?" Stan's eyes were glassing over too.

"Sharon, tell us," Randy took her hand.

Sharon let out a sob. "He says he might have… he could have- c-cancer."

The room was dangerously silent.

"Sharon… no," was all Randy could say.

Sharon nodded, eyes shut tight, dripping. "And- and the type he think it- it may be is- is leukemia. Some-something about cancer of the blood…He- he didn't- didn't say it was official. It could be something e-else. But he said we have to-to take it into account. It's high of a poss- possibility," she barely managed to get out.

"_No_," Randy gasped again.

Stan looked very confused now. Shelley looked at her family, not quite knowing how to feel.

"They- they want to run a few more tests to be sure," Sharon said, slightly stronger. "He has an appointment in two days at the hospital. He's going to have to have a- a bone m-marrow aspirate and biopsy."

Stan gulped, those things didn't sound pleasant…

"Oh Randy what are we going to do?" Sharon cried.

"I- I'm not sure Sharon. I don't know if there's anything we can do but wait." He looked as if someone had slapped him across the face. "Nothing to do but wait for the results."

"What's- what's a bone marrow aspa-thingy?" Stan asked softly.

Sharon sniffed and blew her nose. She touched his face. "Oh Stanley… oh my baby boy…" she took him in her arms and just cried. Stan, still half-confused and half—frightened didn't know what to do. He just wrapped his arms back and softly began to cry as well. Randy joined in. Shelley, as to not appear too rude, stood next to her mother before she was pulled into the hug as well.

It took a while before they let go. All four were in deep, deep shock. Randy had to get up and go outside- beer in hand. He couldn't think right now. Stan let go of his mother and blew his nose.

"M-Mom, what's a bone aspate or whatever? And biopsy?"

Sharon drew in a shaky breath. "I don't really know to tell you the truth sweetie. Do you want to look it up together?"

"May-maybe later." He coughed and wiped his nose. "Mom, I'm scared."

Sharon hugged him again. "I know baby, I am too. But don't worry, whatever happens, if you have it or not, I'm going to be by your side the entire time, okay? No matter what happens, we'll get through it."

"I'm really scared though."

She just held onto him as if he were five. "I know Stanley, Mommy's terrified herself." She sniffed and pushed the damp bangs from her eyes. "This… this calls for a special dinner tonight. A special treat. Who's up for make-your-own pizza night?"

Shelley and Stan both whooped. Sharon got to her feet. "And after, we can make sundaes. I'll go out to the store and pick up ice cream and candy and all the fixings. How does that sound? And maybe a movie, a movie night on a Thursday sounds fun doesn't it?"

Her children both smiled and nodded.

"I want to watch Finding Nemo," Stan suggested.

"Well _I_ want to watch"- Shelley stopped and glanced at Stan. "…I want to watch Finding Nemo too."

Sharon smiled. "Finding Nemo it is."

Even with the recent news that Stan may be diagnosed with a form of cancer; the family did their best that night to put it out of their minds. They each made their own mini pizzas and their own sundaes and watched Stan's movie pick. Even Stan who was close to impossible to distract had a fun time and laughed plenty with his family that night. Only when he returned to school the next day did he remember what he was told yesterday in the first place.

"Dude, what happened yesterday?" was the first words out of Kyle's mouth when he saw him in the front of the school.

Stan's lips parted and he looked down. "Oh, that."

"What happened?" Kyle repeated.

Stan didn't look at his friends. "I- I might have leukemia."

He could have sworn all sound turned off at that moment. Finally-

"You've got to be shitting me," Cartman blurted.

Stan sighed. "No. it's true. Apparently I have a large amount of abnormal cells or something in my blood and it doesn't look right."

"_Leukemia_? Stan, no. I don't want to believe it. I can't believe it. Wha-what the fuck?" Kyle's eyes were wide with concern.

"It's not official but it's a high possibility."

"No! It can't be! Goddamnit, no!"

Stan could only shrug at his best friend's reaction.

"Holy shit Stan…what- what are you going to do? What- how will you know for sure?" Kyle asked.

"I have to have a couple more tests done tomorrow. After that… I may have an answer."

A few minutes passed.

"Stan…you, you must be terrified," Kyle noted.

Stan sniffed. "I am. But I don't wanna totally freak until I'm diagnosed with something. I don't think I have it, I don't think I'm that sick. I'm sure I have something less serious."

"Do you really think so Stan?"

Stan shrugged. "I want to. C'mon, I don't want to be late and my legs are hurting again."

Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny followed after their friend, in complete disbelief about what they just heard. There was no way it could be true. Stan was right, it must be something else. The unofficial leader of their group couldn't be _that_ sick. Trying not to think of their very sick friend the boys played as normally as they could at his house after school. Thank goodness Sharon didn't get a phone call from the doctor and told them they had to leave again. Once they were over they decided to look up what it meant to have a bone aspiration and biopsy on his computer. Kyle raised a brow when he began to read.

"Shit dude, you aren't going to like this…"

"What?" Stan asked worriedly.

_The skin over the aspiration site will be cleaned with a special solution and a local anesthetic will be used to numb the area. Then the aspiration needle will be put through your skin and into your bone to reach the bone marrow_-

Stan couldn't go on, he felt queasy just with those two sentences. His friends decided it best not to tell him anymore. That night Sharon took extra measure to make sure Stan was comfortable in bed. He was very tense.

"Sweetie? What's wrong?" she asked sitting on the bed.

"I found out what a bone marrow as'pration and biopsy is."

Sharon blinked. "Oh?"

"They're- they're going to shove a _needle_ in my hip Mom! Two of them! Wait, three including the numbing stuff!" he cried.

"Oh dear…" Sharon took hold of his hand; no doubt he was going to get very little sleep tonight.

The next morning had Stan sitting on a bench with his mother in a waiting area by some exam rooms. He was dressed in a hospital gown and shoes were off exposing his white socks. He was too nervous to do much but twitch at every sound he heard. The doors ahead of them opened and Dr. Davies stepped out.

"Okay Stan, ready for you now."

Stan got to his feet shakily.

"Don't worry, Mom's allowed inside too," Dr. Davies smiled.

Stan shook as he sat on the table. He glanced behind him and saw a table set out with instruments ready to be used, just like at the dentist. He shook worse.

"How are you doing today champ?" the man asked. Stan then noticed an assistant was with him.

"I am so scared," Stan admitted, holding onto his toes.

"Aww, I know you don't like needles. Don't worry too much though Stan; you won't feel the needles for the aspiration and biopsy going in after I numb the spot up."

Stan was always a little suspicious of adults. "Are you sure?"

"I'm sure. But I won't lie, it might sting a bit once it hits the bone. You might feel some pressure as I twist it and"-

"Please, I don't wanna know anything else," Stan moaned.

Dr. Davies nodded knowingly. "Did you eat any breakfast today Stan?"

"No," he admitted.

"Just not hungry or what…?"

"Not hungry. And was too nervous to eat."

"Well you better start putting some weight on soon son. All right, let me have you lie on your front now."

Sharon had to practically force her son to lie on his stomach and keep straight. He felt his gown being untied by the assistant and a sheet placed over his buttocks for some privacy. Sharon held onto his hand as a spot over his hip bone was cleaned and injected with numbing solution.

"_Owww_… it already hurts," Stan hissed.

Things did not go anymore smoothly. As scared as he was he kept shooting glances behind him and flipped when he saw Dr. Davies pull out a tool with a long needle at the end. The twisting of the metal going into his bone was one of the worst things he had ever experienced and when it came time for the biopsy, he lost it.

"Ahh! It hurts! _Mooo_mmy… it hurts," he cried.

"Don't look Stanley, shhh… I'm right here," Sharon rubbed his hands that were holding onto hers like a lifeline, although it was taking a lot for her to keep calm when she saw just how painful the tests were herself.

He could hear crunching sounds as the larger needle for the biopsy took its sample. He began making gagging noises and spit up the little he had in his stomach. Fifteen minutes of torture and he was finally over. He was instructed to lie on his back for ten minutes to add pressure to the site and stop the bleeding.

"It's all over champ, all over!" Dr. Davies said brightly.

Stan sniffed as he let his last tears fall.

"I just wanna go home," he said breathing uneven.

Sharon kissed his cheek and whispered in his ear, "I'll let you pick out anything you want at the toy store after this okay honey?"

Stan wiped at his face and nodded. After fifteen minutes another bandage was placed at the injection site and he was free to go. Results would come in one to seven days, which only meant more grueling uncertainty for the family. But Stan was able to get his mind off it a little by getting a sweet new Batman Dark Knight Action figure and Wild Gorilla toy from Toyland. Now they just had to wait…

Three days had passed and the Marshes got a call from Dr. Davies telling them to meet him in his office to go over the results. This was it, time to find out what it was that Stan was sick with. Sharon, Randy, Stan, and Shelley sat in the small office as the young doctor looked at a file in front of him. He sighed as he looked up at them.

"Well, we do have a diagnosis for Stanley here," he began.

"Oh Randy, this is it," Sharon whispered, squeezing her husband's hand.

"Based off of all the results from my examination of him, his blood work, the aspiration and biopsy, there really is only one thing it could be, and- I'm afraid you aren't going to like it," he said grimly.

Stan looked at the man worriedly.

"I really wish I wasn't the one to tell you this; I am deeply sorry to say that your son has Acute Lymphocytic Leukimia."

_As you can tell this story is going to be a bit different than the rest. Each chapter will be in Kyle, Sharon, Stan's, or another character's point of view. It may not be as humorous as other fics but I hope you stick around and like it just as much. Please do review! _

_Lots of love: Rose, December 2nd, 2010_


	2. A lot to Take in

**A LOT TO TAKE IN**

_Kyle's POV_

It's funny how all birds stop chirping, clouds cover the sun, the air turns cold, the devil himself seems to appear before you eyes, all at the same time. At least that's what it felt like when I first heard those words. Those words echoed in my head forever, although my naive nine-year-old self didn't remember the exact meaning of them at the time.

Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia… Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia… what did that mean? Did it really mean what I thought it to mean? There was no way. This was Stan- Stanley Marsh. He was one of the most active kids in class, he was the best when it came to football and baseball, he was funny, and he was cool. He was voted number three in the list of cutest boys in our class. He had all the classic characteristics that made adults stop and 'aww' over. Pale skin, dark hair, big blue eyes, and that crooked smile that, although probably would need orthodontic work when he was older, was plentiful adorable at the age of nine. He was the average but perfect American kid. He had some of the coolest toys and video games _my_ mother deemed were too violent. His house was the best house to be at. We always had fun there. Mrs. Marsh always allowed us do what we wanted, came up with fun snacks from all her parenting magazines and sites. He was slightly more sensitive and emotional than other kids our age, but it was always a plus in my eye. It was who he was. He also had an evil streak, he got in trouble most of the time from our little group. (Not counting Cartman since his mother never noticed anything he ever did). Not only was Stan an overall great kid, he was my best friend.

_March 2010_

The news was shocking. He said so himself he never thought it could or would happen. He didn't think he was _that_ sick. We all thought it was the flu. Just a bad case of the flu. I wish I knew what to do the moment I found out.

"I'm scared, I'm really scared," Stan confessed to me while we guys were at the park.

"I would be," Cartman said.

I glared at Cartman. "Dude, it won't be that bad. It can't. I don't know much about leukemia but I do know it's not as bad as you think. They're making advances in the medical field all the time! The chances of beating cancer are higher than ever! I- I…"

Stan sat on the bench, tears in his eyes.

"Stan… don't- don't be too upset. We'll- we'll be there for you, all of us, right?" I looked angrily at Cartman and Kenny.

"Yeah man, the whole time," Kenny said.

"Even me, you- you can actually be cool dude so yeah…" Cartman said with difficulty.

"I am so scared," Stan admitted again. He had said this at least twenty times since we found out.

I sighed, hand on his back. "So now what dude? What's going to happen?"

Stan let out a shaky breath. "There's- there's still one more test my doctor wants to perform. A spinal tap or whatever. I dunno what it is but it doesn't sound fun. After, he has to make up a treatment plan for me. It's going to be a bit difficult for a number of reasons but… but that's what I have to look forward to next."

"So you're going to go through chemo?" Cartman asked bluntly.

Stan's eyes went wide and he hid them behind his hands.

"Cartman!" I yelled.

"What? I was just asking a question!"

"Can we not talk about it guys? Please?"

"Yeah man, anything. Anything at all." I paused. "Is there anything we can do?"

Stan shook his head. "I don't think there's anything anyone can do for a while."

"Hey man, c'mon, you haven't even started treatment yet, you can't look at this as the end of the road already," I say firmly.

Stan gripped his hat. "I know but it's hard not to. It's one of the most serious diseases out there. Everyone always relates to really bad diseases as cancer. 'Yeah you're sick but just be grateful it's not cancer.' 'Yeah your prognosis isn't good but at least it's not cancer!' Cancer cancer cancer! Everything bad is related to it and now I have it! I'm nine years old and I have fucking cancer!" Stan screamed.

To be honest, I really didn't have anything else to say at that point. What do you say to that? You know it was full of truth. I just hoped things would get better from that point onward. His chemotherapy would begin as soon as possible. He might get sick from it, might lose hair from it, but it would be over as quickly as it had come. I guess in a guilty way I wanted it to be over soon. I wanted him to get back to running around and laughing at stupid things and eating sweets and just, being a kid. Sadly those days were now long gone. He hadn't even begun treatment yet and was already tired, weak, complained of headaches, bruised and bled easily, and never had an appetite for anything. I wish I knew what I was in for earlier on, maybe then it wouldn't have been such a shock for me when I saw it.

But this was just the beginning. I guess the school got word that Stan had been diagnosed with a terminal disease. It was chaos that first day everyone found out. Much like when Cartman had contracted AIDS, several staff members from school met in a room with Stan's closest friends to be told a tiny bit more info of his leukemia.

"Surely this cannot be," Mr. Garrison said, although I don't know if he meant it or not.

"Unfortunately yes," said the nurse who had been brought in to explain things to everyone.

"No! No!" Stan's girlfriend Wendy cried.

"W-Wendy…" Stan didn't quite know what to say.

"No! Why you? Why?"

"I"-

"It's always been you! First you were diagnosed with asthma, then as a hoarder, and now this!" with that Wendy ran out the room in tears.

Well she did have a point. _Why_ him? Sure I had diabetes but Stan… he was always more interesting. He always found himself in worse situations with conditions and illnesses that just didn't make any sense. Every fever and cold he ever caught confined him to his bed for days each time. He almost died from Chicken Pox, he caught a disease called Vaginitis from not eating any meat, and had a mental health problem called hoarding. It didn't make any sense!

"Anyway, we were thinking about an idea," said another woman who had come with the nurse. "Cancer is a very serious and dangerous disease."

Stan's eyes dropped.

"We were wondering Mr. Garrison if it would be okay if we told your whole class? If we put on a presentation to inform the students all about the disease so they know exactly what is going on with their little classmate here?" spoke the woman with a smile.

"I- hm…" Mr. Garrison rubbed his chin.

"I think it's important the students are aware of what is going on to prepare them for the worst, and to allow them to know just a bit more about it. Who knows, they might want to take up certain causes and make cancer more aware to their families and communities," said the nurse.

All the adults were looking around, thinking.

"Say, that's not such a bad idea," Mr. Garrison said.

"Yeah, I mean, if it raises awareness mmkay," Mr. Mackey rubbed his chin.

"What do you think Stanley? Do you want your class to know more about leukemia so they won't be as afraid about it and you? It would be a great opportunity," asked the nurse.

Stan looked over to his parents.

"It's… your decision sweetie," Mrs. Marsh said.

"I guess… I- I don't want them to think I'm going to give it to them… and stuff."

"And if it's successful, what do you say to an actual assembly about cancer for the whole school?" asked the spokeswoman to Principal Victoria.

"Oooh, that sounds like a marvelous idea!" she clapped her hands together.

And so it was decided: there would be a whole hour at least devoted to teaching our peers all about leukemia. I just hoped it would go okay and make everyone more aware, like it was supposed to instead of being fearful of my best friend. Stan would be going to school until his next round of tests and until his doctor compiled the best treatment plan for him. That Friday the class filed in as usual. Mr. Garrison came in and quieted everyone down.

"Children, children! Listen up; instead of a science lesson today, we are going to be shown a special treat. As some of you might be aware, a classmate of yours has a terminal disease," he began.

The boys and girls turned their heads around, trying to pick out the sick kid. I looked over at Stan who was looking down, arms crossed over his chest. I heard Wendy let out a sob. They had not spoken to each other since she found out he had leukemia.

"Your classmate Stanley here is suffering from a disease called Acute Lymph-something Leukemia," Mr. Garrison said.

Cartman looked almost sympathetic as he looked at the boy to his left. Clyde on the other hand let out a yelp and jumped out his desk.

"Clyde! Clyde! Sit back down!" Mr. Garrison instructed. "Leukemia is not contagious like the cold. However, it is still very dangerous and there is a lot you little bastards need to learn about it. So today there are going to be two spokespeople coming in from the Colorado Cancer Awareness Program who will be teaching you kids a bit more about it, and a bit more about what Stan here will be going through. That way, it won't be such a shock when he dies or something," he shrugged.

Stan's eyes went wide and he covered them with his arms.

"Hey! Take that back!" I yelled.

"What? I was only saying"-

"Stan's not going to die! He's going to beat this cancer, just you watch!" I didn't mean to get so defensive but hell, this was my best friend. I knew how he was so I had to make sure he knew how behind him I was going to be.

After lunch and recess we walked back into the classroom and saw two woman there setting up some things in the front. Stan sighed as he took his seat. Five minutes later the class had settled and the presentation began.

"Hello class! How are you today?" spoke the young blonde woman.

No response.

"Oh, well um, my name is Leslie and I work for the Colorado Cancer Awareness Program, otherwise known as CCAP!"

"And I am Brooke, who also works for CCAP!" smiled the brunette next to her.

"Today we are going to teach you all about cancer and the particular cancer your classmate Stan here has, leukemia so you will all be able to be more aware!" said Leslie.

"Okay. First off, does anyone know what cancer is?" asked Brooke.

Clyde raised his hand.

"Yes?"

"A disease," he answered. Did I ever tell you Clyde wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed at times?

"Um, yes. Very good. Cancer is a disease, a disease of the body. It weakens the body's immune system, bones and organs."

"What Stan has is a type of cancer called 'leukemia', a cancer of the blood," said Leslie.

"In healthy lymph nodes"- Brooke held up a diagram of lymph nodes. "-blood circulates around and it helps fight infection. In leukemia"- she held up a diagram of unhealthy ones. "-the cells do not mature like they should and the body cannot fight infection as easily, making a person more prone to infection."

"Your peer Stan here has Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. That means his body is producing abnormal, or underdeveloped white cells. They are crowding his veins which make him more submittal to infection," Leslie was saying.

"So he gets sick easier?" asked Butters.

"Yes," the blonde woman nodded.

I guess it could have gone worse than it did. I was interested in everything that was being said; I wanted to learn all I could about what Stan would be going through. And for once our classmates seemed to be thinking the same thing. They weren't making fun or giving him a hard time for it.

"Now for Stan here, he might be undergoing a series of treatments very soon called 'chemotherapy.' Does anyone know what that is?" asked Leslie.

Token Black raised his hand. "A series of drugs introduced to the body to fight off cancerous cells, usually done so intravenously?"

I stole a look from Stan; he held tightly onto his chair, fear in his eyes. I knew how he felt about needles.

"Very good Token," smiled Leslie. "Yes, chemotherapy is just that, drugs used to fight off cancerous cells. Chemo usually lasts for a good three years before a patient will go into remission. Now, does anyone know the side effects of chemotherapy?"

I was shocked when fatass raised his hand.

"You go bald!" he exclaimed.

Stan looked at Cartman then at the spokeswomen. "You- you don't always go bald do you? I mean, that's just a portion of cancer patients right?"

Brooke sighed. "It's not a guarantee but it is a very high possibility. Chemo doesn't only attack cancer cells. The lining of the mouth, stomach, and hair are especially sensitive because those cells multiply rapidly just like the cancer cells. But they are only temporary. Other side affects include nausea or vomiting, damage to the body, especially since the increase risk of infection, and even anemia. This is when there is a decrease in red blood cell count."

How I felt bad for Stan as he was forced to hear these words. I couldn't say it was too rude of them to tell him these things; he was going to find out all about leukemia sooner or later, he was sick with the disease. But to sit here and learn about everything for the first time in front of two women you didn't know in front of the whole class… that must have been hard. The rest of the presentation included more information on chemotherapy, radiation therapy, diagnosing leukemia, and a few medicines used to treat it. Before we knew it class was over.

I walked out with Stan and Cartman and Kenny to the front, studying his face. I placed my hand on his shoulder.

"So how are you holding up dude?" I asked.

Stan drew in a ragged breath. "I don't know you guys, this is hard. Really hard. There's so much to grasp, so much I need to know. I'm still not over the fact that I have it in the first place. And now everybody knows…"

"Well that's what you wanted wasn't it? To make everyone aware of what you were going through so they wouldn't be as afraid about it?" I reminded him.

"I know, but still… the looks on everyone's faces when they found out. Clyde jumping away from me! Nobody wants to touch my hands now. I feel so damn isolated already…"

I saw him rub his red nose. I sigh. "Dude, Stan, you won't be alone in this. Your family will be there for you the whole time. So will mine. All of us will. You're not alone."

Stan had tears in his eyes. "But none of you may be dying…"

My mouth was open as he said those words. At that moment his mother pulled up and he got into the car and they drove away. Those words stung hard. They still do to this day. I didn't know what I was going to do to help him; it would take the greatest miracle of all to pull Stan through this. I knew how he could get, I knew how easily he could find himself in his own little corner of doubt and self-pity and it was like pulling teeth to get him to come out. Stan needed us, all of us. But what was I to do about it to help?

_I hope you liked the chapter. I was surprised by the great reviews. Good to know so many people are in for what will be a very sad story. Chapter three will be in Sharon's POV and the Marshes will be in for plenty of information and big, important decisions will have to be made. So looking forward to writing it!_

_Lots of love: Rose, December 6th, 2010_


	3. These Dicisons are Everything

**THESE DECISIONS ARE EVERYTHING**

Sharon POV

March 17th, 2010

_Dear diary,_

_I am sorry I haven't written in a few days. Things have been hectic lately, I cannot begin to tell you how much sleep I have lost the past couple weeks. I wrote to you earlier about what happened to poor Stanley. Since then I have been trying to cope with the devastating news and listen to what his doctor says and do all I can so we can get him the proper treatment as soon as possible. The past few days have been busy on us all. Stan has been in school for a full week straight which is good although he complains how tired and sick he feels when he gets home. But at least he can last six hours in class and at least the students at the school are aware of what he is going through and will do their best to support him. At least that's what I heard. We all know how kids are…_

_I guess I can start off with how today went. I had to take Stan to the hospital again for another test Dr. Davies ordered. It was a spinal tap, otherwise known as a lumbar puncture. He wants to make sure the cancer cells have not yet spread to his spinal column or brain. Such a scary thought… but I don't think it is that far along yet. But it's still best to make sure. Well let me go over how the day went:_

_It was difficult to get Stanley out of bed this morning. We already had a pretty bad experience during his bone marrow aspiration and biopsy; I guess we were both thinking the worst. He didn't eat much again. I know he's sick but if he loses anymore weight before treatment begins… I don't think that can be a good thing._

"I don't wanna go," Stan whined over breakfast.

"I know you don't honey but you have to. This is another important test. Dr. Davies wouldn't order it if it didn't mean anything," I told him as I sat a bowl of oatmeal in front of him.

"And I hate oatmeal," he spat, pushing the bowl away.

_I know he does but I will never give up on him eating the healthy food… it took a while to get him to get dressed and ready before we were out the door. Randy wanted to come for support but Stan was against it. I'm sure he didn't mean anything bad by it but he only wanted me for comfort. He only needed me for comfort I should correct. And so we found ourselves at Hell's Pass Hospital for the third of fourth time in one month for testing. I could just feel the tension radiating from Stan. The poor thing hates stepping foot into one. Stan was called in by a nurse to change into another hospital-issued dressing gown. I gave him my iphone to try and relieve some of the nerves as I always do during his doctor or dentist appointments. It didn't work this time. He looked like he would rather be anywhere but here. I just hoped it went better today than the bone marrow tests._

"Stanley Marsh?" a man stepped out from behind a door. It was not Dr. Davies and it made Stan uncomfortable. But sadly his pediatrician was not able to perform the procedure. I looked at the man's badge, his name was Dr. Newhouse. "All right Stanley, I want you to lay down on this table for me," he instructed, pointing at the exam table. He was a nice man but obviously didn't work with children often. Dr. Davies would have spent longer reassuring Stan things would be okay.

_I felt Stan squeeze my hand and his eyes go wide. I sighed and went to his level._

"Remember sweetheart, after this, we'll go out for ice cream okay?"

"Is this going to hurt more or less than a bone marrow biopsy?" Stan asked the doctor.

"Actually, it shouldn't hurt as much," he smiled.

That didn't do any good…

_Stan took one look at the doctor and the nurse with him and at me before sighing, and sitting slowly on the table._

"Just lay on your side now, bring your head and knees in like a fetal position," the doctor instructed.

_I held onto Stanley's small hand as he brought his knees forward and had his gown untied and the small of his back cleaned with some brown solution. I knew if I had brought along Stan's favored old stuffed dog Ruffy he'd be holding it right then. The poor thing seemed determined not to let his fear show although the thought of running a test on his spine was frightening for the both of us. He flinched as he back was cleaned one last time and a blue paper was placed over the area._

"Remember sweetie, ice cream after. Anything you want. Three scoops in a chocolate-dipped waffle bowl and any fixings," I whispered to him.

_He nodded once. All too soon he yelped as he was injected with numbing solution. I told him to focus on me the entire time and not the procedure. Since I was at Stan's front I didn't know exactly what was being done to him but I did not like the sight of a long thin needle going into my son's back._

"Mommy…" he sniffed.

_My heart went out to the poor thing. He had been calling me 'Mommy' far more often lately and I knew the only time he did so was when he was in dire distress._

"I know it hurts Stanley, I know…" what else could I say? _Ten minutes later the lumbar puncture was over. He was bandaged up and we had the promise it would take less than a few days for the results._

"Hey man, you did great today!" Dr. Newhouse commented. "Would you like one?" he handed out a jar of lollipops. Stan was hesitant but grabbed a red one anyway before putting his face in my side. I had to help him dress back in his normal clothes for his back was very sore before we went on our way.

_As promised, we went out for ice cream after. Stan indulged himself in a scoop of cookies n' cream, birthday cake, and chocolate mudslide ice cream in a waffle bowl with white chocolate and sprinkles on the rim. I was surprised; it was the first time he had eaten so much in so long. Even if it was dessert, at least he ate the whole thing. When we went back home Randy sighed and said, 'nothing left to do but wait.' Thankfully we didn't have to wait long. The next day in fact the results were in- they were negative. There was no sign the cancerous cells had made their way to Stanley's spinal or brain system. It was the first real good bit of news we had in a while and we again celebrated over a family movie night. Of course Stan was allowed to choose the movie- Ace Ventura When Nature Calls. Not one of my favorites but… if it made him happy..._

_When Monday began we all had to go back to our normal routines. I really couldn't miss any more work and so Stan had to go to school, even with an upset stomach. His weight last night bothered me- he was at 59.10. I made sure to pack a healthy lunch for him that day._

"Try your best to eat okay?" I told him.

"I'm not going to force myself to eat Mom," Stanley said.

"You have to. I don't like you losing weight before you begin treatment. Try to eat."

_He sighed._

"I want to see this lunchbox as close to empty today, understood? And I'll know if you give your lunch to Eric!" I added.

_Another sigh from the nine-year-old. He ate half his lunch: half his sandwich and two cookies and all his juice. I don't want to sound like an over-protective mother but this lack of eating really has me worried. Tuesday came by with a phone call from Dr. Davies._

"Yes?" I said wearily. He replied back. "Oh, oh, okay. Y-yes, yes that. Yes. Yes, as soon as possible. What was that-? Oh, okay. Yes, we'll make it. When was that? Oh, um… of course, yes of course. Yes, we'll be right there." I hung up and looked into the living room where the boys were once again playing video games.

"Boys, boys I'm sorry but once again you're going to have to go home early," I told them.

"Awww!" Eric moaned. "You said you were having us over for dinner!"

"I never said that," I frowned. "C'mon, you have to go home. Stan's doctor wants to talk to the family right now."

"He does?" Stan looked over to me.

"I don't think it's anything bad honey, he just wants to talk. I'm sure he wants to go over treatment options. C'mon boys, I'm locking the door in two minutes," I hurried them along.

_It took a little while to get the boys (Eric) out the door. With that Stan and I got in the car and drove to pick Shelley up from her friend's and went over to the South Park Geological Survey to pick up Randy. The whole family was nervous as we drove the way to the hospital and met up with Dr. Davies. He shook hands with all of us._

"Why don't we have a seat in my office? Or try to at least," he said with half a grin. He has a tiny office in the hospital; his main one was at the pediatric office he ran several minutes away.

"So, why did you call us in?" Randy asked.

Dr. Davies looked at a folder in front of him and fixed his glasses. "Well, now that testing is finished up for Stan; the next course of action that we need to take is the treatment itself."

"So… chemotherapy isn't it?" Stan said looking glum.

The doctor bit his lip with a smile. "I think that that's the best option we have. It should be the most beneficial and the best course of action to take."

"Will I lose all my hair?" Stan asked.

"Well, you might lose it, eventually. You shouldn't go bald until a week or two into treatment, side effects take time and you may not experience all of them."

"Is there anything special we have to do first?" Randy asked.

Dr. Davies looked at Stan then at us parents. "I suggest he gets a complete dental examination."

Stanley hit his head on the desk in front of us, clearly not liking this but trying not to let it show. "Why?"

"Your mouth contains bacteria, which can get into your bloodstream during teeth cleaning or other dental procedures. Chemotherapy weakens your immune system, Stan, so you may be more susceptible to infections. It's best to have any dental matters dealt with before your body is more prone to infection."

"Well all right, is there anything else that we need to take into consideration?" Randy asked.

"Might I suggest perhaps joining a support group out there? For the parents, and the kids"- he nodded to Stanley and Shelley. "With your little brother going through chemotherapy Shelley, I think you might be able to share your feelings about it to other preteens who have siblings going through the same thing."

_Shelley rolled her eyes although she wasn't all in it. I know she was worried for her brother._

"Other than that I think it's best to begin his treatment as soon as possible."

"So I'm going to be hospitalized here for weeks or days or what?" Stan asked softly.

That was when Dr. Davies bit his lip. "About that… listen Mr. and Mrs. Marsh, your son's health is my top priority right now and I want him to get the best care in Colorado."

_I smiled at the man._

"Unfortunately, the best care is not located in South Park. Hell's Pass Hospital is not equipped to meet the needs most children require in such dire times. This hospital is primary used to treat less serious situations and to treat emergencies in the surrounding Park County area. The majority of doctors and nurses here receive little training in how to care for children."

"So what are you saying? You don't want our son to be treated here?" Randy looked surprised, as did Stan.

"I don't," Dr. Davies said bluntly. "It's nothing against Hell's Pass either. It's just not the top choice when it comes to cancer patients."

"So… what should we do?" I asked.

Dr. Davies reached into the folder in front of him and pulled out a few papers. "I think the best place for Stan to receive treatment is at the Children's Hospital at Saint Joseph Hospital in Denver."

"Whoa wait- Denver?" Randy gasped.

"It is the best option," Dr. Davies said. "The Children's Hospital is devoted to making the experience as comfortable and colorful and calm to both child and parent. It's built for children and for the care of children. The staff is specially trained to treat kids and talk to them and make them feel safe. It's very bright and colorful with paintings and animals on every floor, all for the comfort of the child. Each floor has a playroom; each recovery room has a TV and internet access. There is a family lounge for you Mr. and Mrs. Marsh, where you can take a break and eat at the kitchenettes and even do some washing in the laundry facilities. There are views all around to take in the beauty of Colorado," he explained.

_I took the paper he brought forward with numb fingers._

"The hospital is equipped with the best care you can find," he continued. "The Children's Hospital Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders, located on the seventh floor of the hospital, offers a full range of medical, surgical, nursing and support services to give children the best care available."

"But… it's in Denver. Denver. A good three to four hours away," Randy stated.

Dr. Davies sighed. "I understand that Mr. Marsh, I do. I'm not trying to convince you to go either way. I do want you to know however what you can expect from Hell's Pass Hospital versus the Children's Hospital. Here, not every doctor is trained to deal with kids. There are many people who work here who do not care for kids. The hospital is not the biggest and it does not have any special cancer program or plan of action to treat those with the disease. There is not a lot here that would help Stan feel comfortable during treatment. Research shows children heal better when they are in a better environment. Starch white walls and crisp blue sheets make a child feel more uncomfortable more than anything."

"Surely this place isn't that bad," Randy frowned.

"I'm not saying it is," Dr. Davies reminded him. "I'm just telling you it does not offer the best programs or facilities for children with serious medical problems or disorders."

"But wouldn't you be the one treating me?" Stan voiced.

Dr. Davies sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses. "I wish I could son, I do. Unfortunately I am not trained in working with cancer patients. There are other doctors however who have spent extra years working and training in oncology that are much more able to help you."

"So what makes the Children's Hospital a better choice?" Randy crossed his arms.

"Besides what I have already explained…Stan here will be treated by doctors and nurses who see kids on a day-to-day basis. They have facilities for the family while the patient is being treated and playrooms for when the patient is healing. It is a great place for a kid to be treated," Dr. Davies concluded.

_We did not say anything for a long while. I was sure we were all convinced the Children's Hospital was the better choice but that didn't mean we were settled on it._

"I- I just don't know Dr. Davies. I mean obviously this hospital sounds ten times a better place for Stanley, but… in Denver…" I trailed.

"I just don't think it would be a good idea to keep traveling back and forth, three hours both ways for treatment," Randy said.

"And I don't want to leave South Park to go to Denver each time," Stan said sadly. "What about my friends?"

"Well they can visit you of course," Dr. Davies smiled.

"Yeah but I don't think their parents will want to make trips so many times too. Three hours is pretty long. And who knows if I'll even be in any state to talk to them once they get here."

I sniff and dabbed at my eyes. "Of course we want Stanley to have the best care. But to go to Denver to get it…"

"Isn't there any other hospital that would be able to offer the same amenities?" Randy looked almost desperate.

"The only other facility I would suggest is the Penrose Cancer Center in Colorado Springs," Dr. Davies said heavily.

_Clearly that was out of the question. I held Randy's hand._

"We don't know what we should do," Randy told the doctor.

"I understand this must be a very difficult decision to make. I don't want to have to rush you with making it either. But you do understand, the sooner Stan begins treatment the better," Dr. Davies explained.

"We know that, it's just so difficult to- to decide on where he should have it," I said softly.

"Couldn't we just- start the treatment here and finish it up in Denver?" Randy asked.

"You could, although you would still need to go to Denver if that is where you want Stan to be," the doctor answered.

I looked over to our son. "What- what do you want to do sweetie?"

He shrugged. "I dunno, I'm kinda torn between both places too. That's a lot of gas being used, to and from Denver."

Dr. Davies sighed and sat up. "Well do take time tonight to decide what you folks would like to do. But I wouldn't give it any more than a few days to think it over; Stan needs to start chemo as soon as he can."

_Thankfully the Broflovskis helped us out the next night by inviting us over for dinner._

"We know how stressed you guys must be," Sheila told us.

_We sat and ate Sheila's kosher meal and began to talk about news concerning Stanley._

"And now, we don't know what to do," I was saying. "Do we go to Denver for the best care for Stanley, even though it will put a strain on the family due to the constant travel, or do we stay here where the hospital is only thirty minutes away, yet the care is not as specialized?"

"Well the best care for young Stan should be the obvious choice," Sheila said.

"It is Sheila, of course it is. But to go back and forth, back and forth… trying to find a place to stay when we're in Denver, trying to work around our job schedules so we can both be there for our son… I don't know if we can make it work," I said tiredly.

"Well then stay here Sharon, like Stan's doctor said, it's not as if Hell's Pass is a crummy hospital," Gerald said as he cut into his beef.

"But he's right; a child would heal better in a better environment. I know our son; he will be so uncomfortable undergoing treatment in a blank white room and white sheets. He'd feel so cold and alone… I don't want to put him through that," I choke up.

_It was a good thing Stan was in the living room with Kyle while we talked. I know he'd get upset if he saw that I was._

"Well maybe the hospital will allow him to bring a favorite blanket or his pillow and other comfort items?" Gerald suggested.

"I don't think that will be enough. There is still visiting hours here and I don't want to leave Stan the same time every night. At the Children's Hospital… parents can be in the same room with their children, sleep with them. There are 24 hour amenities and food bars and resting areas. It's just a better choice…"

"Sharon, you were right about the strain traveling back and forth would take," Randy put an arm around me. "It's not that easy to just pack up and go to Denver. We don't know how long the first round of chemo will last. What complications may arise. We can't just blow off work for three to six weeks and it won't be that easy to create a new schedule that will work in everyone's favor."

"But it has better care Randy," I say for almost the twentieth time since we were told of the hospital. "Isn't that what should matter most? Where Stanley will get the best care?"

"Of- of course Sharon, but we have to think logically about this…"

"Don't tell me about thinking logically Mr. Dramatic!" I snap.

"You guys, c'mon," Gerald said gently.

"We have to think what is best for Stanley," Sheila said gently.

"What's best for him is the Children's Hospital," I said.

"But what's logically more efficient, is Hell's Pass," Randy stepped in.

"So you want to decide our son's fate by what's more efficient?" I gasped at him.

"Sharon, you know Stan… it's so damn difficult to distract him. He's never been that kid who was easily persuaded to look at the bunny during pictures or funny faces when getting a shot at the doctor's office. This is Stan we're talking about Sharon, a big fancy hospital with pretty floors and painting and animals on the walls is _not_ going to distract him from what's really going on," Randy said firmly.

"You… how dare you? How dare you just talk about our son that way?" My eyes were wide again. "Don't you want to at least try to see if for once- maybe just once- Stan will be distracted by happy and pretty things so he can heal faster? Don't you feel better knowing he will be in the care of staff specially trained to treat children? Don't you feel better knowing he will be entertained the whole time he is there? He will have access to a beautiful play room on every floor, gardens outside, a TV and computer in his recovery room? Don't you want to give him those things Randy?"

_There was a long silence between us adults. Footsteps were heard suddenly and Stanley poked his head in._

"Mom? Is- is everything okay?" he asked looking nervous.

I smiled at him sadly. "We're fine baby. Get back to playing with Kyle."

_He gave us a look before leaving. Gerald looked at us._

"Look, we know it's obviously a very difficult thing to do right now, deciding where Stan should be treated. But there is something my wife and I thought we could do to make this whole process just a little bit easier."

_Randy and I barely had time to contemplate what he was talking about before Sheila burst with words._

"Gerald and I would like to help with the medical expenses," she said.

"What?" we gasped.

"Look, we all know how quickly the expenses will add up during treatment and other tests he'll have to endure. We feel it's only right to help you with it," Gerald smiled.

"We- we can't ask you to do that," my mouth was agape.

"We aren't asking you if you will let us, we're telling you we are going to help," Sheila stated.

"But… but we don't want you to. We don't need you to," I said.

"Yes you do. Even a normal middle-class family such as yourselves can fall victim to financial strain when it comes to medical expenses. Let us help," Gerald had his hands out in a giving manner.

_Randy and I looked at each other._

"Look Gerald and Sheila, we appreciate your help but we'll be okay," Randy said calmly.

"But how can you be sure?" Sheila demanded.

"Well… well you're right, we may not be able to do it alone. But my parents have already told us they will help," I looked desperate. "My parents are pretty well-off; they'll be able to help us with any financial stress."

"But how can you be sure that's enough?" once again Sheila confronted.

"We aren't sure," Randy admitted. "But it has to be enough for now. Look, we'll- we'll tell you if we need help down the road. We're okay at the moment."

"It won't be that easy. If Stanley does end up going to The Children's Hospital, you'll need money for gas and for hotels or motels or apartments or other places you'll be renters to. Plus all your other money needs here in South Park. You need our help," Gerald pointed out.

_I looked at Randy. He frowned._

"We don't know yet where Stanley is going to receive treatment, we just know we don't want to take up offers from others or have people in town start fundraising or something like that for us. Nothing has happened yet."

"Randy, maybe we should just take up their offer," I expressed, exhausted.

"Sharon, c'mon, you already put up a fight with your parents. We both know they'll be of great help for us, we don't need anyone else," he reminded me.

"It'll still be good to have back-up…"

"Your parents will pay for anything we ask them to Sharon! And again, we don't know if Stanley will be going to Denver for treatment or not!"

"Let's just say yes to Denver, that way we can have the extra money it will take to drive back and forth and pay for whatever rooms we'll be staying at," I rubbed my eyes.

"I don't want to say yes just so they can give us their money!" Randy spat.

"Randy, it really isn't that big of a deal. We'll help out any way we can. We'll _feel_ better paying for a round of chemotherapy for Stan. We _want_ to do it. I can say no to that new stereo system or new reclining chair for the living room. Kyle will understand too and will be more than willing to give up any new books or video games or special programs for his computer," Gerald explained.

"Really you two, we'll be happy to make the sacrifice if it means Stanley gets the best care possible," Sheila had tears in her eyes as she held onto her husband's hands.

"I- I don't know you guys… it's asking a lot," Randy rubbed the back of his neck.

"Please, we've known your family for five years now. Young Stanley is like a third son to us," Gerald told us. "Please let us help him."

Randy had his arm around me. "Honey, you know your parents are going to help us with the money and that's enough."

I sigh. "I know."

_At that moment Sheila got up and went into the living room where Stanley and Kyle were playing a game of Uno._

"Say boys, who's up for some home movies?" she suggested.

"Aww, Mom," Kyle sighed.

_The rest of us had no choice but to sit around in the living room as Sheila took out a video and popped it into the TV. A sign flashed at the camera reading: Kyle's 5th birthday._

"Mom," Kyle moaned again.

_Sheila just continued watching. There were a few minutes of video showing Sheila preparing the house for the party before it cut to the next scene- five-year-old Kyle greeting four-year-old Stanley at the door._

"Hey Stan! Happy you made it!" Kyle beamed.

"Duh I would make it Kyle! We're best buddies, 'member?" Stan rolled his eyes.

"Awww," us parents cooed.

"Oh Jesus," nine-year-old Stanley hid his face.

My son looked up at me in the video. "Do I tell Kyle that I got him three Dr. Seuss books now Mommy?"

_The adults all laughed hearing this._

"This is so embarrassing!" Stan blushed.

"I know!" Kyle chimed in.

_We continued to watch cute antics from the boys at Kyle's fifth birthday party. Everything from the games they played- Kyle getting upset that he couldn't win any prizes since it was his birthday, and Stanley immediately getting jealous of a Big Bob Dump Truck his best friend had unwrapped. The tape ended on a happy note, slightly. Stanley tried grabbing the new truck at the last moment before I reprimanded him that it was not his. The next tape that was put in was of a cute singing performance all the first-graders performed a few years ago. Again we smiled at laughed as Stanley and Kyle went about their child-like ways. Kyle picking his nose during a big number and Stan forgetting the words to it and drawing a complete blank, looking absolutely nervous at the crowd. The next was just a random video of a sleep-over of the boys when they were seven. The camera was on them as they played up in Kyle's room._

"And then is that when Claws destroys the town?" seven-year-old Kyle asked, holding up one of Stan's favorite toys, a stuffed lobster.

"_No_ Kyle, Ruffy destroys the town, Claws is just his side-kick," Stan reminded, holding up his cherished toy since he was two- a stuffed dog.

_The boys in their current state looked less-than-embarrassed this round, perhaps since it was barely two years ago._

"But why would Ruffy destroy the town? He's usually the good guy," Kyle reminded him.

"Yeah but remember? We decided he was evil this time. Shelley hid all my Batman toys so somebody else has to be the Joker."

_Nine-year-old Stan glared at his older sister who merely smiled._

"Now remember Kyle: Ruffy was just havin' a normal day and walked into Dr. Crazy's lab. That's when he was hit by a giant laser and turned evil. Now he wants to destroy the town and the only ones who can stop him are Batman and Robin's stand-ins"-

"Superman and Flyboy," Kyle held up his Superman action figure and a rather ugly toy that had a fly's head.

_The boys played around and made a mess of all the legos on the floor for ten full minutes before they were finally spotted by the camera._

"Mom!" Kyle protested.

"Oh just ignore me boys," Sheila spoke.

"We can't play if we're being watched!" Stan cried.

"Oh this is nothing. I'm sure your mother would love a copy Stanley."

_Stan moaned. After an hour or so of home videos it was time to call it a night, Stanley was feeling very worn-out by now._

"Thanks again for having us over," I hugged Sheila.

"Don't bother Sharon, our house is your house," she smiled.

"I… think we are all pretty exhausted," Randy looked down at Stan whose eyes were half-open.

Sheila took hold of my arms. "Please Sharon, please, consider our help, we won't take no for an answer."

I looked down. "We'll talk about it tonight Sheila, but you have us pretty convinced… it really is for the best."

She seemed to think that was a good-enough answer and backed off. "Good-bye Stanley, we'll see you real soon okay bubbe?"

Stan sighed and nodded. "Thanks Mrs. Broflovski."

_With that, we drove home._

_Well diary, now you know why it has been so difficult to get any words written down lately. I can't tell you what Randy and I have decided about a few things yet but it will have to be dealt with by tomorrow. I'm afraid little Stanley is feeling sick again and needs medical care soon. I will try to keep you posted as much as possible. Until then…_

_Love, Sharon_

_**SPSP**_

_This was a pretty good chapter if I do say so myself. Thanks for the wonderful reviews. Please do continue posting them! _

_Lots of love: Rose, December 13th, 2010_


	4. Try to Make the Most of it

**TRY TO MAKE THE MOST OF IT**

Stan's POV

_A/N__: All misspelled words are intentional. These are the words from a kid so it is written as such._

_March 31st, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_No, that's gay._

_Dear jornal (yeah, that's better)-_

_Hm, I don't really know how to start these things so I'm just writing down everything I am thinking. Well since I will be attempting to write in you from now on, I should introduce myself. My name is Stanley- or Stan, Marsh. I have a loving mom, an over-dramatic dad, and evil older sister Shelley. I live in South Park Colorado. I love blue, red, animals, football, baseball, cookies, and having fun with my friends. I hate annoying people, hospitals, snakes, and oatmeal. I have moderate asthma. I am also nine years old and have, a pretty serious disease, even worse than asthma._

_It scares me to even think of the term and asosiate it with me, it's that serious. So this will be the only time I will ever say the full name: Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia. But I'm just going to call it by its nickname-ALL. I was diagnosed two weeks ago and still am not over the shock. I keep thinking I'm going to wake up from some terrible nightmare but it's scary 'cause I haven't done so yet. I guess it means it's real. Guess I'll stop saying random shit now and begin the real events of my day-to-day life now you know the basics._

_My mom gave me this jornal. She says it would be a good idea for me to write down all my thoughts onto paper as I go through my treatment. She says it'll be a good thing to look back on when I'm older. I don't think so. Who wants to read the most tragic, painful moments of their life? Who even knows if I'll be alive in five years to do so? But she's determined since she didn't like writing at my age but since her aunt gave her a diary when she was eleven, she has been doing it ever since. Look at this, I'm already writing a lot. Maybe Mom is right._

_Write in you later,_

_Stan_

_April 3rd, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Today wasn't very fun, but after being diagnosed with ALL, I guess all my fun days are up. I had a dentist appointment today with Dr. Steels. (Like my pedeatritan, Dr. Davies, he's really cool and works with kids all day, every day. He's also a sports enthusiest like me so we usually talk about that before he does crap to my mouth.) Anyway, Dr. Davies said days ago I should have my teeth checked before I become more 'prone' as he called it, to infection when I begin treatment. I guess you can say the exam itself was one of the best, no cavities or anything wrong this time which made Mom very grateful for once. She's been a nervous wreck worse than me. Just had the most therough cleaning and polishing ever before getting a new toothbrush and floss and going back home. Now that my parents have decided on my treatment plan I have been doing nothing but packing and getting things together since last night. My parents finally decided yesterday that I will get chemotherapy at the Children's Hospital in Denver. Mom convinced Dad that it was the best choice. It will be tough driving back and forth but they both want the best care for me so they say it's worth it. So I have been packing for the trip. Wish I meant 'vacation' when I mention the word trip instead of 'trip to the hospital where I will be poked by fifty needles and puking my guts up for three-seven weeks.' It's been decided though: I will drive out with Mom to Denver where she will be staying for a week. Meanwhile Dad will stay in SP and go to work before driving up with Shelley the second week. After that, no one really knows._

_Ttyl,_

_Stan_

_April 5th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Well here I am sitting on a firm bed in Mom and my motel room in Denver. I began writing on the drive here today but I'm going to recap the day's events for you so I can 'reflect on them' as Mom puts it:_

_I had a difficult time sleeping last night, knowing tomorrow I will be headed to Denver and meeting the staff at the Children's Hospital. I did not want to see my recovery room; it would make this horrible experience all the more real. But sadly I woke up to a cloudy morning sky, reflecting my mood. For once Dad took care of breakfast this morning, even if it was 'just add water' pancake mix, he didn't try to make it more than it needed to be. (He's a big fan of cooking shows). The mood at the breakfast table was very thick._

"So uh, when will you two be heading out?" Dad asked Mom after sitting down with a plate for himself.

Mom sighed as she moved around the strawberries on her pancakes. "Around ten. It shouldn't take more than three and a half hours. I'd like to find our motel room first and drop off our things before finding the hospital."

"So you have the directions right?"

_Mom didn't answer right away._

Dad blinked at her. "Sh-Sharon? The directions?"

"Yes I have them," Mom said hand over the side of her face.

"Just in case"-

"In case what? I get lost? You're the one who has a poor sense of direction Randy, not me," Mom said firmly. It was difficult for anyone to get a calm and normal response from her since I was diagnosed.

_No one spoke of anything else the rest of breakfast. I did notice however how quiet Shelley was. I was hoping she was worried for me but I know that is asking for a lot… once breakfast was over, I went to my room to change and double-check my luggage. Yes luggage. Mom had me pack for at least three weeks. I will not be returning to South Park until at least those three weeks are up. She doesn't want me to go back and forth once I begin chemo. I'm going to miss home, especially knowing the reason I have to leave it. Mom poked her head into my room._

"All set Stanley?"

_I sighed as I got up from my bed. I just nodded._

"Well say good-bye to your room, you won't be seeing it for a while."

_I heard her voice fill with emotion. I looked around at my purple walls, my bed, closet, dresser, video games, and toys._

"Bye room," I said softly.

_Together we took my suitcase and bags down and Dad helped us load everything into Mom's car. I was surprised to see Kyle standing there, as well as Cartman. Before I had time to say anything, Dad sighed and gave me a large hug._

"I wish you didn't have to go through this son but, you have to get better. This is for your own good."

"I know," I said, just above a whisper.

He patted my back and stood. "Good luck, I'll see you next week okay pal?"

_I nodded to the floor before going over to my dog Sparky and hugged his neck and patted his head._

"'Bye boy, I gotta go and get better. When I do, I'm going to come back here and we'll have fun running around in the yard again okay?" he just gave off that dog-like smile and wagged his tail. I was just about to get into the car when I felt something snag my coat. I looked up to notice it was Shelley.

"Look turd… I still think you're an annoying little baby, but… you shouldn't have to be going through this. It's- it's not right. You're only a kid. You're not even ten yet." She sighed heavily before giving me a side hug. "Just get better soon so I can throw you down the stairs again okay?"

Tears were in my eyes at her words and I hugged her back. "Thanks Shelley, that- that means a lot."

Kyle stepped forward then. "I had to see you before you began chemo dude."

"Yeah," was all I could say.

He gripped my shoulder. "Look, everything will be okay, okay? You'll beat this Stan, I know you will."

_Just empty words so I didn't say anything back._

"I'll visit you first thing tomorrow all right? I'll be your first visitor."

I had to smile. "Okay."

"Oh and um… I spoke to Wendy yesterday. She- she feels sorry she hasn't spoken to you since she found out but it's really hard for her she told me. She is still not over the shock that you have it but she's going to visit you in the hospital this week too. Then she'll want to talk."

"Oh god, I don't need to have another 'talk' with her now," I moaned. "What the fuck does she expect me to say?"

Kyle shrugged. "Sorry dude, just what she said."

I turned to Cartman. He sighed and crossed his arms and rolled his eyes. I wonder if he came here on his own or if his mother forced him to see me since we only live eight houses from each other.

"Just get better quick Stan. Someone has to keep some level of sanity around here," he said, not really looking at me.

I smiled. "Thanks dude."

Mom looked at me at that moment. "Okay Stanley, I think we have to hit the road now. Say good-bye to everyone one last time."

_I got into the passenger's seat and waved good-bye through the window and we were off. The road trip was a long one, at least it seemed that way. I mean there were a lot of vehicles on the roads and freeways to Denver. I spent time trying to focus my thoughts on other things but it was difficult. I wrote some things down in this journal. I also talked with Mom a lot, although non-cancer related. I know she hates this just as much as I do and we both want our minds on other things. She was happy to know how well I have been doing in reading and as usual, my spelling tests. We both laughed a bit about how difficult division is and how I will never use it in real life._

"Trust me Stan, division was always a weak spot for me when I was in school," Mom told me.

"It's so stupid, I mean, why have it if you already have multiplication? What dumbass really thought it would be cool to do the opposite of multiplication?" I expressed.

_She let me listen to whatever I wanted on the radio and I was able to play any CD in the car as well. It was nice but a bit odd. Mom has been allowing me to do whatever I wanted all month long now. I have gotten more toys, ice cream, movie nights, and such in one month than I have in three. But who am I to complain? Once we hit Denver however the fun talk died down. Now that we were here, all we had to do was drop our things off at the motel and find the hospital. Mom pulled into the parking lot of the Golden Tree Motel and together we took our things to room 145 on the second floor. The room is nice enough, two beds, a bathroom, closet, and TV. All standard in any motel or hotel._

"What bed do you want honey?" Mom asked after we had a peak around.

_Although I was sure the bed I would be spending more time in was in a hospital, I still had to answer._

"This one," I said, pointing to the second bed and dragging my bags over to it.

_Mom nodded and set her things by the other bed. She sighed as she took a seat on the mattress. After jumping and rolling around on the bed a few times to check for comfort, I stopped and looked her way._

"When do we have to be at the hospital?" I asked quietly.

Mom didn't answer right away. "Oh, no particular time dear."

I blinked. "When's the best time then?" I rephrased.

Again, a long wait for an answer. "Anytime I guess."

Pause. "Well… when should we go?"

Mom finally looked at me. "When do you want to go dear?"

I shrug. "I dunno. I mean, if it's just a meet-and-greet kind of thing today, I guess now would work. That way we can spend the rest of the day doing whatever we want."

"That makes sense," Mom replied. "Why, what do you want to do?"

I look at her. "I want to go for a swim, watch The Emperor's New Groove, have a turkey dinner, and you read The Bubblegum Prince in the Land of Chocolate to me on my last day before chemo."

Mom smiled and kissed my cheek. "Then we'll do just that."

_Again, Mom agreeing with me to do whatever I wanted. It was great, although I can assure you I was not about to turn into Eric Cartman anytime soon. My mom knows how to disipline, and I am not a spoiled kid. (Well, my grandparents spoil me…) We left the motel ten minutes later and drove off to find The Children's Hospital at Saint Joseph's Hospital. It took twenty-five minutes or so until we found it. I gulped as the looming building hung over as Mom drove around to find the parking garage. Sure it looked nice, all fancy and made of stone and a giant blue balloon boy wielding balloons on a high glass tower towards the front, but it was still a hospital and it was still the place I would be staying to get treatment I really did not want. On the left side of the hospital was another hospital- Saint Joseph's. An overpass hung above the street connecting the two. Mom took one look at me once she parked the car before we got out, grabbed a bag from the trunk, and walked in._

_I was shocked when we walked into the atrium- as was Mom. Dr. Davies wasn't joking, it really was beautiful. The floors were bright and shiny, with interesting designs and patterns about. There was a great big gap above where the other floors resigned. I looked over at Mom; she had tears in her eyes. She took my hand._

"Oh Stanley, it's beautiful," she said.

"Yeah," was all I could say.

_We waited a bit before meeting up with a nurse. She was young and had pretty dark red hair. She smiled and shook hands with Mom and I._

"Hello, my name is Lisa. I'm going to show you two around the hospital so you know where everything is okay?"

_She showed us where certain useful areas on the first floor were; where to check in, a play room, the Chapel of Garden of Hope, the gift shop, and the Family Health Library._

"Oh my goodness," Mom gasped when we stepped into the Fresh Market Place. It was a huge room surrounded by windows letting in the sunlight. "When I heard of a dining area, I was expecting a little cafeteria place. But this… this is remarkable."

"We think it is important for families to get proper food and rest while their children are hospitalized here," Lisa explained. "We have everything you need. Coffee and an Espresso machine, breakfast, lunch, dinner, ice cream. And it is open 24 hours a day. You never know how long you might be staying up, looking out for your son Mrs. Marsh."

"This… this truly is amazing Lisa."

"Will I be able to eat here or not?" I asked.

Lisa smiled. "Of course. Although your taste buds and food intake might change during chemotherapy, you will be able to eat here with your family if you want Stan. And, if it is convenient for the family, we offer room service as well."

_She showed us around a bit more, explaining more about the hospital, its services, and each level before we stepped off the elevator at the seventh level._

"And this"- Lisa spoke. "Is the floor you will be staying Stan. The Center for Cancer and Blood Disorders."

_I swallowed as I looked around. A picture of a bear with a seven on it indicated that this was indeed the seventh level. We walked a bit down the hall and stopped at a door with 1312 on a small sign by the door. Lisa opened it._

"This will be your room during your treatment Stan," she said in an upbeat manner.

_With heavy shoulders, I stepped inside. It did look better than any room I ever stayed in at Hell's Pass back in South Park, but it was still a hospital room. The bed still resembled one at a hospital, and a few machines were still in sight. The walls were painted a nice bright color, but they didn't make me feel any better. There were a few pieces of colorful furniture by the window. I looked out the big window to see the street below. I looked over at the nurse, Lisa._

"If you look across from the bed Stan, you'll see a TV with a DVD player, all set up for you," she pointed out. "And hidden inside this cabinet is a computer with internet access."

_I could only nod._

"And this is another great feature of being an in-patient, over to the corner is your very own bathroom, fully equipped with a tub and shower."

"Oh, would you look at that Stanley, that will be very convenient for us won't it?" Mom said. I could hear her uneasiness in her tone.

Lisa looked down at me. "So, what do you think?"

I shrugged. "It's a hospital room."

"Yes, but you get to have full-range of activities and amenities not available back home don't you?"

"I guess. I dunno how long TV and the computer will be able to distract me from what's really going on though…"

_Lisa bit her lip; Mom could only look back helplessly._

"And the play room looks pretty nice doesn't it Stan? I'm sure you've never played with some of the toys there. And the air hockey table should be fun. You told me you loved doing that…"

Again, I shrugged. "I guess."

Lisa stood straight. "Well why don't you drop off your things and begin making this room your own, hm? After, you'll be able to have any remaining questions answered by one of our child therapy coaches okay? She'll be coming by here in twenty minutes or so. The doctor who will be in charge of your care should be arriving any time as well. Anything else you'd like to know?" Lisa looked at my mother and me. We both shook our heads and she left.

_I sighed as soon as she left and sat on one of the cushioned chairs by the window. Mom put a strand of her short hair behind her ear and walked over to me._

"Why don't you start unpacking okay sweetie?"

"I don't want to," I replied.

"Stanley… c'mon… it'll be easier. That way, tomorrow, when treatment begins, you can already have comfort items, DVDs, CDs, books, and everything out to make you feel better. Okay?" she stroked my arm. She always does that to try and comfort me.

"But I don't want to Mom," I said. "Unpacking means I've come to terms with the next location I'm going to be staying. But I haven't come to terms with this room yet Mom; I can't place any of my stuff around if it's not mine to stay in."

Mom sighed and rubbed my arm again. "But it is yours honey, the kind nurse said it was. Your name is already written outside the room. This is your room."

"My room is back in South Park," I said miserably before sniffing.

Mom got to my level and pulled me in her arms, rubbing circles in my back. "I know sweetheart, I know. This isn't home at all. I know how difficult this must be for you." she lifted my chin up and stared into my watery eyes. "But baby, we have to make the most of it. I know you don't want to be here, I don't either. I still am in denial this is even happening. But we shouldn't have that interrupt the actual healing process. It's going to take time getting used to it. I know there's nothing you hate more than needles, and being stuck inside a hospital for weeks, where you're going to be poked endlessly, is the last thing you want to happen. But sweetie, there isn't anything we can do to change it. If we pack up our things now and go home, well… there's a good chance you might"- she didn't need to finish the sentence. "However, if you stay here, get to know the doctors and nurses, other patients getting treatment… go through the chemotherapy and any other procedure that comes up, there's a very high chance you'll get better. And we both want that don't we?"

_I nodded, looking at my knees._

"Then we have to stay here Stanley. You have to unpack."

_How I do love my mother. I drew in a deep breath before getting up and unzipping the bag I brought over. Fifteen minutes later the place was beginning to get a Stan Marsh touch to it. I had draped a blanket from off my bed from home over the hospital bed, and on it already sat my old stuffed dog Ruffy. I'm not ashamed of bringing him either. I've had him since I was two, he's been comforting me ever since. Sure he's not quite as stuffed as he used to be, and the blue button eye to the right is loose, but I love that thing. I even play with him in private now and again. I'm not ashamed of saying that either since I don't plan on my friends ever reading this journal._

_Beside my blanket and stuffed animal, there was a small pile of DVDs and CDs by the computer and I had already hung up both a Denver Broncos and Denver Rockies poster to the wall. I was just about to place a few pictures on the table by the bed when I heard a knock on the door. Mom and I looked over to see a man standing there with a smile on his face. He was a little round and had short light brown hair and looked to be ten years or so older than Dr. Davies. He shook hands with Mom and I._

"Good afternoon, my name is Brent Fohlkoly and looks like I'm going to be Stanley's pediatric oncologist for the next few years or so. How are you this morning Stanley?"

"Hey," I said shyly.

Dr. Fohlkoly looked around my room. "Looks like someone is already making himself at home."

I shrug. "Figured I should try to make it look more 'me.'"

"That's fine, that's fine. I hear you were referred over here by Dr. James Davies weren't you?"

Mom nodded. "He said this would be the best place for my son to be treated."

Dr. Fohlkoly nodded. "Good man. He's not lying either. I assure you we will do what we can to make this experience as less-traumatic to your family as we can, all right Mrs. Marsh? I know how scary this must be for you right now."

Mom nodded. "It is."

Dr. Fohlkoly smiled. "I'm sure you already heard this from Dr. Davies but the Children's Hospital is one of the top best hospitals in the nation and was ranked as one of the seven best hospitals for children in 2008 by the U.S. News & World Report. So I do hope you take advantage of our amenities and find out this won't be like any other hospital stay. Okay Stanley?" he looked down at me.

I looked back just as shy. "Call- call me Stan."

_My new doctor smiled again before taking Mom and me to his office to talk over a few things before I met up with a woman called Dr. Helen May. She's trained in talking with children and helping them cope with fears and things like that. It was just her and I in a room in case I didn't want to talk about something in front of Mom._

"At the age of nine I am sure there are a few fears you have pertaining to being diagnosed with leukemia," she said.

"Yeah," I looked down.

"Do you mind going over them with me so I may give you a better understanding of them?"

I sigh. "Well first off… I hate needles. A lot. What I'm afraid of is knowing I'm going to be poked countless times by all sorts of sharp things in all shapes and sizes. That- that scares me," I admitted. "I don't really know how I'm going to be able to deal with that to be honest."

"Fear of needles is a common fear many patients here have. Does it account for a past traumatic memory or experience of yours?" Dr. May asked.

I shook my head. "Not really. I've just always been afraid of them. I- I was always that kid you heard in the doctor's office, screaming his lungs out."

_My cheeks burned from embarassment. Kyle didn't have problems with needles; he was too used to them to care since he was diabetic. Cartman didn't have a real problem with them either. Kenny never had any real fears and shrugged off needles as well. Butters I guess is the closest when it comes to the fear, but it isn't an actual fear, more of a dislike. Me- I am borderline terrified of the pointy things._

Dr. May smiled and took my hand. "Don't worry Stan, the doctors and nurses here will do all they can to make any and all blood draws, IVs, shots, and any other needle-related thing as less-frightening with you as possible okay?"

_I shrugged. I did that a lot today._

"We have nurses who actually specialize in IV techniques and I am sure you will meet someone who will do what they can to help with your fear, okay dear?"

_I didn't say anything back. Whoever these nurses were, they might have a tough job ahead of them._

"Do you have any other fears sweetie?"

"I'm afraid of how sick I'm gonna get…"

"Well, nausea and vomiting are common side affects from chemotherapy, but not everyone experiences it."

"I will," I said bluntly. "I vomit easily. I have a pretty weak stomach."

"Oh, well, in that case"-

"I'm afraid of dying too," I cut across her. "I'm… I'm really afraid…"

Dr. May sighed. "I get this a lot. I assure you Stan, our team of oncologists and nurses are equipped with the best treatment and medicine and programs the state has to offer. We will do everything to make sure you have the greatest prognosis you can get. The rate of cancer survivors sours every year. You have almost a ninety-percent chance at beating this."

I looked at my hands folded in my lap. "But that still leaves ten percent of those who don't make it…"

_I had a feeling Dr. May didn't talk to a child as blunt and to-the-point as me very often._

"I know I shouldn't think negatively about this but it's hard not to. I mean, why me? What did or didn't I do that caused this?" I could feel tears sting my eyes.

Dr. May sighed again. "Sadly, I don't have an answer to that Stanley. There is no real cause of cancer in studies. The only thing I can tell you is perhaps you have a family member who had it, or you were exposed to higher-than-normal levels of radiation. But there is no real cause for cancer sweetie. I'm sorry."

I nod and got to my feet; I didn't want to talk about this anymore. "I think I wanna find my Mom now. Thanks."

_I left with Mom back to the motel ten minutes later. I guess we were both cancered-out, for lack of a better term, after the visit to the hospital so we didn't bring anything up related to it on the drive back. The only thing Mom said was, 'it seems like a nice hospital doesn't it Stan?' I could only give her a one-word answer: 'Yeah.'_

_As promised, Mom gave me the best night-before-chemotherapy I could ask for. Once we arrived at the motel we took a swim in the motel's pool. Thankfully it was one of the nicest motel pools I had been in and the weather was nice and warm. We had fun, just the two of us, swimming and jumping and rough-housing in the water. After, we dried ourselves off and went out to find some turkey for dinner. We found a great diner ten minutes from the motel called Mother Sue's Dining Room that served Thanksgiving meals year-round. I happily ordered a plate of turkey, mashed potatoes, yams, and a roll for dinner. I ate half of it. Mom and I shared a slice of brownie a la mode after. (We're both huge chocolate fans). As the night wore on, we popped in one of my favorite movies, Disney's The Emperor's New Groove over a bag of caramel popcorn. To finish it off, Mom tucked me into bed and read from my favorite picture book- The Bubblegum Prince in the Land of Chocolate. After she was finished she caressed my face._

"Try to get some sleep tonight honey, I know you're in a bunch of nerves," she said.

_My stomach twisted. To be honest, I had enjoyed myself so much that evening I almost forgot all about the chemotherapy._

"I'll try," I said softly.

_Mom kissed my cheek and went to get ready for bed herself. She was in bed almost a half-hour later. The room was dark as we stared up into the ceiling._

"I love you Stanley," Mom said suddenly.

"Love you too Mom," I replied back before looking back up at the popcorn ceiling.

_Well there you have it, my very eventful Monday. It is now midnight and I am still up writing in this damn thing by flashlight. Mom is fast asleep. I am really afraid of how things will go tomorrow. I'm not ready for it. Tomorrow feels like the first day for the rest of my life. Nothing will ever be the same once I'm injected by that first needle and that first drug hits my veins. I sure hope I can handle it. Not just the needle stuff, the treatment in general. I have to beat this, I just have to. I'm too young to die._

_Stan_

_**SPSP**_

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It was great writing the interactions between Stan and Sharon. I love both as characters. And I have a thing for mother and son relationships. I feel it is one of the strongest, greatest bonds out there. Kyle's POV is next so leave a review, and come back for more._

_Lots of love: Rose, December 27th, 2010_


	5. What the Rest of the Years Might Bring

**WHAT THE REST OF THE YEARS MIGHT BRING**

_Kyle's POV_

I couldn't remember feeling as nervous for something as I did that morning of April 6th, 2010. And it wasn't even something that had to do with me. In fact, it was my best friend in the whole world who had me worried more than I had even been worried for something. He was miles away from me in Denver, about to undergo his very first chemotherapy treatment. Although at times I still could not comprehend Stan was this sick, I knew I had to be strong for him because I knew he would surely go down south quickly if everyone around him treated him like precious glass. So the first thing I asked my mother over breakfast that morning was when we were driving to Denver to visit him.

"I don't know bubbe," Mom said, a little surprised at the suggestion. "Maybe it's best we wait until the end of the week to visit him?"

"No Mom! I promised him I'd be his first visitor. Please, he's already feeling like the world is against him, I don't want him to be let down that I didn't show."

Dad looked my way. "But Kyle, it's Tuesday, you have school."

"Please Dad, we have to go. We can all miss a day or two from school and work. I have to visit Stan," I expressed.

Mom sighed. "I'll see if I can get a hold of Sharon. Stan's treatment begins at 9:30 so it might be difficult to reach her."

"Just try," I looked desperate.

Our next two days were planned out in the matter of an hour. Mom was able to get a hold of Stan's mother the first try and she expressed how grateful Stan would be that we were going to visit him the first day. Mrs. Marsh gave us directions to the hospital and Dad booked a room at the same motel the Marshes were staying at, The Golden Tree, for two nights. I hurriedly threw in some things in a bag before we were ready to go.

"What about your other friends Kyle?" Mom said as she went to get herself ready. "Do you think Eric and Kenny will want to visit Stan too?"

I bit my lip. Maybe, but it would stall more time to wait on them to get ready. But we were an ensemble, and knowing Cartman's mom she'd agree to drive out and stay in Denver for a couple days as well. Maybe the more the merrier to lift Stan's spirits. So regretfully I called Cartman.

"What the hell are you doing calling me?" he snapped over the phone.

"Listen- Cartman- before you step out the door to go to school- I was wondering…" I groan. "Look, my family and I are driving out to see Stan today."

"Why today?"

"It's his first treatment dumbass!" I cried. "Knowing him he's going to be really down today. I think it's best we're there to lift his spirits. My dad got a good deal at the same motel Stan's mom is staying at, The Golden Tree. If… you do decide to come, I'm sure your mom won't mind doing the same."

A pause. "Well why the hell would I want to see that little pussy today anyway?"

"Because you're friends," I reminded him, rolling my eyes. "And don't dare pretend you aren't. You like Stan more than me, sometimes even Kenny, and you know it. I know he'll be happy to see you too, and Kenny. The thought of his friends driving three hours just to visit him will defiantly make him smile. So grab some things and get your ginormous ass on the road to see him!" I ordered.

There was another pause followed by a deep sigh. "Fine, I'll tell me mom… see you Jew."

"Hurry, his treatment is going to begin in an hour and a half."

There was a click from the phone. Hoping he was going to come out, not for me, but for Stan, I went to finish packing. The drive to Denver was a tedious one. I kept glancing at the time every few minutes. It was hard seeing the numbers glow 11:00 on the car's stereo, knowing at that very minute Stan was sitting in a hospital bed hooked up to who-knew-what. I kept hoping to myself that my presence, and Cartman and Kenny's would be what cheered him up that day. I could only pray we weren't too late and found Stan in his self-pity corner, sad beyond anything. Before I knew it we were in Denver. We ate a late lunch at a local Wendall's Burgers before deciding to hit the streets to find The Children's Hospital at Saint Joseph's Hospital. Dad then drove to the Golden Tree Motel and we went to find our room- 109. Mrs. Marsh's room was on the floor above ours at 145. Mom called Mrs. Marsh just before we left so she knew we were on our way. I guess Stan's mother was grateful we would be arriving. I didn't know if that was a good thing or not. Was Stan already giving up? We were just about to pack into the car again when Ms. Cartman's van pulled up near ours.

"Oh, I'm happy we didn't miss you," Ms. Cartman said as she got out.

"Oh, it's a good thing you arrived," Mom smiled.

Ms. Cartman turned to her son. "Now poopsikins, Mommy is going to go get our room key and then we'll be able to visit your little friend okay?"

"Whatever," Cartman rolled his eyes.

"Do you want to help me take in our bags to our room?"

"Yeah right," Cartman snapped. "You can do it yourself!" he watched as his mother grabbed a couple bags before my dad stepped in and offered to help instead. Cartman just rolled his eyes as he dug into a bag of chips. I only then noticed Kenny was still sitting in the van. Well, at least I didn't have to deal with only Cartman for the next two days while we were up here. Twenty minutes later the Cartmans' things, and Kenny's single bag, were secure in their motel room and both vehicles set out at once to the hospital Stan was staying in. I looked up at the building as it finally came into view. Now I was never one to be afraid of a hospital like Stan was but the thought of my best friend inside this one, getting treatment for something so life-threatening, sent shivers down my spine. After difficulty trying to find a space in the parking garage, both my family and Cartman's and Kenny went inside. I gasped as we stepped into the atrium. It was a big, tall, bright, colorful area. I couldn't help but get the feeling Stan was going to be in good hands; I just hoped he had that same feeling.

I drew in a deep breath and said to myself, "Okay dude, stay strong for Stan today. Stan strong for Stan…"

"Kyle… we're seeing Stan?" Ike suddenly asked, interrupting my thoughts.

"Huh? Oh, yeah Ike, we're going to see him now," I told him as I held onto his little hand as we walked.

Ike picked his nose. "Stan's in here?"

"Yeah dude."

Ike blinked his beady eyes at me and went back to picking at his nose. We had to wait awhile before a nurse led us to the seventh floor where Stan was staying. It was close to 4 PM now.

"What room is he in?" was the first thing I asked.

"1312, but not so fast everyone," the nurse warned. "There are a few things we have to go over before you visit Stanley. This will not be like other hospital visits you may have encountered before. There are precautions you need to take. First off, we need to make sure none of you are sick, so we are going to have to take everyone's temperature before anything."

"What? That's stupid," Cartman retorted.

"A cancer patient is very prone to illness and infection. What may seem like a slight fever to you may actually make your friend sick."

"Really?" I frowned.

The nurse nodded. "After we make sure none of you have a fever we will have to ask you to thoroughly wash your hands. Germs travel very quickly through touch."

"But we're wearing gloves," Cartman pointed out. I admit, he had a point…

"That is not adequate protection dear," the nurse said. "Your gloves may still hold germs or dirt unseen by the naked eye."

"Heh, naked," Cartman chuckled.

"Also, be mindful of Stanley's wishes. He is going to be under great amounts of stress and fatigue for a while now so do not rush up and hug him. Ask before you hug or shake his hand okay? He may be very tired, so don't expect him to want to socialize much now. This is his very first day after all and we need to respect what he does and does not want. Also, be mindful of any perfumes or colognes you wear okay?" the nurse explained.

"Why?" Mom asked.

"A cancer patient's senses may begin to act differently and go into over-drive. Normal scents and tastes that didn't bother Stan before could bother him now."

Mom turned pink and rubbed her neck, as did Ms. Cartman. Both were known to wear copious amounts of sprays and perfumes. Mom especially. There had actually been times when Mom simply walking into the room was enough to set off an asthma attack in Stan, her perfume was so strong. I was really worried now. The nurse than looked at the wrapped gift in my arm and the balloons in Dad's hand.

"Be mindful of gifts you bring in as well. We typically do not allow any fruit or flowers as gifts inside the recovery rooms for cancer patients. There could be bacteria on them. And again, the strong scents. Even balloons may trigger a scare for a patient if it pops, and we don't need them to have anymore stress than they already have do we?"

Oh man, there was so much to visiting a cancer patient, I was almost afraid of seeing Stan at all now. After a few more tips from the young nurse we stood in line one-by-one to check our temperature. Thankfully none of us were ill in any way and after scrubbing up in hot water, we proceeded down the hall. Only then did we notice a familiar face standing by some benches. Mrs. Marsh saw us and hurried to our way and hugged Mom.

"Oh thank goodness you guys made it," she gushed.

"Why? How bad is it?" Mom asked worriedly.

Mrs. Marsh sniffed and dabbed at wet eyes. "I- I don't know to tell you the truth. Well I _do_ know." she sighed impatiently and dabbed at her eye again. "The poor thing. If this is how it's going to be for the next few years…"

"Why? What happened?" I asked, afraid.

Mrs. Marsh sighed. "Well nothing really _happened_. But it hasn't been a very easy morning or afternoon for us. It was so hard to get him to come here. He took a very long shower when he woke up this morning. He hasn't eaten a thing all day. He tripped just outside the building and now he has a bruise on his elbow. I haven't seen so many bruises on him ever. They had to do a blood draw just before he began his treatment. Then before we knew it- it was time to hook him up to everything." A tear ran down her cheek. Mom handed her a tissue. Mrs. Marsh blew into it and wiped her eyes. "It was hard, seeing him being stuck with so many needles in just one morning. If there is one needle-related thing he hates more than anything it's an IV. Now it wouldn't be as bad for me personally to see him go through it, but Stanley hates them. He's always had a fear of needles and it just kills me to know there's no way around it."

Mom allowed Mrs. Marsh to shed some tears on her shoulder.

"Shh, it's going to be okay Sharon," she tried.

"He's-he's been so uncomfortable today. The drugs are already making him feel queasy. He's already thrown up twice. They offered to give him anti-nausea drugs but he r-refused. He does not want to be hooked up to anything else. I- I don't know what to do Sheila, it's only day one and I'm loosing it completely!"

Mom rubbed her back before facing her. "Come on Sharon, you're right, it is the first day. It's to be expected. Neither Stanley nor yourself knew what today was going to be like. Of course you're both scared and worn-out. But I promise you things will get better."

"But Sheila"-

"I know Stanley is afraid of needles but I'm sure he's going to be used to them before he knows it!"

"Oh yeah right," Mrs. Marsh rolled her eyes.

"C'mon. Take Kyle for example: he's been poked countless times since he was diagnosed with diabetes when he was two. You have no idea how short of a time it was before he simply shrugged those sharp things off," Mom tried. She was half-lying to make Stan's mom feel better; I never had a problem with shots even as a baby.

Mrs. Marsh gave me a watery smile. "I know. But I don't know if it's going to be the same with Stan. I swear I've tried everything already. I really don't know if he'll ever get used to it."

Dad put an arm on her shoulder. "Well, do you think Stan's up for some visitors Sharon?"

Mrs. Marsh wiped away the remainder of her tears before nodding. "I think he'll be happy to see everyone. I hope so at least…" with that, she led us to Stan's room. I held my breath in anticipation. I looked at Cartman; he looked just as scared back. Mrs. Marsh cracked the door and poked her head in. "Stan? Stanley hon? You have some visitors." We couldn't see him yet but I assumed it was okay to come in because she opened the door and we walked into the room (I tried putting on my bravest face before stepping in).

Stan was currently lying down with his old stuffed dog Ruffy in his arm. I could see a purple bruise showing on his elbow. It was odd to see his skin marked so easily now. A few poles and IV bags and everything surrounded his bed. I looked at his face. It was pale and it was tired, his eyes were halfway opened. I cautiously walked to his side.

"Hey dude, how are you?" I asked. Really stupid, he obviously was feeling like shit!

Stan didn't answer; he just moved his head slightly to the right and shifted his eyes down. I bit my lip.

"Look, the guys and I got you something. We think you'll find it pretty sweet," I tried and placed the box on his bed.

A sign was his response. Mrs. Marsh came forward. "Stan sweetie? Don't you want to see what your friends got you?"

"No," Stan murmured, still not looking at anyone.

The guys and I all looked at each other questionably. Now what? Suddenly Stan stuck up his nose.

"Uggh, what's the smell? Oh, it's horrible," he moaned and covered his face with a pillow.

We all looked around each other now.

"What smell dude?" I asked.

Stan moaned again. "It smells like I'm in a fucking meadow. Uggghh, please make it go away."

Mom sniffed her arm and turned pink.

"I'm so sorry bubbe; I didn't realize my scent was so strong"-

"Please just go," Stan strained.

Dad touched Mom's arm as she walked out looking hurt and offended.

"Do any of us have to leave?" Kenny asked Stan.

Stan just shrugged a shoulder so I guess it meant we were fine, for now. I didn't want us sitting in silence so I tried again to start up a conversation.

"So um… how has today been Stan? Was- was it better than you thought it would be or…" I felt my face glow from embarrassment and stupidity.

Stan obviously didn't answer back.

I sighed. "Sorry I'm acting like an idiot right now dude…" I touched his hand lightly and his flinched it back almost out of fear.

"Dude, what's wrong with you?" I asked looking worried.

Stan moaned and shifted in his bed, gripping his covers. I never saw him so uncomfortable and pale.

"Hey dude, does the chemo hurt?" Cartman blurted out.

I turned my head quickly his way. Did he really just ask…?

Stan appeared not to have heard the fat boy, he was still looking down.

"Heheh… you still sleep with that dumb dog dude? Man, I haven't seen that thing in years," Cartman smirked.

"Dude, now isn't the time," I expressed, annoyed, but not looking at him, I was still studying Stan's face.

"What?" Cartman looked at me surprised. "I really want to know"-

"Can you say anything that _won't_ offend him? Please?" I whispered fiercely back.

Cartman looked at Stan then at me. "He doesn't seem offended to me douche."

True, Stan was still clenching his sheet slightly and not looking at anyone, but I knew he was annoyed with fat ass. "I really don't think a cancer patient needs to be asked if their treatment is hurting them dumbass!"

"Oh whatever," Cartman passed off. "Stan, hey dude, can you tell the little ginger boy that I am in fact asking _intelligent_ questions, and to _not_ interrupt me when I am speaking?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "If you guys really think I am going to break up another mindless argument when I am so close to throwing you _both_ out…"

"See? He's not offended," Cartman smiled. "Hey Stan, what I really wanna know is-have you started losing your hair yet?"

"Okay Cartman, that has gone too far!" I pointed my finger at him.

"_What_?" he asked again.

"I am pretty sure hair loss is the last thing someone wants to discuss."

"Have you Stan? Let me see"- he was about to reach over to pull off Stan's hat when Stan pushed it away with surprising strength.

"Just leave!" Stan said softly but fiercely.

I smirked. "Told you, you fat tub of lard!"

"You too Kyle!" Stan glared at me.

"What? But Stan"-

"I'm not in the fucking mood! Just go! Everyone! I"- his face grew tight and pasty. "M-Mom"- he cupped his mouth and Mrs. Marsh instantly placed the trash can under his mouth and he began throwing up, or trying to at least.

Mrs. Marsh looked at us helplessly as she rubbed his back. "Maybe tomorrow will be better boys. I'm sorry."

I sighed and placed Stan's wrapped gift on a table nearby. "Your present is here whenever you want to open it dude…"

Dad gripped my shoulder. "We should go Kyle." He turned to Stan. "We'll come by tomorrow okay Stan?"

Stan didn't seem to hear us, he just continued with the heaving. I left the room with the Cartmans and Kenny in tow. Mom was standing just outside the door.

"What happened? How is he?" she asked frantically.

"He's pretty sick Sheila, he wasn't responding well to any of us. We'll try again tomorrow."

Mom sniffed. "Oh the poor child…"

It was exceptionally difficult to see my best friend in there looking as white as his sheets, sweaty, and sick. Hooked up to so many different tubes and wires, seeing a sign nearby an IV pole that read: **Caution- Chemotherapy Drugs in Use. Toxic**. To see Stan going through everything he hated was hard, and I had to go with Mrs. Marsh- if this was how things already were on the very first day, how on earth would any of us be able to deal with it for the next three years?

_I hope you enjoyed this chapter. It is very easy to write in Kyle's POV since there have been times where I accidentally start to write a story in his perspective. Please review this chapter, as well as the one before. I hope everyone is still interested in a serious story such as this. Thanks!_

_Lots of love and best wishes for the NEW YEAR: Rose, January 1st, 2011_


	6. Your New Normal Day

**YOUR NEW NORMAL DAY**

Stan's POV

_April 7th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Hey, Stan here. Told you I'd try to write in you again. Things have been pretty crazy since Mom and I drove out to Denver. And I don't mean a good kind of crazy. Chemotherapy is everything I feared it would be. Needles and nausea. Not a good mix. I have been puking my guts up so many times now and it has only been two days. But I decided to write in you tonight as I am feeling slightly better today than I was yesterday. I'll give you a brief description of what happened yesterday_:

_Mom woke me up early that morning, after seven, though I'm used to it since I go to school. I took a long shower after I finally got out of bed. I don't know why, I just did. It worried Mom a little but I was fine. It took a little while longer to get clothes on me I didn't even choose what to wear. I guess my mind was someplace else or something that morning. Minutes after I was finally dressed and Mom towel-dried my hair (again, I couldn't do it myself for some reason) we left._

_When we first got to the hospital we were met with a nurse who took me into a room to have blood drawn. I forget why she had to do it really. It sucked ass though, no surprise. After the blood draw we had to wait an hour or so for them to look it over before I was taken into my room to have my chemo started. I was so nervous it's unbelievable. I was not at all in the mood to be stuck with needles all day- not like I'm ever. If you don't mind those sharp things you're fucking insane. They put me on a combination of three different drugs yesterday- don't ask me what they are, they are too long of words to prononce. I was so tense when they began it took three tries to find a vein to use for the meds, I was that nervous. I guess they really mean it when they say to relax and shit. But for an almost-needle phobe such as myself, easier said than done._

_I don't even remember much of what happened after. I just remember feeling the effects of the medicine taking its toll already. I threw up three or four times, I forget. The only plus for it all was that Mom was there for me the entire time. Trying to comfort me during the IV sticks and just rubbing my back when I vomited or rubbed my feet to try and sooth me. It didn't really work though... She hardly left the room at all yesterday. She was too worried about me and the nurses had to practically drag her out near dinner so she could get some food and walk around a bit. If I wasn't moaning in bed I was trying to sleep. It's always been difficult to fall asleep in a hospital bed. Even though I couldn't hear sounds outside my door, I could still hear the beeping of monitors attached to me. The craziest thing happened yesterday- apparently Kyle and his family, as well as the Cartmans and Kenny visited me. I mean I know they did, but I was too annoyed at the time when they did. According to Mom, I snapped at all of them and didn't offer any form of thanks for their three hour long drive. But she said they would be coming by again today, as well as my grandparents! Both my Mom's parents as well as my dad's mom. So I think I will try to grin and bear it when they come over. I'll write again tonight._

_I stayed in the hospital all last night, I was too sick to go back home even after my drugs ran their course. So I didn't really get out of bed when I was woken up this morning for breakfast._

"C'mon honey, you have to eat something," the nurse told me as she handed me a small menu. "It's important you do."

"I'm not hungry," I insisted.

"Stanley please," Mom exasperated. She stayed overnight at the hospital as well.

"It's better for chemotherapy patients to eat six small meals throughout the day. That way you can get all the nutrients you need without over-doing it."

I sighed as I fiddled with my covers. "Fine."

_Breakfast consisted of a slice of toast with jam and an egg with apple juice. I crossed my arms at it._

"But I want orange juice," I told the nurse.

"I know Stanley but acidic drinks are not good for your mouth. It will dry it up and may create sores. It's best to drink and eat things not so tart or sour," the nurse explained.

_I couldn't believe I would have to be on a special diet now. I wanted to argue but thought better of it. I was still tired and my stomach was still churning so I ate what little I could. Mom looked upset at my half eaten toast and egg but knew better than to force me to eat. She excused herself to freshen up and get herself some breakfast in the Fresh Marketplace thing and I was left alone in my room. The first thing that happened after my breakfast was tooth brushing. As soon as Mom returned back in my room, she and a nurse helped me over to the little bathroom across my bed to monitor how I cleaned my teeth. It was extremely annoying and embarrassing almost; I hadn't had a pair of eyes taking note on how I cleaned my teeth in so long now. _

"This is so stupid," I moaned as I stood on a stepstool in front of the sink not doing anything.

"I know it feels silly Stan but it is very important to follow great oral care once chemo starts," Nurse Carla explained.

"I already know how to brush my teeth and I can floss pretty well on my own now," my cheeks turned pink.

"You can't clean your teeth the same way you always have," Nurse Carla told me. "You have to be extra gentle so as to not disrupt any sores in your mouth or to cause it to bleed or flair in pain. Plus, you are very prone to infection right now Stanley and you have to make double the effort to keep your teeth clean."

_I wanted to bang my head on the bathroom sink. I was nine, not five. I didn't need to be told how to care for my teeth. But obviously Mom and the nurse wouldn't hear a word of it. So, defeated, I took my new toothbrush with a special super soft head and warmed it up under the faucet to make it as soft and gentle as possible. I loaded it with toothpaste and went to work. It was harder than I thought; my mouth already felt dried-out and my lips were already chapped, I was afraid if I brushed too hard my gums would bleed. Sadly that is exactly what happened after I began to floss. I cried out in frustration and covered my face with my arms at the sink. I felt Mom's hand touch my back._

"Stanley, what's wrong?"

I looked up and sniffed. "I don't wanna do this anymore Mom, I wanna go home."

She rubbed my back. "What happened?"

I rubbed my nose. "I barely flossed between two teeth and my gums already began to bleed! I don't wanna do this anymore."

Mom sighed. "Try not to do it so hard then Stan, the nurses told you that you must do everything a lot gentler than you used to. We have to take extra care in doing the basic things for you now."

I sniffed again. "Can you do it for me?"

_So Mom was back at flossing my teeth for me again which sucked, I had finally gotten it down without problem only months ago. I guess you can say the whole tooth care trama was the most embarrassing thing that happened today. But by ten o'clock it was time for my second round of drugs and again I was not looking forward to it. Nurse Michelle smiled at me when she entered my room. (She's a real pretty young black lady though, I like her most so far)._

"Good morning Stan, how are you feeling today?" she asked.

_I didn't answer, just looked down at my feet. _

"Are you ready for your next round of chemotherapy today?" she said, trying to sound upbeat.

_Again I didn't answer. I didn't mean to give the cold shoulder but this was only the second day, did she really expect me to be used to this already? Nurse Michelle set aside some of the equipment and medicine she brought over and made a move with her hand indicating me to come closer to the edge of the bed._

"Do you want to sit in the chair over here or do you want to sit in bed honey?" she asked.

"I don't care," I muttered.

She was still smiling. "Well why don't you choose one sweetie, and perhaps you might like to watch a DVD or listen to music when I start everything up. Does that sound like a plan?"

_I shrugged a shoulder._

"Or I could tell you a story, put you in a different state of mind," she went on. "Oh! How about I transport you on a magical boat ride in space? I have a pretty active imagination," she added.

_I shook my head._

"Would you like Mom to read you a story then?"

"No," I said softly.

"Well then do you know what you want to do that might make the process less intimidating?" the young woman asked.

"I dunno." Mom placed a hand on my shoulder. She gave me a look that clearly meant I should try to make today go better if I could. I sighed deeply. "There's not a lot I think that can distract me so you should just do it."

"Are you sure honey?" Nurse Michelle looked surprised.

I nodded. "Trust me."

"Well if you really are sure sweetheart… whenever you are ready."

"Just do it," I said again.

Nurse Micelle smiled. "I can't do it if you're sitting all the way over there now can I? Come closer to me Stanley hon. Come on."

_I managed to move myself at the side of my bed without anyone forcing me to. _

"Before we begin today Stan, are you sure you don't want any anti-nausea medication?"

"I'm sure," I said softly.

"I have it right here if you want," the nurse held up a bottle. "It's in pill form, not injectable if that's what your fear was yesterday."

I opened my mouth then shut it. I looked up at Mom then back at the nurse. "I- I didn't realize there were pills for it."

"So does that mean you'd like to try it today?" Nurse Michelle smiled.

"I… I- sure…"

_Taking the pill was the easy part, but the difficult one was coming next. The IV. It did luckily only take one try this time, but that was the only good thing. It still stung like a bitch and the sight of all those tubes and bags hanging from poles and beeping machines were nasiating. Nurse Michelle stood up thirty minutes later or so._

"I'll be back around lunch to see how he is doing. But his methotrexate should last for a good three hours or so before his next dose. I'll see you later sweetie!" she smiled, waved a few fingers and left.

_I groaned as I sank into my pillow. Mom stood up._

"Is there anything you want me to get you or anything you want me to put in the DVD player?" she asked.

I flicked at Ruffy's ear. "No."

"Stanley…" Mom sighed.

"When are Grandma and Grandpa gonna come?"

Mom thought. "Well, Grandma Mara said she will be arriving here soon. I called her when I went to get breakfast. She should come by after lunch or so. Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter should arrive a bit after."

I checked the clock. "It's 10:45 now. Are you going to pick them up or what?"

"They rented a car and I gave them directions. I say they will be here by 1 PM."

"Okay."

Mom looked at me. "And Stan hon, I think your friends were looking forward to seeing you today too."

"Oh?"

"After yesterday… well, we both know it wasn't your best day. You seem more alert today so do you think it would be all right if I told them to come?"

_I looked at my hands covered in IVs, tubes, and the works. My skin was very pale and I had four bruises on my body. I didn't want my friends to see me like this. I didn't want anyone to see me like this._

"Hon?" Mom's voice rang in. "Do you think that's a good idea or would that be too many visitors at once?"

"No uh- I guess it's okay. I mean, they drove all the way out here to see me. I don't want to make their drive worthless…"

"I'll go call Sheila. You'll be okay?"

_I nodded as Mom touched my shoulder before leaving my room. Well not completely okay, I forgot to ask for the remote for the television. When Mom came back she told me how they would be coming by after lunch as well. I frowned sadly as I tried to get comfortable; everyone was going to be here by lunch, I hoped I could muster enough energy to say hello. _

_I didn't have long to stoop over myself. At 12:10 my hospital room door opened and Grandma Mara came hurrying in, looking windswept. She took me in her arms and squeezed._

"How are you doing Stanley baby?" she asked. _She had seen me after my diagnosis since she only lives less than an hour away but she is of course still worried._

"Mom- Mara, you have to be careful!" my mother called right after.

_Grandma Mara let me go._

"Mom, you just heard what the nurse said; Stan may not want sudden hugs like that. You have to be extra careful with him," Mom explained.

"It's fine Mom," I passed off. How could someone expect any grandmother to not squeeze her grandchildren to death?

"I talked with my son just before I left," Grandma Mara explained. "Apparently yesterday wasn't the best day you've ever had." She touched my face and sighed. "Oh Stanley dear, why did it have to be you?"

I shrugged. "It just is."

Grandma Mara continued to rub a thumb over my cheek. "You always did get in more trouble, more danger, more everything than your sister. Everything that happened to her, it had to happen to you but five times as worse. Oh Stanley… oh how I wish I didn't have to see you like this."

_I couldn't help but sniff._

She took hold of my hand and squeezed gently. "Look at you, hooked up to all these different medicines and wires." She turned to Mom. "Just how long will his chemotherapy last Sharon?"

"His first round of treatment will be anywhere from three to six weeks."

My grandma shook her head and 'tut-tutted' before reaching over. "Well I brought you a balloon dear"- she tied a Garfield-themed balloon to the nearby chair. "And I also bought you a little something too."

With a slight smile I unwrapped a small box. In it was a cute little bear holding a little balloon that read: Get Well Soon! I held up a shaky arm to her. "Thanks Grandma."

My grandmother straightened her glasses. "Randy does feel horrible leaving him here on his own."

Mom raised a brow. "I don't know what gives him that idea. I'm going to be with our son all this week."

"Oh I know," Grandma Mara nodded. "He just wishes he were here too. He knows Stanley needs the extra support."

_I glanced over at Mom. I fiddled with the ribbon on the small box, wanting to say I was doing okay with those who have seen me so far, but didn't. But Grandma Mara seemed to have read my mind._

She smiled. "Your father just misses you dear."

"I miss him too, but I don't want him to think Mom is lost without him or, I'm lost without him."

"Well you're his son; he still wants to be here regardless if he is needed. He just doesn't want to take off the sick leave from work just yet."

Mom rolled her eyes. "Well I'll talk to Randy later and tell him we're doing okay."

_I didn't do or say much when it was just my grandmother and me. I was feeling sick to the stomach at this point and lay on my side while she turned on the TV and we simply watched lame infomercials. I mentally willed my other grandparents and friends to come soon before I would turn into an annoying little bitch to them again. My prayers were answered. Right on track, my mom's parents came in to visit me by 1:30. Just like what Grandma Mara did, Grandma Ellen took me in her arms and began to go ballistic._

"Oh Stanley baby! We heard of the news, oh it is just horrible my sweet. We came here as soon as we could. It was a little difficult to get a good deal on flight out to Denver but we finally booked one. Oh sweetheart how are you feeling? What am I saying? You must be awful!" Grandma Ellen gushed.

"Mom- Mom! Please, let him breathe!" Mom stepped in.

_Um, my Mom's parents tend to fuss over me a bit more than my Dad's for the simple fact they don't see me as often. So anything that happened was a cause for alarm if we were states away. But of course this was more than just a 'cause for alarm', they had ever right this time to worry themselves._

"This is not right what's going on, not right," Grandma Peter shook his head. "You're only nine son, how on earth does leukemia occur in someone so young these days?" he looked around.

"That's what we're trying to figure out Dad," Mom said sadly. "Nobody knows."

Grandma Ellen looked over at her husband and daughter. "Oh, oh dear… do you suppose…?"

"What Mom?"

Grandma Ellen looked defeated. "Remember Aunt Vicky hon? Why she was only in her early 40s when cancer took her life." She said it quietly for me not to hear but my ears still picked up on it.

Mom's eyes filled with tears. "Oh no…. may-maybe. Maybe it was inherited."

"What does that mean?" I asked softly.

The adults looked surprised at me. Mom rubbed my arm. "It means that maybe it wasn't an accident. Maybe the chances were higher for someone to catch it since an aunt of mine was diagnosed when I was just a girl."

"Does that mean someone else in the family could have it too?" I asked. I had an aunt and uncle on my mom's side, and they have nine children between them.

_I could see slight worry on their faces._

"I don't think there's any reason to worry honey," Grandma Ellen patted my cheek and kissed it.

_My stomach suddenly lurched and I lost my breakfast on her. It was one of the most chaotic vomiting moments ever. As soon as I was finished heaving Mom picked me up and carried me to the bathroom- IV lines in tow. There she changed my shirt and I had to brush my teeth. Another thing I had to get used to- the stomach acid was just as dangerous to my mouth as any other acidity substance so I really had to keep it clean. Five minutes later I sank into my bed and moaned._

Grandpa rubbed my leg. "You feeling better son?"

_I just moaned._

"Well when you're up to it, Grandma and I got you something."

_I looked over and saw him take out a wrapped gift. Mom sighed. Grandma Mara (who had been sitting by the window while my other grandparents walked in) looked a little annoyed too. Granted she gets along great with my mom's parents, but I guess she doesn't approve of the constant presents each and every visit. I guess since she only lives minutes from us, she doesn't feel the need to give Shelley and I something each and every time. But hell, I'm a kid; I can't help but feel excited. I smiled slightly._

"Well… okay."

_He chuckled as I sat up again and unwrapped my gift- the totally sweet Remote Controlled Sleuth Fighter Jet! I got to my feet briefly and whooped. I hugged my grandparents tightly._

"Wow! Thank-you so much you guys! I've wanted this for forever!"

_Grandma Mara tried to look happy for me. Perhaps she feels there is competition with Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter in making her only grandson happy? The chaos didn't die down. Nurse Michelle got wind that the anti-nasua medication I took this morning wasn't working and I was soon hooked up to another IV bag that contained a different anti-nasua medication. Five minutes after that was installed I heard a knock on the door and Kyle's head poked in._

"Hey dude!"

_Nurse Michelle was having none of this. There was no way she was going to allow three grandparents, three friends, their parents, and my mother in the room. So Mom, Grandma Mara and Grandpa Peter left. (Grandma Ellen did not want to leave my side for a moment so she took up the little sofa by the window). In walked Kyle, Ike, Mr. and Mrs. Broflovski, Cartman, Ms. Cartman, and Kenny. _

"Hey you guys," I told them softly.

"Hey man. Are you feeling any better?" Kyle asked looking worried.

I sighed. "Slightly."

He smiled at the others and walked closer to me and took up a chair. "Man, you were real pissy yesterday. We had to leave."

"Yeah well, guess yesterday was worse; I didn't know anything they were going to do to me."

"Are you sure you're feeling okay bubbe?" Mrs. Broflovski asked.

"I never said I was, but I won't blow up like I did. I don't think."

"Well I made sure not to put on any perfume today for you," she beamed.

"Me too," Ms. Cartman stepped in.

I shifted in my pillow. "Thanks guys."

_Kyle bit his lip before his eyes caught something sitting on a table nearby._

"Hey man, you never opened our present from yesterday."

"Oh, must've forgot."

Kyle blinked. "Want to do so now?"

_I nodded and he got up and placed a heavy gift in purple on my knees._

"You'll love it dude, it's super killer," Cartman smiled.

_I tore off the paper to see the brand-new Terrance and Phillip Board Game: Lost in the Mine Shaft With no Way Out! _

"Oh my god you guys! You didn't!"

"Oh yeah," Cartman grinned.

"Thanks so much! This just came out a month ago! Wow! This is fucking sweet!"

"Stanley!" Grandma Ellen snapped.

"Oh, sorry Grandma," I turned pink before I began to unwrap the plastic on the box and opened it up.

"Wanna get it started?" Kyle suggested.

"Hell yeah!"

"Stanley!" Grandma Ellen said again.

"Sorry! Sorry!" it didn't take long for the fun to die down. _We had only assembled the game near my feet and were reading the directions when I felt light-headed again. The drugs were also setting off a sick metallic taste in my mouth which was very unpleasant. I also had to be pretty still while getting treatment right now and the excitement of a game might not be good for me. So I sank back into my bed and watched as Kyle put the game back in its box._

"We'll play it next time we're out okay?"

I blinked. "When will that be?"

_Kyle looked over at his parents._

"We'll talk about it later Kyle," Mr. Broflovski told him.

"Oh and… you haven't heard from Wendy lately have you?" I asked softly.

"Sorry Stan, I told you everything I knew two days ago," Kyle said.

"It's fine."

_I waved good-bye as Kyle walked out with his parents. Cartman was just about to do the same thing when he went up to my bed._

"Stan, I really want to know… have you started losing hair yet?"

"No Cartman!" I cried angrily. He studied my face before leaving with his mother and Kenny.

_It was kind of odd, not knowing when the next time I might be seeing them was. We saw each other every school day, and many times spent the weekend doing things as well. But now… they would be doing those things without me for a while since Mom did not want me going back and forth just yet. I was stuck in Denver for at least three weeks. Three weeks without my bedroom, my bed, my dog, my favorite cereal bowl, my collections of Sports Illustrated magazines and baseball cards. Three weeks without school, homework, cafeteria food or bagged lunches with lame notes from Mom. Three weeks from my normal life. As I looked at my right hand that a maze of IVs and tubes were attached to, and listened to my mom and Grandma Ellen talk softly in the corner of the hospital room, I realized just how much I was going to miss those things. Even Mom's little lunch notes._

_Stan_

_**SPSP**_

_I hope you liked it. It was a bit harder to get this one out and I don't really know why. Anyway, please leave a review and come back for the next chapter!_

_Lots of love: Rose, January 12, 2011_


	7. Consider This

**CONSIDER THIS**

Sharon's POV

_April 24th, 2010_

_I wouldn't lie and pretend things are going far better than I thought they would be at this point, three weeks in. I guess you can tell from my lack of diary entries I have had a lot on my mind. It is always there and back, there and back. The family has been living out of either a motel room or a hospital room for three weeks, like I said. It's hard to keep track sometimes on who is staying with Stan and when. Randy was with him two weeks ago, which meant I had to be the one working that week. Last week however was a mix of both him and me trading off work and staying-with-our-son duties, although Randy had the majority of the week. I can't even remember who was with him over the weekend. I guess it could be worse, but if I had my way I would be with Stan every single day of his treatment. I don't want to sound like an over-bearing mother but I know he needs me. I know he misses me when I'm not with him. Randy said so himself two Thursdays ago how Stan wished I was out there in Denver for him. I admit, I lost it then. Knowing my son needed me and missed me forced me to skip Friday's work schedule without telling Tom and had me driving three and a half hours out to be with him. Randy thinks I'm crazy but seeing how happy Stanley was when I showed up makes me think otherwise…_

_Poor Stanley woke horrified that Thursday to find his hair thinning out. My son told me how his father tried to think of the subject lightly with jokes and wig options but it only upset him more than anything. I'm not trying to pinpoint all the bad things on my husband, no. But I think after years of me writing in you, we both know he comes up short when it comes to comfort. I'm defiantly not forcing my children against their father, never. I just listen to the things they tell me and roll with it. It's from their mouths these words, not mine. _

_About the skipped Friday… well, let me just say thank goodness I have such a caring boss. When I told him I had to be with my son instead, he passed it off without question. Although he does wonder when I will be taking my paid two week leave. Both Randy and I have two weeks paid family emergency leave but we want to take it together so we can both be up in Denver for Stan at the same time. One thing Tom does not like is inconsistency on the workforce. It's been that way since I was hired thirteen years ago. I hope we can get the days situated soon; I myself am not a fan of going to work Tuesday but skipping Wednesday. Plus the gas… I knew it would add up quickly but it doesn't take away that shock when you add up how much you drove around in one week. We don't need help just yet which is good, but my parents have already paid for Stan's last treatment and round of tests. But they won't be able to do much for a while anyway. Dad told me there was a small accident with the car; he backed into a tree and they now have to put money into fixing the back window and right taillight instead of paying for something that will make Stanley's chemotherapy a lot easier._

_I guess I don't need to mention at this point Stan has an almost-phobia of needles. But his pediatric oncologist did recommend us something that would take away a lot of the stress for my son. It is called a portacath. It is a sort of catheter that is implanted inside the chest with a little plug that is hardly visible on the outside where all of Stan's medications can flow in. They can even draw blood this way! He will be able to avoid much less needle sticks if he has this done. With just one stick, he will be able to have a round of treatment pretty much worry-free. But the surgery costs $2,000, and with insurance, it will still be $1,000. What with gas, food, motels, and our house mortgage, Randy and I don't have $1,000 sitting in our pockets. The Broflovskis will be of help and will be able to give us $300 towards the portacath. If Randy and I put in $100, that still leaves $600 left for the surgery. The one time I could really use my parents' help, they are unable to do much. So right now we are sitting around, waiting for the rest of the money needed so we can make Stan's treatments just a bit more bearable. _

_Love, _

_Sharon_

_April 25th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_Today has been filled with excitement, the good and bad, left and right. Let me recount what happened:_

_It was a Sunday morning when I woke up today. As usual, it took a while for me to catch my bearings and to figure out if I was sleeping in a motel room bed, the sofa near my son's hospital bed, draped over the bed with him, or in my own bed back at home. I looked around at the familiar TV across my vision and plants and decorations. I sighed-I was home. I got up to get breakfast going before I packed a few things to head out to Denver yet again. Randy was already out there with Stan. I got a pot of coffee boiling and went to get my daughter up from bed._

"Shelley? Shelley, get up, we're going to be leaving soon," I told her as I knocked on her door.

The door opened. She already looked annoyed. "Leaving for what?"

"You know what; we're going to see your brother again. I'm getting breakfast on, is there anything you want?"

"I don't _want_ to visit Stan," Shelley crossed her arms.

I forced her to look at me. "We talked about this before young lady; if your brother wasn't so dreadfully sick then I wouldn't be making a big deal of this. But the fact remains, he _is_ drastically sick, and it is going to be years before he is completely cured and in remission. So I do not want to hear you complaining about seeing him, or doing something for him, or helping him. Understood?"

She rolled her eyes as we went downstairs. "But it was so _embarrassing_ last time Mom! I had to help him put on his clothes and the nurse walked in and called it 'cute'! I do not want to associate anything I do for Stan as _cute_!"

I sighed as I put a pan on the stove. "That's not the worst thing to happen in your world Shelley. You already promised to me you would help him with anything he needs help on, from clipping his toe nails to help on his homework, so you will hold up your end of the promise."

"I only said that to have you stop _nagging_ at me to help him!" Shelley said angrily.

I gave her a blank look. "You're helping your brother Shelley," I said firmly and got things out for breakfast.

_It was pretty quiet after our little disagreement as we ate our bacon and eggs. Shelley went up to get ready and I hurriedly put the dishes into the dishwasher and started the load. Just then I saw my iphone flash, signaling a call. I answered. It was my boss, Dr. Tom Marden._

"Hello doctor," I answered.

"Sharon, I told you before, don't be so formal, especially after all these years," Tom told me.

"I'm sorry. Habit. What is it?"

"Are you going to be busy today?"

I sighed as I placed a strand of hair from my eyes and put an oven mitt back where it belonged. "Why Tom?"

"Look Shar, I know you've been a bit stressed out lately."

"Okay…"

"Are you doing anything to help with it? I'm just worried you might snap sooner or later from how things have been going," he said seriously.

"I'm not going to snap, not yet anyway," I added as an afterthought.

I could hear the rustling of him moving the phone. "Have you gotten out from the house or hospital at all this month Sharon?"

"I admit, I haven't."

"Maybe you should. Take a breather somewhere."

"I would love to but I can't right now Tom, I have too much on my mind. I have too much to do," I said honestly.

"If you're boggled down with work I can ask Kathryn to fill in for you."

"You don't need to do that doctor, really," I felt myself smile.

"Well then I'm going to feel guilty," I heard him say lightly.

I leaned against the wall. "You don't have anything to feel guilty of Tom. None of this is your fault."

"I did make you work yesterday you know," he reminded me.

"It doesn't matter; I had to do something anyway since I'm not with my son at the moment."

"Someone had to look after the office yesterday," he explained.

I sighed again. "I know, I was there. Anyway, what are you trying to get at Tom?"

There was a pause. "I want you to do something for yourself today to take off some of the tension."

"Why? Why today?" I asked curiously.

I was sure he was frowning at the other end. "You did tell me you were alone all this week. The fact that you haven't done anything but work and worry about your son bothers me a little."

I laughed softly. "Sadly there isn't much else I can do."

"It is Sunday Sharon," he reminded me. Not like I needed the reminder.

"I know but I'm actually getting myself ready to head out to Denver."

"You are?" he said surprised.

"Yes. Today isn't an actual treatment day for little Stanley, tomorrow is. But I feel the sooner I drive out there the better."

Tom chuckled on the other end. "This is what I'm talking about Sharon. Here you are, taking a perfectly fine Sunday to drive for four hours to be with Stanley. You should be doing something for yourself before you go back into the office."

I knew where he was getting at. "Are you trying to offer me something or what Tom?"

"Offer? No. Suggest maybe."

"If you really think I'm going to have lunch with you somewhere"-

"Hey, I never said that," Tom said defensively. "I'm only concerned for your well-being."

"Oh really?"

"If you aren't fully refreshed during work it could lead to poor work conduct. We can't have that."

"Thanks for the concern doctor but I'm not as bad off as you think I might be," I smiled.

Tom sighed. "I know how you are when bothered Sharon, I want to see you enjoying yourself when behind the desk."

I looked at the clock. "Listen, can we talk tomorrow perhaps? I really need to get ready."

Apparently he wasn't ready to drop the phone just yet. "C'mon Sharon, you say he doesn't need treatment today, you don't need to rush yourself for anything right now."

_At this point I was starting to feel slightly annoyed. Despite his cool tone, I knew he wanted lunch or something with me. This wasn't the first phone call like this I've received._

"I feel flattered you're thinking of my well-being Tom, I am, but I have motherly business to attend to. We can have lunch some other time."

A pause. "I understand Shar, I do. Of course your children come before you; it's always been that way. But can you hear me out for just one more minute?"

Again I glanced at the time. "Fine. What else is there?"

I could hear him sigh on the other end. "Okay, don't take these words in the wrong way Sharon, I know you love your kids," he warned before going on. "Your son is in the hospital right now. With leukemia. That is causing your stress. Being with him, not knowing what news the doctors will bring in next is causing your stress. Every test and round of treatment is causing your stress. A light lunch at Café Local might be just what you need to calm yourself about this for right now. You can leave today still if you want, but I'm sure you can spare a few hours before you hit the road."

I felt the blood in my veins surge as I listened to these words. "You will never understand Tom. My son comes before anything, and I mean anything. Holding his hand when he's about to get his next IV or rubbing his back when he's throwing up means more to me than a glass of wine at a fancy restaurant Tom. I appreciate you thinking of me but I don't need to get out as much as you think I do."

"Randy will be with him all day today," Tom reminded.

"I think Stan would rather have myself and his father with him than just his father. I'm really sorry Tom but I'm driving out in an hour."

"Sharon, you're going to drive yourself crazy soon enough, going back and forth," Tom continued.

"I won't," I said simply. "Being with my children is my stress-relief."

There was another pause at his end. "Sharon, I didn't mean"-

I drew in a deep breath and said calmly, "I'm sorry, I have to be with my child right now. I'll be in work as soon as I can. Have a nice day."

_I sat my phone down and rubbed my temples. It is sometimes very frustrating talking to my boss. He really is a great man, cuts me slack here and there even when I tell him not to, but he doesn't get where I am coming from. He's not the best with kids and never has been. There have been several memories of mine in which Shelley and Stanley being around him set him in a frenzy almost._

_I can still remember like it was just yesterday- little four-year-old Stanley had been reduced to tears by Tom after he tried 'helping' him in his office one day when I brought him in after preschool. Tom panicked when he saw Stan's little handprints all over his desk and file cabinets and the chocolate smears everywhere. He ended up yelling at the poor thing because of it. Stanley has always been particularly sensitive and easily shrinks in the corner whenever an adult yells at him. No, Tom will never understand why I do the things I do. It is my duty as a parent to be with my kids. He will never understand this._

_I packed my suitcase for at least four days. I still had to talk with Randy about what our schedules were going to be the following week. I called for my daughter that it was time to leave._

"You can talk with Amir on the ride there, just come on!" I snapped at Shelley for the last time as she stood around with her laptop in her hands.

"It doesn't work outside! I can only ichat inside Mom!"

"Then just Instant Message him, I don't care! Get a move on!"

"Stan's not even in the hospital today, why are we even in a hurry?" she said crossly as she got into the car.

"Because we're his family and he misses us, that's why," I started up the car.

_She scoffed and turned on her laptop and plugged in earphones as soon as we hit the first stoplight. An hour in I had to stop to fill up the gas tank. I bit my lip as I saw the total come out to $60. As nice as my SUV is, it really is a gas-guzzler. So back on the freeway we went; me, trying to focus on the music from the radio to keep my mind at ease. It was another ten minutes before I realized I was going the wrong way. I pulled over the side, angry at myself that I had made such a stupid mistake. How could I have done this after driving down the same damn road for three weeks now? I rested my arms over the steering wheel and tried to stay calm._

"Relax Mom," I heard Shelley say. Yes say, she didn't seem annoyed at all about anything for once. "We can get back on the right freeway again. We just need to pull up to the next rest stop and turn back around and get back on the 215."

"I am so stupid. How? How did I get off on the wrong freeway Shelley? How?"

She shrugged. "After a while all these roads begin to look alike. C'mon, I'm sure Stan and Dad are fine right now. Just pull up at the next rest stop. Should be up another twenty miles or so."

I drew in a deep breath, trying to clear my head. "You're right Shelley. I'm sorry."

_She just shrugged. I turned the car back on and she went back to her laptop and we went back on the road as if nothing had even happened. I didn't think I lost any sleep the night before; then again, I had been losing track what bed I was waking up in. Sure the minor freak-out added another hour to the clock but I didn't allow it to beat me over too much. Soon enough we arrived in Denver and soon enough reached the Golden Tree Motel. We walked up to room 150 to find the door already open and my husband walking out._

"Sharon!" Randy took me in his arms and kissed me. "How was everything?"

"Other than the extra hour, it was okay," I told him, kissing him in return.

_I walked inside as he greeted Shelley and went to get our bags from the car. I smiled at Stan who was currently in his pajamas, barefoot, on his stomach and watching cartoons, a plate with crumbs next to him. I gave a tiny cough. He turned his head and his eyes dilated._

"Mom!" he cried happily and hurriedly got off his bed and I took him in my arms. I kissed his temple.

"Hello Stanley, how are you doing?"

He shrugged. "How was the drive? You should have been here an hour ago."

"I know, I made a goof and got off at the wrong road. But tell me, how have you been?" I walked with him back to his bed.

He shrugged again as we both took a seat on it and he moved aside his plate. "I dunno. I don't wanna talk about it yet."

"Honey, what happened?" I looked serious.

"Nothing happened," he reassured me. "It's my day off from chemo today; I don't want to talk about it on my day off."

"I know, but I still want to"-

"Do _you_ like talking about work on your day off Mom?" Stan looked at me.

I gave a small grin. "We'll talk later then."

He nodded. I lightly touched his hat. "Do you mind if I see…?" Again, he gave a small nod, so I carefully pulled his hat off his head, exposing his slightly tousled black hair. I ran my fingers in it and a few strands of hair fell in my hand. He had started loosing his hair last week. I patted his head. "How bad is it?"

"Pretty bad," he commented. "If you look in the trash in the bathroom you'll see a pile of hair inside."

_He led me over to the bathroom in the room and pointed at the trashcan. Large clumps of hair sat inside. I picked up his hairbrush which had hair resting inside. It almost looked as if someone had thoroughly groomed a Persian cat or something. I looked down at my son. At first glance you couldn't tell he was losing hair. But looking closer you could tell his scalp shown just a smidge more than it usually did. During the spring and summer, Stan's hair is pretty short so it's even more noticeable now than it would be say, November or so. I touched his head again._

"How are you holding up about it Stan?" I asked.

He shrugged. "It's not as bad as it was when I first woke up with hair in my hat last week but I still don't like it. It's pretty scary, taking a bath or brushing my hair. I don't know how much will fall out each time. How much hair is on your head Mom?" he ventured.

I chuckled. "I don't really know hon. I'm sure there is more than you think there is."

"Will it be just my head hair or hair everywhere else too?"

Again I smiled. "Well you're only nine Stanley; I don't think you're growing hair anywhere else."

"No, like my eyebrows and stuff."

I sighed slightly. "I think I read somewhere that that may be a possibility."

_He nodded and put his hat over his head again. I looked over as Randy was trying to clear up a few things in the motel room for us. I turned back to Stan._

"How has everything been this week though? Your treatment? Was Dad there for you when you needed him?" I touched his cheek.

"Treatment is the same as it has been. I think I'm even more afraid of needles now than when I was," Stan looked at me almost fearfully.

"What makes you say that hon?"

"Since I know what to expect now, I know how it feels to be poked for all sorts of reasons… I almost feel as if my body is being pierced even when it's not."

_I listened and rubbed his arm._

"Dad's been okay. He's there with me the whole time, although on occasion he leaves to get a drink."

_I frowned my disapproval._

"He says it helps him relax," Stan shrugged before continuing. "He doesn't do as much 'comforting' though. I don't wanna sound like a pussy but…"

I sensed his uneasiness. "You prefer it?"

He bit his lip and nodded. "And he was no help when it came to my hair loss. He just made bald jokes and wig jokes when it happened…"

_I glared at Randy's direction but he didn't seem to notice it._

"Says all guys go through baldness sometime in their life. But not when they're nine! How the fuck does he _really_ know what it feels like to loose all your hair when you're only nine Mom? How?" he said in an angry and urgent tone.

I stood. "I'll talk to him Stan. He has no right to talk like that to you."

"He's been fine otherwise, I just wish he"-

I silenced him. "Don't worry, I'll talk to him."

_It bothered me greatly, hearing my husband make remarks like this to our son. Randy knows Stan is sensitive and takes many things to heart, he should think twice about what he deals lightly and heavily with! But again, I tried to not let these feelings show in front of my son. I noticed Shelley finally walk in and the first thing she did was plug her laptop's charger into the wall. I tapped her on the shoulder and gave a small nod toward Stan's way. She rolled her eyes and huffed before going his direction._

"How are you doing turd?" she asked.

Stan looked up from the empty breakfast plate in his hands. "I dunno."

There was a pause. "How's the hair?"

Stan blinked. "Falling out."

_Well, she did ask how he was doing so I didn't pressure her anymore. We went out for lunch to Taco Bell before heading back to the motel. Once there the kids began whining about going for a swim in the pool since the weather was perfect at the moment. With the promise of looking out for her little brother, I allowed Shelley to take Stan along and to be back in an hour. It was just Randy and I in the room now. He was now trying to pack the rest of his things together._

"Was there any traffic coming out here?" he asked.

"The usual amount, maybe a little busier."

"How are things back home?"

I folded my hands in my lap as I sat, watching him. "They're okay. A bit quiet except for the occasional visit from Stan's friends."

"Ahh," Randy nodded as he threw in his underwear in his suitcase.

"How has things been over here?" I asked.

He grunted as he set his suitcase down and sat down on the bed. "They've been okay enough. It's getting slightly easier to get Stan up in the morning to head out to the hospital but the treatment itself is still putting strain on him."

"He doesn't do anything to try and distract himself yet?" I asked worriedly.

"He does keep to himself most of the time in his room like you said, watching TV or movies or things like that. He did actually get out of the room now that I think of it," Randy trailed.

"Did he?"

"Yeah, last week sometime, I forget when. Nurse Michelle asked if he wanted to go to the playroom on the floor and he agreed. He didn't really do much though, just looked over at the toys there and sat on one of the couches and played with his DS."

_I defiantly do not want to force my son to interact with others if he didn't want to but it did upset me that Stan was still walking around depressed almost about his diagnosis. True, it has been very difficult for me to accept but I have to be strong for his sake. And Sheila and my best friend Abbie did give me a great heart-to-heart talk not long ago so I have been sucking up my feelings so I can show my son it's not the end of the world. But Stanley gets so upset so quickly and that one thing can leave him in the same dark state for a while. And with a life-threatening disease hanging over his shoulders, I guess I should have seen this coming._

"We have to do something Randy," I said distantly.

"About what?" he asked.

I glared at his lack of knowing. "About Stan. I am getting worried about how he's handling everything. It's been proven that the state of mind plays a very important role when someone is sick. Stanley might be causing himself to feel worse than he needs to simply because he is so upset right now."

Randy sighed. "Unless we can find a way to have him not fear needles and not have his stomach react the way it does when bothered, it will take a miracle."

I took his hand. "Dr. Davies is right; we need to find support somewhere Randy. We all need to know what it is like to go through this difficult time with others who are in the same situation. We need to do all we can to show Stan… the light side of having leukemia." That sounded horrible and unmanageable.

Randy patted my hand in return. "Well we better start looking then."

I nodded and let go of his hand. "There's something else I want to talk to you about Randy."

"What's that?"

I looked a little annoyed as I said, "Would you be a bit more considerate about our son loosing his hair? Please?"

At this he smirked. "Aww that was nothing Sharon. Stan knows I'm kidding."

"Even so he wants it to stop."

"I never knew the kid cared much about his hair, he's been hiding it under a cap most of the time since preschool."

"Well Stan does care about it, and seeing hair fall out every time he bathes or takes his hat off is unsettling," I spoke.

"I tried talking to him about what he wants to do about it. Let it fall out naturally? Shave it all off? Get a wig? But he didn't answer," Randy looked helpless.

I sighed. "In the future, don't joke about it. He's only a child Randy; he still wants a head full of hair."

"All right, fine, I won't talk about it anymore," Randy said defensively.

_There wasn't much else to say. I went out to check on the kids who were still in the pool to make sure they were okay. For once it appeared as if Shelley was taking on her role as big sister and was looking out for Stanley in case he had troubles in the water or slipped or something. That's when the one thing that had been on my mind more than anything entered. I looked up to where our room was and decided it was best to talk about it with Randy right now while we were both here._

"Randy, I really think we need to talk about our traveling situation," I began.

"What about it?"

"I'll start with the obvious: it is getting pretty expensive to travel back and forth, to and from South Park."

"Yeah," he said blankly.

"Gas alone cost sixty today. And… I've added up how much we have spent so far living out of this motel room," I went on.

"What is it?"

I took out a slip of paper from my pocket. "It has cost us roughly $840 to stay in this room since Stan's treatment began."

Randy's eyes went wide. "What? How on earth do you figure that out?"

"The days you and I have spent up here, including today, is twenty-one. Multiply that by the $40 a night rate, you get $840. Throw in the week that I will be staying out here and we have spent $1,040 on motels alone."

Randy placed a hand on his head and sat down looking winded. "No way… that's- that's a lot Sharon. I didn't realize we've spent that much on him already."

I put the paper away. "It's not even on him; it's just for a bed to sleep in each night. I have yet to calculate the rough total of medical bills."

Randy shook his head. "What… what do we do about it Sharon? This is only the first month, only been three weeks. How on earth will we be able to afford Stan's care up here? How?"

I sighed slowly. "My parents will help. But they're taking over Stan's medical bills as soon as their car is fixed. We could talk to the Broflovskis again."

"No no," Randy waved off a hand. "They're already giving us $300 for Stanley's portacath, we can't ask for more."

I allowed him to think for a few minutes before speaking up again. "There is one thing I had in mind…"

"What Sharon? What? We need answers!" Randy took hold of my arms.

I drew in a breath. "Hear me out on this before you think I'm insane: what if we rented out an apartment?"

Randy looked at me, his jaw hanging. "What? An apartment? Are you insane Sharon? How the hell will that solve anything?"

"It would be cheaper in the long run," I began to explain before he could jump in on how crazy this idea was. "If you figure it takes over $1,000 to stay in motels for one month, it would take less money to stay in an apartment for one month."

"How the hell do you figure that?" he crossed his arms.

"I thought we could find a place, nothing too fancy, for under $800, somewhere closer to the hospital. We would only need a bathroom, kitchen, and two bedrooms. The kids would have to learn how to share a bedroom when staying here. Think of how much easier it will be to put the keys into the apartment every trip, no worries. Knowing that small place is ours and will be safe and have amenities that motels can't offer. Think of how much better it will be on Stan too. I know he will feel happier in his own bed in Denver. Where I can fix dinner easily, go grocery shopping; take care of him if he's ill every time we drive out here. Knowing the hospital is only a short drive away if there's an emergency. I hate to think of Stanley falling ill back home, and the care might not be as specialized at Hell's Pass and he'll have to be transferred to Children's Hospital. Or driving out of a motel room. We can't live in the same exact room; we're going to have to make a change now and then. But an apartment is a sure thing, it could really benefit us," I said confidently and hopeful.

Randy shook his head and rubbed his hair. "I- I don't know about this Sharon. How can you be sure it'll be better for us?"

"The commute won't be as big a problem. There would be no confusion as to where we might be staying next. There's added safety in a decent apartment complex. It comes with helpful amenities. And the best thing of all, it will be cheaper to stay in each month than here," I told him, just as strongly as before.

Randy drew in a deep breath. "Wow… this is a lot to take in Sharon, it really is."

"I know, take your time," I said softly. "It was just an idea I had that might make things easier."

Randy paced back and forth and sighed, rubbing his eyes. "There is already too much for me to think about Sharon. An apartment… how on earth will we be able to afford rent at the rate we're going? I really don't know if it's the best thing to do."

"At the rate we're going we can hardly afford buying motel rooms," I stated.

Randy looked at me. "I- I'm going to have to think on this okay? We can talk more about it later."

I got to my feet. "Well I'm going to be out here for a week so if you want to, call me about it. Otherwise, we'll just wait until the weekend to bring it up again."

_At that moment the door opened and Shelley and Stanley stepped in. I looked at Randy before turning to them._

"How was swimming you guys?" I asked.

"Fun, but I lost some hair doing it…" Stan trailed as he shivered inside the air-conditioned room.

"It was so gross Mom, seeing strands of hair sinking into the water," Shelley shivered out of disgust.

"Well what did you do about it?" I gasped.

Stan looked at his sister. "Um… nothing. It wasn't _that_ much. I'm sure some guy cleans the pool often enough."

"Stanley that is disgusting, I want you to"- I stopped my scold. It didn't matter. "You two dry yourselves off and get some clothes on okay?"

_Randy didn't want to drive back to South Park in the dark so he said good-bye to his family an hour later. Stan decided to air-dry his hair after he got dressed instead of using a blow-dryer for fear it would be tougher on his now fragile strands. I gently brushed it out for him afterwards. Not much came out but it was still a bit unnerving to see any come loose. I checked his hair over. There was still plenty of it; he still had that beautiful head of shaggy black hair so I decided not to fret too much about it just yet. The rest of the evening and night was quiet but nice enough. Shelley was again not beating her brother up and didn't even pitch a fit when I told her she would have to share a bed with him._

_It is now close to midnight and I am still awake. I can hear the soft sounds of the kids sleeping in the bed next to me. There is so much on my mind right now. I want to find a support group out there tomorrow. Maybe I can talk to the staff at Children's Hospital while Stanley is getting his chemo. I want to do what I can to make him happy. I fear he will only deteriorate if something out there does not bring a genuine smile to his face soon. How I miss his smile… that cute little gap on the side of his front teeth… he needs help soon, and I'm not talking about medical intervention. He needs happiness. My phone call with Tom today is still lingering in my mind. I hope he understands just why I can't take time out for myself at the moment. I hope he can cut me some slack. He doesn't have to love my kids to know why I need to be sitting on this hard mattress instead of back home. I hope Randy will consider my suggestion of renting an apartment in Denver. It will be so much easier to take Stan to the hospital if we have a semi-permanent place near it. And cheaper too. I hope tomorrow and the rest of the week is good on us all. I hope something can be done about Stanley soon, that little angel deserves the world._

_Love, _

_Sharon_

_**SPSP**_

_As usual, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. Do leave a review and come back for more!_

_Lots of love: Rose, January 20th, 2011_


	8. This was Bound to Happen

**THIS WAS BOUND TO HAPPEN**

_A/N: Since this is in Stan's written POV, expect to see misspelled words. He's only nine after all._

_Stan's POV_

_April 30th, 2010_

_Hey jornal. I guess now is a good time to tell you what went on today and yesterday as it is now night and Dad is keeping me up with his snoring in the bed next to mine and Shelley's. Yesterday my parents made a huge desisson about our travel situation. I told you before how hecktic it has been for them to drive back and forth. Home to the motel to the hospital-crazy. So they went and took a huge leap and desided to rent an apartment here in Denver. Yes an apartment. Aparently it will be esier to rent an apartment than to keep living out of motels. It'll be cheaper also. I don't really know what to think of it. Ya it will be nice to not have to worry and wonder where we'll be staying at each time but it's still a huge comitment. It's still a lot of money being thrown at someone else. Mom talked it over with Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter and they said they will help us out with rent. Mom feels it's best that they take over that aspect of the money so we know just what they are paying for each month. I guess my parents will handle my medical bills, I'm not sure. Anyway, they are due to go apartment-hunting Monday since both Mom and Dad have decided to take their two-week paid leave this week and the next. Mom says it won't take long, as long as we have a kitchen, a bathroom, and two bedrooms they'll consider it. Let me tell you right now, I am NOT looking forward to sharing a room with Shelley! She's been nicer to me but she has been batteling Mom and Dad every hour about it! Sure, if they can find a three-bedroom place that won't be too much they'll get it. But I don't think that's possable so we'll wait and see._

_With that out of the way I do have my first real bit of good news: if all goes well this week I will be able to go back home soon! I am so excited to be back, I hope everything goes my way till then. Something cool also happened this afternoon, Dr. Davies visited me in my hospital room! Let me tell you:_

_I was once again in bed trying to keep my mind on something other than the IV lines in my hand when he walked in. He knocked on the door first before poking his head inside._

"Hey champ, mind if I stop by?" I heard a voice say. _(he's the only person I know who calls me that)._

My eyes went wide at his surprise appearance. "Dr. Davies! Hey."

The young man smiled and went over to the side of my bed. He set down a wrapped gift and asked, "Would you like a hug?"

I grinned. "Sure."

He gave me a strong one-armed hug and patted my back. I shook my head. "I can't believe you came by."

"Well why not? I wanted to see how you were holding up Stan."

"Well, you're not my pedi'trician anymore, Dr. Fohlkoly is," I looked at my hand that gripped the edge of my sheet.

"Hey, I'm still your pediatrician Stan, I just don't see you in Denver," he told me. "But whenever you're in South Park and need to be looked over I'm still going to be the one doing that. If I feel you're too sick or aren't responding to a certain medicine like you should be, I'll be the one referring you over to Dr. Fohlkoly. In fact I've been keeping up-to-date with your progress with him since chemo started."

"Really?"

He nodded. "He's been telling me what drugs he has you on, how they're affecting you, and how you are feeling."

"That's good then," I said softly. I then frowned. "You still could've waited to see me after my first round of chemo was up which should be in a week."

"Nah, I wouldn't want to. You're my special little man!" he patted my chest in a big-brother sort of way, making me smile_. It is odd to smile at any given moment; it takes a lot to make those muscles on my mouth work nowadays._

_I took hold of the gift wrapped in Terrance and Phillip paper he brought._

"Go ahead," he nudged.

_I tore off the wrapping paper and found a plain white football in my hands with a set of paint colors it looked like._

"It's a paint-your-own football kit," Dr. Davies explained. "You use this set of paint and brushes to customize your very own football. Neat huh?"

I smiled. "Yeah, this is really cool. Thanks Dr. Davies." I took the football from its box and held it in my hand as if ready to throw. That's when I sighed.

"Something wrong champ?" Dr. Davies asked looking concerned.

"Nothing."

"Tell me. Hey, I'm a doctor, I'm sure I can offer some sort of insight to what's ticking in that head of yours," he smiled slightly, tapping my head.

"It's not really something that a doctor can fix," I said with a half a smile in spite of myself. "I just… miss stuff is all."

He had a hand on my shoulder. "That's understandable Stan, but you shouldn't dwell on the bad side of things. I ran into your mother on the way up here and she told me how down you've been ever since treatment started."

I shrugged the shoulder that had an arm around. "I just miss doing things I used to do before I came here. Before I was even diagnosed. Sure I can watch TV and DVDs here and use the computer and stuff but I miss everything else. I miss playing baseball, throwing my football around, being outside. I can't remember the last time I had any fun outside. Whenever I am allowed outside by my mom it's always supervised. And we've been living out of motels for a month so it's not as if there's a playground where we're sleeping," I explained. "The only thing I'm allowed to do is swim, but that's not as fun as it used to be because I always loose hair when I'm in the water." I took my hat off where my dark hair was exposed. By now it was starting to become noticeable that there was something off about it. It looked thinner than ever and was more fragile by the day. Dr. Davies didn't interrupt as I spoke though which was good. "D'you know what I miss? My activities outside of school. I really miss soccer practice every few days and karate class every Thursday. They were fun to do and I liked proving my worth and concentration during them. Now I can't do them, my parents pulled me from them first thing," I began to tear up. Great, I didn't want to cry in front of my doctor, how embarrassing!

Dr. Davies pulled me in another one-armed hug. "That does sound rough man, it really does. I'm sorry; I wish you could still be doing those things."

"TV, the internet, and toys get so boring after a while," I drawled out. "I like being outside just as much!"

_I could tell the man was doing some thinking at that moment._

"Look at the bright side Stanley, soon your first round of chemo will be up! Then you'll be back home and have some time off to do those things again. That's something to look forward to isn't it?"

"It seems forever away though," I said sadly.

"Don't lose sight champ, don't. It's important you have something to look forward to when you're cooped up in a hospital bed as long as you are. Things will be normal soon enough."

"Yeah, years from now," I rolled my eyes.

Dr. Davies chuckled. "You're a stubborn one aren't you Stan?"

"Yeah. The nurses joke around with me about that."

He patted my back. "So how are you doing? How have you been holding up with everything? For starters: your hair."

"My hair loss… has been pretty tough. I never thought I would care that much about it but I've come to realize, I do. I love my hair. I love how it looks and feels. I don't want it to fall out. It's really scary to do anything that might disturb it. I can't bathe without hair falling out, I can't brush my hair without hair falling out, I can't take off my hat without there being hair inside… it's really hard," I sniffed.

"I'm sorry to hear that champ. Do you know what you'd like to do about it? I mean, I know everyone has their own way of dealing with it," Dr. Davies ventured.

"I dunno yet," I shrugged. "My dad keeps asking but I don't know what'll be the best thing. I don't know if I should continue to let it fall out like this until I'm bald or get it over with and just chop it all off."

"You do whatever you want to, don't feel pressured to go one way or another," Dr. Davies advised.

I held onto my hat. "I like keeping it off for longer periods of time now. Sort of as a final good-bye to my hair before I'm bald for months, maybe even years."

"Hey, if that makes you feel better that's fine."

_It was a good day when I looked at it. I was happy my pedeatrition visited me, I wasn't expecting it. It's good to know he is working just as hard as Dr. Fohlkoly is to do something about my illness. Think that's it for now, I'll write in you again real soon._

_Stan_

_May 7th, 2010_

_It has finally happened: Mom and Dad found an apartment. I cannot believe I will be living in another 'home' when I'm out here. But I guess it will be for the better, I certainly don't want to be sleeping in motel rooms after every treatment. About the treatment: I am still in the hospital. Dr. Fohlkoly didn't like how I lost two pounds in the past two weeks so he's been keeping me in longer than I'd hoped. He tells me I will probably be able to go home next week, if I can wait that long. My friends have been great though, Kyle has seen me three other times since my first day of chemo, Cartman and Kenny came during one of those three times. Cartman has __finally__ shut up about me losing my hair since I showed him the last time he asked that I was losing it. Wendy has still not visited me, and I'm surprised I don't really care. She's called me a few times but it's been akward. I guess with all the stress ALL is putting on me the last thing I want to think about is a girlfriend. Maybe this time I'll be the one who confronts her about us when I get back to South Park. But back to the apartment-_

_I haven't seen it, but Mom and Dad signed the papers today and it is officially ours to move into anytime. Mom showed me an ad of the place from an apartment-homes-for-rent magazine. The community is called Elk Ridge and it seems nice enough actully. Apparently it has a huge master bedroom with its own deck that Shelley and I will share, a walk-in closet, two nice pools, a playground, and most importantly- small pets are welcome! But I think Sparky falls out of the weight-limit for pets. Maybe I can convince Mom and Dad to get me another pet, like a cat. I've wanted a cat since forever. Having a cat with me in my new bedroom will make me feel really safe and happy. Oh, and what's really great about the apartment complex- it's ten to fifteen minutes away only from St. Joseph Hospital and The Children's Hospital. My parents were able to get the place for $775. I am looking forward to seeing the place tomorrow although not looking forward to sharing a room with Shelley. That will be hell._

_Stan_

_May 11th, 2010_

_Sorry I haven't written in a few days. Things have been pretty crazy since the apartment rental. I spent all day yesterday and today with the move in. It's now night and I am finally able to tell you everything. Okay, so this is how Sunday went_:

_Mom got me from the hospital first thing after brekfast that morning. Thankfully Dr. Fohlkoly said I would be able to have a few days off chemo, just in time to help my parents move in. Mom said Dad and Shelley were already at the place. I was excited as we drove up to a gated comunity. _

"Added security is a huge plus," Mom was saying as she punched in the code to open the gate. We drove around one section of apartments and down a little bit until Mom parked the car in the designated spot for apartment 211D- us. "The apartment is just ahead which will be great whenever we bring in groceries!" she smiled. I couldn't help but notice how happy my mom had seemed lately, which is only a good thing. I'm happy we have a permanent place to be in Denver now too. We walked across some grass and reached stairs.

"We're on the second floor?" I asked.

"Yes, but that shouldn't be a problem," Mom passed off. We walked up and turned to the left were 211 was nailed onto wood just outside a window. "Welcome to our new temporary home Stanley." She opened the door and I walked in.

_The front door led me into what had to be the living room. Across from it a small area which had to be the dining room for the kitchen was across from that. I walked down the short hall past a bathroom and closet which held a stackable washer and dryer, turned to the right past Mom and Dad's room and stopped at a door next to it._

"This will be your room Stan," Mom smiled.

"_And_ Shelley's," I corrected her.

My parents decided us kids should get the master bedroom since we have more stuff and more fights were sure to break out if we were forced into the smaller room. I stepped into the master to see Shelley already standing there with a glare.

"I already picked out which side of the closet, bathroom, and deck is mine turd," she spat.

"Shelley, remember, you will have to sacrifice some things now that you're sharing a room with your brother," Mom reminded her.

"I already chose my side _turd_," she repeated.

_I glared at her as I took in the bedroom. It was nice and big, more long than wide. It had a decent bathroom with shower/tub combo and toilet. The walk-in closet was longer than it was wider and Shelley had already claimed the left side of the space as 'hers'. A large window with classic vertical blinds covered it. I opened the glass door onto the deck. It was kinda small but I didn't know how much time anyone was planning on staying out here. We did have a nice view of the section of apartments across from us which sort of defeated the purpose of a deck in the first place. I shrugged and went back in. I found my parents sitting on a couple of chairs in the dining area. I realized it was the only thing in the apartment other than my suitcase and Shelley's sitting in the middle of our bedroom. I frowned._

"Um, when are we going to get stuff to put in the apartment?" I asked.

_Mom and Dad shared a look before turning to me._

"We plan on picking some stuff up today, "Dad answered. "And we're going to go back home to take some stuff back up here."

"When?"

"Tomorrow."

_I whooped, but Mom stopped me._

"Your father and I, not you sweetie. I'm sorry," she looked down at me.

"What? But I don't have to go back to the hospital until Tuesday! I wanna help move too!"

"Dr. Fohlkoly doesn't think it's wise to have you do any real heavy lifting or labor. And we won't be home for too long. We won't be taking a lot. Wouldn't it be more exciting to go back home when you know you will be staying there longer?" Mom tried coaxing me.

"That's not fair," I kicked at the carpet.

Dad got to his feet. "I think we should get some things now, the essentials."

I blinked. "So does that mean I'm getting a new bed? And dresser and furniture and stuff?"

Dad shrugged a shoulder. "Ehhh, kinda. We're going to have to get a lot of things for this place second-hand."

"What?" my face dropped.

"Well there's no way we can afford brand-new beds and mattresses and tables and everything. We're going to get those things at a thrift shop," Mom added.

"_What_?" Shelley had only just come out of our bedroom.

"It won't be that bad," Mom said lightly. "I found a great second-hand store in Denver. It's a huge store that sells pretty much everything. They have a nice selection of used furniture we can buy."

"I don't want to sleep on an old bed," Shelley complained.

"Me either," I said.

"Kids, you know we don't really have a choice. This is the way things are going to be for a while," Mom sighed.

"Thanks again for getting sick, brat!" Shelley smacked my face, causing my parents to jump up at once and scold her.

_I smiled; ever since I have been diagnosed with ALL, Shelley is pretty much forbidden to hurt me now since I bleed and bruse easier than I did. That is definatly a plus to my disease if there is one. Five minutes later we drove off to Ultimate Bargin World for our new-old items. While there were some desent-enough pieces in the back of the store, there were also the same amount of hideous ones. I couldn't help but point them out as we walked around._

"Eww Mom look! This has a stain on it!" I showed her an ugly old lamp.

She made a face. "Who on earth would buy this? Unless they plan on replacing that lampshade… but there's a chip in the base too."

_She was able to score a nice lamp for the living room at $25 however and Dad spotted a round table that would fit perfectly in the dining room at $60. However only two of the original chairs came with the set and the table fitted six. This didn't bother my parents too much, as they said they only needed five, and the chairs didn't have to match, but it didn't go well with my metal stability. Ever since I was diagnosed as a hoarder everyone has been able to pick out things I did that had to be simptoms of it. And since I never really got over the problem, miss-matched chairs became a huge deal for me and I couldn't allow my parents to buy the two chairs if there was going to be four others that didn't match. I knew I was making it more dificult for everyone since it wasn't as if this was a designer store with hundreds of diffrent styles and options. My parents couldn't really afford new furniture. _

"I'm sorry but I can't do it," I sniffed.

Mom rubbed my arm. "It's fine honey, it's fine. I understand. You're right; six mismatched chairs will look a little silly."

_The store luckily did have several chairs further back in the store. They were old and needed work but Dad took them at $10 a piece. He'd be able to fix them up once we got home. Mom and Dad were able to find a full-sized bed for their bedroom (Dad was going to fix it up too), and a couple bedside tables as well. But there was still one delema that was on everyone's minds that had been present since we stepped foot inside: Shelley and my beds. At first Mom and Dad tried to find two twin beds for the room but the only ones there that were okay-looking meant little space between us once laid out in the bedroom. There were only two real spots a bed could fit- against the wall of the closet and the wall of the bathroom. But that's when the employee helping us came up with the answer-_

"Say kids, would you maybe be able to share a bunk bed?"

_Shelley and I shared a look._

"We have a few models up for sale if you'd like to take a look. They're a great space-saver and what kid doesn't want a bunk?"

_He had me there; I always thought bunk beds were cool. He showed us four bunk beds for sale. One had a red metal frame, the second had a black metal frame, the third was wooden and had dark wood, and the fourth was a lighter shade of wood. _

"I want the red one!" I immediately cried.

"That's ugly, let's get a wooden one," Shelley remarked.

"Do you guys really think you'll be able to sleep in one?" Dad asked, looking highly curious.

I looked at Shelley. "Uh, I think so. I've always wanted a bunk. And if that means more floor space…"

"Only if we get a wooden one," Shelley crossed her arms.

_There was a pause._

"Well, which one do you kids want?" Mom finally asked.

_There were a few more verbal fights but Shelley won- she got to have her light-colored wooden bunk bed. As with pretty much everything else, Dad reasured us he would make sure he would make it look new again. Wow, I finally would be able to sleep in a bunk of my own! I was feeling very happy at that point. The bunk bed came with two mattresses too, and the worker asured us they were clean and comfortabel. We loaded the 'new' furniture in a U-haul and drove back to the apartment. Once we heaved everything upstairs, Dad and a new nahbior of ours said they'd begin the refurbishing of everything while Mom took Shelley and I out for some other things like sheets and stuff for the apartment. We were both relieved to find out those would be new since she wanted us in our bunk by tonight and the apartment really was almost empty. At the department store Shelley chose purple and green sheets and comforter while I of course found a red and blue combo. Mom also picked out covers for her and Dad's bed and bought a few towels as well. Shelley and I were able to agree on a neat gold and black zebra-print shower curtain for our shower. _

_Shopping for the esentals was fun on Sunday but the real moving day would begin Monday. As jealous as I was to be dropped off at a friend of my mom's house and my family drive back to South Park I tried not to let it show. My parents told me the Broflovskis would be helping with the moving so they would be driving back up to Denver and I would be able to see Kyle again! I just knew I had a very long time to wait. Three hours to drive there. Three hours to drive back. Not to mention how long it would take to pack everything. Good thing they left very early in the morning. _

_Monday_:

_Like I just said, I was dropped off at Kerry Goode's house at five in the morning. I got in a few more hours of sleep before waiting around for everyone to show up again. I tried to distract myself with TV and whatever Kerry dished out but it wasn't enough. I had no idea what all my parents were taking from our house. By 5:30 that evening they came by with a small moving truck, with the Broflovskis following behind. _

"Kyle!" I smiled as I got into the car with him.

"Hey dude."

"What took you guys so long? Did my parents take a lot?"

"They took some things yeah. I helped them with your stuff. I know what stuff you'd want to take and what you didn't."

"What stuff of mine is in the van?"

"Some toys and games and books. Your pillow. More clothes. Stuff like that," Kyle answered.

"Did anyone touch our box?" I frowned.

"Don't worry dude, I have it with me. No one knows what's in it but us. How it should be." Kyle patted a box on his lap.

_I sighed in relief. Ever since kindergarten Kyle and I have been keeping special keepsakes in a box, all our own. No one is allowed in it, not other friends, not our parents, and especially not Cartman. But one thing did worry me a little bit, my own secret box. I have my own box where I keep other things inside that not even Kyle is allowed to touch. I look at it every night before I go to sleep. I haven't lately obviously, but I hoped no one saw its contents. I forgot to take it with me seven weeks ago. I really don't want to be away from it any longer. _

_We soon reached Elf Ridge and began to climb up the steps and bring things in. I looked on in wonderment as the dads slid in a new mattress, a new fridge, and a few more pieces of furniture._

"The Blacks felt bad your parents couldn't really afford new furniture and stuff so they went out and bought some for you," Kyle told me, speaking of Token Black's family.

_I watched as Dad placed a brand-new dresser with two drawers in Shelley and mine closet as well as a short shelf where our books would go. The mattress was obviosly for Mom and Dad. Since I wasn't allowed to do any heavy lifting I helped by putting the extra sets of dishes and utensals that was brought from home into their correct drawers in the kitchen and put my clothes and toys in the room. I didn't have any shelves or boxes for the toys but the brown boxes they came in so I left them there in a corner of the room. I quickly slid Kyle and my special box under the bunk. There wasn't too much that was packed into the new place. Just blankets and sheets, kitchen items, new fridge and mattres, clothes, toys, and books. I'm sure the more we go back and forth, the more we will come back with stuff. It was esier sleeping in the bunk the second night. I had some of my stuff around me unlike Sunday. But sharing a room with Shelley is already prooving to be a task. There's only one sink in our bathroom and she complanes I take too long brushing my teeth. She doesn't get that I have to be extra careful caring for my teeth now. She also complanes how I leave hair in the drain of our shower. Like I can help it? She hates how she has to be kept an extra five minutes awake as Mom tucks me into bed, calling it 'baby stuff.' She complanes how I toss and turn too much in bed causing the bunk to shake. And it's only been three nights!_

_That is what I am doing, writing in you Tuesday night. Might as well take the time to write in the bathroom until I know Shelley is asleep. It has been a pretty crazy weekend though. But a good one. Oh, you might be wondering how today went too. Nothing new, went for a ten hour chemo session before coming back home in time for dinner so that was good. Although I didn't eat much. I'll write in you soon, I'm getting sleepy. _

_PS: I will be going back home this weekend! ! ! ! CAN'T WAIT!_

_Stan_

_May 15th, 2010_

_Hello again jornal. I didn't write since Monday because nothing really happened exept for chemo. But the GREATEST thing happened yesterday! Yesterday was my last day of my first round of chemotherapy! You have no idea how happy I was to see Dr. Fohlkoly walk into my room and tell me this. I imediatly jumped from my bed and danced. The doctors and nurses threw a little celebration because of it with streamers and cake and a goody bag of stuff. I only had a short four hour session yesterday before my doctor told me I was able to go home. Dr. Fohlkoly told my parents and me I am to return back to Children's Hospital May 30th to begin my second round. That seems like a while away considering I have friends, school, and normal life to get back to. But Mom didn't want me going back to South Park right away so we stayed at the apartment last night and headed off to South Park in the morning. _

_My whole stomach was bubbling with excitement the whole four hour drive home. People always talk about how great they feel wenever they return home from a vacation or something. They miss their house, their room, their dog. But they have no idea how it feels to be away from home for seven weeks because you were in the hospital trying to come to terms that this was how your life was going to be for years. And so the excitment and nerves that was inside me far reached that of other people I'd say. As Dad drove up Bonanza Street my eyes went wide- dozens of people were on our lawn with signs and balloons and everything! _

I got out the car and everyone cried, "Welcome back home Stan!" and cheered and clapped.

_I saw Kyle and his family as well as my other friends come forward._

"We had to do it dude," Kyle shrugged with a large smile.

_I noticed pretty much all my classmates were there as well as Mr. Garrison and other staff members. My grandma, her friends, and friends of my parents too. I saw a pretty woman with dark red hair hurry forward and she gave me a huge hug._

"It's so good to see you again sweetie," she gushed.

"Thanks Abbie, you too," I blushed. Abbie Mayflower is my mom's very best friend. _I see her just as often as Kyle's family, we're just as close, if not closer to hers. She's been friends with mom forever, since I was a baby._

"I'm sorry I didn't come see you honey, I've been so busy, what with Bryce and everything," she said, speaking of her three-year-old son. At that moment her husband came forward with the little kid in her arms. "We got you something though, it's inside," she whispered.

_All our friends and family stayed around for hours, celabrating my return back to South Park. It was great, it really was, but I couldn't help but feel slightly distrakted by the happiness. For the first part- I never got a chance to go to my room 'cause everyone wanted me to be downstairs or outside with them. Second, I wasn't feeling completly healthy and normal. And thirdly, it greatly upset me to know that the celerbration would be short-lived. It was almost as if they were throwing a party because I had gone into remisson, but I was far from that. So far from that point that the more I thought about it the sillier the party seemed to be. I would be back in room 1213, sick as ever in bed, in two weeks. Away from home for another extended period of time. Trying to get used to this new ruteen. I didn't want everyone to think I would be okay, or close to it. All I had to do was lift my hat to show how much hair I'd lost and they'd know I was still very sick. By dinner my parents shooed everyone away and I was finally able to go upstairs. Abbie, Kyle, and Mom went up with me. I cracked open my door knob. I stood there for a second, took in a deep breath and sighed satisfied._

"Ahhh… my room," I announced, before racing to my bed and falling on top it spread eagle.

Kyle smiled. "Feels good Stan?"

I hugged my pillow to me. "You have no idea."

"Everything is just how you left it, I knew you wouldn't want me to clean anything up," Mom explained.

_I smiled as I found a sock under my pillow, just like it was over a month ago. A can of Sprite by my computer. My piles of papers. My bad-ass T-rex on my toy box, lying on its side. Four small rocks under my window. Everything, the way it should be. There was one thing however that was different- a large box wrapped in shiny paper. Abbie smiled and I knew it was her present for me. I tore it open and found a giant stuffed tiger staring back at me. It was huge, big enough for me to ride it if I wanted! I gave the woman a hug._

"Thanks so much Abbie, I _love_ it."

"Wow, do you know what I think Stanley? This would go great in your new bedroom back in Denver," Mom said happily.

Kyle looked at me. I blinked before grinning. "Yeah, you're right Mom. It'll look really cool."

"You're going to take it back with you in two weeks?" she asked lightly.

I nodded as I hugged the tiger. "Yeah."

_Suddenly I heard a cough. I turned around to see Wendy standing there._

"Stan? Is it all right if I talked to you?" she asked carefully.

I looked at the three people in my room before sighing. "Yeah, sure." I knew this was going to happen. Kyle gave me a helpless look and I walked out and down the stairs away from everyone. She played with her hands as I leaned against a wall. "How are you feeling Stan?"

"I dunno to be honest."

"How… is your hair?"

_I took off my hat. She made a small gasp. My hair was definatly becoming noticeably ugly now. It was very thin and my bangs were almost receeding like an old man's. There was a spot near the back that was almost bald from hair, but surounding hair covered it up. She tried to not look too bothered by it._

"Does it feel good to be back home?" she asked softly.

"It does. Feels good to see everyone and everything but I'm glad the party is over now," I answered.

Wendy sighed. "Stan, I'm really sorry I didn't visit you at all the past few weeks."

"Seven."

"Huh?"

"It's been seven weeks Wendy, not just 'a few.'"

"Right. Sorry I haven't visited you." She finally decided to look me in the eye. "You do know why, right?"

"Not really," I said quietly.

"Stan," she looked almost impatient, what with her stepping with her foot like that. "You have to realize how hard it has been for me."

"For _you_? What the hell are you talking about Wendy?" my eyes were wide.

"Well it's not as if every girl in the world hears that their boyfriend is sick with leukemia!" she said dramatically.

"It's not as if every guy in the world has his doctor _diagnose_ him with leukemia!" I argued back.

"I wanted to be there for you Stan, I did! But I could never bring myself to do it. I was afraid."

I blinked. "You… were afraid? Afraid of what?"

"Everything. Seeing you sick in bed hooked up to everything."

"My friends and family were afraid to see me too but they still did. Many times."

"You being sick with leukemia was so hard for me to take. I cried about it for days," Wendy dabbed her eye. "But I didn't know how to deal with it. I knew you'd be too sick to be yourself. That's why I relied on Kyle to give me updates. I knew I wouldn't be able to hold hands or kiss you normally if I saw you."

"We've… never kissed yet Wendy," I reminded her.

"I know, but we always get ourselves in a situation that is perfect for a kiss. Maybe you'd… finally have the courage to do it in the hospital." She touched my hand and butterflies fluttered in my stomach.

"Wendy, if you tried to kiss me in the hospital, I'd throw up. And it wouldn't just be the kiss, the medication makes me nauseous."

"Stan… when you were in Denver, how often did you think of me?" Wendy questioned.

_Why do girls need to know this?_

"Um, to tell you the truth Wendy, not much."

_Wendy frowned._

"I had and still have a lot on my mind. What with having a life-threatening disease. Being in and out of the hospital. Living out of motels and a new apartment. Being away from everything normal."

Wendy still held onto my hand. "Do you… see that changing?"

I looked down. "Well, not really."

I heard her sniff. "Is there anything I can do to change that? If I made more of an effort to come see you next time?"

I squeezed her hand. "To tell you the truth Wendy, I don't think you can do anything. You already made it clear you don't want to drive four hours to visit me in the hospital. I don't blame you, that's a lot of miles and you don't know if I'm up for visitors. And I wasn't really thinking about you all that time."

"But something must have helped you somewhat. Maybe I can do what someone else has been doing to help you through this difficult time," Wendy said desperately.

"I don't think you can," I assured her.

"Why not? Who has been there for you 24/7?" she demanded.

I looked up. "My mom," I said simply.

_Her eyes fell._

"She's- been great. Really great. Reads to me, talks to me, comforts me. Cries with me." I was blushing but didn't care I looked down as I went on. "Wendy, you're great, you really are. I love how you speak your mind. You know I admire that about people," I touched her cheek. "But I'm nine Wendy. I think the only thing I really need right now is family and friends. I'm too young and I don't think being in a relationship is helping. I wanna do boy things. I wanna be a kid and live my life. And since I don't know how much of it I have, I wanna try to soak up as much childhood as I can." Tears burned my eyes as I watched her cry.

"Stan..."

"I don't need a romantic relationship babe. We're too young, there's still so much we don't know about love and stuff. I just want to get back to it when I'm ready. Trust me, when we're both ready and more mature, we'll feel so much better about it and stuff."

"I know you make sense Stan, but I don't want to wait. I want to be with you now while I still can." She gripped my arm.

I wiped a tear from my eye. Thankfully no one was around to see. "You can still be my friend. My best girl friend. But nothing more." I grinned through our heartbreak. "I'm a kid, the only woman I need in my life right now is my mom."

She sniffed and wiped her eyes. "I don't want to lose you Stan."

"You won't I promise," I said firmly. "I promise not to date anyone before you when I feel ready to date."

"Can we make it official? A contract or promise ring?"

_Girls and their crazy ideas._

"Um, if you want."

_We shared a few more words before Wendy went over and kissed me on my cheek. I could feel the barf rise up my throat but for once I was able to hold it down. She walked away, crying softly. I jumped as I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned my head to see Kyle._

"You did what you had to do Stan," he said.

I nodded. "I hope she doesn't take it too hard." I turned to face him.

"You're right though dude, you guys are only nine. You know how much drama she's caused in your life already. Always demanded to do this or that with her. You haven't even kissed yet she pretends you're meant to be!"

"I guess it's just a girl thing. They all think they found their Prince Charming by the age of ten."

"When you're ready, you're ready. You have too much to deal with now," Kyle pointed out.

"Yeah dude."

"You're going to be okay?"

I nodded. "Yeah. It was the right thing to do."

He patted me again. "Let's go back to your room and build something killer with your Legos while your mom gets dinner on."

_I hurried up the stairs to meet him. I hope what I did with Wendy was the best thing to do. We never really acted like a couple. She was always the one in charge in the relationship and I couldn't do much around her without losing my lunch. Plus we never did many 'boyfriend/girlfriend' stuff. I care more about my family and guy friends and sports than a girlfriend. For some reson my heart isn't hurting as I think about her. I think it's a good sign. Makes me feel that I __did__ do the right thing. Tomorrow will be my first day of school in over seven weeks. I am so behind. I hope everything goes okay and people don't ask me fifty questions. Only time will tell._

_Stan_

**SPSP**

_Sorry for a late chapter. I have been working on a oneshot that is unfortunately taking longer to write than I thought. But that should be out soon, as will the next chapter! Thank-you for reading, please don't forget to review._

_Lots of love: Rose, February 21st, 2011_


	9. Make a Wish!

A/N: I am very happy to know that my readers love my attention to detail in this story. But I have not suffered from cancer, nor do I know anyone who has. Information about it and chemo is from various sources on the web and books.

A/N 2: Again, this is written in the hand of a nine-year-old boy so the mistakes in spelling and such are intentional.

_**MAKE A WISH!**_

_Stan's POV_

_May 27th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Hey. Sorry I haven't written in you since the weekend. I haven't done much of anything all week so it doesn't really matter. Which is good I guess since I haven't been feeling well. I guess there's this period during chemotherapy when you can get sicker than other times during treatment. It usally happens a week or two after each round of treatment and it's called 'nadir.' So Mom and Dad have been treating me like broken glass since the weekend, afraid that any little thing will cause me to die or something. It sucks- I can't do anything without them freaking out. I can't have Sparky lick me and the house and everyone's hands have never been this clean ever. I admit, I have been feeling slitly off two days ago but it's nothing to worry about. With a couple daily medacines I need to take I've been feeling better. But it still made me miss out on stuff._

_Monday was Shelley's 14th birthday which was around the time I felt sick. She went out for pizza with a couple of her close friends so it's not as if I was invalved much in her celabration but I wish I could have done more. I wish I could have helped Mom in the kitchen baking her cake or dressing the house up. But nooo, I might get 'siiiick.' But I was 'alowed' to make her a birthday card. Which is a little weird considering she hates me but I don't really think she hates me. She's been nicer to me even if we've had our fights about sharing a room in Denver. I think she liked the card too, she didn't hit me and I could have sworn I saw a smile. Anyway- Happy 14th Birthday Shelley!_

_Nothing was as worse though than Wednesday. Just yesterday was Kyle's 10th birthday and I missed it. I cannot __cannot__ beleve I missed my best friend's birthday. We have NEVER missed each other's birthday since preschool! But I was feeling sick. And Mom did not want me to go over to his house. It was just a stomach ake! So Kyle had to have his big tenth birthday dinner at Brenton's Steak House without me. I could not be with his family and chat and be marry. I could not watch as the waiters sung a special birthday song to him and gave him a free ice cream Sunday. I could not give him his birthday present during a wonderful steak dinner. I had to miss it all. And I feel horable. I couldn't even give him a proper birthday wish! I was 'too sick' to go to school and he didn't stop by my house after school. Which would have been stupid- it would have made him feel greedy, like he wanted me to give him birthday greetings. I didn't see him at all yesterday. _

_He called and said he doesn't blame me but that still doesn't take away the guilt. I still have a gift ready for him and I can only hope I will feel better tomorrow to go to school and give it to him. I hope he isn't mad. This has been the first birthday of his I ever missed. It's not right to not see each other on our birthdays. I really hope I can just drop it since I don't want to feel guilty about this anymore._

_Stan _

_May 29th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Stan here again. Not much has hapened since I wrote you a cupple days ago. I was able to go to school yesterday which was a good thing. I'm not a fan of school but part of my reasons for coming back to South Park was to return to school even for a little while. The days I was at school were fine I guess. Everyone did look at me funny and everyone had to see how bald I was getting. Lessons went on like normal as did recess. Wait, I lied. Since I can get injured and sick so easily now I have had to avoid any contact sports and games. I have to be extra careful on the playground in case other kids push and croued around me. It is has been a little strange seeing Wendy too. We haven't talked since we broke up. She looks real sad but I'm not going to take her back because I feel bad. We aren't ready for a relationship and we never were. I would like it if we went on speeking terms soon though. _

_Oh, about Kyle: he was real cool about me missing his birthday. Said he wished I could have gone with him but said my health was more importent. It's cool he's so cool with me. But I'm going to stop writing un-importent stuff and tell you about something pretty big._

_Just yesterday my family all made a huge comitment. After school we all drove to a family barber/hair salon and… cut our hair. Let me back up- my hair has been falling out since April. I am actally surprised it has lasted as long as it has. But by the start of the week it has been on its last legs so to say. Bald spots. As thin and brittle as paper. My noticable four sections of hair on my forhead reduced to that of a two-year-olds. I finally decided I wanted to just shave the rest of it off. I think it would have been better than waking up one day with the last of my hair on my pillow. So back to Friday:_

_We all went to the hair place to have ours cut. Dad also shaved his head without a problem. Mom did too which surprised me but since her hair is already short, it wouldn't be a big deal. Even Shelley had hers cut shorter although didn't shave any off. I guess it's a pretty big thing for families to do to show their support of loved ones going through chemo. Even Kyle is considering shaving his head too. I already know Butters will be since he told me, and he has short hair too so it wouldn't be that big of a deal. While it makes me happy to know they're all behind me, it makes me sad. For a few weeks we will all be a bunch of baldies but that's what will seperate us: __their__ hair will grow back, mine won't. My eyebrows and lashes have been fading too but I know they won't shave those off ether. I'm not gonna lie, it was hard when the barber shaved off all my remaining hairs. To see the last of my once shaggy, thick, black hair fall to the floor… not knowing when I will ever have a full head of hair again. I admit, I cried a little. It is still very hard to think about. I hate how cold my head feels now. I know Mom isn't used to stroking my great big shiny hairless head ether. I decided to wear my hat all the time now, or however long it takes to get used to being bald. At least no one can tell that I'm bald when I wear it. _

_Tomorrow is my first day of my second round of chemo. It's called the 'consolidation' phase. Whatever, it's all the same to me. So I sit in my bedroom in Denver trying not to think of it but failing. And Shelley is snoring._

_Goodbye hair, until we meet again…_

_Stan_

_June 17th, 2010_

_Just came by to tell you a quick note: TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL! Even better, I'm going to attend the last-day party! ! ! Things seriously could not have been planned any better. I am so lucky that I was able to go to school all last week and this, I was also able to do the dreading state testing and everything. The only bad part of it is I have to head out to Denver right after the party. But at least I get to go and say good-bye to everyone before summer! Oh, and I passed fourth grade! Lucky too since I've missed so many days since March. _

_One day until summer! YES!_

_From,_

_A very excited Stan_

_June 19th, 2010_

_Jornal, let me start by telling you yesterday had got to be the single BEST day of my life. Let me walk you through it:_

_As I told you, it was the last day of school. I was excited, knowing it was party day and the very last day I would ever have Mr. Garrison as my teacher! I admit, he kinda grew on me over the years as he has been both my third and fourth grade teacher, but I was really looking forward to having a brand-new teacher for fifth grade. Unless of course some tragedy hits Mr. Garrison again, forcing him as our teacher for a __third__ time. Anyway, Mom dropped me off at school, looking very happy for me. I walked over to room #12B for the very last time. As usaul, the class greeted me with big smiles while others looked at me fearfully. Whatever. It was a pot-luck party where everyone had to bring food for the class. I set my tray of triangle sandwiches Mom made and joined my friends._

"Can you believe it guys? It's finally the last day of school!" Kyle smiled.

"I'm still surprised I passed my state tests," I shook my head.

"Good thing too. Imagine, going to fifth grade while you had to be held back in fourth? That would suck dude," Kyle said.

I took out my yearbook. "C'mon, let's all write our gay good-byes now."

"I don't know why we even do this, we see each other every day," Kyle said as he began writing in Butters'.

"Why uh, it's tradition! I always like lookin' back at what others say," Butters spoke.

"Okay children settle down!" Mr. Garrison walked in the room. "Now I know we are all very excited today is the last day of school, but it's still school. Before our pot-luck we are going to be watching a little educational video about the California Gold Rush."

"Awww!" we complained.

"We learned about that four months ago!" Cartman whined.

"Shut-up!" Mr. Garrison snapped before setting up the DVD player and turning off the lights.

_It was finally time for lunch when we were allowed to eat. Since we were having a party no one left the room for the cafeteria. Although that was when the odd stuff started to happen._

"Kyle, you and Stanley go get some more paper plates and cups in the storage room," Mr. Garrison told us. "Looks like Wendy here forgot to bring some."

_Wendy gave me a funny look but I ignored it as we walked out. Again, we hadn't spoken since our break-up. I just found it weird that she was smiling at me. So with the keys to the storage room by the cafeteria, we went to gather more supplies. I hoped it wouldn't take too long, I was feeling hungry for once and Mrs. Cartman had made a huge platter of peanut butter cookies. Kyle and me were looking around in the storage when the intercom went on._

"Attention students, everyone must attend a mandatory assembly that will be taking place in the gym at 12:45," Mr. Mackey's voice announced. "Repeat: mandatory assembly taking place at 12:45 mmkay?" the speaker died.

I checked the clock in the room. "Dude, that's in five minutes! Let's hurry up!"

"We have to still find the plates," Kyle said calmly.

"Who cares about the plates? We won't need them if we're going to an assembly!"

"We'll need them after the assembly," Kyle expressed.

I sighed and rolled my eyes. "I wonder what the aseembly's about."

"Me too," Kyle said simply.

"Wonder if it's some gay send-off for everyone. They've never done that before but that would be pretty gay. A big 'Have a Nice Summer!' thing."

"Yeah," was all Kyle said.

The five minutes had passed. I tugged my best friend's sleeve. "C'mon dude! It's gonna start! I don't want to miss it."

"You won't," Kyle smiled.

"I will if you don't hurry up! Everyone can just eat off paper but let's go before the good seats are taken."

_I wondered why it was so dificult to find some stupid plates as I waited impatently as I listened to the sounds of kids just outside the door going to the gym. Kyle checked the clock ten minutes later._

"Hm, can't seem to find any. Maybe we'll just look after the assembly."

"_Thank_-you!"

_We walked out into the empty halls as we made our way to the gym. It was anoying how slow Kyle was walking and how fast I was._

"Dude, if you make me late from seeing some cool magic show or fireworks display I'm going to kill you," I muttered.

_Kyle just laughed. We finally made it to the double doors. I looked back at Kyle who was just grinning widely now. With a raised brow I pushed the door in- and was met with a huge round of applase. _

"What the-?"

_The gym was packed with students and teachers and staff and everyone, all clapping for me it seemed. I looked around and was shocked to see my mom there as well as dad, sister, and Grandma Mara. Mom walked to me and hugged me._

"What the fuck is going on?" I gasped.

_Suddenly Dr. Davies of all people went to me! __And__ Dr. Fohlkoly! Even my dentist Dr. Steels!_

"What?" I looked around again.

_It didn't stop. Cartman, Kenny, and Butters were at my side now too. It really was very strange to see your friends and family and peers and doctors cheering you on for something and you didn't know what. Before I knew what was going on a man and woman walked over._

"Hello Stan! I'm Matthew Broderick!"

"And I'm Susie Dorney!" they greeted and pulled me up on the stage with my friends, family, and doctors behind.

"What's going on?" I asked, looking around to see balloons and signs everywhere and even cameramen.

"Stanley Marsh, we are Matthew and Susie and we are from the Make-a-Wish foundation!" Matthew finally told me.

"_Huh_?"

"And you have been nominated by Dr. Fohlkoly to have your greatest wish come true!" Susie added.

_I jumped around to see my oncologist smiling and nodding. I looked at Kyle who was just beaming now, arms crossed. I shook my head but he just nodded. Make-a-Wish? What? What were they talking about?_

"Your pediatric oncologist here nominated you to have a wish come true! So your family and friends and peers are all here to celebrate this wonderful day!" Susie was at my level and waved to the camera.

_Slowly things were falling into place now._

"M-Make-a-Wish? R-really? Me?"

Dr. Fohlkoly grasped my shoulder. "I felt you deserved it son. You really do."

I gulped. "I don't understand e-everything though."

"You see Stan; the Make-a-Wish foundation goes around granting very sick kids such as yourself their number one wish. A friend or family member or doctor can nominate a child they think deserves to have their wish come true. Our staff will help you decide what your number one wish is and will do whatever it takes to make that wish come true," Susie explained.

I gulped. "Really? But I still don't… I don't understand. Why me? Why'd you choose me?" I whispered as I turned to Dr. Fohlkoly.

He got to his knees and said softly, "I treat a lot of kids every day Stan. You know I do. Truth is, I felt at the moment, you deserved to have a bit of happiness in your life. I see you every day, very sad and lost in your hospital room. It kills me to know how you must be feeling. Like you've already given up hope. I wanted to do something to prove to you this didn't have to be the end. Knowing you must be thinking that you were not eligible or allowed to have fun anymore. Because you do deserve it son, you do. You're a very bright, fun, energetic boy and I want to see more of that. Okay?"

Tears were in my eyes. I sniffed and wrapped my arms around him. "Thank-you so much."

_At this the gym erupted in cheers again. I went around hugging whoever crossed my path. Mom was crying of course. I looked to Kyle._

"You knew?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

"Dude!" I pushed him but he just smiled and gave me a 'guy-hug.'

_I looked at Cartman who was also smiling which was odd. Stranger still was the small grin that was on Shelley's face._

"Is there anything you'd like to say to your school before we begin the wish-making process Stan?" Susie asked.

I looked at everyone. I still couldn't beleve they were all here for me. I shook my head in disbelef and took a microphone. "Um… I just wanna say thanks. Thank-you for taking the time to put all this together. For me. Um… yeah, thanks."

Kids and adults erupted in applase again before the gym slowly began to empty. I turned to the people still around me. I looked up at Dr. Steels.

"Dude, why did you come?" I asked eyes wide.

"I had to. You're a great kid Stan. And well, not to make this sound weird or wrong but, you're the first kid I've ever had as a patient that's been diagnosed with leukemia," Dr. Steels looked uncomfortable.

"Oh, right. That's cool I guess."

_He smiled and patted my head. At that moment Wendy came over. She rubbed her hands together._

"Um, I just want to say I'm happy for you Stan and, I hope you have a fun time, thinking of your wish." She hurried out before I had a chance to chase her.

"Dude, forget her. You have a wish to make!" Cartman slapped a hand on my back.

"Yeah. Yeah, guess I do."

"We're going to go over to the art room and go into more detail about everything okay honey?" Susie told me.

_With the troop of friends, family, doctors, and spokespeople, we walked down the halls to the art room. I was asked to take a seat where Susie sat across from me and Mom next to me. Kyle also sat at the table._

"Okay Stan, let me tell you how making a wish works: first of all, you are able to wish for anything, _anything_ you want."

I blinked. "Anything?"

"Wherever your imagination takes you!" she stretched her hands up.

"Oh wow…" I looked down.

"My job is to help you out with making that final wish. What we usually do to make it easier for a child to start thinking is separate it into four different categories: I wish to be… I wish to see… I wish to meet… and I wish to have."

"Wow…" I looked over at my parents. "Does it cost? Does making a wish cost? 'Cause my parents can't really afford a- a big wish for me…" I swallowed a slight lump in my throat.

_Mom rubbed my arm._

"You don't have to worry about anything sweetie," Susie said. "We take care of everything; your parents don't have to pay for your wish at all."

"Really?" Great, not only could I wish for anything, I didn't have to worry about the cost!

"That's great dude," Kyle told me. "Just think of all the choices you can have!"

"I know. Damn, that's a lot to think about. I almost feel overwhelmed thinking about it." I gripped my head.

"We know. We know it's a lot to think about," Susie touched my hand. "That's why I'm here to help you out. Get to know you and get to know what you're into. What you might like to do or see or be. It might be difficult to come up with that one special wish but I promise you we will get there in the end."

_I nodded. Mom sniffed._

"Oh Stanley, isn't this great? You get to have whatever you want. Whatever you want."

"Yeah, it's great Mom. But I don't know where to begin…"

"Well let's start off with what your interests are. What do you like to do?"

"I like to play sports," I mumbled. "Football and baseball are my favorites. I also like riding my bike and going places and just having fun."

Susie nodded. "What else? What else do you like?"

I was looking down as I swung my feet. "I like animals. I love helping animals out."

"Great! And your favorite subject in school?"

"Reading."

"Feel your brain juices flowing yet pal?" Dad asked with a smile.

"Not really…"

"That's okay! That's okay. There's still plenty of time to come up with something. You don't have a time limit."

_The minutes passed and soon my troop was off doing their own thing in the room. Even though I wasn't under any time restraint I still felt pressured to come up with my wish at that moment. Susie was asking me questions and my friends and family were great at giving me ideas._

"Is there a special place you'd like to go Stan?" Susie was asking.

"Not really. I mean, everyone always has this one place they'd like to visit but I don't really have one. I kinda want to see everything."

"Good, good…" Susie was writing this down. "Is there anything you have ever wanted to be maybe?"

"I dunno."

"Dude, you can be anything you want to be. Anything!" Cartman urged.

"You can be an animal trainer Stan," Butters offered.

"Or a police officer!" Cartman stepped in.

"Dude, you can be an announcer at a Denver Broncos game!" Kyle said.

"You can meet the _entire_ Denver Broncos dumbass," Cartman 'corected.'

"I know! I know! I wanna do all those things!" Who knew thinking of a wish could be so hard?

_Suddenly there was a knock on the door and it opened to reveal my mom's boss, Dr. Tom Marden._

"Tom! I- I mean doctor!" Mom got to her feet and Dad raised a brow.

"Sorry I'm late. I heard someone was chosen to have a special wish come true!" Dr. Tom walked over to me holding a balloon. "Hey there Stan, congratulations on being chosen dude!"

_Cartman groaned and I could have sworn he said, 'Oh my fucking god.'_

"Um, thanks." I took his balloon.

"Again, sorry I'm late. Only just heard. I couldn't miss this special occasion."

"Tom, what in the hell are you doing here?" Mom demanded so only he could hear but I still heard.

"Wishing your son"-

"Tom, go outside. I'll meet you out after this."

"Well I have to get back to the office soon."

"Fine, I'll see you out in a minute," Mom wasn't looking at him,

_We all watched as the man looked around lost, clearly not knowing he had ruined our happy moods. Mom was whispering something to him and Dad was glaring the whole time. Dr. Tom finally gave up and walked out._

"I'm sorry, I'll be back in five," Mom told us and shut the door.

"What a jerk," Dad commented as soon as they left.

_I sighed; once in a blue moon Dr. Tom will pretend to be 'cool' and 'in' with me and Shelley. It never works; he always ends up looking like an idiot. He's not a bad guy but his atemps at being cool fail. I almost feel sorry for him. My friends all know how he can be too, that's why they were looking around the same way I was. I tried focusing my thoughts on the wish-making again wich was hard. I kinda felt as if the whole school was expecting me to make my wish before the bell rang, signaling summer. I voiced my concerns to the people around me._

"Don't worry honey, everyone will find out what your wish is once we broadcast the news on the news," Susie said.

_I frowned. I really must have been the only kid in South Park who was lucky enough to have his wish come true. Mom came into the room ten minutes later._

"That took longer than five minutes," Dad noted.

Mom ignored this. "Sorry Stanley hon. Did you make any progress yet with your wish?"

I sighed and shook my head. "This is hard. I don't wanna think of something and later regret doing it. I don't want to go somewhere and end up hating the place. I don't want money to go on some shopping spree at a sports store when I can't even play sports right now. I don't know what I want."

"C'mon dude, there has to be something you really really want. Something you've wanted for years," Kyle pressed. "Think about something you've wanted for years."

_I frowned again and my mind wandered to my personal memory box. And to a list I had written of things I wanted. I update it every January. What was something I added this year that I didn't yet have? That's when it came to me, something that I have wanted forever. Something I have added to my list every single year since I was five when I began the lists. I looked at my closed hands._

"There is something I want… I've wanted for years," I mumbled.

"What is it?" Susie beamed.

I looked uncomfortable. "I don't wanna say. It's stupid. It'd be a stupid wish."

"There is no such thing as a stupid wish sweetie," Susie reminded me.

"This one is. It's so small. I don't wanna say."

"Just say it," Cartman rolled his eyes.

I sighed. "I want a- a cat. I want a cat."

Everyone looked around and I chimed in before anyone could answer. "But I don't want to waste my wish on that. I can get a cat some other way. Even though I've been asking for one since I was two and still haven't gotten one…"

Mom bit her lip. "We- we could give you a kitty for your birthday or Christmas honey. So you can make another wish."

I sighed. Every single year my mom has told me this. "It's fine. I told you it's a small wish. And I already have Sparky…"

"Yeah, we can't really afford the care of another pet right now anyway," Dad said calmly. Mom glared.

Susie rubbed her chin. "It seems you really love animals Stan. Maybe you can try to narrow your wish down to something that involves animals."

_I nodded._

"Don't do that dude! Wish for all your friends and you to meet the Broncos!" Cartman hissed.

"It's Stan's wish fatass!" Kyle said.

_Animals. I could come up with something that would involve what I felt my true passion was anyway. It only made the most sense. What could I wish for that had me a part of the action when it came to animals? What was something I enjoyed doing when it came to animals? Being in charge and making sure things went how I felt they should go. Having the say when it came to cats and dogs and birds and deer. A light bulb flashed in my head and I felt a rush of exsitment._

"I think I have it!" I cried.

_Everyone hurried around me as if this was the biggest decision of their lives too._

"Do you have a wish Stan?" Susie asked.

"I- I wish I could be in charge of an animal sanctuary or shelter of some sort," I said, cheeks turning pink.

"Are you sure?" Dad looked lost.

"Yeah. I think I'd really love that. I'd be able to help people adopt animals, take care of sick ones, answer questions people have about animals. Everything. I've never really done _everything_ before and this would be my chance to do so!"

"Is that your number one wish then?" Susie smiled.

I was grinning ear-to-ear and got off my chair. "Yeah! I wish I could run an animal shelter!"

_To say a few people were disapointed was a lie. Cartman groaned and said I wasted a perfectly good wish. Kyle kind of looked shocked too but happy. Dad looked upset but was trying to hide it. Shelley rolled her eyes and muttered 'typical'. The only one who really seemed to have their heart in it was Mom. She went up to hug and kiss me right away saying how she was happy I'd be able to do something where I'd be truly happy. And she's right. I didn't want to waste my wish on buying something I'd later regret. I didn't want to meet a famous person or football team. I wanted out of that limelight. With an animal shelter I'd make all the shots. Too many times have I met people who were lost and stupid when it came to animals. This time they had no choice but do things __my__ way. And while I love my sports and toys and games and adventure and stuff, there is nothing I have more heart for than animals. Sure others might think it's faggy but who cares? This will be an experiance I could only well, wish for. Now it is just the waiting to see when, acording to Dr. Falhkoly, I will be healthy and ready enough to do it. Until then-_

_I get to run my own animal santurary! YES!_

_Okay, so that was the best thing that ever happened to me yesterday. But something pretty nice happened too. As soon as school ended Mom had to whisk me away and back to Denver for chemo. I left my friends and the Make-a-Wish team and school much happier than I was going in. Mom's car was packed with balloons and signs and food as we drove back to The Children's Hospital. Mom couldn't stop looking at me the whole ride there. She was really happy for me. And I was happy for myself too._

"I can't believe Dr. Fohlkoly picked me. _Me_! Of all the kids he sees all the time he picked me!" I said for the tenth time.

"I can't believe it either sweetie. But I'm so happy he did. He's right, you've been so down ever since treatment began, you do deserve some happiness finally."

"Yeah." I looked out at the passing streets as we made it to Denver and went to find the hospital. "You know Mom, I admit, I've been kind of an ass lately."

"What? No you haven't," Mom gasped.

"Yeah I have. Everyone has been doing so many nice things for me since I was diagnosed and I've just been shrugging it off."

"Sweetheart, you were diagnosed with a very serious disease months ago, of course you'd be a bit short with people," Mom strained.

I shrugged. "I just know there are other kids who take the news better. I met this one boy in the playroom weeks ago and he told me how doctors found a tumor in his brain but he's all happy and smiling and everything. I wish I could be like that," I said heavily.

Mom stopped the car in a Wendall's Burgers parking lot clearly noticing this was a serious conversation I had to have. "Stanley, people just deal with things differently. It doesn't mean what you've been doing is wrong."

"But it feels wrong. Those nurses in there are nicer than anyone ever. I love Michelle especially, but I never show it. I feel horrible. I've fallen into this trap before. I get so sad that I forget what life is all about."

Mom touched my arm. "I know. I know how you get honey. Life is about living it, not shunning it."

I didn't want to look at her. "I go through hell every day. I get poked by needles all the fucking time and I _still_ hate them. I puke my guts up. I feel like shit. My body is so weak. I've lost ten pounds since March. My head is bald. But I don't want that to stop me Mom. How do I stop thinking about these things?" I sniffed.

Mom's eyes were wet too. She pulled me to her. "I think the only thing you can do is look on the bright side. Look at what the bad things are giving you that are positive. You can't have one without the other honey. It's still very hard for me to think about too but I try not to let it bother me. I know it's not what you want to hear but maybe you should try to act like that little boy with the brain tumor. Maybe you should try to focus on what makes you happy. I know it will be hard but it's the only way any of us can get through this."

I rubbed my dripping nose. "I wanna so bad Mom. I just want to see this as another roadblock in my life that I'll get over."

Mom smiled. "Look at it like you did when you first learned cursive Stan. You would mope and cry about that for days before you got down and just did it. And now look! Look at how easy it is for you, you were one of the few kids in class who received an A on that ten-page cursive packet remember?"

I smiled. "Yeah. That was sweet."

Mom looked at the car's radio. "We have to be in the hospital in ten minutes hon. Why don't you go into it today with the bravest face and look of confidence you can muster all right?"

_I nodded as I straightened myself in the car. Mom gasped and smiled before taking out her purse, a pen, and a scrap of paper and wrote something down before handing it to me. It read: __**ALL has given me the chance to run an animal shelter**__. I hugged my mother tight._

"Thanks Mom."

With that, we went to The Children's Hospital. I stepped into the hospital where Bethany the front desk lady greeted us with a, "Hello today Mrs. Marsh! And hello to you Stanley!"

_For once, I greeted back with a smile before I was taken in by a nurse to have more blood work. I now know the frekwent blood draws before chemo is to see if I am able to have treatment and if my body is strong enogh. They have to make sure my white and red blood cells are at a normal enogh place to sustain my chemotherapy drugs. So far there hasn't been much trobble with it but that could easaly change. This time however when Nurse Nate called me in I actally gave him my arm without strugle which impressed everyone, even me. But I felt diferent that day. I wanted to prove to my mom and myself I could look at the plus side of things and my moping would be at an end. Even the introduction of my drugs went better than usaul. I hope all this isn't temparary, I really hope I can stick with this._

_I guess you can say I am finally akcepting things for how they are. I know I am sick. I know I have ALL. I know it's going to be a very long and hard road. But if I treat it as just another thing in life I have to get over, that's what I'm going to do. Because I can do this. I want to. I know feeling sad about myself isn't helping. It is still hard to think about and still very scary but I have to pick out the positives from it. Then I'll get by._

_I am Stan Marsh and I have akcepted that I have leukemia._

_June 20th, 2010_

_Nothing happened today but I'm just going to give you a quick note: Dr. Steels of all people saw me today! How crazy is that? It's one thing for your doctor back home to see you, something completly difarent for your dentist to see you! It was a nice visit, he pretty much told me what he did on 'Make-a-Wish' day. How I'm the only kid he's known who had cancer. I know he doesn't mean anything bad by it. He gave me this cool pinball game that fits on my lap. I played it all day today, it's harder than it looks! But yeah, that's all I wanted to tell you about today. Waiting for the word on when I can run my animal sanctuary from Dr. Fohlkoly!_

_Stan_

_June 28th, 2010_

_Guess what jornal? Tomorrow I will be running my animal shelter! ! ! I am off chemo all this week and have even put on a couple pounds so Dr. Fohlkoly said it would be the perfect time for me to have my wish granted! My entire wish is this: I will be running the Denver Animal Shelter and Sanctuary for two full days! I will be in charge of taking calls, helping sick animals, showing people pets avalable for adoption, and grooming. I will be doing it all and like I mentioned before, I've never done 'it all' when it came to animals. The DASS is great, I heard of it before. I was taken to it today to get a good feel of the place and draw up my plans and ideas. It's a huge place on an open area of land and has a shelter for adoptable animals, barn for injured small wildlife, and vet for the animals. It was amazing just to go there. Now I will get to run it for two days! The owners, Jim and Lucy trust that I will do a good job, but I will have the help of the employees there of corse. And guess what? Even my friends will be there to help! I asked them if they wanted to help and they agreed! Even Cartman who has already called the Kitty Korner as his domain. So I will hardly get any sleep tonight, knowing what I'm going to be doing tomorrow! YAAAA_

_Stan_

_June 30th, 2010_

_Let me tell you about my wish!_

_Okay, so Tuesday morning I drove up to the DASS, the Make-a-Wish crew with me the entire time. I had to get up good and early if I wanted to make it athentic. I hardly got sleep the night before but I was still very awake. Once there the owners took me around and everything so I could get last-minute info before the day began. They gave me an athentic DASS employee t-shirt. Mine was purple wich is what the owners wear so that was cool. Just before the main office to the shelter opened Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters came by, also dressed in official shirts. I took hold of the phones with Kyle while Cartman went to the Kitty Korner and Butters and Kenny went over to the groomers in the shelter. The doors opened for busness at 9:00 and I was ready to go! It was a bit slow at first but one woman did come in with an injured raccoon in a cage so I helped her over to where the Lil' Wild Barn was so the vets could take a look at it._

"Are you… related to Jim and Lucy?" she asked me as I took her over.

"No, but I am in charge of the place today and tomorrow," I smiled.

"Oh! Oh you must be that little boy who they told me about! I'm Kim, I live nearby and usually take in small wildlife that needs tending to," she explained.

"They told me you might stop by. Don't worry, I promise you this little guy is in good hands," I asured her about the raccoon.

_As soon as I handed over the cage to the wildlife vet on call, Kyle came hurrying over to me across the grass._

"Dude! Dude! There's a guy on the phone who wants to speak to the owner," he told me.

Owner. That was me! I hurried back in and picked up the phone he had on call. "Hello? This is Stanley Marsh, owner of the Denver Animal Shelter and Sanctuary."

"Marsh? I have your delivery of ten cases of cat food, twenty cases of dog food, and ten cases of rodent feed you wanted me to pick up the other day," the man told me.

"Oh?"

"Lucy was too busy with paperwork so she asked me. I run a pet-food supply shop. When can my delivery guy bring over the food?"

"Oh, anytime. Right now is fine, that way I can feed the animals by lunch," I checked the clock.

"Okay, we'll be over in thirty."

_I smiled as I hung up my first business call. After that, the list of things to see and do did not stop. As soon as the pet food guy called another person called about a fawn they had spotted in their yard who was limping so I called up the DASS Round-up team so they could go over and try to capture the animal and bring it in to be looked over. By then the groomers opened and an older woman came in to have her three very fluffy dogs in for their weekly sessions. I sat back at my desk chair and wiped my forehead._

"Doing okay so far Stan?" Kyle asked as he wrote information down from a person on the phone.

"Yeah, I'm good."

_Thankfully it was time for lunch and the staff gathered round to eat the pizza the Make-a-Wish Foundation provided for the day. I happily sat in the kitchenet eating my slice although I could not have any of the soda since the acid and bubbles would bother my mouth too much. But I was ready to go at it again as soon as lunch was over. I looked down at my list of tasks that had to be completed for the day. It was time I went into the Adoption Center to help anyone who needed me around. Of course as the owner, that was everyone._

"Stan! Hey dude, you have a customer!" Cartman huried my way as I was cleaning up bird crap in the Bird House.

_I quickly washed my hands and stratened my shirt before going up to the front where a mother stood with her two kids._

"May I help you today miss?" I asked.

_The woman blinked as she saw me and Cartman as well as Butters who had just come out from cleaning dog crap. She was oviously wondering where the adults were._

"Are you- the owner?" she asked.

"Yep"- I presented my chest where Stanley Marsh Owner was written on my very own badge.

"Okay… um, well I came here today because I wanted to see what animals are available for adoption."

"You're in luck- we have a great selection of animals waiting for a new home. We have all our puppies and dogs in the Canine Coop, all our kittens and cats in the Kitty Korner, birds in the Bird House, fish, frogs, and other reptiles in the Aquatic Room, bunnies and rodents in the Critter Spot, and even horses out in the Pony Trails," I explained as we walked down a hall.

"Oh my… I don't know where to begin," the woman gasped.

"Well what kind of animal were you hoping to get?"

"Something small that won't make too much mess," she began.

"I want a puppy Mom!" cried her daughter.

"Puppies are too messy, I told you kids before. I don't think you're ready to have a dog yet."

"Might I interest you guys in the Kitty Korner?" Cartman informed them.

"I don't know, a cat in the house…" the woman bit her lip.

"Oooh yeah! A cat! Let's get a cat instead!" the daughter smiled and her brother jumped in agreement.

"I don't know dears, cats claw the furninture and scratch…"

_I frowned as I looked at Cartman. We both knew these were classic excuses why people didn't want to get a cat. And they are so beyond the truth._

"Miss, if you get the proper care and equipment and toys you can train your cat to not do those things," I explained.

"You just need to buy plenty of cat toys and a cat tree and train her to use that as a scratching post and not your priceless sofa," Cartman spoke.

_Eventally we convinced the mom to look at the cats. I tried showing her a particular calm cat but Cartman had to do it instead. It didn't make me too angry, he does love cats more than anything, but I was in charge. In short, we alowed the family to play and bond with the kitties inside before they all fell in love with a sweet calico kitten an hour later. I alowed Cartman to help her with the final paperwork and buying of cat stuff before I was called in again by Kyle to the front office. And that's pretty much how the first day of my wish went. Crazy, messy, dirty, and me running around like a headless chicken but it was so much fun. The second day was even better._

_I woke early today like I did the day before to get down to the DASS. I was filled with more confadence than yesterday because I knew what to expect. I did make a few mistakes yesterday- getting paperwork mixed up and feeding some animals too much food (the instructions were written in fractions and I'm still not good at them). Today consisted mostly of me working at the Shelter and answering phone calls. Kyle took over the vet's office and Butters worked with the wildlife. Kenny did his own thing whenever someone needed his help and Cartman stuck with animal adoptions. Throuout the day the Make-a-Wish Foundation documented my work and made me feel extra special. During lunch I was treated to chicken alfrado wich was something I was craving and had a guy make me and my friends whatever speciality smoothies we wanted. Day two was more of a fun day than day one. Even though I was having the best time running the Shelter and Sanctuary, __I__ even had to take a break, so all us kids played video games and everything after lunch. Mom and Dad would hang around to watch how I was doing. Of course Mom worried at times when I grew tired and weak from my tasks and freaked out when I said my chest was hurting. Turns out it was only a slight asthma flare-up and I was fine after I took my Ventolin. But I was able to last both days without much insident. But the best of __ALL__ best things happened at the end of the day._

_A party was held in the house of the owners that night to celerbrate my sucess at running my very own animal shelter. (Of course provided by Make-a-Wish). Jim and Lucy commended me on my hard work those two days._

"You did a fantastic job son, I didn't know if you had it in you," Jim praised.

"Really Stanley, you got so much done Tuesday and today. How did you do it?" Lucy asked.

I looked up from my giant bowl of ice cream. "I dunno, I just love animals. This was something I've wanted to do forever. And I finally was able to. Not to mention my friends who helped…"

Butters smiled as there were a few claps. "I love animals too so it was really great workin' on your property Mr. and Mrs. Linders."

"It was a joy to have you boys here, it really was," Lucy smiled back.

"May we all give Stan here a round of applause for not only cleaning up after the animals, but answering our busy phone calls, checking up on the creatures in the Lil' Wildlife Barn, and adopting out six cats, three dogs, one bird, two frogs, and some goldfish, all in _two_ days? C'mon!" Jim Linders raised his hands at the guests.

_They all clapped and cheered me on, much like my asembly in school. I smiled bashfully back as Mom kissed my cheek. _

"As a thank-you to you son, we're going to allow you to keep your special Owner badge and t-shirt, as well as your friends," Jim went on.

"Really? Thanks so much!" I looked down at my shirt.

"You are allowed to come help us anytime you want dear, anytime at all," Lucy hugged me.

"Wow, official crew gear, pizza party, smoothie party, twelve new books on animals and wildlife, and the chance to work here… this has been the best two days of my life. Thank-you so much," I could feel myself getting emotional.

_It was at that moment that Make-a-Wish Foundation adviser Susie and the Linders shared a look. Susie went over to me._

"Actually sweetie, we have one more surprise for you."

"You do?"

She nodded. "Follow us, c'mon!"

_I looked excited as I looked up at Mom's equally lost but happy expression, and the expressions of my friends. I followed the Linders to the Adoption Center._

"What are we doing here again? Did I forget to lock a door or something?" I frowned.

"No no, you did fine dear," Lucy waved a hand.

"Then what?"

_Susie nodded to the Kitty Korner door. I blinked, confused._

"We've decided to extend your wish just slightly Stan," Susie held up her finger and thumb.

"How?" I was excited at this point.

"We're allowing you to take home one of the kitties in here," Lucy smiled.

My jaw went to the floor, my eyes bugged out. "Wh-what?"

"You get a cat?" Cartman asked.

_Susie, Jim, and Lucy all nodded._

"Really?"

"Really dear!"

I looked up at my parents. I was going to get a _cat_?

"Well, go on then sweetie, pick one out," Mom pushed me forward to the room.

_I quickly squeezed the Linders before I ran into the Kitty Korner. All the cats I had been taking care of that day jump from their perches and greeted me. I bent down to pet a couple._

"Dude, which one should I get?" I asked Cartman who of course walked in with me.

"Dude, get a tabby! No wait; get a gray one like Mr. Kitty! Oh but look at this fluffy white one Stan… she's so pretty…" Cartman stroked an adult white cat.

_It was overwhelming to choose just one cat of the dozens that were in there. They were all so pretty and in need of love and a good home. It took a good ten minutes before one caught my heart unlike the others. She was a three-month-old tabby and white and kept playing with my shoelaces whenever my foot moved. I picked her up and held her close before walking out._

"I want her," I smiled.

_With that, the papers signed and bags full of free stuff for both the kitten and me, my parents drove back to our apartment. (Oh, and a lot of teary good-byes and thank-yous). It is now midnight as I write and even though I fell asleep on the drive home, I can hardly sleep now. I had the BEST two days ever, I'm smiling more than I have in forever, and I FINALLY have my very own kitten! She's curently sleeping on a kitty pillow next to mine. She is so cute! I've desided to call her Chelsea. I don't know why, she just looks like a Chelsea._

_Okay, I think I should try to get some sleep now. I've had a very busy and eventful two days. Oh, before I close:_

_**ALL has given me my very own kitten.**_

_Stan_

_**SPSP**_

_I hope you liked this chapter. It was a great joy to write and change things up a bit. If you get the chance, please visit the Make-A-Wish Foundation website. The stories and goals on there brought tears to my eyes. It makes me so happy to know what they are doing to help give very sick kids a reason to fight. Of course don't forget to review. Thanks!_

_Lots of love, Rose, March 2, 2011_


	10. Smiles for Stan

**SMILES FOR STAN**

Kyle's POV

I guess you could say after Stan had his number one wish granted that June of 2010, he was all smiles. And he was for a little while after. But only a little while. The joy of running around doing twenty different animal-related tasks filled him up with so much adrenalin it was almost impossible to tell there was a very sick little boy underneath that skin. But it was only just that. As soon as Stan was finished with his wish he had his first real panic moment from his treatment. It was only the day after that he began to feel sick. I was still in Denver after I helped him with his animal sanctuary wish the day before and was over at his parents' apartment when I found out. He was very worn-out that whole day and felt very sick and light-headed. His parents began to worry although they did not take him in to be checked out, hoping he would feel better the next day.

The next day came however and Stan was still feeling very weak and tired, not to mention almost sickly pale. To play it safe they took him into the hospital. I did feel bad for him; he was supposed to have the whole week off from chemotherapy and wanted nothing more than to play with his new kitten he had adopted during his wish. But sadly he had to be taken in. My parents allowed me to be there with him for support in case he received bad news. Once there we learned of all his symptoms- aside from the lightheaded feeling weakness, and pale skin, he could hardly stand for very long without feeling sick and his chest hurt. He tried taking his asthma medication but the feeling persisted. That's when we knew he wasn't having an asthma attack or something. A nurse had to test his blood and he had a brief examination before we sat in the waiting room, waiting for the results. I looked to my right where Stan sat rigid; playing with the pull-string on the jacket he was wearing.

"Dude, you'll be fine, I'm sure it's nothing big," I reassured him quietly.

"Yeah," was his response.

"C'mon Stan, you were so happy days ago. I don't think you're in danger of something," I went on.

"Kyle, do you not know how easy it is for me to get sick now? What might be a simple sniffle of a cold could really put me at risk," Stan said.

"Stan," I said forcefully.

"All right all right, I'll pretend I'm going to go home right after this," he rolled his eyes.

Two hours later. Dr. Fohlkoly stepped over to us and told us to follow him into another small room away from the noise of the other people. I was even allowed to have a listen since he knew by now I was Stan's best friend.

"Is it anything we need to worry about?" Mrs. Marsh asked.

"Well, based on the lab results, it appears Stanley here is anemic," the chubby man said heavily.

"What does that mean?" Stan looked very worried.

"It means there is a decrease amount of red blood cells in your body son. This is causing your lightheadedness and low energy."

I could tell Mrs. Marsh was trying to stay calm in front of her son. "So then… what does that mean? How can you fix it?"

"The only way to replenish Stan's blood is by transfusion," Dr. Fohlkoly said gently.

I felt pretty awful for Stan at that point. He had gone from feeling as if the world was finally listening to him to back where he started months ago. As soon as his doctor saw him act up from the diagnosis he had to remind him that this was inevitable; pretty much all chemotherapy patients underwent blood and platelet transfusions. It was a side affect from the cancer-fighting drugs. This did not make Stan any happier. So he had to be hospitalized for ten hours even though the transfusion itself only took three hours to complete. His hospital-free week had to be cut short. It was very scary to find out this. Everyone associates transfusions as something bad and traumatic and only used in emergencies. Seeing a victim of a car crash hooked up to units of blood before they bled to death… and now my best friend had to be hooked up to two units of Type B Positive Blood; that look of pity and hopelessness back on his face. I did want to shake him from this but knew that wouldn't do any good.

Unfortunately my family had to leave first thing the next morning. I wish I could say I was leaving behind a happier Stan and that I was coming home to a lighter energy, but both proved false. Stan was still anemic and would most likely have to undergo another transfusion during the next week. Home… well the absence of Stan was really beginning to take effect. It was the beginning of July and everyone was used to Stan not being around all the time by now, but it didn't make things better. I guess it was the fact that summer had began and us guys were expecting to do all sorts of fun stuff now that we had so much free time on our hands. Every single summer, we would be at each other's houses during those long (sometimes hot) afternoons. Many a day we would be at the Marsh house lying around on the couch and in front of the TV, bored out of our minds. I could remember how a lot of those days went…

Stan would call me saying he was bored. I said I'd come to his house. Of course he would want all four of us over so he would call Cartman and Kenny. Ten minutes later had Cartman, Kenny, and myself at Stan's, sitting in front of the TV like I said. We'd try to see what was on but during the afternoon, not much. Sometimes there would be great marathons on our favorite cartoons. If there wasn't we would lounge around. After an hour of doing this Mrs. Marsh would come in and tell us to stop lying about. We would complain we were bored. She would give us things to do. Stan would beg her to take us all our for ice cream. If she said no all four of us might chime in until she said yes. She would take us out for ice cream and maybe to a fun store that was well-air conditioned if it was a really hot day. Once back home Mrs. Marsh would set up that one really fun waterslide Stan's grandmother gave him where we would be running around in the cool water until any one of these things happened: Cartman would complain he didn't want to run anymore or was hungry, Kenny would be bored and hungry too, Stan might develop asthma symptoms, and me, annoyed, would give in to their complaints. After we would be in the house watching TV, playing video games, or any of Stan's toys or board games. Perhaps have dinner that night depending on whatever. And on and on it went like this. On those days we didn't have things scheduled with family it would be those fun days of getting a cool treat and doing something outside. But I would not be coming home to that now. And I wasn't the only one affected.

Cartman hosted his annual big birthday bash that Saturday which was one of the reasons I had to leave Denver. (I didn't want to go to his party but Mom forced me as usual). I could tell immediately Cartman wanted Stan over. He pushed aside his birthday for that weekend even though he turned ten on the first, just because Stan had his wish and he hoped he would be able to make it to his birthday after. But Stan had to miss out after becoming anemic and so Cartman's birthday was a bust. Cartman wouldn't admit it but I knew he was feeling just what I was on my tenth birthday. Stan had always celebrated our birthdays with us, always. All us guys had seen each other on our birthdays, even for a little while if our families had something bigger planned that day. Cartman sulked and bit at pretty much everyone and he had zero interest in the magician his mom had hired to entertain the guests. Of course he tore through his cake and birthday presents but even those reminded him of Stan.

"A Laser Tag set?" he shouted excitedly as he tore open his very own laser tag game complete with all the gear for four players.

"I hope you like it honey bun!" Ms. Cartman chimed in. "You and your little friends will have so much fun together!"

"Wow-wee Eric, we can play laser tag in your house now, neat-o!" Butters smiled.

Cartman looked at Butters, Kenny, and me. At this his glared and pushed aside the box. "What the fuck? I don't want to play with you assholes!"

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You'd cheat Jew, and Butters will only drag us down! What the fuck? At least Stan isn't a douche to play with," he crossed his arms.

"What?" I said again.

"He'd make laser tag fun, not _you_ buttholes," Cartman whined.

I sighed. "Cartman, you know Stan would've made it if he didn't get sick. But he did so"-

"Nobody asked for your input you stupid fucking Jew!" he shouted.

It was the first real time Cartman showed any compassion to what Stan had been going through since March. Of course when we first heard of the news Stan had leukemia he was shocked and didn't want to talk about it, but right then, he made sure we knew he was hurting just enough to not press the subject anymore. The party was canceled abruptly not long after that. It was then I felt I had to take action. I hated knowing Stan was most likely at home or in the hospital angry at the world again. I wanted to do all I could to make sure he didn't reach that state again. I wanted so much to do something for the Marshes to let them know this was not how things were going to be from now on. But what could one ten-year-old do? I had it, the perfect thing that would hopefully put a smile on all their faces.

I round up some people. Talked with my parents. Called the mayor. Together we set things up on a small stage all night and morning before it was time to announce the news. It was 10:00 Sunday and even though there was hardly anyone standing around the stage to listen to me, I had to begin. I looked to my side where my parents were as well as my friends. They nodded and so I drew in a deep breath and decided to explain what I was doing there.

"Okay… um, I'm sure you are all wondering what this is all about," I said in a small voice.

Cartman rolled his eyes.

"But um… I want to tell you that um, I want to do something that might really help my friend."

"Are you the friend of that one sick boy who had his wish days ago?" asked a woman.

"Um, yeah, yes I am."

"Oh wow," spoke a man passing and he stopped to take a listen. "Hey Jeff! The friend of that sick kid wants to say something to us!" he called over a friend who was strolling by as well.

"Um, thanks. Yes, I am the friend of the sick kid who had his wish come true days ago," I began again. "My name is Kyle Broflovski and I wanted to tell you about something that I have planned for that friend. As most of you know by now local kid Stanley Marsh was diagnosed with cancer months ago. Or to be more specific, Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia," I explained.

"Oh my, that sounds dangerous," gasped a woman.

"It is," I reassured her. "It's the most common form of cancer in young children. Ever since he's bee diagnosed…" I drew in a breath. "It hasn't been easy on anyone. His family. My family. Everyone he knows and loves. My friend is like any other kid here I guess you could say," I thought. "He likes sports and running around and having fun. He's always been one of the most active kids in class. So to see him sitting in a hospital bed hooked up to so many different bags and tubes now isn't right. It doesn't fit."

A few more people walked up to see what this was all about.

"Sure he's just had his greatest wish come true but I don't think that's enough. I don't know if he'd want me telling you this but he's become anemic due to the chemotherapy drugs now and I don't know if and when he'll revert back into his usual sad state. That's why I'm here today to try and do something about it. I want him to feel like the positive stuff won't end. But I'll need your help," I told everyone, my voice growing stronger all the time.

"What can we do?" asked a woman.

I looked at the people behind me before speaking again. "Stan has family that lives in California. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone. They are planning to spend their summer vacation here in Colorado to see Stan and his sister and parents. But the way he's doing now I don't know if it's a possibility. Stan's mother's family gets together every two or three years. The question is out for the Marshes to go to California this year that's why they have been planning for their long summer vacation in Colorado. But I don't know if the Marshes can do anything this summer."

"Get to the point," Cartman told me.

"I am!" I glared. "As I was saying… Stan's family from California plan to spend some time in Colorado. I don't think Stan's family can plan any vacation time due to money. They had to rent an apartment in Denver to make things easier, however the cost of living there is hardly working out right now. I want to give Stan and his family that vacation though. They're real great people…"

I looked down as I tried to force myself to focus on my announcement. The crowd was quiet. It had grown considerably as I was pleading my case.

"What can we do to help your friend and his family then?" asked the same woman as before.

I lifted my head and cleared my throat. "I want to give them that vacation. So, with the help of my parents and friends and the mayor, I have developed the Smiles for Stan Foundation."

"The what?" asked an older gentleman.

This time Cartman pushed me out of the way and took hold of the mike. "The Smiles for Stan Foundation will provide the money for the Marshes so they can have their summer vacation."

"Whoa, wait a minute kid, why should any of _us_ give our money so that a family could have a vacation?" a man in a red shirt crossed his arms.

"Yeah, in case you haven't noticed kid, this is our summer too. We want to spend time away from our hectic lives too," agreed the man standing next to him.

"You should give your money to us because it is going to a family who has a son with leukemia jack-ass!" Cartman shot.

The person who had just spoken rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

I cleared my throat again. "Before everyone ditches me I want you to know all the details about the Smiles for Stan Foundation. It is not some stupid thing I created to give the Marshes a summer vacation; it's much more than that. Sure, the money gathered from it will go to the vacation first, but as soon as that is over, all money will be going to note-worthy cases. All money that is donated to Smiles for Stan will go towards medical expenses, gas, rent, mortgage, and food for the Marsh family."

This caught the attention of the hundred or so people now.

I sighed as lowered my head. "Look, I don't want to waste my time forcing everyone to give money to my friend for a summer vacation and medical expenses if they don't want to. I want you to know though that your contribution- any contribution at all, will make a world of difference for that family. Stan… he's my best friend. The greatest guy anyone could ever ask for."

I glanced to my left to see a somber look on Cartman's face.

"All of us love him. He has done so much for us; he once fought through sweat and tears to save my life when I had to have a kidney transplant. The least I can do to repay him is give him and his family some sort of happiness. Some sort of break from the stress this diagnosis has caused. Give them a safe cushion of money so they don't have to worry how they'll pay off their house or what they'll be able to afford for Stan's big tenth birthday celebration. You have no idea how much the Marshes deserve this if you don't know them." I could feel my eyes burn as I spoke. I had to stop and force myself to speak still.

"It's true," I heard Cartman speak as he took hold of the podium a second time. "I'm not big on feelings and gay crap like that, but Stan Marsh is a great guy. The single best thing you guys can do with your worthless lives is give back to a little boy who needs to know this is not the end. Right now Stan Marsh is in Denver undergoing treatment for not only leukemia but anemia as well. Blood transfusions and everything. And he thinks it's a sign that this is how his life is going to be from now on. But it doesn't have to be if you pull in and put just five bucks into the Smiles for Stan Fund. That five dollars will get him a ticket to go to the Denver Zoo, a Rockies game, hiking, and all sorts of activities with his family this summer. And after, that five bucks will allow his parents to stop worrying about how expensive it will be to drive back and forth to Denver. Just _five bucks_ can do all this and more. Can you not do it? You sir!" Cartman pointed at a well-dressed man. "Can you live without buying that sandwich from Subway tomorrow and give that money to a sick boy? _You_!" he pointed at a little girl. "Can you not give up your lunch money to a sick little boy? Any of you! Can you not get together and help the Marshes out?"

"I want to help!" cried a blonde woman.

"Me too! Oh Sara, it's so sad!" sobbed her boyfriend as he hugged her.

"All you need to do is dig into your wallets, pockets, piggy banks, and bank accounts to show you care," Cartman continued and pulled out a large jar with a sign taped to the front that held a picture of Stan and 'Smiles for Stan Fund money' written underneath. Before I could say anything else people began to line up to place bills and coins into the jar. "That's it, thank-you. Your contribution will be highly noted. Thank-you. You are going to make a little boy and his family very happy…" he smiled and nodded as he collected the money.

"Don't forget to tell your friends and relatives to help out," I told everyone.

"That's it, that crisp ten dollar bill will work fine," Cartman was saying to Token as he dropped in the bill.

"I have to help man, I've known Stan for years," he told us as he walked to the side where his parents both planted in $50 a piece.

"_Wow_! Are you guys sure?" I gasped at Mr. and Mrs. Black.

"This is nothing," Mr. Black reassured me.

"Yes, we're just giving what we have in our pockets now. Don't worry boys, we'll put more in the jar over the weekend," Mrs. Black smiled.

"Thank-you," I grinned back gratefully. I hurriedly went back to grab the mike. "Just so everyone knows, all money collected is going to the Marsh's summer vacation. You have until July the sixteenth to give money for summer. After that any money donated will be going towards medical expenses and gas and everything."

"But Kyle, what happens if there isn't enough money collected?" Butters said over my shoulder. "I mean, will Stan's family from California still come even if Stan and everyone can't afford much of the vacation?"

"The Kimbles plan to arrive in Denver no matter what happens. I just want to make sure their visit is worth while," I explained. "I know it will be sometime towards the end of July or so, that's why I'm waiting until the sixteenth to give the Marshes this money."

"Does Stan even know you're doing this?" I heard the monotone voice of Craig Tucker.

"No, that's what's makes it exciting," I responded.

Craig blinked. "Oh," before placing a $1 bill inside and walking away.

"One buck? That cheap asshole!" Cartman raged.

"You sure know how to get a crowd riled up for a cause Eric," Mr. Garrison rolled his eyes as he stepped forward.

"I do what I can Mr. Garrison," he passed off. "Is that a twenty I see in your hand?"

An older woman came up after. She was dabbing at wet eyes as she reached into her purse. "I remember… this little boy helped find my sweet little kitty after he went missing last year. I was so grateful; I wanted to pay him back somehow but he said I didn't have to do anything. (_Sniff_) Now is my chance to show him my gratitude…" she took out two twenty dollar bills and put it inside the jar before stepping away and sobbing.

An hour after I made the announcement the crowd had died down. I went to count the money gathered.

"So how much did we make so far?" Butters asked.

"Oh wow! 314 dollars and eighty-six cents!" I beamed.

"That's fantastic news Kyle," Mom walked over.

"Just think how much you'll collect in two weeks," Dad added.

"Yeah. Man, Stan is going to be so happy when he finds out what we did," I placed the money back into the jar.

"Yeah, now he'll be able to have a fun ol' time with all his cousins and aunts and stuff!" Butters said happily.

I looked over at Cartman who was brushing his jacket off in a business sort of way. I went over to him.

"You were amazing today Cartman," I said seriously.

"Oh?" he strained his ear as if deaf but I knew he heard.

"Really. I know we wouldn't have gotten half this much if I had done all the talking."

"You have to _tell_ people to do stuff Jew, not ask them," he said impatiently. "This is for a good cause don't you forget. Now if you don't mind I have to get home. It's _way_ past lunch time."

The next day I rung up Stan at his apartment and found out he would be back in South Park by the thirteenth if all went well in Denver. I asked him about his family from California and when and if they were still planning to come out. He told me they would be arriving in Denver on the seventeenth regardless if his parents could afford to do anything for summer. His extended family told them they would help pay for everything during their two-week stay and Stan's parents weren't too up for the idea. Stan's grandparents would be arriving by plane at the Denver Airport, his Aunt Maggie and Uncle Paul along with their four children would drive, as would Stan's Uncle Jeffrey and Aunt Kristine and their five-kid broad. Knowing that all the details were in store now, and knowing that the Kimbles had plans to hit Water World Water Park and Elritch Gardens, Stan was feeling very excited for his vacation to start. I just hoped I could raise enough money for the Marshes to spend so they wouldn't feel like a charity case in front of their own family.

But that wasn't it. Since Stan had been diagnosed I wanted nothing more than to prove to him he would make it out of it alive. I wanted to show him the facts and hopefully try to find the answers to questions he may not have wanted to ask his doctors yet. Not only for him but for me; _I_ wanted to uncover some answers myself so the first thing I did was type in 'causes for leukemia' in my computer to see what it would yield. I smiled as I found some stuff. I printed up the pages and placed them in a new folder simply titled: Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia.

I was happy to greet the Marshes when they came back from Denver the thirteenth, as promised. I followed Stan inside his house after I helped bring in his suitcase.

"Dude, getting excited for vacation?" I asked as I set his stuff in his room and we sat on his bed.

"Dude, you have no idea," Stan remarked. "Apparently my grandparents and aunts and uncles and everyone have a lot planned so I am really looking forward. Of course there might be some stuff I have to take caution on and maybe some stuff I might not do… but it should be fun."

"Do you know what the first thing you're going to do is?"

"I think the first major thing is Water World," Stan beamed. "Cannot wait. I've only been there once when I was six so I am really psyched to go again finally."

"So you're for sure going to do everything everyone else is?" I asked carefully.

Stan shrugged a shoulder. "If I can. Not to sound greedy but I think they're going to pay for everything. My tickets to wherever we go if Mom and Dad can't. I only hope I can last the two weeks they're here. No doubt I'm going to have to go into treatment a couple times but Dr. Fohlkoly has confidence I should be okay to do a lot."

It was tempting to tell him what I had planned. The hundreds of dollars saved up so his family can spend it all on summer break. But I of course didn't. For now the jar was held safely in my room and I only took it out when it was time to ask for donations again. But with the Marshes back home again I had to be careful they didn't know anything was up. During the last donation I warned everyone to not speak a word of it or give money to the Marshes directly or they'd really be suspicious. I guess people complied because the Marshes had no idea what was going on at all.

Even though Stan had returned to good ol' South Park yet again it was not the best of visits. Now that he was home he was expected to help make the house look presentable for when his family arrived that Friday. When Stan wasn't preparing the house he was resting from the effects of both chemo and anemia. He had also been prescribed three different vitamins along with his other medication he had to take daily to control the effects of his anemia. He had to defiantly make sure not to overdo anything and listen to his parents and doctors. I wanted to believe this trip back home would have been better; I don't know who I was kidding thinking that.

Stan's visits had been the same by now. He'd come home, his friends would be waiting by his door to hear the latest before telling him the latest. Things would be fine for a short while before Mrs. Marsh warned us to not do anything extravagant and to take it easy. And now we had no choice but to listen. Stan was sicker now than he was other visits back home. No doubt we didn't want to be the ones responsible for landing him in Hell's Pass Hospital. So Stan's visits back home consisted of us inside most of the time playing video games or with toys which was fun and everything but it sucked knowing how much Stan wanted to run around the park or something. But that day before we gave the Marshes their vacation fund, I decided to bring up the info I had printed up about leukemia.

"Hey Stan, I was doing some research the other day and well, I think you might like to know what I found," I informed him as we sat up in his room doing nothing.

"Research about what?" Stan asked.

"Well, leukemia," I said carefully.

"Oh."

"I know you hate thinking about it on your off days but I really think you might like to know what I've been finding. You know, instead of getting a confusing explanation of something I can do the research for you. It might be better hearing it from a friend than a doctor," I tried, hoping he'd listen to what I was saying.

Stan tossed aside the empty candy bar wrapper in his hand to his trashcan where it missed. "Fine, what did you find?"

I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a couple folded sheets of paper. "First off, I looked up what might be some of the causes as to why you might have it. I know you wanted to get a definite answer to that," I looked at his face and my paper.

"I was told there really isn't a know cause for any kind of cancer," Stan hugged his knees.

"Okay, but, well listen to this: apparently high exposures to _radiation_ might put someone more at risk. Do you think that might be true to you?"

"What? Since when have I been exposed to radiation? Wait…" he held onto his head as if he were developing a headache. "We've done so much shit over the years I can't even remember if I was ever exposed to radiation. But isn't that that stuff you come in contact with during x-rays? I've had my share of x-rays of my body and teeth before; I don't think that has to do with it…"

"Okay," I looked down and tried another. "Being exposed to chemicals increases your odds of developing cancer too. According to this"-

"Stop, please"- Stan held up a hand. "Look Kyle, I appreciate you doing this for me but like you said, I don't want to hear it. At least not right now. Maybe if I'm really bored during treatment next time you can tell me but I really want to not think of my crippling body right now. My mom's family is coming up here in a few days; I want to think about that and only that."

"I- sure dude, of course." I sighed as I put the papers back in my pocket. I wasn't going to give up on finding a cause of the cancer for Stan, not at all. If I could so much as to do something for his cure too, I'd consider it a miracle.

Speaking of miracles… the sixteenth came and I held up one last donation rally by the South Park Grocery in hopes of adding the last bit of money to the Smiles for Stan Fund jar for the Marsh's summer vacation. Mom and Dad were over at 2001 Bonzana Street just to make sure no one in the family would go out and find out what was going on at the final second. Of course Cartman was doing what he was best at- flapping his lips, but luckily it was for a good reason this time and he managed to get an older lady to place in an extra five bucks into the jar before she walked away.

"This really is such a great thing you're doing Kyle," Wendy told me as she added to the jar.

"Hey, I'm part of it too bitch," Cartman spat.

The black-haired girl rolled her eyes. "I hope Stan's family has a good time the next two weeks. I'm not doing anything for summer but I hoped Stan might have…"

"Yeah. He needs a vacation more than any of us. His Make-a-Wish wish was hardly one. He got really sick the day after," I explained. "But thanks Wendy."

She nodded and walked away, head low. Maybe she had not yet gotten over her 'break-up' with Stan yet.

"Kyle! It's two o'clock!" Butters cried suddenly.

"Crap! We have to get this money out to them now. Thank-you everyone, thanks so much for contributing again! You will feel so good knowing it is for a good cause! Don't forget, donations for the Smiles for Stan Fund to cover his medical expenses and travel will begin tomorrow okay? Thanks again." With the help of Cartman and Kenny and Butters, we gathered everything and hurried off to the Marsh House. I didn't want to make the fund a big thing so I casually walked in with a smile.

"Hey everyone," I greeted and with the help of Butters, placed the heavy jar on the kitchen table where the parents were talking.

"Kyle… what's this?" Mrs. Marsh asked as she set aside her teacup.

"This? Oh, I guess I forgot to mention. This is the money you and your family will be spending during your summer vacation for the next two weeks," I answered with the same calm airy tone.

"What?" Mr. Marsh frowned.

Mom was smiling now too. "Oh yes, I think we have all forgotten to tell you. The boys have been collecting donations so that you guys will be able to join your family when they come out here Friday."

"_What_?" Mrs. Marsh gasped. "I don't quite understand… we- we don't need… I mean… we don't need h-help. My parents and sister and brother were planning on"-

"We can't let your family dish out their money like that Sharon. We felt we should, well, you explain everything bubbeleh," Mom looked my way.

"I wanted to have the community give back to you guys so you can have a good summer vacation this year," I said.

"Stan- Stanley!" Mrs. Marsh cried. "Come downstairs sweetie!"

"What?" Stan was rubbing his eyes; it looked as if he had just gotten up from a nap.

Mrs. Marsh just pointed at the jar, tears in her eyes.

"What's that?" Stan asked.

"All the money you and your family will be spending for the next two weeks dude," I repeated, amused by my best friend's stunned face.

It took a while to calm Mrs. Marsh down as she kept going on how her family would have gladly have provided the money for vacation this year but as usual, Mom was having none of this. We told them how the town got together to help them out on vacation before explaining about the true intentions of the new Smiles for Stan Foundation. Mr. Marsh shook his head when he found this out at first, stating he did not want his family to be some charity case. Eventually we convinced him it was a good thing people would be making donations to it for years to come until Stan reached remission before I might take the charity further. The thought that they could now have just as much fun as the Kimbles during summer, and not have to worry so much about medical bills, rent, and gas, won the Marshes over in the end.

"Do you know how much is in there?" Sharon asked as she opened the lid to the jar.

"Last I counted was $648.15 before today," I told her.

"Let's count it!" Stan suggested excited.

I happily dumped out the load with Stan and everyone pitched in to place all the bills and coins into separate columns to count it all. The grade total came to be $780 even.

"Anything you don't use just keep," Dad said as he patted Mr. Marsh on the back.

"Sheila... Gerald… boys…" Mrs. Marsh looked at all of us. "We can't thank you enough."

"I convinced everyone to dump their wallets," Cartman trusted a thumb to his chest.

"It's the least we can do you guys, really. I love this family, I'll do whatever I can to help you guys out, always," I promised as I looked up at Stan's mother and father.

Stan gripped my shoulder. "Dude… you never seize to amaze me."

"Dude, this is hardly anything. After you went through all that to save me when I needed a new kidney… plus other times I'm sure, I have to do this. And I don't mind it one bit," I said seriously.

Friday the sixteenth. It was very gratifying to know that Stan and his family went into their car and drove off to Denver Airport to pick up Mrs. Marsh's parents and that later that evening the rest of the family would arrive in South Park by car. I was very happy to give them something they truly deserved. Better yet, take away some of the stress of their financial situation. Now that the charity was in effect, there would always be money to fall back on if they needed it. And they were very grateful for it. Without a doubt the smiles for Stan would be able to continue further and longer after this moment. It was one of the smallest things I had ever done for my friend but had the biggest and longest impact.

_I hoped you liked this chapter. Next one shall be very fun to write and I hope you are up to meeting some more original characters (insert smile). Please leave a review to tell me your thoughts, thanks!_

_Lots of love: Rose, March 11, 2011_


	11. All I Want is a Little of the Good Life

**ALL I WANT IS A LITTLE OF THE GOOD LIFE**

A/N_: For those of you who are wondering about the happier side of things in the story- even though I am writing a story about a boy suffering from a terminal disease, that does not mean every moment of his life has to be filled with pain. Stan and his family deserve a break from constant hospital visits and need to be reminded that there are still plenty of happy moments life has to offer._

Stan's POV

_July 20h, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Okay, if you didn't already know my mom's side of the family is here for summer vacation! ! We always see each other every two or three years during the summer. Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter see us most though since they are retired and everything and can travel. Before I tell you about my day let me give you a breef discription about my family so you know who I am talking about and get to know them a bit better okay? There is my mom's older brother Jeffrey- or Uncle Jeff. He and his wife Aunt Kathryn have five kids. Here they are:_

_Jesse- he's 17 and has brown hair. He's mean to me and a bit of a jerk. He likes teasing us younger cousins_

_Cassandra or 'Cassie'- she's 16 and always walks around with her blond hair in a ponytail. She is just like her brother, both love picking on us kids, and I'm their number one target for some reason_

_Molly- she's 15 with light brown hair. Sometimes she teases me but most of the time no. She can be really cool and is almost like the older sister I wished I had_

_Spencer- he's 7 with wavy dirty blond hair with the T&P (Terrance and Philip) shirt. He's cool and fun. We're the only ones of the cousins who like Terrance and Philip so we bond over that. He also has asthma like me which is pretty funny_

_Lauren- Spencer's twin sister. She has blond pigtails. I don't play with her as much since we don't have anything in common but she likes cats so she's cool in that part!_

_Uncle Jeff and Aunt Kathryn had three kids in three years and thought that was enogh. Then they desided to try for another and got twins! Pretty funny. Then there is Mom's sister and her family. My mom's sister is Aunt Maggie. Together with Uncle Paul they have four kids:_

_Cole- he's 11 with the wild brown hair. Of all the cousins we get along the best. He's really cool and loves the beach and water and skateboarding and he's kind of like an older brother to me. We always have fun together_

_Julia or 'Jules'- she's 10 with the brown hair and blue headband. I get along fine with her too since she's very active and everything. She isn't too girly but she does have a large collection of dolls_

_Jackson- he's 6 with the short brown hair and red shirt. We don't play much since he's still into all those 'little kid' things. But if we need a little person to do something for us he usually obeys and isn't annoying about it like his little sister_

_Elizabeth or 'Lizzie'- she's 4 with a ribbon in her gold hair. She is the definition of 'annoying little girl'. She is always in our business and annoying and since she's the youngest, has everyone doting on her. She's also the tipacal iratating little girl who loves pink and princess stuff. But she's my cousin so I have to love her_

_That's my cousins in a nutshell. Now you know about pretty much everybody in my family I'll get back to the events of the day. This morning Mom woke me up earlier than usual so everyone could do one last look around the house to make sure it was neat and ready for everyone. After breakfast we drove off to Denver to pick up my grandparents. (It felt great to drive there and not have the reason be me going to Children's Hospital). Of corse they were way too happy to see us. Since the airport is a huge place with lots of people and everything I had to wear one of those surgical masks over my nose and mouth as an extra percation. It was embarasing when people kept giving me looks but I tried to ignore it. Grandma Ellen scooped me in her arms as soon as she saw me._

"Oh Stanley, how are you doing baby?" she gave me a wet kiss on my cheek, making me blush.

"I'm okay Grandma," I said honestly.

"Are you sure?" she set me down and looked into my eyes seriously.

_I nodded._

"Sharon, are you sure it's okay for him to be out in such a populated area?" Grandma asked, looking at her dahgter.

"Mom, it's fine. His doctor said as long as we are cautious about bacteria and germs he can be around others," Mom rolled her eyes. "I wouldn't bring him if I thought he'd get sick."

_Grandma was still worried about me but desided Mom was telling the truth and left it at that. As soon as Grandpa took hold of his luggage from that moving luggage rack thing, he bent down to open it._

"Wait until you and Shelley see what we got you!" he smiled.

"Dad!" Mom stepped forward.

"Don't start lecturin' your own father about how to show your kids we love 'em," Grandpa waved a hand.

Mom sighed. "Can it at least wait until we get home Dad?"

"All right, I guess it can," he rolled his eyes and got back to his feet.

_Shelley and I chuckled. Since everyone else would be arriving in South Park we hopped into the car and drove those four hours back home. We ate a late lunch on the way back before Shelley and I helped our grandparents into the guest room where they would be staying. Once settled Grandpa opened his suitcase again and handed over wrapped gifts for Shelley and myself. _

"Thanks Grandpa," Shelley smiled after she opened a board game about horses called Stable Race.

"Yeah, this is great," I smiled after opening a 1,000 piece Terrance and Philip puzzle.

"Should keep you kids occupied during… things," Grandpa shrugged before putting away some clothes in the closet.

_My parents, grandparents, sister, and I talked the rest of the afternoon before Mom got a call from Uncle Jeff that he would be arriving in another hour or so. I waited outside the house with Shelley. That's when Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny showed up._

"Everyone here yet fag?" Cartman asked as he tossed a football in the air.

"Not yet but my uncle is coming soon," I told him.

Cartman sighed as he looked at his watch. "It's almost dinner time. Do we have to wait for his stupid family to arrive?" he whined.

"Go if you're so bored!" Kyle remarked.

_Cartman sighed angrily but didn't move. I've been getting the feeling lately he kinda misses me not being around every day but that could be silly thinking. Right on q, I saw my aunt and uncle's mini van in the distance._

"Mom! They're here! They're here!" I cried.

"See you dude," Kyle smiled and forced Cartman down the street so I could have time with my family.

_Uncle Jeff pulled into the driveway and got out just as Mom and Dad and Grandma and Grandpa got out the house. After Uncle Jeff kissed his mother on the cheek and pulled Mom into a hug in that usual brotherly fashion he went over to me._

"How are you doing Stan?" he asked, getting down on a knee.

"Okay I think," I shrugged.

_He smiled and was about to take off my hat for a hair ruffle when I quietly told him I didn't have any._

"Right, right, I'm sorry kid."

"Don't be," I said softly before he gave me a strong one-armed hug.

_After the hellos from the adults my cousins went around to greet Shelley and I. As usual Molly was the first to greet me. She pulled me tightly into a hug and asked how I was doing before I told her I was okay, just like I did to everyone else. After Molly said hello to me Spencer raced over. He didn't touch me at first, he stood there looking afraid._

"I won't get you or Lauren sick, it's okay," I passed off.

_Spencer smiled before slugging me although that's when Mom quickly stepped in and gave our cousins a short lecture on being very careful about hitting and rough-housing with me._

"She really expects us not to rough-house? Is she crazy?" Spencer said, mouth open in shock.

"Yeah, it sucks. But we can do other things," I reassured.

He thought for a moment. "Okay! Hey Stan, did you see that commercial on the Canada Channel the other day? There's supposed to be a summer special of Terrance and Philip at the end of July!"

"Yeah, I can't wait! It's going to be an hour-long special!" I smiled before we gave each other high-fives.

"Hey Stan, where's your new cat?" Lauren asked.

"Inside, probably in my room," I told her.

_The last to greet me were Jesse and Cassie, not like I was in any way surprised. Only this time something different was about them. Instead of pushing me down until my face met the dirt as a 'hello nice to see you after a year' they didn't say anything. Jesse avoided my eyes and Cassie was looking at her fingers. Molly came forward and glared at her older sibs._

"Hello dweebs? Aren't you even going to say hi to him?" she demanded.

Jesse sighed. "_God_, just go away Molly."

"Yeah right! Our little cousin is really really sick and you don't even care!"

"Go away Miss Perfect!" Cassie pushed Molly out of the way.

Jesse sighed again. "Man… okay fine. Dude, Stan, sucks about your cancer."

"Yeah, really blows," Cassie chimed in. With that they went into the house with everyone else.

"I hate living with them sometimes, I really do," Molly told me.

"It doesn't matter. I wasn't expecting them to say much more anyway," I looked up at her.

Molly smiled and went down to me. "Want a piggy-back ride back inside Stan?"

_I was about to agree before Shelley stepped to the scene. She glared at Molly before putting her arm around me and guiding me inside herself. She's been doing things like this lately. Nothing huge, just little things to show that she cares about me. And I know she does or she wouldn't be doing it. I kinda like it. An hour after Uncle Jeff arrived Aunt Maggie and Uncle Paul's car came down the street. It was more chaos now as there were an extra six people to hug, kiss, and ask how they have been. And once again I was squeezed by Aunt Maggie and Uncle Paul. And as usual Cole was the first one to seek me out from all the people. He pulled me into a small hug and asked how I was doing. You can guess what I told him._

"Man, I can't believe it dude. You. Of all people _you_," he shook his head.

"Guess you don't really think something like this can happen to someone you know. Much less a family member," I heard Jules say as she apeared.

"I've gotten used to it at this point so I'm past that 'why me' part," I shrugged.

"Are you gonna die?" Lizzie asked me, hugging that blanket of hers I think she's too old to be carrying around.

"He's not going to die, Mommy said so. Right?" Jackson looked at me, worried.

"I'm not going to die," I said calmly.

"Mom told you not to ask him that," Cole reminded his little brother and sister.

"Are you _bald_?" Lizzie ignored him.

I frowned. "Yes."

"Wow! I've never seen you bald! I wanna see!" Jackson jumped.

_My younger cousins kinda make me not want a little brother or sister. Good thing too because I'm Mom's 'baby' and I know she would never ever have another kid. Once everyone settled in I went to help Mom and Grandma with dinner and helped set the table (and another smaller one) for all 17 of us. Dinner was loud which was to be expecting with so many people. I sat on the end next to Molly as I ate most of Grandma's famous beef stew before I had to call it quits. The chinking of the plates and utensals was giving me a headach as was everyone's voices and constant glances at me and asking how I was feeling. I had to excuse myself and lie on the couch to get away from it all. Of course Lizzie had to make things worse by chasing my kitten Chelsea around the living room after she 'was full'. _

"Mommy! The kitty hurt me!" she suddenly cried.

"Oh dear…" Aunt Maggie went over to see what was wrong.

"Bad kitty!" she went to push my kitten when I pushed her back.

"Maybe if you didn't chase her she wouldn't scratch you!" I snapped before scooping my cat in my hands.

"Lizzie…animals don't like when you chase them around. It only makes them upset," Aunt Maggie told her.

'But Mommy!"

"C'mon, let's leave Stanley's kitty alone okay? Sit next to me…"

_I really do not like that little girl at times. When I was four I knew not to pull a cat's tail and other stuff! The rest of the night went like this. My Uncle Jeff and Aunt Kathryn took their kids to one of South Park's only two nice hotels, South Park Suits where they would be staying for the next two nights. Aunt Maggie and everyone left too although Cole wanted to stay the night at our house which was cool. Aunt Maggie dragged off an over-tired Lizzie who was crying about wanting to play with my kitten and soon enough the house was quiet again. Cole slept in a sleeping bag on my floor that night where we stayed up and talked and stuff before the next day. _

_Today- (Tuesday) was pretty boring. We just went around South Park. Mom took her brother, sister, and their kids out and about the town. Meanwhile I stayed behind at home playing video games with Cole. That really was the extent of today. But my bag is packed for tomorrow 'cause we're all going to drive out to Denver for a Rockies game and the day after that- WATER WORLD! So I'll close for now._

_Stan_

_July 21nd, 2010_

_Jornal-_

_Had an awesome time at the Rockies game tonight. They beat the Phillies by one run! It was so crazy. Even Cole, who is more into the water-type of sports had a good time. He tried teaching me some things about surfing last summer when I was in California, if I have time I'll try to teach him a thing or two about baseball. Anyway, going to go to bed, tired, and have to get enough sleep for WATER WORLD tomorrow!_

_Stan_

_July 23rd, 2010_

_Hey jornal!_

_I had such a fun time yesterday at Water World! Let me tell you about it:_

_Well we were all in Denver already from the night before so it was esier to wake everyone up and head out there. But the trip didn't come without percation for me of course. Mom had to ladle tons of sun screen all over my body- including my head, just to make sure I was as covered from the sun as could be. The sun was out too so I had to wear shades to protect my eyes. Mom even had to make sure my sandals were sturdy enouf just in case a rock or something went into it and I might bleed, I dunno. It was embarasing to be fused over like that but Mom kept saying it was the first time I had been out in a highly populated area for hours on end so the safer I was the better. When we got there we rented out a cabana so that was sweet._

_The first thing that we did was go to Wally World, the little kid section of the park. It was fun but got boring quickly since the stuff there was sooted for kids younger than me, although that one waterful was really cool! But Cole and me and the older kids wanted more exsitment so we went on the Ragin' Colorado next. I went on it with Cole and Aunt Maggie. It was really fun! I love water slides, espesally the ones where you sit on a raft with other people. Really fun. After that we went on The Storm. I went on it with Aunt Maggie again, this time with Jackson and even Lizzie who wanted a thrill. We stayed at Silly Shores for an hour or so which is like a big kid's version of Wally World. The slides are better and everything. After that was lunch where I had to rest a while. I did notice throughout the day people would glance or stare at me. Obviously they weren't used to seeing a kid my age completely bald with barely-there eyebrows. It was a little uncomforatable but Mom would scoot me along if she caght someone staring a lot of the times. But one thing I did overhear as we were walking to another water slide from a teenage guy to his friend was 'Dude, that kid looks like he has cancer.' _

_Okay, I have to tell you about one of my favorite rides there! It's Voyage to the Center of the Earth. It is so cool, as you ride inside this dark room dinasors and everything roar and leap out and everything. It is so cool; I went on it three times! The only downside of the day beside the ocasanal stares and feeling slightly sick was some of the rides I couldn't go on because I was too short. There were plenty thrill rides that looked cool but the parents and older cousins and Shelley got to go on but not me. It was strange though, after Shelley went on the Space bowl (a ride I really wanted to go on) she saw me sitting on a bench nearby and put a hand on my shoulder and said, 'Don't worry Stan, in a few years you'll be tall enough to go on it.' like I mentioned before, she's been doing little things like that lately. I like it but I don't know if I should get used to it or not. Maybe considering she feels bad about how sick I am and until I'm in remission years from now, she's not going to stop. Oh, and it was fun to see Cole show off his surfing skills on 'The Wave'. _

_All in all I had a really really fun time. Water parks are so much fun and Water World is a lot better than Pi Pi Splashtown's water park. Cartman thinks so too and I know is super jealous that I got to go and he didn't. But anyway, family hike tomorrow. Hope I can do it, I don't know though._

_Stan_

_July 24th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Just got back home from the hike today. As always I will tell you how it went:_

_First off, we went on a two and a half mile hike in Boulder called the Stone Canyon Trail. Mom packed everything for us (well, me, her, Dad, and Shelley) the night before. Before we drove off Uncle Jeff picked up KFC so we could eat it at the designated picnic area of the trail. The weather was partly cloudy but Grandma was determined to not let any of us down. We parked at the head of the trail before we began. Of course Lizzie was already acting like a brat._

"How _long_ is it going to take?" she moaned to her mom.

"It shouldn't be too long Lizzie, I think we are all going to have a lot of fun," Aunt Maggie told her.

"I don't want to go if it's too long," she crossed her arms.

"How can you stand her every day dude?" I asked Cole as Grandma made sure we were loaded with anti-bug spray.

"I try to ignore it and hope she grows out of it," he smirked.

_I raised a brow._

"They never grow out of it Cole," I heard Shelley say as she passed us, looking my direction.

"Hey! I wasn't as bad as her when I was four!" I said in defense.

"Oh please turd, you were just like her. Always crying about something stupid and getting away with everything from Mom and Dad because you were the youngest."

_I crossed my arms and glared. Before I knew it Mom was fussing over me again._

"Are your shoes on nice and tight Stan?" she asked.

"Yes Mom."

"Are you sure? What about your laces? You made sure they were tied well so you won't trip over them right?"

"_Yes_ Mom."

"Grandma put sunscreen on you already right? And the Bug-Off spray?"

"Yes Mom!"

"I have your sunglasses too in case the sun bothers your eyes"-

"Mom, I'll be fine. You act like I've never been on a hike before," I told her.

_She raised an eyebrow._

"Well, you know, before March…"

She shook her head. "I am triple checking we have enough water, your inhaler, and first-aid kit, just in case something happens."

"Okay Mom, you're embarrassing me…" I looked over where Cole was standing, smiling.

_And so the hike began. It was curvy but flat in the beginning but soon we began climbing higher and higher and more pine trees encased the area. Ten minutes in I could already hear Lizzie behind me complaining._

"All this is is walking? I'm _bored_!"

_It was when we were a half hour into the hike when I tripped over a rock and landed on the uneven pathway, cutting my arm. I tried not to panic as I saw it dripping freely with blood as soon as I held out my arm but it did hurt. Mom of course looked worried but Aunt Maggie told her she'd take care of it and Mom went back to the trail with the others. Aunt Maggie stayed behind to tend to my cut before we went to catch up with the took a little while for her to clean it since it bled so easily and I had to have the bandage changed before we ate lunch. Besides tripping outside Children's Hospital on my very first day of chemo I have not cut or bruised myself since. That's why I was a little hesitant to go on this hike, but Dr. Fohlkoly did say as long as I was careful and took extra percation I should be okay. I trust him; I know I will not bleed to death the next time I cut myself._

_Not long after the injury was I beginning to feel tired. Molly saw this and went over._

"Want a ride the rest of the way up?" she asked.

"Yeah," I smiled as I hopped onto her back.

"The view from up top is supposed to be really nice, no way do I want you to miss out on it since you're feeling tired 'cuz," she told me.

_I looked over to see Shelley glaring up at me. I honestly think she is jealous about Molly. As if she's taking over her role as my big sister. She's never been this way in the past, only since I was diagnosed. Well until Shelley offers me a free ride on her back I can't do much about that. But I do feel kinda bad. The end of the hike was a beautiful postcard-worthy view of the surrounding hills and mountains around. We took it in for a nice long half hour (to rest too) before making our way back down. I was feeling lightheaded at this point and Dad gave me a ride on his back halfway in before Uncle Jeff took over. _

_After the hike we had our KFC lunch before Mom drove me back to the apartment so I could rest while everyone else went off for more sight-seeing. _

"Are you sure you're feeling okay?" Mom asked as I stretched onto the couch.

"Yeah," I nodded. "Just tired."

_I stayed home the rest of the day. I didn't do much during the night but watch a movie with my parents, Shelley, and Cole who stayed the night too. (He's going to be sleeping on the couch). So yeah, that's how today went. Tomorrow I have to go in for a short chemo session which should be interesting considering my whole family is out there and will want to see just what I go through. But it should only be for a short while so they shouldn't be staying around as I go through treatment too long. Anyway… I'm getting tired so I'm going to close._

_Stan_

_July 25th, 2010_

_Hey jornal,_

_Not a big day today. I woke and had a light breakfast before Grandma and Grandpa drove me to Children's Hospital for treatment so my parents could have some rest. They were very grateful for it. I stayed in a different room on a big comfy chair during treatment since it only lasted five hours so I didn't really need to be in my room in the hospital. Once the drugs began I sat and tried to watch TV. Before I knew it Aunt Maggie and Uncle Jeff arrived with Shelley, Cole, Jules, and Molly. I told them they would be bored waiting around but they still stayed to keep me company. I was happy the younger kids didn't come otherwise I'd be really stressed. Five hours later everyone went out to drive back to the apartment where they would wait around before going shopping and visiting Cherry Creek. Molly and Shelley were the last ones to leave my room as I slowly got out of my chair._

"Do you want a ride out the hospital cuz?" Molly asked.

I looked down. "Naw, it's okay."

"Sure? You look a little weak and wobbly."

"I'll be fine."

_She shrugged and walked out. I looked over at Shelley who looked back at me without any real expression on her face. I frowned._

"Shelley… can you help me out?"

_Shelley looked as if I had slapped her in the face instead of ask a favor. But she looked to the door uncomfortably before walking towards me. I wrapped my arms around her neck and she lifted me up and carried my light fifty-something pound body out to meet up with the rest of the family._

_I'm going to close now; I have to get ready 'cause we're all going to go out to the movies. Write in you later._

_Stan_

**SPSP**

_I don't think there is much to say but thank-you for reading and reviewing. Please continue to do so!_

_Lots of love: Rose March 21, 2011_


	12. When Life Gives you Lemons

**WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS…**

_A/N__: Again, all details of places and medical-related things come from the internet, books, and videos. All attractions mentioned are real Colorado landmarks. The rest is from my own mind._

_Sharon's POV_

_July 27th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_How are you? I have been having a wonderful time with my family who has come out to visit us from California. I gave you a brief description on everything that has happened since last week but I promise you will get a better layout on my activities from now on. Today everyone went to Cripple Creek and Seven Falls. Cripple Creek is a bit like a little ghost town would be the best way to describe it. It has shops and museums and attractions for the whole family, all set out on what used to be a gold mine. Now it hosts many events that we got to have a taste of. It was so wonderful to go, I have wanted to take Shelley and Stanley there for years but never have. It is a lot of fun to experience something with a child for the very first time. We woke early so we could drive out to Colorado Springs to get there in time. The first thing we did was visit the Jail Museum where we got to learn about the outlaws of the time period of what is dubbed 'The World's Greatest Gold Camp'. I took several funny shots of the kids in the jail cell. My favorite one is of Stan looking out of the bars of a cell with his cowboy hat on (Maggie insisted everyone buy a cowboy hat before we went). The look on his face is so cute! _

_We also visited the Cripple Creek District Museum and saw many old photographs and artifacts from the 1800s. It wasn't as interesting to any of the kids (save Molly and Cole who both love history class in school). However, the highlight of the day for the kids was the Cripple Creek Heritage Center and Victor Narrow Gauge Railroad. There was much to see and learn about in the Heritage Center. Yes learn. The kids didn't seem to notice they were taking in information about the state's past. The only one who was bored on and off was little Lizzie, bless her. There was a mock-cave where the kids could climb in and was also the spot for more picture-perfect opportunities. Of course the one with Stan's face peeking out is a personal favorite. I have so many pictures of him smiling and laughing and having a fun time on this vacation, it is remarkable. I cannot thank the Broflovskis enough for doing this for us. Anyway… the last stop we made was the Victor Narrow Gauge Railroad, a forty minute ride on an authentic locomotive throughout the town. We took in some fantastic scenery and views; everyone loved it and agreed it was the best part of the trip. Poor Jackson kept crying to my sister he wanted to ride it again._

_It is amazing how something as simple as a train ride can make you feel like a child. I know I felt like one as my kids pointed things out on the ride. After Cripple Creek we decided to end the day at another beautiful location in Colorado Springs, Seven Falls. A beautiful area with a cascading waterfall that has seven twists in it, thus, called Seven Falls. By this point Stan was getting very tired and sadly could not follow his family up the 224 steps up the side of the waterfall. I know it bummed him out greatly; he always wanted to climb up those steps. And it's not even his anemia or leukemia- I didn't think it would be a good thing for his asthma either. Maggie decided it was best Spencer not go up either. I have only been to Seven Falls once before in my teen years and I remember how long it took to climb up and up. While it did make my son upset it was for the best. To compensate I allowed him to buy whatever gift he wanted at the gift shop- he chose a purple shirt and four types of fudge from the candy shop, so that made him happy. _

_It was defiantly one of my favorite days from our vacation so far. A lot of wonderful memories and some great pictures! Tomorrow we will be going to Royal Gorge. Stan is super excited so I will be sure to fill you in on how it went._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_July 28th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_Today everyone went to Royal Gorge; one of the highest suspended bridges in the world. You know Stanley; he loves a good thrill so this was right up his alley. The first thing we did was take a ride on the Incline Railway. What a fantastic experience! We got into this red steel car thing and went down between the Gorge, the Arkansas River right below us. It was fantastic, absolutely breath-taking. Everyone loved it. Stan couldn't stop raving how beautiful the scenery was and how cool it was to feel like he was traveling right into a mountain. I agree, defiantly one of the best things we had seen yet. After the Incline Railway we walked a bit before going on the Aerial Tram. Now I'm not afraid of heights but wow… going across the gorge in just this cable car, looking down and seeing the river below… it was a little unnerving. Of course Stan loved it and wanted to ride it again. _

_There was of course a downside to the trip; Stanley wanted to have a go on the Sky Coaster. It's one of those rides you are harnessed into protective gear and fly over a great height. Now I think you must be crazy if you want to go soaring over the Royal Gorge at exactly 1,200 feet at 50 MPH. The minimum height was 48" so Stan could have gone but there was no way I was going to allow him to. I didn't need to see my baby boy sweeping over a river more than one thousand feet up. Like Seven Falls, he was disappointed, especially when he saw his cousins Jesse and Cassie gear up, as well as Shelley. _

"When I'm not sick anymore can we _please_ go back here?" Stan asked me as he watched them.

"Um…" I bit my lip.

"Please Mom? I really wanna go on the Sky Coaster. It looks so fucking sweet!"

"We'll see baby."

"Why not? I'm already tall enough. If it's just my sick and weak body that's telling you to say no then there's no reason for me not to go on it after I reach remission," my son elaborated.

I caressed his head. "If it's something you really want to do…"

"I know!" Stan suddenly gasped. "How 'bout I get to go on it as a celebration once I hit remission? Huh Mom? Like after Dr. Fohlkoly tells us I no longer have the cancer, I get to go on this as a celebration that I'm no longer sick! What if I do that?"

I smiled. "If you really want to do it, I think that's a great idea honey."

"Really?"

I nodded. "It can be something for you to look forward to."

_Thank goodness he thought of that, I didn't have to feel guilty anymore for telling him no. The final stop at the Royal Gorge was to of course walk across the bridge. The younger kids and even Jules did not want to go across for it was too high and windy so my parents stayed behind with them while the rest of us walked across. He may not have been able to soar above the bridge like his sister and cousins did but Stanley was thrilled to be able to be on the bridge and look over to see the Arkansas River below. He was feeling too lightheaded after he crossed so Molly took the liberty of carrying him back. It was a fun day even if we hit a few glitches. Tomorrow isn't going to be very planned-packed; I think we all want a calm day. But sadly the day after is the last day for my brother and sister. I cannot believe it arrived so soon, two weeks felt like one. My parents will stay over until Sunday before their flight leaves. We are going to spend our final day together at Elitch Gardens in Denver. Everyone is looking forward to it; a day of rides and fun. I'm excited too! It's been a few years since I was last on a roller coaster. _

_Talk to you tomorrow night hopefully,_

_Love, Sharon_

_July 30th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_Let me tell you about our fun-filled day at Elitch Gardens!_

_First of all it is a place Shelley and Stanley have begged me to go for years. We did go before when they were younger. Shelley was seven and Stan three but they were too young to remember much and too small to go on all the desired rides. So it was a lot more exciting to go this time where they could ride whatever they wanted (a select few Stan was still too short to ride). We paid our tickets and walked into the theme park. Before anything I handed over a surgical mask to my son to lessen the chances he'd breathe in any germs or harmful substances in the park. I noticed Stan biting his lip._

"Are you okay honey?" I asked.

"Fine Mom."

"I know you don't like wearing the mask in public but for safety reasons"-

"It's not that Mom."

"It isn't? Are you sure?"

"Really, look"- Stan placed the mask over his nose and mouth.

"Then what's with the troubled look on your face?"

Even with the mask on I knew he was chewing his lip again. "I'm afraid I might puke on some of the rides."

"Oh." I in turn bit my lip before placing my hand on his head. "I think you'll do fine honey. The important thing you do is not overdo anything. If you get hot or lightheaded I have plenty of water. If you can't stand in line for a ride I'm sure one of us will hold you until our turn is next on the ride."

"It's always hard to avoid me throwing up, but I'll try to hold it in. I'm at fucking Elitch Gardens, I can't let puke stop me from doing something."

"_Stanley_," I said sternly. I give up on my son and cursing but the F word is one I still do not want him using.

_The first ride that was up was one everyone could ride- the Tea Cup ride. Stan frowned as he watched the cups spin around and around. He had only been on spinning tea cups once in his life and that was at Disneyland back when he was five. He had not been on them since for fear he would throw up again. _

"Remember, you don't have to go on everything if you don't want to," I told him as we got in line.

He gulped as he continued to watch the other guests on the ride. He looked at me. "I- I'll go."

"Are you sure?"

_He nodded._

"Okay, who wants to sit with Aunt Sharon and Stan?" Jesse called who was behind us. "Alert to anyone since Stan wants to ride the tea cups!"

"Shut-up!" Stan crossed his arms.

_When it was our turn Stan and I went over to a red tea cup. After a moment's pause Cole decided he would join us, saying he'd be okay if he was puked on since things like that didn't faze him. Stan took off his face mask when the ride began. While their older cousins and uncles spun their cups around and around I made sure to not move ours one bit. Stan was already trying to hold it together thirty seconds in the ride. But sadly he did what he was trying to avoid- almost two minutes in the ride he leaned over and threw- up over the middle of the cup and onto his pants. I grabbed another pair of jeans from the car after the ride while Randy took him into the bathroom to clean up his now soiled ones. _

"Damn…" he said after he got out of the bathroom.

"I'm sorry dear," I sighed. "But try to hold it in next time okay?"

"Yeah, you didn't bring another pair of pants if he does!" Jesse remarked and Cassie laughed.

_We went on the Ferris wheel after which was a lot more soothing on Stan's sensitive stomach. By this point everyone above Stan's age, including my son, were eager to go on a roller coaster. So the grandparents took Spencer, Lauren, Jackson, and Lizzie to the kiddie part of the park and we went to find a coaster to stand in line for. We went on Twister II first. It was a lot of fun, defiantly one of my favorites of the day. A classic wooden coaster with plenty of thrills for me. Then again I love rides so I'm pretty excited to go on any. I shared a seat with my brother while Shelley shared one with Randy, and Stan went with my sister. The ride we went on next was Boomerang. I remember it being another favorite of mine when I went with the kids years ago. You climb up and up before blasting forward through loops and turns only to ride backwards again. It was a lot of fun! I rode it with Shelley, Stan rode with Randy. Jesse and Cassie looked confused as Stan got off the ride cheering for another round._

"How does someone get sick on the fucking tea cup ride but not a roller coaster?" Jesse commented.

"I think spinning is what makes me throw-up on rides, twists and turns, not so much!" Stan beamed.

_By this time everyone was feeling knackered so it was defiantly time for lunch. I kept a good watch on my son to make sure he ate well and drank enough water during lunch, and throughout the day made sure he drank plenty of fluids and kept his mouth moist, just like back home. It can become very parched and dry now and extra nourishment is a must (not to mention he has a mouth sore). For him it's a plus since it means he can have a lot more popsicles than he used to. Of course it made Lizzie upset whenever she saw._

"How come Stan gets _another_ Ice Rocket and I don't?" she cried to her mother.

_We also went on Sidewinder which was fun but not as scary as Boomerang. Throughout the day Stan had to wear his mask whenever he stood in line or was in close proximity of other people. He would always take it off when he got in the ride. He also wore his little poof ball hat to protect his head against the sun that beat down on the concrete and sunglasses to protect his eyes. (And not to mention layers of sunscreen). The final ride we went on was Mind Eraser and it was defiantly the scariest. Very loopy and your feet dangle below as you ride. Stan just barely was able to get on (you have to be at least 52" and he's 53"). As we stood in line for an hour Stanley became increasingly nervous as he watched others take their turn on the red track. He didn't know who he wanted to ride with until it was almost our turn at the gate. That's when the very sweet moment happened; he asked Shelley to be the one next to him on the ride. _

"No way turd," she stuck up her nose. "I don't want you throwing up on me."

"_Please_ Shelley? I already rode with Mom, Dad, everyone. I wanna ride with you."

_He looked almost desperate and she agreed. I have been taking note on all the little things Shelley has been doing for her little brother lately. They aren't huge, she has yet to hug him, but she's been listening to him and doing simple things he asks her to. She even cleaned up their bedroom in Denver days ago after Stanley felt too lightheaded and put away all his toys and made his bed. And as each week goes by I think Shelley is getting more used to not hitting Stan since of course, she knows she'll be grounded if we see any marks on his skin caused by her. I know Shelley feels bad for her brother and little things like this make them both happy. But back to Elitch Gardens…_

_I rode in the cart behind my kids. Poor Stanley, I could hear him screaming most of the time and as soon as the ride ended he threw-up in the nearest bush. He claimed there were too many corkscrews and his head was already feeling light. Plus he barely fit into the contraption and wasn't a fan of how it made his feet hang. _

"Thanks for holding my hand towards the end though Shelley," Stan told his big sister.

Shelley looked mortified. "I only did it 'cause I thought it would make you shut-up on the damn thing. Obviously it didn't you little baby."

"Still… thanks."

_I knew my daughter was happy with that thanks. The day finally ended and everyone was more than ready to go back to their beds to get much-needed sleep. Tomorrow my brother and sister will be heading back to California. Pretty much all the kids fell asleep on the way back to the apartment or their hotels. There really isn't anything more precious than a sleeping child. It is now close to midnight and I just checked on my kids in their bunk beds, snoozing away. Shelley is calm and quiet for once as if she isn't one of the most feared girls in school. Stanley is sleeping on his side, his kitten Chelsea curled up under his chin. Back to normal life soon enough…_

_I better go to bed before Randy starts wandering around, wondering where I am. Now if only a man sleeping in his underwear that needs to shave and stop snoring could look as cute as a sleeping child…_

_Love, Sharon_

_August 2nd, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_There is not a whole lot for me to say. I just dropped my parents off at the airport as they are now headed back home to Southern California, just as the rest of the family left a couple days ago. It will be difficult to see them go and get back to my normal routine again. Although I don't really have one of those anymore. Everyone pretty much revolves around Stan's schedule. His chemotherapy sets me up for where I will be and what days I will be working. But that's okay, as long as he's comfortable. I did however get a phone call from Tom today telling me he wants to see me tomorrow back in his office. I'm kind of nervous; I don't know what he needs to see me for. He said the past days I took off were fine and he knows I don't want him worrying over me. But we'll see. Before I forget- there is some great news. With the rest of the money from our vacation we now have the $2,000 for Stan to finally get his portacath implanted! I am so happy for him, he is going to be able to avoid a lot less needle sticks and have his arms free of tubes. The surgery will take place on the 5th so it's real soon. He's a bit nervous about it but I know he's feeling excited too. _

_I think that's all I need to say. Write in you tomorrow, love,_

_Sharon_

_August 4th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_I apologize for not writing the past couple days. Things have taken… a turn for the worse. Oh no, I don't even know how to begin. I will start with Tuesday. You remember me mentioning Tom had to see me? Well, I went back to South Park (I left Stan with a friend in Denver as Randy had to work). It was early in the morning so I had to leave around five if I wanted to meet Tom before the office opened. I parked the car once I arrived at Tom's Rhinoplasty (before nine) and stepped inside. It was empty except for Kathryn cleaning up in the main lobby._

"Hello Sharon!" she greeted with a smile.

"Hello," I smiled back.

"How is Stan doing?"

"He's doing okay. He gets his portacath inserted Thursday so we are looking forward to that."

"That's great!"

"Sharon! You're here," I heard Tom say as he opened the door to the surgery.

"You wanted to see me doctor?"

Tom sighed. "Yes, come into my office please."

_I grinned one last time to my friend Kathryn before following the man._

"I am highly curious what you wanted to see me today Tom. I don't think I have done anything for a 'serious meeting' and you know I don't"-

"Just step into my office," he cut across me. Highly unusual, he always allows me to finish my thoughts.

_And so I did. He faced me as he took a seat in his office chair so I sat across from him. The first thing he asked me was how my vacation was and how Stanley was doing. I gave him a brief layout of it before folding my hands in my lap, wanting to hear him speak. He looked slightly haggard as he ran his hand in his hair._

"First of all… Sharon, my practice isn't going as well as I planned," he began.

I sighed. "I know, things have been a bit slow for the past few months."

"They have," he nodded. "With people being money-conscious lately it seems not too many of us need or want to have our noses fixed." I didn't say anything. "I can't say I'm too surprised, the specialty clinics are always the first to go under fire. Why Dr. Carl Fredman had to pack up his things and move to Colorado Springs, hoping people would need child psychologists there." He held onto his head again. "Look, I don't want to waste any of your time so I'll get to the point: the way things have been lately I don't know how much longer I can keep Tom's Rhinoplasty open Sharon."

I licked my dry lips. "Okay…"

"We had four people come in Monday, it was an embarrassment. And the one lady who was thinking about getting a nose job backed out at the last minute stating her husband would freak if she changed anything about her appearance. I- heard they might be kicking around the idea of building a medical plaza here in South Park for specialty practices and services. Nothing's official but if it does indeed happen… they will have a whole section dedicated to LA Plastic Surgery which will put me out of business for sure," Tom explained, hands moving around as they always did when he was nervous.

"Why don't you apply for one of the surgery positions at the medical plaza then?" I asked.

"It's not that easy Sharon," he shook his head. "It's like a chain; they wouldn't consider an old goat like me at an upscale surgery."

"You aren't old _doctor_," I had to smile.

"Thanks doll," he winked. "But listen… with Tom's Rhinoplasty being in danger of both dry economy and competition, I had to start… cutting some things," the man trailed.

"Oh dear… like what?" I bit my lip.

"Ads in the mail and catalogs. I'm thinking of ending my ties with the Aspen Springs Water Company. Do people in the lobby really need free water?"

Again, I just nodded as l allowed him to speak. And that's when he got to the real reason he asked me to come…

"… and lastly, I had to start cutting people." He looked me hard in the eye. I blinked back that burning sensation and tried to hold myself together.

"And… and who did you cut… so far?"

He looked at me. "I think you know the answer to that Shari."

_I looked into my folded hands and tried to catch my mind and breath around what was going on. It felt as if I didn't understand properly or missed something he had said. I didn't want to appear like an idiot either so I tried to make sense of his words._

"I… I don't quite understand Tom. Why me?" I whispered.

He folded his hands and placed them to his head. "It wasn't an easy thing for me to do Sharon. I want you to know that first of all."

"Why _me_?"

"I love what you've done here Sharon, you know that. Everyone always complements what great services you provide up front and how organized you are. You've been a strong frontrunner ever since I hired you. But you know one thing I do not like in the workforce is an uneven work pattern. Sharon… your missed days the past several months… it's- it's unbelievable…"

"So you're letting me go because I have been driving back and forth to Denver?" Was that really what he was saying?

"I'm letting you go because you have missed several whole working days since March. You have also come in for only half the day and hardly ever have informed me of your plans. I don't want to do this, but if I have to let someone from the staff go, it has to be the one who is the least reliable to me. The one who might hurt business as it is…"

"It's- it's not that easy for me to know how the next week is going to play out Tom," I tried. How I did try.

_His words were shocking, almost hurtful. I didn't understand his reasoning behind letting me go of all people. I did not want to appear greedy or higher up than my co-workers but I guess you could say… I almost took advantage of him. I took advantage of the fact that Tom was so caring towards me. That I did allow him to choose me to take off days when I didn't really need to. That I almost expected him to not make a big deal if I called in sick. That I would be missed whenever I couldn't come in and the place would fall apart without me. I took advantage of the fact that I had such a kind, caring boss who always would listen to me. He was right; making up my own work schedule had not done anyone any favors, especially when business was at an all-time slump, and of all people who should be let go first, might as well pick the woman who took advantage of everything the job had to offer. And here I was acting as if I didn't deserve any of it._

_After almost an hour of talking, all that had to be said was said. He got up and hugged me, placing a kiss on my cheek as I let my tears fall._

"I hate this Sharon, I hate it. But don't think you're the only one. Hell I might even have to fire myself once summer is over," he tried to make the situation less than it was. "I- I wanted to tell you sooner but I couldn't spoil your vacation, that would have been cold. I'm so sorry Sharon, so sorry."

_I had to gather my things from my office and Kathryn tearfully helped me put everything in my car. She gave me words of encouragement before I started up the car and began to drive away. I didn't know where I was going exactly. It would have been so easy to drive to Randy and spill everything to him but I wanted to avoid that. I was in a deep state of shock and still am. Everyone knows there is no such thing as a 'safe zone' when it comes to the workplace. No matter how well we do and how well we're liked, there's no guarantee our place will be held for as long as we want. Even when things are already at their lowest, it doesn't mean anything is safer for you. _

_I parked into the garage of my house but did not get out of the car. I sat there for a moment before I wrapped my arms around my face and cried on the steering wheel. I'm not sure how long I did this; I just wanted to forget the world and all the bad things in it at that point. I still felt confused why I had to be the first to go even though what Tom told me made perfect sense. I didn't want to believe it though. If only things hadn't happened the way they had in March… I finally took my face off the wheel and tried to get over the shock factor. That's when a new feeling took place; fear. Forget me thinking something like this could never happen to me, I was now unemployed. I have a nine-year-old son in Denver who has leukemia and now I didn't know how I would be able to pay for any of his medical expenses. This terrifies me so much, I feel like I am in such a deep hole now and I don't know what will come along to reel me up. I have too much to worry about and pay for; I don't know what is going to be my aid._

_And at this point I knew the only thing I could do was to head back to Denver. I didn't want to be in South Park for some reason, I had to get away. I backed out of the garage and was on the freeway back to Denver, back to where my son was. It was close to four when I arrived at Kerry's house to pick up Stan. He looked a little surprised to see me._

"Mom? What are you doing back? I thought you had to work," he told me.

I sniffed. "We have to go back to the apartment sweetie, c'mon."

"Damn, you drove back and forth for almost eight hours today…" he said as he got his shoes on.

_The first thing I tried to do when we got back to the apartment was fix something for him to eat. He said he had a light lunch at Kerry's so I decided to mix up some of my famous fruit punch so he could have something to keep him hydrated. I could feel his eyes on me as I gathered everything together. I cursed as I added too much lime juice to the pitcher and cursed again after I dropped the apple juice, causing it to spill all over the cheap laminate flooring. That's when Stan came over and took me out of the kitchen and faced me._

"Mom? What is it? What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong dear."

"Mom, you're cursing and spilling all over. What happened?"

"Nothing happened hon. Why don't you help me with the mess I made?"

_He took me away from the kitchen area entirely and over to the couch. He gripped my hand. I let a teardrop fall; he knows me too well._

"Mom, what happened? Tell me, please."

I sniffed and dabbed at my eye. "Oh sweetie… it's- it's not good."

"What did Tom want?" he asked calmly.

More tears fell. "Sweetie… Stanley… he- he had to let me go."

_Of course it shocked him, how could it not? Nobody could have expected this to happen. He frowned after five long minutes._

"W-why?"

_I gave him a brief description on the meeting I had with my now former boss. He looked shocked, confused, and scared. There really wasn't anything left to say. That's when I let out a sob and Stanley quickly got into my lap and wrapped his arms around me. I could feel wetness on my neck and I knew he was crying too. _

"It's- it's gonna be okay Mom. It's gonna be okay."

_Bless his sweet, innocent, little heart._

He turned to face me and handed me tissue. "L-like he said, it wasn't anything per-personal. I know Tom; he would never do this if there wasn't a reason. You're a had worker Mom, you're so headstrong and smart. There's no one to blame here. You'll find another job soon, I promise."

I could only hug him back. "Thank-you Stanley."

_Later that night he heard me crying in bed and decided to sleep with me to make sure I was okay. Again, bless my son. And that was basically how Tuesday went. It was just Stan and I in the apartment since Randy and Shelley would drive out for Stan's portacath surgery the next day. I only told Randy that he had to come sooner today because I had something important to tell him. He did arrive earlier than planned Wednesday morning and I got straight to the point; which made him sink slowly into the couch in shock. _

"Sharon… no. No! Why? What did you do to get fired?" he asked wildly.

I glared. "I didn't 'do' anything Randy." Again I told him what Tom told me. Of course my husband had a different outlook on it than our son. Randy began going all over about Stan's medical expenses and how we wouldn't be able to pay for it before he sought Tom out.

"It's not _his_ fault Randy! Nobody's to blame for this!" I cried.

"Someone is or it wouldn't have happened Sharon!"

"I am not going to have a pointless argument with you right now. I hate that it happened too but I can't go back on my knees and beg for my job back. There isn't anything anyone can do."

_And there isn't. I think Randy knows this and hasn't said much on the manner since. But I only told him this morning, and we all know how easy it is for him to do a full 180 on someone. I'm going to close for now. Tomorrow is a big day and while it's not life-or-death, I hope we can all go through it with a brave look on our faces._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_August 5th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_Today was Stanley's portacath surgery. It was scheduled to be performed at 2 PM so we arrived earlier of course. Stan couldn't eat any solid food since around 2 PM yesterday. He had to be off solids for 24 hours. It has been a little difficult but he did okay since he doesn't get very hungry anymore. Before the surgery we were walked through the insertion one last time with Dr. Franklin, the surgeon who would be delegating the procedure. Stan was then hooked up to a couple of medicines via IV an hour before the surgery. We hung around in the kid's playroom on the floor where the surgery would be taking place. Of course it was difficult to take Stan's mind off of everything so he spent most of the time sitting on one of the sofas with his DS in hand. All too soon 2 o'clock rang by and a couple of nurses stepped out to call Stan in. _

"I'm scared," were the first words out of his mouth.

"You can take a parent with you to the operating room sweetie," smiled one of the nurses. "Mommy or Daddy can be with you the whole time until you fall asleep."

_Stan chose me. He looked back at his father and sister before he slowly took a seat in the wheelchair they brought forth and we went down the halls. I gripped Stan's left hand the whole time. Even with the recent bad news and the prospect of my son being put to sleep for a short while, I had to remain strong for him. He had only been into surgery once before when he was eight after he was hit in the shoulder by a stray bullet at a PETA compound. They had to take the bullet out and repair the damage it caused to his arm. Thank goodness this surgery would be far less traumatic and he would be in and out in about an hour. _

_Sadly it did take some time to get him to cooperate once we got into the operating room. He was too afraid to lie on the operating table and the huge lights that hung overhead and the machines and people around didn't do him any favors. But with enough reassurance on my part I was able to get him to lie down. But with everything medical-related, there was always that one bit that caused a panic attack unlike the other moments. When it came to the OR, Dr. Franklin holding the mask in his hand to put Stan under was that thing._

"Mommy, I'm scared," Stanley cried.

"I know you are honey but this is for your own good," I told him. "You will be better off after. I promise."

"I- I hate knowing I'm being put to sleep Mom. It's s-scary."

"I know it is baby, I know. But remember, after this, your chemotherapy will go by much smoother. You won't have to have so many needle sticks Stanley. Remember, with this surgery, all those nasty IVs and blood draws can be done with the portacath. I promise you you will be happier once you get this implanted honey," I explained, rubbing his shoulder.

_He blinked wet eyes. I felt bad, knowing he didn't want to look like a little scardy-cat in front of anyone but not hiding it well. Boys and their feelings… he looked around and at Dr. Franklin._

"Do you think you feel ready now buddy?" he asked, holding up the mask.

_Stan sniffed and nodded. He fidgeted a little as the nose and mouth piece was placed over his face. I kept a firm grip on his shoulder._

"Just breathe in and out Stanley, in and out. Pretend it's your nebulizer. Just in and out, you're okay…" I reassured.

"You're doing great so far son, just relax, you're doing fine," smiled Dr. Franklin.

_It took a few long minutes before Stan's eyes began to droop. Before they placed him on the gas that would send him into a deeper sleep I kissed his cheek and caressed the side of his bald head._

"I'll see you in an hour baby."

_I do wish it didn't turn out into something bigger than it was but Stan has a list (literally, a written list) of things medical-related that gives him the creeps. Operating rooms and being put under special gas to sleep is very frightening in his mind. And it is. Frankly it could have gone worse. An hour later he was wheeled on a hospital bed into his room, very droopy and out of it. It was kind of funny to watch actually. Poor thing hardly understood what was going on. I saw Shelley crack a smile at Stanley's inability to string together a sentence that made sense. He's going to have his port accessed Sunday so let's hope it does go by easier for him, I don't want him to feel it was a waste. That really is all I wanted to write in you about. We were able to take Stan back home two hours later and he's now in bed trying to fall asleep. I better start doing so myself. I'll give you a heads-up on how the port insertion went._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_August 8th, 2010_

_Dear diary,_

_I just wanted to tell you how Stanley's first chemotherapy session via the portacath went today. It was for a four-hour session this morning so he was situated in a semi-private room on that big comfortable chair. I had him dress in a button-down shirt today so it would be easier to access it. There is now a slight bump on the left side of his chest and a scar on his neck where they made the incision. Randy, Shelley, and I sat or stood around as his port was accessed. Stan of course looked nervous as Nurse Michelle got out the equipment and placed on the gloves._

"You are going to be so lucky today honey; the port is going to be much easier to handle and less painful for you than IVs, promise," the kind black woman smiled.

"Hope so," Stan remarked.

_When he felt ready he allowed her to clean the spot in and around the port before taking out the special Huber needle that was attached to a syringe and tubing at the end. _

"First thing I'm going to do is flush it out to make sure it's clean inside okay honey?" she explained.

_I had to hold onto Stanley's hand as she held the sharp needle inches from his chest. The nurse and I counted to three before-_

"Ow!" he cried out.

"And it's all done! That's the only stick you'll receive Stan," Nurse Micelle smiled.

Stan sighed in a dramatic way. "Thank god."

_After Michelle made sure the port was clean and functioning she went to draw blood from it. Stan sat in his chair in amazement as he watched the tube at the end of the syringe fill with blood but not once was his arm pricked by another needle. _

"How are you doing so far Stan?" Shelley asked in a calm and almost sincere way.

"Fine. Pretty good actually," he grinned.

"Oh, would you look at that? You have such a caring big sister Stan," Michelle smiled.

_Shelley's cheeks turned pink but Stanley just looked thankful. After the flushing of the port and drawing blood, where his blood count was at a safe level, Stan was deemed ready for chemo. He watched in amazement again as he was hooked up to four different medications, all that connected to tubes where the medicine flowed into the little bubble underneath his skin. It was still a little uncomfortable and something he had to get used to but Stanley was happy to be able to have his arms free of IVs so we sat around and played a couple board games as a family while the drugs ran their course. _

_It is a little difficult for me to get my mind off of what happened days ago. I hope Stanley is right in saying I will find another job soon. I want to believe him so much, he's a lot happier now than he was and I have to take it as a sign my luck will turn better too. I don't need to stress about Stan's medical expenses, rent, gas…I know the new Smiles for Stan Fund will help a little in that area. But as his mother, I need to get my head together so I can take care of him again. It's only been days but I don't want to slip into bad habits. I have to think about what I have to do, I have to find work. Of course, when my mind is there. I don't think it will be for a little while at least. But I hope soon; the kids start fifth and ninth grade at the end of this month, I have to have money for back-to-school. I know High School will cost more than Jr. High for Shelley so that's something to keep in mind. I'm rambling now, sorry diary. I better close so I can try and get some sleep._

_Best of luck to myself,_

_Sharon _

_**SPSP**_

_I don't think I have much to say, I just hope you liked the chapter. Of course, do tell me what you think and come back for the next. :-)_

_Lots of love: Rose, April 2, 2011_


	13. Time Keeps on Slipping

**TIME KEEPS ON SLIPPING…**

_My POV_

August 18th. By this time every parent in the Denver and South Park area had one thing on their minds- a brand-new school year. There were those parents who took their kids out first thing to buy a full wardrobe and brand-new everything for the coming year. There were those parents who had been looking forward to this day since summer began; eagerly scouring stores across town for deals and bargains on all kinds of clothing and supplies. Then there were those parents who had not gone out yet to shop for they did not know what they should buy with the little spending money they had. Sharon Marsh was one of those parents. By the third week of August she had yet to go out for her kids. The only hint that Shelley and Stanley Marsh had that school was about to begin was their class schedules and new teachers. While Stan was excited to meet his new teacher, Mrs. Uhalley, Shelley was already starting on her high-school drama.

"I can't believe Krissa and I don't have algebra together! We've had the same math teacher since seventh grade! And _another_ year of P.E.? I'm so fucking sick of P.E.! And they put me in the Art 1 class, I wanted photography!" she complained to anyone who would listen on a drive for a few school supplies.

"Oh my god shut-up!" Stan moaned.

"Kids please, can we have a quiet ride to Target?" Sharon said as she looked in her rearview mirror at the two.

Shelley crossed her arms. Stan spoke up. "So what exactly are we getting Mom?"

"Just some of the must-haves. Shelley, your backpack is in good condition still so you will re-use it this year. Stan, you haven't grown over the year so you do not need new clothes besides new socks and shoes."

"I can just get new shoes off Grandma and Grandpa's site," Stan reminded his mother. (His grandparents ran a shoe company back in California). "But I need a new pair of jeans, there's a hole in my favorite pair."

Sharon sighed. "I'll see if I can't patch it up then. But you have five pairs of jeans already which is plenty. As for school supplies, your dad gets free pens from work all the time so we don't need to buy nice-looking pens or fun markers okay?"

"Aww," Stan slumped in his seat.

Sharon glanced behind her. "This will only be temporary kids, I promise. Things will be better soon."

So the three of them arrived at Target and began to choose the absolute musts they needed for their classrooms. Shelley had to buy two three-ring binders for her history and English classes according to the list she received from them and had to pack up on plenty of lined and graph paper for there was sure to be more work in high school than there was in Jr. High. She also needed a scientific calculator and unlike Stan needed a new pair of jeans and jacket for hers no longer fit. Stan however didn't need too much for fifth grade; but he did need a new backpack, lunch box, pencil box and underwear and socks. Even though Sharon only did buy her children things they actually needed for the new school year the total still came out to $132. She bit her lip but tried to not let it bother her.

"When we get back to the apartment let's pick out a new pair of school shoes off Grandma and Grandpa's site okay kids?" she told them.

It was a lifesaver really her parents ran a successful shoe-making company. She had been able to buy Shelley and Stanley new shoes of all kinds ever since they were babies. In fact she had only bought shoes from an actual store less than ten times in their lives since her parents didn't have a specific type they needed. Once home Shelley ordered a white and pink pair for herself while Stan chose a nice pair of gray tennis shoes with a red and black striped design. The free shoes would arrive in the mail in a week. And so the kids were set for fifth and ninth grade.

August 30th was the first day of school for both kids. Shelley was ready to push around anyone who treated her like crap just because she was a freshman. Stan was just ready to finally have a teacher that was _not_ Mr. Garrison. Sharon informed Principal Victoria that her son would be missing school days and his health would be at stake, just as it was at the end of fourth grade. Even though others already knew he had leukemia Stan still felt foolish, even more foolish than he did at Elitch Gardens, to walk into school with a face mask over his nose and mouth that morning. Once he arrived at school he met up with Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters who all thankfully had the same teacher as he did yet again.

"Do any of you know anything about our teacher this year?" Butters asked as they walked to room 27.

"No, Shelley had Mr. Morgan for fifth grade," Stan said.

"My brother had Mrs. Culle," Kenny mumbled.

The 8:30 bell rang throughout the school. Suddenly a woman walked over to where the kids were, standing outside room 27. She smiled at her new students.

"Hello children, I'm Mrs. Uhalley," she greeted.

Stan smiled back; she was a pretty woman in her 30s with short but styled blonde hair in a nice white outfit. He had not had a woman as a teacher since second grade (Ms. Choksondik hardly counted as she died in the beginning of fourth grade). He was surprised however when he walked into her room; it looked nice and colorful and well, fun. Bright but not in a little kid sort of way. He quickly found his desk in the front row next to Token and a girl he did not know. Come to think of it, there were several new faces in the classroom. He was so used to having the same ol' people in third and fourth grade, he kind of forgot about all the other kids in the school who were in the same grade as him.

"Good morning everyone, how are you doing?" Mrs. Uhalley asked the class after they sat down.

"Good," spoke a few other unnamed students. Stan frowned again; he was used to the deadbeat answers from Mr. Garrison's class.

"My name is Mrs. Uhalley and I will be your fifth grade teacher this year," she announced as she wrote her name on the whiteboard in cursive. "I look forward to teaching a brand-new set of eyes and ears this year! I want to tell everyone right now that I promise to make this a fun year for everyone. I will do everything I can to make sure each individual student gets the help they need in any subject. That each student is allowed to have his or her voice heard. That I will listen to anyone with anything they say, school-related or not. I will get down to your level and personalize projects and studies to your needs so everyone's strengths can shine through!"

"Wow," Butters gasped.

"I believe in treating people as individuals and I believe anyone can do anything they want if they believe they can. I was taught that school should be a fun opportunity to learn and grow and experience the world around us, not to sit around and pour over notes and be bored to death," Mrs. Uhalley rolled her eyes causing a couple kids to laugh. "Now that everyone knows what I plan to do, are there any questions so far?"

Stan looked directly behind him where Kyle was sitting. He knew he was thinking the same thing; she sounded too good to be true. That's when she took the role. The recognizable faces in the class for the boys were Token, Wendy, Clyde, Craig, Red, Bradley, Bebe, Jimmy, Nelly, Anne, and Francis. But the other students who came from other fourth-grade classes were Amber Franklin, Andrew Kipinzki, Britany Namer, Dave Notello, Rozie Potts, Garrett Timmer, Alicia West, and Nisha Wolmer. Maybe a fresh set of faces would be good for Stan as well as a new teacher.

The first step to the morning was to get to know everyone. Mrs. Uhalley went down the rows and asked each student to tell the class three things about themselves. Stan was the fifth person to go. He licked his lips.

"Um, I love animals, I love sports, and I- I'm very sick," Stan didn't know why he said it, he just had to.

"Oh no, why are you sick Stanley?" the teacher asked.

"I have leukemia," Stan said softly.

There was a collective gasp from several students, mainly those who did not know him. Thankfully Mrs. Uhalley didn't look afraid or surprised.

"Yes, I was told by the principal I had a sick student in my class this year. Do you feel comfortable telling the students about it or do you think it's better if no one knows?" she asked softly.

Stan lifted his head. "I just want to get it out in the open so everyone isn't shocked later on. I don't want everyone to look at me funny if I come to school wearing a surgical mask or that I have no hair. I don't want anyone to think they're gonna get sick from me. If anything, I could get sick from them. And that's why I have to be extra careful. But I just wanna let everyone know now."

Mrs. Uhalley smiled. "Okay. As long as everyone knows this and treats you normally and not like fine china, I think we'll be okay. All right class?"

Stan sighed in relief.

"You're right dude, it's better everyone knows now and get it over with," Kyle said.

The rest of the students continued to tell the class their three things. That's when the girl who was sitting next to him, Alicia West, looked at him.

"Wow, you have a form of cancer?"

Stan nodded.

"Wow, it was so brave of you to tell the whole class about it on the first day."

Stan grinned. "Really? Thanks."

After the class told a little bit about themselves Mrs. Uhalley asked around to get to know what their favorite subjects were and their least favorite so she had a general idea what the strengths and weaknesses were of the kids before any teaching actually began.

"What about you sweetie? What is your favorite subject?" Mrs. Uhalley asked Stan once she called him to her desk.

"Reading," Stan said with confidence.

"Okay. Do you like to read certain things? Chapter books? Comics? What?"

"I like to read anything almost but not if it's too long. I like chapter books but only if they're less than two-hundred pages. My friend Kyle reads Harry Potter but those books are too long for me," Stan explained.

Mrs. Uhalley smiled. "Okay. So if you like reading, does that mean you enjoy spelling and writing as well?"

"Yeah," Stan shrugged. "I'm pretty good at spelling. I always pass my spelling tests with an A or B. Writing is okay."

The woman nodded. "All right then. Now what about your least favorite subject Stanley?"

"Math," Stan sighed. "Hate it."

"What do you hate about it?"

"Everything. I hate numbers. There are always too many steps to problems. None of my teachers made learning math fun. I was the last kid to learn how to tell time in first grade and one of the last to memorize the multiplication chart. I still have troubles with it… and I never got the hang of division," Stan said quietly.

"Don't you worry sweetie, I want to do what I can to make sure you get the hang of those things this year okay? Promise me we'll work together to kick math in the butt once and for all?" she smiled.

Stan couldn't help but smile back. "Yeah, okay."

She patted his back before he took his seat. The rest of the day consisted of the same things pretty much. Mrs. Uhalley wanted to make sure her new class got to know each other as well as herself and made it a light and fun day without much learning going on at all. Stan was all smiles once his mom picked him up from school.

"So? How was your first day honey?" she asked once he hopped in the car.

"Great!" he exclaimed.

Sharon looked shocked; not once had her son said his first day of school was 'great'.

"Mrs. Uhalley's a great teacher; I can't wait to come back to school tomorrow."

"_Really_?" Now she was just suspicious.

"What? It's true; she really seems to care about her students and likes doing what she does. It's a great change from Mr. Garrison, Mom, who was mean and rude to us and never made coming to school fun," Stan frowned. "Mrs. Uhalley told us she'll do what she can to make sure we can have a good school year. She promises she'll make math fun for me! And wants everyone to treat each other fairly which is kind of gay but whatever. And- and she's just cool," Stan shrugged.

"Really? Well that's wonderful to hear," Sharon said as she started up the car. "I can't remember the last time you were excited about school and really liked your teacher. I'm going to have to meet her sometime this week."

"The last teacher I liked was Miss Fooder," Stan said, speaking on behalf of his second-grade teacher.

"Well I'm going to try and meet her before or after class, she sounds like a very nice lady."

However Sharon wished her daughter was just as excited after her first day of high school. She had a list of complaints once she got home, just as she did before school started.

"The only classes I have with Krissa are history and art! And she has first lunch, I have second," she moaned.

"Honey, try to save your complaints until later," Sharon sighed. "Your brother had a wonderful first day."

"Fifth grade is nothing compared to the first day of high school," Shelley rolled her eyes. "The older kids, especially the seniors think they're so much more mightier than the freshmen. I swear if they don't shut-up soon I'm going to show them"- Shelley made a fist.

Sharon just sighed as she prepared her kids their after-school snack. The last days of August soon turned into September and before they knew it, it was the first week of October. Time had flown by and Stan couldn't be happier, although his mother was still looking for work and had her little tiffs with his dad. Stan had to try and tell his father there was nothing really wrong with his mom getting comfort by Tom as he was just a friend, like all her other friends. The only improvement in Shelley's dramatic high school life was she had put the boasting seniors in their place by the second week of school. It got her a detention from her math teacher and she had to do janitorial work Saturday and Sunday but she had proved her point.

Even though his family could be having better times, Stan for once was settling in quite nicely in his new routine. He enjoyed each week as he watched his kitten Chelsea grow. She was now seven months and still full of crazy kitten energy; he never knew what she might do next. He was also enjoying chemotherapy more than ever since the implantation of the portacath. The only painful part about it was the Huber needle but it was a very quick stick and he was left to do as he pleased. His hands and arms now did not appear as veiny and scarred as they had such a short time ago. And one of the biggest changes yet- he actually looked forward to school every day. Mrs. Uhalley proved she was a good teacher and cared about her students from day one. Sure they had tests and had to study and had lessons but she didn't make it a chore. Whenever someone answered a question correctly they would get praise and sometimes she would toss them a piece of candy or licorice. She placed stickers on spelling tests and encouraged her students to pick a buddy to study with. She would switch the buddies every two weeks, that way each child could get a different perspective and learn something new with someone else. Frankly, she was the best teacher Stan ever had beside kindergarten.

Currently Sharon and Stan were walking to her classroom after school had ended so he could get the homework she assigned since he had been in chemo all day. Mrs. Uhalley was correcting some papers when the door opened. She smiled and looked up.

"Stan! Mrs. Marsh, how are you doing?" she got over to shake their hands.

"We're doing okay," Sharon smiled back.

"How was chemotherapy today Stan?" Mrs. Uhalley asked the nine-year-old.

"It was okay. Some of those drugs leave a nasty taste in your mouth," Stan stuck up his nose.

"We came to pick up any work you assigned today," Sharon told the teacher.

"Oh yes! It wasn't much; there is a fractions worksheet I gave the students to work on after lunch. Most finished it but Stanley here is going to have to do it, it will be good practice," Mrs. Uhalley handed over a worksheet to Stan. "And speaking of fractions, have you done any baking lately sweetie? I told you it would be a fun way to learn measurements, which are written in fraction form."

"Not in a while but Mom found a recipe she wanted to try so we're going to make some cookies tonight," Stan smiled.

"Good. You also have to turn in your reading log by Friday okay Stan?"

"Okay."

"Are you enjoying Kit's Wilderness so far?"

"It's okay," Stan shrugged.

"Well you be sure to have a good summary about what you've read in two days. Oh, and study for Friday's spelling test. Other than that, you don't have much to worry about," Mrs. Uhalley grinned.

Sharon placed a hand on her son's shoulder and looked at his teacher. "Just to let you know, Stan's going to hit nadir in a week or so, so I wanted to make sure you remind the other children to be extra careful around him then. His immune system will be at its weakest, and with it being October now, kids tend to get sick around this time…"

"Oh, don't you worry Mrs. Marsh, I'll be sure to remind the kids each day until then. And if your son is absent for any length of time next week, I'll understand completely," Mrs. Uhalley reassured.

"Thank-you. Well I think that's it. Say good-bye to your teacher Stanley."

"'Bye Mrs. Uhalley!" Stan waved a hand as he walked towards the door.

"Bye sweetie!" she waved back.

October 12th, Tuesday. Stan was a little nervous to go to school that day for he had now hit nadir meaning his white blood cell count was at its lowest and he would be more vulnerable to illness until his next chemotherapy session. Sharon was a little concerned for her son too but told him to be extra careful and made sure he washed his hands and kept them to himself for the next week. But Stan was still afraid, by now he had gone through many treatments and it took longer for his cell production to catch up to normal levels. But he would try to avoid anything that would get him sick including wearing his surgical mask all day at school. And be careful did Stan have to be; Cartman of all people arrived to school that morning with the sniffles. But Stan made sure not to touch anything Cartman did and to wear his mask around him, even after school when they played video games at Stan's. Yes, he was bound to avoid catching something now.

The next morning Randy walked into his son's room, annoyed that he had not gotten up yet after he knocked on his door ten minutes ago.

"Stanley wake up, time to get ready for school."

Stan parted heavy eyes. "I don't feel good Dad."

"What?"

"I don't feel good."

Randy frowned. "Why not?"

Stan shrugged as he pulled his covers tighter around him. "Just don't."

At that moment Sharon stepped in the doorway. "What's the holdup in here? Sweetie, you have to get ready."

"I don't feel good Mom."

"What?" Sharon was at his side in an instant, which forced Randy aside. She touched his forehead which was warm. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"My head hurts. (_Cough_) My whole body does Mom."

Sharon's stomach constricted; she could remember as if it were yesterday, these words her son mentioned that lead to the diagnosis of his leukemia in the first place. She left to get the thermometer and came back. She helped Stan sit up before placing it under his tongue.

"I could have done that you know," Randy stated as he held his coffee cup.

"No you couldn't," Sharon bit back.

"Yeah-huh!"

"The last time you fetched the thermometer when the kids were sick Stan was still in diapers."

"Oh please Shar-_on_," Randy rolled his eyes.

"If you really wanted to get it, you would have as soon as our son told you he was sick," Sharon said simply, eyes focusing on Stan.

"Yeah well"-

"Guys, p'ease," Stan said, tongue around the probe in his mouth.

Seconds later the thermometer beeped and Sharon read what it said. She touched the boy's face. "It's reading 100.5. I think you'd better stay home today."

Stan sighed. "Aww, we were supposed to (_cough_) watch a really cool video about volcanoes today."

"I'm sorry sweetie but even if you didn't have ALL I'd still be keeping you home with a fever."

Stan sighed.

"Hey, we'll have a fun time today okay? I'll think of something," Sharon rubbed his back. "That reminds me, I have to call Tom so he knows I can't make it in today."

At this Stan and Randy looked at her. Sharon gasped and covered her lips. "Oh- oh no… what- what am I thinking? I'm so used to… force of habit."

Randy took a sip from his mug. "I gotta get ready for work. Hope you feel better son."

However Stan did not. As Sharon always feared whenever her son got sick, he felt worse very quickly. He could only watch two episodes of Spongebob downstairs before he had to be taken back up. His fever prevented him from thinking clearly and he was both too hot and too cold at any given time. Sharon had to set up a breathing treatment for him after his coughing induced an asthma attack and he was drenched in sweat by night. All in the space of one day. As predicted Kyle came over after school to see how he was doing and dropped off his homework. Stan could only stomach simple toast before he fell into a deep sleep the rest of the night.

The next day did not do any favors. Stan never left his bed except to use the bathroom. His fever had spiked and he was warm to the touch and very pale. Sharon was very afraid, he had not been this sick since March. Even when he hit anemia in the summer he was not this ill. Not only that but they were miles and miles away from The Children's Hospital. If Stan took a turn for the worse they would have to take him to Hell's Pass Hospital. Although a good-enough hospital for the town it was not suited or as prepared for cancer patients. That night Sharon rocked her small son in her arms as if he were younger, hoping it would bring him some comfort.

Friday morning. Sharon went upstairs to her son's bedroom to give him medicine after Randy had gone to work and Shelley left to catch the school bus.

"Stanley honey, time for some medicine," she said, bottle of Children's Biomolic Fever Remedy, spoon, and juice box in hand. She gasped when she looked at Stan. He was looking off into space through slit eyes, breathing heavily, beads of sweat running down his face. "Stanley? Stanley can you hear me?" she waved a hand above his eyes. He hardly moved. "Stanley! Stan, it's Mommy! Honey?" his eyes drifted slowly to her face as if they were too heavy for his body to move. "Stanley?"

Stan swallowed and said hoarsely, "I- feel bad Mom."

It was hardly nine in the morning but Sharon knew she had to get him to the Emergency Room right away. She hurriedly put on a pair of jeans under her nightdress and shoes before placing shoes on her son's feet, wrapping a blanket around him, surgical mask over his mouth, and scooped him up and hurried out the door and into the car and sped off.

As soon as she got there she ran into the ER with Stan in her arms crying, "Somebody please! My son is sick! He has leukemia, somebody help please!"

It did the trick. Stan was placed on a hospital bed hardly a minute later to be looked over. Sharon watched nervously as a doctor and nurse examined Stan from head to toe.

"How long has he been sick?" the nurse asked.

"Two days, today's the third."

"What form of cancer does he have?"

"ALL- Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia."

"Is he in nadir?" asked the nurse.

"Yes," Sharon sniffed. "I know it's much easier for him to get sick once he hits it but I didn't think… I didn't think he'd actually get sick."

The doctor and nurse went back and forth from Sharon to Stan with questions. Of course Stan was too sick to answer. Unfortunately for Sharon, as she predicted, they didn't know how to handle the case. It wasn't as if a kid with leukemia who had an outside illness came in every day. They hooked him up to a couple of drugs and left him in a private room until they could analyze his blood better. Sharon waited by her son's bed and held his hand, hoping there would be an answer soon. The door opened two hours later and Sharon could have dropped to the floor in relief- Dr. Davies had stepped in.

"Dr. Davies! What are you-? Oh thank goodness," Sharon gasped.

"I got a call from my pediatric clinic; they said one of my patients had come in and was dangerously sick. I was hoping it wouldn't be your son," he said heavily as he took out a stethoscope. He turned to Stan whose eyes were shut. "Hey champ, are you awake? Can you open your eyes for me?"

Stan's eyes cracked. "Doc- Doctor Davies?" he whispered over his face mask.

"Hey there champ, how are you? Can you sit up for me slightly so I can listen to you heart and lungs?"

Stan just blinked confused eyes at the man so his mother had to sit him up. Dr. Davies began to examine the boy.

"What hurts on your body Stan?" he asked minutes later, putting the stethoscope away.

Stan coughed. "I hurt Mommy…"

Sharon laid him back down and rubbed his back. "He's been coughing for the past few days so I'm sure his chest hurts. He's had to use his nebulizer twice already but he's still coughing. I know his head hurts and the rest of his body."

Dr. Davies checked the boy's ears, throat, and eyes and felt his stomach and neck before he looked at the chart the previous doctor had written up on Stan that hung from the end of the bed. He frowned as he pushed his glasses up his nose.

"I don't want to diagnose him with anything until his blood results come in but looks to me as if he might have the flu."

"Oh?" this didn't sound too horrible in Sharon's mind.

"He has a high fever and chills and aches. Of course if that's the case he might need extra care and attention which I don't think Hell's Pass can give. If he does worsen I think it would be best he is air-lifted to Children's Hospital."

"O-okay…"

Dr. Davies looked down at Stan who was on his side sweating.

"How is your new port coming along champ?" he smiled, indicating the IV tubes that led to the bubble under Stan's skin in his chest.

Stan moaned. "Good. I feel sick Mommy…"

"Poor thing's delirious. I'll be sure to come back with his blood results soon okay Mrs. Marsh? And we'll see what the best plan of action will be after," Dr. Davies looked to her.

Sharon nodded. Dr. Davies patted Stan on the shoulder before leaving the room. She looked down to find her son looking at her with dull, blue eyes.

"Mom, I don't wanna (_cough_) be sick."

"I know you don't honey, I don't want you to either."

Stan coughed again. "Usually when I'm sick I don't have to be (_cough_) taken to the hospital. (_Cough_)."

Sharon rubbed his hand.

"Mom, my birthday. I don't wanna be here on my birthday."

Sharon swallowed. "That's not until another few days sweetie; hopefully you'll be home by then."

Stan frowned. "I want a penguin Mommy. (_Cough_) can I have a penguin for my birthday?"

Sharon had to smile at his obvious delusional state. "Sure thing baby." Satisfied with this answer, Stan closed his eyes to sleep.

Two more hours went by. Only then did Sharon look over to see that her husband had finally made it.

"I came here as soon as I could!" Randy said breathless.

"What took you so long?" Sharon demanded.

"I couldn't get out, was busy. Anyway, what did I miss?"

"Our son is not a movie Randy, he's sick. You didn't 'miss' anything."

"Right, right. What did the doctors say?"

Sharon rubbed Stan's back, who was still asleep. "Dr. Davies came over to look him over. He thinks it might be the flu."

"Oh no…"

Sharon quickly told him what Dr. Davies had said about the possibility of Stan being airlifted to Denver. Randy sat down on a chair looking troubled. Five minutes later Dr. Davies walked in. He shook hands with Randy before getting to it.

"I'm so sorry it took so long for the results folks, we need more microscopes, took forever to look over his blood," the young man shook his head.

"Does he have the flu?" Randy rushed.

Dr. Davies took off his glasses and nodded. "It's the flu all right. Must be going around in school, kids start to get sick around this time of the year."

"I don't understand how he got sick though, he washes his hands all the time and uses the surgical mask," Sharon frowned, holding onto her son's hand.

"Must have gotten it from a friend, someone he'd be around with more. It's pure accident I'm sure. But he will have to stay here overnight. He's very dehydrated and his white blood cell count is very low. We're going to have to keep a close eye on him at all times. But, like I mentioned earlier, the best thing might be to take him to Denver so he could get better care," Dr. Davies said softly.

"If he has to then I guess we have no choice…" Randy trailed.

Dr. Davies nodded. "I'm going to keep him on these drugs for now as well as introduce some antibiotics but I'm not sure if it will do much; his body was already in a much weakened state to fight infection in the first place. I'm also going to hook him up to something to hopefully open his lungs."

Sharon watched as the doctor hooked Stan up to a special mask for him to clear his airway as well as another bag of saline for dehydration and a bag to ward off the infection. She watched and hoped her child would show signs of improvement soon. The hours ticked by and Sharon soon found herself asleep by her child's side. She was shaken awake by a nurse telling her visiting hours were up. She had a short but heated argument with the nurse saying she would not leave Stan's side until Dr. Davies stepped in. He put his hand on the mother's shoulder.

"I know you're used to staying by his side at any hour back in Denver but, the best thing might to leave for tonight," he said heavily.

"But Stanley"-

"He'll be okay. I promise you will be informed right away if something happens. But unfortunately visiting hours end at nine. I'd let you stay all night if I could but my ass would be on the line," he chuckled.

Sharon got up and kissed Stan's temple; he was sleeping peacefully for now. Tomorrow was another day, hopefully he would be over his fever and chills by then. However he had hardly made an improvement overnight. While he did get over his coughing and was breathing easier, he still had a fever of 102 degrees. During that night on October 16th, Dr. Davies thought it would be best Stan was airlifted to Children's Hospital for better care. So when dawn barely broke out the next morning, Sharon and Randy stood on top the roof of Hell's Pass to watch their son being prepared to fly via helicopter to Denver. Sharon took hold of his hand and tucked in his old lovey Ruffy in his arm. She kissed his cheek just before they took him to the helicopter.

"You'll be okay sweetie. Daddy and I will see you soon."

Stan blinked confused and slightly fearful eyes at his parents before he was taken in and flown away. Randy had an arm around Sharon.

"He'll be okay."

She dabbed at her wet eyes and nodded. It wasn't until later on in the evening that day that Stan finally began to come around. He was a little confused as to what he was doing at Children's Hospital, he last remembered being sick in bed back at home. His fever was still going but he was finally feeling slightly better. Currently Dr. Fohlkoly was examining him to see if he was improving. Stan was looking around his hospital room as he looked down at his stuffed dog, playing with his ear.

"Am I going to be able to be released in time for my birthday?" Stan asked the man.

"What's that son?" he said as he took out the otoscope to look into the boy's ears.

"My birthday is on Tuesday, I don't want to be stuck in here then."

The man put the instrument away. "Well, we have to see about that Stan. You still have a fever and I'm not sure it's going to go down in the space of two days. And your blood count still needs to return to a safe zone. But that doesn't mean it can't happen."

Stan sighed. "I'm going to have the worst birthday ever."

"Don't say that son."

Stan thought. "You're right; my worst birthday was last year when Japanese ruined my swimming with the dolphins experience."

Dr. Fohlkoly opened his mouth, surprised, but decided not to ask him to elaborate. But he did promise him he would do all he could to get Stan back on his feet in no time.

Rain splattered the windows of The Children's Hospital the morning of October 19th. Stan heard voices by his hospital bed but decided to humor those who were there and pretended to be sleeping still. He felt someone shake his shoulder. He parted his eyes and-

"Happy birthday Stan!" Sharon smiled and hugged him once he got up, and kissed his cheeks ten times, and once on the forehead, tradition was to kiss him however many years he was turning plus an extra one for good-luck.

"Happy birthday son!" Randy hugged him after.

Stan felt a cheap king's crown placed on his head and his mother hugged him again. He then saw Shelley was standing there as well with a smile on her face.

"Happy birthday Stan," she told him. That was very odd indeed, he could not remember any time she gave him a nice and calm birthday greeting.

"You're not going to give me ten birthday socks in the arm, plus one for 'good luck' are you?" he whimpered. His sister's version of tradition was not as nice as their mother's.

Shelley rolled her eyes. "Naw, I don't want to bruise your body."

There was a first time for everything…

"The big ten! How does it feel to finally reach the double-digits son?" Randy asked.

Stan shrugged. "Nothing too different yet. Thanks you guys."

Randy began placing balloons in the corners of the room before Sharon took it upon herself to get Stan breakfast from the fresh market downstairs. Stan was feeling slightly better, he wasn't as warm, and it was his birthday. Even though he was stuck in the hospital he hoped it would be a good day. He didn't really ask for much since he didn't know how much his parents wanted to spend on him; he knew they would do something nice so he left it as a surprise. Sharon came back up with French toast with banana slices and apple juice for Stan which was tradition- although his mom was always the one who made the French toast on his other birthdays but it was still good, it was just missing that motherly touch. Randy came back up after a trip to the car with a stack of presents, much to Stan's surprise.

"You- you guys didn't have to…" his mouth was agape at the eight wrapped gifts.

"Yes we did, it's not every day you turn ten Stan," Randy patted his back.

Stan decided to wait to open them in case anyone else stopped by with another present, he always preferred to open gifts all at once, and it was still the morning. He didn't have to wait long, the door opened and Grandma Mara walked in with a present and hugged him tight, and even put him in a purple t-shirt with 10 written on it in fun colors. He had a very nice morning with his family and watched some Fairly Odd Parents and Danny Phantom with them after breakfast. And that's when he got an even bigger surprise.

"Happy birthday Stan!" said a voice and he looked over to see Kyle standing there, smile on his face and a wrapped gift in his arms.

"Kyle! Dude!" Stan cried.

"Missed us too?" Cartman asked, stepping in, Kenny right after.

"Dude! You guys!" Stan was beaming now as his family made room for his friends. "Man, I thought I was going to miss you guys today, being in Denver and all."

"Luckily our parents thought it would be the perfect time to drive out here. My mom was worried you might be lonely on your birthday if we didn't show up," Kyle explained.

"Thanks so much for coming, really," Stan said gratefully.

"Open your presents dude!" Cartman told him.

"I will soon," Stan passed off. By this time it was lunch and since Stan was feeling okay, Sharon and Grandma Mara went downstairs to bring up pizza for everyone. Sure everyone had to be very careful and super clean, and had to pick up any trash that they left behind, but it really was a great lunch and everyone was very at ease. Stan had to wear his surgical mask when he wasn't eating but that was fine because he was still in for more surprises. Around 1:30 PM four of his regular nurses came in as well as Dr. Fohlkoly with a giant birthday card as big as he was with tons of signatures, and birthday cake in hand and the nurses sprayed him with silly string. His friends joined in as well. Stan was laughing as he tried to see past the maze of colored confectionary. He didn't know what it was but he was sure everyone's presence was making him feel better and healthier than he did last night. And they were making it feel like a normal birthday, not a hospital birthday.

"Haha, thanks so much you guys… wow, this is great!"

One of the nurses lit the wax 10 candle in the cake.

"Hurry and make a wish okay Stan? Technically we shouldn't be lighting a candle in here," Dr. Fohlkoly smiled.

Soon his family, friends, and medical staff joined in to sing, "Happy birth-day to you, happy birth-day to you, happy tenth birth-day dear Staaannley, happy birth-day to yoooou!" with wish in mind already, Stan blew out the candle quickly before putting his mask back on. Everyone erupted in cheers and applause.

Since he wasn't very hungry Stan only had a small slice of the devil's food cake but it was still delicious. The nurses set aside a basket filled with goodies for him before leaving. Cartman was at his side again.

"When are you going to open everything?" he whined.

"After cake," Stan spoke.

"What did you wish for son? Eh? Eh?" Randy elbowed him and winked.

"I'm not telling," Stan said sincerely.

"Wished you'd go into remission soon huh?"

"Randy!" Sharon snapped.

Stan frowned. "I'm not telling what I wished for," he said again before finishing his slice of cake.

It was finally time to tear into all his gifts. The first thing he opened was one of his parents' gifts which was a Denver Broncos themed clock for his bedroom. He would have to debate whether to hang it in his bedroom in the apartment or the one back in South Park. His grandmother had found a sweet Buzz Lightyear-themed Operation game, and another gift from his parents was a Jack Skellington-themed Jenga game. There was one gift however that just his mother gave him- which confused him somewhat.

"A stuffed penguin?" Stan frowned, holding up the animal.

Sharon just chuckled.

Stan decided to see what his friends bought for him after that.

"We all chipped in, it's totally sweet," Kyle told him.

"Mega-fucking awesome sweet dude. You have to set it up _today_," Cartman pitched in.

Excited, Stan tore open the large box: it was a Super Speed Car Slot Race Track, Series 5: Skull Cave.

"No way you guys!" he cried.

"It was my idea," Cartman butted in.

Kyle rolled his eyes.

"I saw this when we went to the mall and knew we had to get it."

"You only said that because you wanted it," Kyle reminded him.

"Who cares? This is fucking sweet! It must have cost"-

"Sixty bucks but it's so worth it," Kyle told him.

"Thanks so much you guys!"

Stan's remaining gifts were just as awesome; he received a new video game for his Wii, a new Estes 1491 Taser Rocket Lauch Set, and a few more sweet toys. He decided to take a look into the basket full of goodies from the medical staff: in it were several candies, a watergun, two bottles of bubbles and a crazy bubble wand, a stuffed lion, a mini football, and a new baseball. It was around dinner when the celebration died down. Stan was feeling sick again and so the majority of people left the room so he could get some rest. It was time for dinner when Sharon had gone over to give her son something light to eat which he refused. At that moment there was a knock on the door and Sharon went to see who it was.

A handsome man with black hair stood there with a nervous smile.

"Tom!" Sharon gasped. "What are you doing here?"

"Hey Sharon. I was on my way to my mother's; she needs my help moving into a new senior citizen complex. I was going to fix her dinner tonight before the move. I thought I might stop by to wish your son a happy birthday since it was on the way. If that's okay…I got a gift," he added, holding up a wrapped box.

Sharon smiled. "Yes, that's fine. Come in."

Stan rubbed his nose as he looked about his room. He frowned when he saw a new man walk in with his mom.

"Dr. Tom?"

"Hey there son, I just wanted to stop by a wish you a happy birthday since I was in town," the man smiled and handed over a balloon and a slightly heavy box to the boy.

"Wow, thanks," Stan beamed in return, examining the sports-themed paper.

"Go on, open it. I really tried this time to get you the perfect gift," Tom spoke as Sharon took a seat next to her son. Stan tore open the paper from the surprise present and opened up the brown box.

"Wow!" he exclaimed, looking at its contents.

"Like?" Tom asked.

"This is sweet!" Stan took out a brand-new baseball glove and baseball, a Denver Rockies baseball cap, and Rockies t-shirt. He quickly put the cap on his bald head. "How does it look?"

Sharon and Tom chuckled. "You look great sweetie."

"Let me see that glove on you," Tom instructed. Stan put it over his hand and gripped his baseball. Tom laughed. "Yep, looking like Ubaldo Jimenez already sport."

"Thanks so much, this is really great."

Tom shrugged. "It was no biggie, I felt kind of bad with the past birthday presents I've given you. I wanted to make it up to you if I could. I remember your mother telling me you wanted a new glove for months." Stan leaned back into his pillows tiredly, still gripping the ball. "How was your birthday today Stan?"

"Really nice actually. My friends and family were here and I even got some stuff from my oncologist and nurses."

Tom watched the boy some more. He sighed. "While I'm here… Stan, I don't want you to hate me."

"What? Why?"

Tom glanced at Sharon. "Well, about what I had to do with your mother…"

"Oh." Stan's face fell. "Well, these things happen I guess. I know you don't hate my mom so I have no reason to hate you."

Tom cracked a grin. "Is it that easy for you?"

Stan yawned. "Yeah. If I knew you treated her unfairly then we'd have a problem. But if you're loosing business, I guess it's okay to know my mom's not the only one affected by it."

"Your mother is very special to me," Tom looked at Sharon and at Stan. "She was one of my favorite employees and a great friend." He looked back at Sharon. "I had to let Missy go yesterday as well," he said heavily.

Sharon sighed. "I'm sorry Tom, I wish there was something I could do for you."

Stan let out another yawn ten minutes later. Tom smiled and patted the boy's shoulder. "I think I should leave then. It's nice to see you doing better Stan."

"Thanks again for the baseball stuff," Stan smiled.

"Yes, it was so nice of you to have stopped by," Sharon stood to lead him out. Only then did the door open and Randy stepped in.

"Sorry, would have come sooner but happy hour just started down the street and"- his eyebrows rose at the sight of Tom. "What are you doing here?"

"Just came to wish your son a happy big 1-0," Tom said calmly.

Randy was already giving him a hard look. "You didn't have to come all the way from South Park to do that. You aren't _that_ close with my kids."

"I know," Tom sighed. "I have been trying too hard to get them to like me all these years. But hey, I have known them since they were babies," he shrugged.

Randy was still glaring as he took a trash bag out to throw some of the mess everyone had made earlier. To try and break the awkward silence, Stan cleared his throat.

"Look what Dr. Tom got me Dad"- he smiled as he pointed at his hat and baseball gear.

Randy ignored this. "I don't mean to be rude Tom but I'd like it if you didn't randomly stop by to see my family all the way in Denver, got that?"

"Dad, it's fine," Stan said softly. "He just wanted to wish me a happy"-

"Let Daddy handle this okay son?" Randy said. "Tom"-

Sharon put a hand on the older man's shoulder. "Perhaps you should go Tom. It was nice seeing you though."

Tom looked at the helpless faces of Sharon and Stanley and the still dark look of Randy before he nodded and left the room. Sharon was now glaring at Randy but did not say anything since she didn't want to end her son's birthday on a bad note. Randy watched her as she began the cleanup.

"Well?"

"Randy, I'm not going to argue if that's what you're looking for."

"What was he doing here?"

"He came by to wish Stan a happy birthday and to give him a present since he was on his way to his mother's house. Now if you _really_ want to start a fight over something so silly…"

"I do!"

"Then I'm going to have to write up an I.O.U." Sharon finished. "Stanley hon, do you want me to bring you up some gelato?"

Stan sighed. "Just a little. I don't feel as sick as I did earlier…"

"Chocolate?"

Stan smiled. "Yes please."

Randy was highly upset neither his son nor his wife seemed to give a damn that he was pissed off. He knew he wasn't the only man out there who would be annoyed that his wife's former boss who he knew always found her hot would come up and shower their child with birthday greetings if they were in another town. Maybe tomorrow Sharon would want to look for an argument since it was a sight he did not want to see again. Swallowing his anger, he stayed behind for Stan before the now ten-year-old fell asleep. It had been a good birthday for him and he didn't want to ruin it by his own problems. October 20th however was another day…

_I don't know about you but it feels good to see the boys older and going into fifth grade finally. Mrs. Uhalley was the name of my first grade teacher. Stan's teacher is a combination of a few perks of some memorable teachers in my life. I hope you liked the chapter, please tell me what you think; your reviews make my day! :-)_

_Lots of love: Rose, April 7, 2011_


	14. It's That Time of Year

**IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR…**

_Kyle's POV_

I personally didn't know if that third week of October would ever end. It was the scariest thing that had ever happened to Stan since he had been diagnosed with leukemia. It was normal for him to fall sick very quickly, but now that he didn't have the immunity to fight infection like a normal kid, it was scarier than anything. While he was recovering from his bout of flu he also received his next chemotherapy session. He was finally able to leave the hospital and come back home October the 22nd I believe it was. Let me tell you, everyone was about ready to throw anther welcome home party for him. But he settled back into school quickly (and our fifth-grade teacher even gave him a late birthday present after class), and it felt as if things were finally back to the way they should be. Stan only had two doctor appointments back in South Park with his pediatrician the following week before he received the green light that he would be able to celebrate Halloween with the rest of us!

It was a few days before Halloween when Stan got his costume. My mother felt bad that he was a little behind the rest of us and took him out to the small Halloween store set up in the mall to buy his costume. Of course with the holiday right around the corner a lot of the good stuff was gone, but he did manage to find a sweet red ninja costume complete with a wrap for his face to hide all but his eyes. It was perfect; he could trick-or-treat and not have to cover his face with a surgical mask. (I doubt he wanted to be a doctor or surgeon for Halloween anyway). Mrs. Marsh was happy my mom was able to give her son a costume since she could not really fork out $30 for something he would only wear once. Oh yes, about that…

The Marshes were doing okay by this point with Mrs. Marsh being out of work. She checked around for a job that could work around Stan's unpredictable schedule but it was hard. The money from the Smiles for Stan did help and go a long way, and my parents would help along with money from their pockets as well. Stan's grandparents and aunts and uncles were a great help as well and gave them support until Mrs. Marsh could start bringing in a paycheck again. The one drawback of Halloween however was that there was no Halloween party or festivities at the Marsh home this year for obvious reasons. So we only went trick-or-treating and hung around Stan's house after doing simple Halloween things.

That Halloween afternoon I hurried over to Stan's house with Kenny, Cartman, and Butters so we could get everything ready. Stan had eaten a light dinner of soup before we went to change into our costumes. I was a cyborg alien. Stan smiled as he came out the bathroom in his ninja costume. He wrapped the cloth over his mouth and struck a pose with a 'hy-ahh!'

"Wow, that's a pretty neat-o costume Stan," Butter said. "You got that three days before Halloween?"

"Yeah, isn't it great? And it came with nunchuks"- Stan held them up. "'Course, they're fake."

All five of us stood at the Marsh's front door, pillow cases in hand, ready for a night of asking strangers for sweets. Mrs. Marsh looked at her son and at the rest of us.

"Be sure to be safe tonight boys," she said heavily.

"We will," all five of us rolled our eyes.

Stan's mom frowned. "This isn't like other Halloweens in the past; you really have to make sure you are safe tonight. Stanley, do not take off your face cloth okay? If so, only in an area away from potential breathing hazards. And don't walk more than you need to. Rest often. Use your flashlight at all times and stay away from dark houses and streets. Also"-

"Mom, we know," Stan said bluntly.

She did not seem to hear him. "Watch out for Stan, boys. If you know he's tired come straight home. Do not dawdle. Do you hear me? I want you to have fun but make sure to not over-do anything."

"Mom, I'm feeling perfectly fine, I'll be okay," Stan insisted.

Mrs. Marsh crossed her arms and glared at her son.

"I'll look out for myself," Stan sighed.

We hit the streets right after. I was feeling excited, knowing my best friend was healthy enough to do something normal again. It felt great. I looked in front of me to see Stan far ahead and standing in front of the first house.

"Wait up dude, damn, I want candy too!"

"Oh please," Cartman rolled his eyes. "You hardly ever eat candy Jew boy!"

True, with me being diabetic I never ate the sweet stuff. But I still liked to have a piece here and there. And it was always fun to bargain with my friends with their candy after we trick-or-treated. So even though I'd rather curl up with a bowl of carrot sticks and ranch dressing, I looked forward to Halloween just like everybody else. We scored three pieces of candy at the first house and three more at the next. It was a pretty nice night really, and so far Stan was holding up well. I would of course ask Stan how he was doing every ten minutes or so even though it annoyed him.

"If I fall and sprain my ankle I'll let you know Kyle!" he shot. "Now hurry up! Cylde just told Cartman Mrs. Bruno is handing out Super Suckers!"

Two hours was more than plenty for us that night and we arrived back at the Marshes after. The first thing we did of course was dump our bags onto the floor and sort through our loot.

"Did you boys score anything good?" Mr. Marsh asked as he stepped inside the living room.

"Yeah, we scored tons," Stan exasperated.

Mrs. Marsh came over with a pitcher of her famous punch for us. (Stan defiantly needed to have his mouth refreshed before any of us). She sat and watched us.

"Be sure to not eat anything with sharp ends or that will cut your mouth and leave sores Stan," she warned.

"_Mom_!" Stan groaned. "You have to take the fun out of everything!"

Mrs. Marsh frowned.

"Can't I just eat what I want, just for tonight?" he said quietly, not looking at her.

"Your mother's right son," Mr. Marsh said. "It's not good to eat something off your list of 'no-no' foods. Just because it's Halloween doesn't make a difference. Eating what you aren't allowed to might give us a costly dental bill from Dr. Steels or something like that."

I really felt bad for Stan, he, like Cartman, was big on sweets. In the past their mothers hardly ever scolded them for eating candy before dinner or drinking soda five times a week. Sure Stan had been good about it for the past several months but I knew it was starting to take a toll on him. Usually everyone complained about getting 50 Tootsie Rolls in their Halloween bags but Stan was the one who gladly gobbled all 50 pieces by the second week of November. It still kind of makes me laugh to this day. While Cartman got fat from eating too many sweets, he never had cavities; but while Stan never gained weight from eating sweets, he received cavities.

"Damnit Cartman give me another Butterfinger! You have six, I have three!" Stan held his hand out impatiently for the candy.

"No way dude, you don't get any of my Butterfingers if you don't give me your Sour Apple Pop!"

They fought about their candy trades every Halloween more than the rest of us obviously. Stan finally gave in and handed over his Sour Apple Pop, knowing the acidity was not good for his mouth so Cartman gave him a mini-Butterfinger. It was kind of odd this time around; Cartman was more willing to give Stan what he asked for. I know he felt horrible by this point about Stan and his way to show it without actually showing it was listening to the boy in the face mask.

The rest of the night was fun, we sat and watched a scary movie (I think it was Jeeper's Creepers- one of Stan's favorites), before Cartman, Kenny, Butters, and I had to return home. It was a good Halloween; I only hoped next year's would be just as promising. And that was when November came by. Each month I would give the residents of South Park an update on Stan and any information about the Smiles for Stan Fund. And now that it was November I had big plans for my foundation. The usual stage and podium was set up for my benefit and as usual my parents and friends stood around me as I faced the crowd. I cleared my throat that cold afternoon.

"I want to thank-you all for your wonderful donations over October; it really made a huge difference. I want you to know I did give Stan all birthday presents and birthday money that you asked me to give. He is very surprised by the continued support, his whole family is. I'm not sure what he's going to spend that birthday money on but I guarantee you shouldn't worry it will go to waste. He has wanted a few new things for school so I'm sure most will go towards that," I began.

The faces in the crowd had changed dramatically ever since the fund was started in the summer. What was once a sea of annoyed people who didn't want to fork over their money to give Stan's family a fun vacation was now nothing but people who gladly dumped whatever they had in their pockets whenever they saw the Smiles for Stan money jar.

"How is he doing?" asked an older woman, looking upset.

"He's doing okay. He's a lot better ever since he was sent to the hospital after catching the flu," I glared towards Cartman's way.

"What?" he said defensively.

I didn't say anything; Stan might not have gotten sick if Cartman didn't have a cold that same time. All of us had a feeling that was where Stan picked up the virus. But a week after he was released, Stan received a flu shot from Dr. Davies, just as an extra measure.

I cleared my throat. "There is something I have planned for the money donated for the Marshes starting today. I'm not sure when they will be able to get back on their feet again but until that happens; I plan fifteen percent of what is donated from now until December eighteenth to be given to the Marshes for their Christmas shopping."

There were a few confused looks but most of the people seemed to be on the same page.

"First we have to give them our money so they can have a vacation, now we have to give them money so they can have a Christmas?" asked an angry man near the front.

"Hey dickhole, Stan deserves a better Christmas than you I'm sure!" Cartman raged.

The man fell silent but glared. I rolled my eyes before I went on. "I just wanted to give you all an update and what the plans are for both this month and the next. Do try to help out and give Stan and his family a great surprise now that the holidays are starting. They will be very grateful. The money jar will be located at all times at South Park Elementary school. It will be easier for everyone to make whatever donations they would like. It will however be locked up by night for extra precaution. Again, thank-you very much for your cooperation and contributions. The Marshes thank each and every one of you."

Around half of the crowd went to put money into the jar as soon as I was finished. One of those people was Mrs. Uhalley who put in $30. She didn't need to express anything about it; I knew she cared greatly for Stan. She loved all her students but knowing Stan was very sick and would be for the next few years made her extra attentive to him. Like Stan's dentist would always say, he never had a patient who had leukemia before. Mrs. Uhalley never taught a child with the same disease either. And since both, including Dr. Davies, loved that boy in the poof ball hat, they would always make a great donation whenever they saw the money jar. That afternoon Dr. Steels happily put in $40, Dr. Davies put in $30. I sometimes wondered how Stan got to have so many people on his side and treat him as if he were family. Maybe because he was dubbed that everyday, average, go-to kind of guy. Whatever it was he sure was lucky to be able to rely on the help of these people.

The weeks passed. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. The money had a steady increase each day and the people I always knew would make a donation almost every week (Mrs. Uhalley, Dr. Davies, Dr. Steels, the Black family, Wendy, Butters, and Stan's next-door neighbors the Heartons) would always put in at least a dollar. Even Cartman had begun to add in something here and there whether it be five bucks, one dollar, or a dime. I decided not to ask what his reasons for doing so were, he'd only get defensive.

November 19th. As usual Mom dropped me off early at school so I could see if there were any more donations in the Smiles for Stan fund. Some students were already at school, walking and doing as they pleased. I walked into the front doors and over to the wall where a booth sat with a Smiles for Stan Foundation banner over it, a few pictures of Stan, and information board explaining what the money was used for. Of course I didn't leave the jar on the table; it would be too easy to steal. So I went down to the principal's office to see the jar. But that's when I noticed something was very wrong; the look on Principal Victoria's face said it all.

"Kyle, something happened last night," she spoke.

"W-what?"

The curly-haired woman stepped aside to show me an empty safe under her desk. My blood ran cold. That was where the money was kept every night.

"Where- where's the money?"

Principal Victoria looked upset. "Somebody broke into the school sometime last night. There's no other explanation."

I shook my head. "No. No! There has to be! It couldn't have disappeared! I mean, the jar was in a safe! How could anyone know the combination for it?"

"We don't know. But someone did indeed steal not only the Fund jar but the money collected from school lunches in the cafeteria. We've looked everywhere, it's not here."

I stood there, hardly daring to believe it. I didn't even notice Cartman, Kenny, and Butters walk in until they spoke up.

"Did anyone leave any more money last night?" Butters asked cheerfully.

I licked my dry lips. "It's- it's gone."

"What?" Cartman said.

"Gone. Someone stole it. All of it. There's no trace. It's just… gone."

"What? Who the fuck would steal the Marshe's money?" Cartman demanded.

"It _is_ money Eric. Some no good person decided he- he needed it more," Butters looked angry, crossing his arms.

There really wasn't much any of us could do. We watched surveillance footage of the school and only saw a man dressed in all black take the jar at 2:30 in the morning. There was nothing he did or left behind that would give anyone a clue as to who he was. I spent all day at school in a fog, not wanting to believe someone had taken the money. All $2,600 of it. The mere thought that someone had taken so much money that was going to go towards a family who desperately needed and deserved it… to a boy who was diagnosed with a terminal disease… sometimes you sort of forget people could be so cruel. Sure one Eric Cartman was as bad as they came but something told me he would never take money that was going to a sick child when he was older.

I didn't contact the Marsh family right away. They were in Denver since Stan had treatment again. It would not do any good to let them know anything. It was very difficult not to say anything to them when they did return to South Park. Whenever they needed a certain amount I would give them the money from the jar. They hadn't needed anything yet, although Dad did give them $100 out of his pocket (not saying so of course) to cover gas. I simply told them there wasn't a whole lot of money coming in at the moment saying people must just want to save for the holidays. Stan did wonder about this saying, 'Kinda strange. People give back during the holidays more than any other time.' I could only shrug in reply.

Thanksgiving came. By this point I had already informed the public about the stolen funds and had begun a new jar of money for my friend, this time I kept the jar at my house at all times unless I was at school. The Marshes unfortunately had to spend November the 25th back at Children's Hospital, but according to Stan they served a very good Thanksgiving meal so it wasn't all bad. But now the days passed and before I knew it December had hit, and welcoming everyone on the first day of the last month, a blanket of snow. And I knew I only had a couple of weeks before I gave the Marshes their Christmas fund. I tried to forget all about the stolen money as the weeks went by and even though I knew we were getting steady flow again, I hated knowing someone I just passed by on the street might have taken the money and used it for who-knew-what.

It was a Sunday night and Cartman, Butters, Kenny, and myself sat outside Target asking if anyone would donate for Smiles for Stan. Of course Cartman was able to attract the most ears.

"You there!" he shouted at a woman dressed in a nice coat and her young daughter. "Shopping for the man of your life huh? How about, instead of buying him another tie or watch he doesn't need you give that money to a sick little boy who is just dying to get his hands on at least one cool toy this year?"

The woman blinked. Her daughter looked at her.

"He's right Mommy, Dad really won't want that watch. And he hates ties."

Cartman smiled as the lady placed a crisp twenty in the jar. He snickered.

"I don't believe you at times dude," I shook my head.

"You! Give money to the Smiles for Stan Foundation! Give a little boy a Merry Christmas! It's for a good cause!" he pointed to a young man who just shrugged but was held back by the fat boy saying, "He has leukemia you black asshole!" he pointed to one of the pictures of Stan, bald, sitting in his hospital bed with a small smile on his face. The man put in five dollars.

Sure the holidays were a time to give back to charities, but even as I was getting ready to present the money for the Marshes December the 18th I did not feel too pleased. I could see it in their faces they were trying not to look disappointed at the amount that was handed to them that afternoon. I sighed, time to confess.

"A man… stole the money we already had saved up," I said softly.

"What?" Mrs. Marsh frowned.

"I've been collecting donations as usual, but I had plans fifteen percent of what was collected would go towards Christmas. But someone broke into the school weeks ago and stole it all. I'm so sorry, I had thousands saved up already," I couldn't bear to look anyone in the eye.

Stan took hold of a five dollar bill. "So all this… is it?"

"Yeah. I'm so sorry dude. I really thought there'd be more but I guess people didn't want to give to you a second time. It-it is the holidays…"

Mrs. Marsh tried to smile. "Don't be sorry Kyle; you did what you could do. And $350 is still a lot of money. There is still a lot we can do with this. Fifteen percent is still…" she took a piece of paper for quick math. "$52.50. And Dad will be able to help pay for a special Christmas. We have nothing to worry about."

I could see the disappointment on her children's faces. My stomach tightened at that point. I shook my head. "No, I'm sorry but I can't do this."

"What?" Mrs. Marsh looked at me.

"You guys have been through too much already. And an extra fifty bucks is nothing for your Christmas presents and treats and decorations. I want you to use all of it- all 350 dollars of it for Christmas."

I could see a glint of excitement in Stan's eyes but he tried to keep his cool. Shelley looked shocked and looked at her mother. Mrs. Marsh was- I don't know what she was.

"Kyle sweetie…"

"Please, use it all on your holidays. You deserve a really really good Christmas. I know Stan has a list of things he wants, I'm sure you all do. You deserve to get those things even if you're still looking for work Mrs. Marsh. Please, use it all," I explained.

"But what about gas and rent and stuff?" Stan questioned.

"I'll get a job selling newspapers or something, I don't care. I want you to have fun with the money. And until you hit remission Stan, the fundraiser is going to be going on and on. So there will always be something to fall back on. Just go out- get spending. It's only…one week before Christmas."

Mrs. Marsh had tears in her eyes and hugged me tight. Stan went over and wrapped his arms around me too.

"I swear I'm going to make it all up to you once I'm better dude, I swear it."

"Don't worry dude," I laughed.

Before I knew it Stan hurried over to his mother and handed over his written list, excitedly telling her in great detail all he wanted. I took hold of the now empty Smiles for Stan jar and decided to go back home, ready to take it out, as usual, the next day so the Marshes would indeed not have to worry about certain expenses as the final weeks of the year crept up.

_SPSP_

_Wow, I was able to cover (almost) three holidays in one chapter! I hoped you liked it, do leave a review before you close out of the story, thanks!_

_Lots of love: Rose, April 20, 2011_


	15. That Good Old Fashioned Feeling

**THAT GOOD OLD FASHIONED FEELING**

Stan's POV

_December 23rd. 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Hey, time to inform you on what has happened the past few days. Well I wrote and told you about how Kyle told us to use all the money from his fund on Christmas which I still find is really great of him to do. So Mom and Dad have been out shopping non-stop since then and the house is beginning to look a lot like Christmas, just like that one song. We already had a tree up and decorations but there wasn't much under the tree except the gifts our families sent out. Now there are things for all of us! Mom and Dad agreed they would only spend $50 on each other; they wanted to give us kids the majority of the Christmas fund. Of course I'm not going to complain, I __am__ ten. But Grandma Mara took Shelley and I out yesterday so we could pick up something for Mom and Dad too. I found a cool set of frog bookends for Mom. They were $46 plus tax, the most I ever spent on her ever. I am hoping she doesn't need to ask how much they were, she really deserves something nice. For Dad an apron that I had personalized (Randy's Doin' the BB-Qin'). Not to mention an ornament I made in class for them too. I also got a really nice purple scarf for Shelley even if she doesn't get me something in return. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve and I am super-excited! Will write tomorrow._

_Stan_

_December 24th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Christmas Eve, one of the best times every year. I spent the day baking with Mom and together we went to give out cookies to all the people who have helped us over the year. Should I say wrapped up doing so, we had a lot of people to visit. And never before did it feel so good to do that. The look of joy on Dr. Davies' face when we showed up at his house (yes we do know where he lives), was really something. He took us in and we talked for a little while. He's just happy to see that I am on me feet and doing okay so far. We also gave cookies to Mrs. Uhalley (this was on the last day of school before the break) and she was really happy too. Actually one of the most grateful people was Dr. Steels. Just because he's a dentist doesn't mean he doesn't like to eat sweets now and again. So he was grateful for an excuse to pig out on some frosted sugar cookies and peanut butter creams. I actually really loved the nostalgick feeling of the whole day. Mom baking, and together us walking up to doorsteps as the snow fell gently onto our winter clothes. It was like it was 1950 or something. _

_After a fun day of giving back, the family sat around and was lazy together. We watched a few Christmas movies and ate left-over cookies. For dinner Mom made macaroni with ham, another tradition. That's when Grandma Mara came over (she's going to be staying with us for Christmas too). At night we sat by the fire and had hot chocolate which was almost nostalgick too since Chelsea was sleeping in front of it like a happy kitty from years past. After, I went up to bed where Mom read from a favorite Christmas picture book of mine, Boppy Elephant's Crazy Christmas before kissing me good-night. I dunno jornal, something about today was really special. It warmed my heart like no other, seeing all the people who have done so much for my family this year. Telling them they deserve the thanks and how much they mean to us. Watching movies. Eating favorite Christmas food. Bedtime. I really think the best things in life can be the most simple. Maybe this is the start of a new Christmas tradition, one that's away from our computers and gadets and stuff like that. But I'll cut the crap now…_

_CHRISTMAS MORNING IS IN NINE HOURS!_

_Bye from a restless Stan_

_December 25th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Christmas was great! Let me tell you what happened:_

_Mom woke me up at 7:30 that morning so I could help out in the kitchen with breakfast. Dad put on How the Grinch Stole Christmas (the Jim Carrey versun- I love it) and both Shelley and I helped out with the big Christmas breakfast. Christmas is the one day where every meal is a big thing (except on birthdays too). For breakfast we had homemade cinnamen rolls, eggs, and bacon with orange juice. (I of course didn't have the OJ since it hurts my mouth now). It was all so yummy! And I ate all that was on my plate too- I even had almost two rolls! After we went through our Christmas stockings. Grandma put in a Christmas mix CD in the CD player in the living room as we dug in. I got some great candy, bubbles, gift card for the mall and a new toothbrush and floss which was kinda gay. But after that was presents! ! ! _

_We always just grab them at random but everyone agreed I should be the one who opened the first gift. (Even Shelley wanted me too!) It was a new set of pj's from Grandma. _

"Aww, thanks Grandma," I smiled as I took hold of the blue shirt and plaid pants combo.

"They looked so simple but classic, I really thought you'd look adorable in them," she beamed.

_Shelley pointed and laughed, that was until she opened a gift of pink and purple pj's that were the same as mine. If Grandma really thinks we're going to be twins and wear them at the same time… soon everyone began to open gifts at random. Not long after my new pj's did I get a brand-new robe that was navy blue with Stanley written in white at the front pocket from Grandma as well. I actually really like my new robe! I think it will be really comfortable and warm to wear during chemo, espesially since it's a robe so it opens at the front for easy aksess to my port. Mom and Dad smiled when they saw the ornament I made for them._

"Wow son, this is really nice," Dad said as he held up the clay stocking I had painted that held my fifth grade school picture in it.

"When did you do this?" Mom smiled.

"School," I shrugged. "Mrs. Uhalley had us all make ornaments a few weeks ago during art class. It was actually kinda fun; I hadn't made an ornament since second grade."

"Wow, you actually enjoyed a project in art class?" Shelley looked shocked.

"It's going to be the only time," I pointed out. She has more of the artistic mind than me.

_I got a couple new Batman things this year as always. I love Batman and kind of expect something of him for my birthday or Christmas. I got a sweet new Batmobile and Batman pillow sheet. From my other grandparents I got a couple sweet build- 'em race cars that I can decorate, as well as $50. Oh yeah, Grandma Mara gave both Shelley and I $30 a piece in our Christmas cards too. I got a great mix of toys and games, I was really happy with everything. But not so much as when Mom opened her gift from me. Dad loved his apron as I knew he would but I really wanted to get Mom's reaction. She looked at me surprised when she took hold of the heavy wrapped box._

"Oh Stanley…" she gasped as she slowly took out the dancing frogs bookends.

"I saw them and knew you'd want them," I pointed out with a smile.

"Stanley… these are beautiful. But how on earth did you-?"

"Well I was going to get them for your birthday last week but they were all out, so I had Grandma take me to the store again and they were in stock again so I decided to buy them. Do you like them Mom?"

"Sweetie, you know I do," Mom smiled.

"Then don't wonder how much they cost or anything. You deserve it," I shrugged.

_No more words were said, she just went over to give me a hug and kiss. One of the last presents Shelley opened was the one from me. She looked surprised at the scarf. But she did thank me. And funny enough, she got me something too! A real-cool cup with a flashing image of a T-rex on it with a twisting straw attached, filled with a few of my favorite candy bars. _

"This is sweet! Thanks Shelley," I beamed at her. I wanted to hug her for the mere thought of getting me something, but she pushed me away.

"You're welcome turd, just don't hug me."

_Sadly all the presents were opened too soon. (Oh! Before I forget, I got kitty treats and a couple toys for Chelsea. She really likes them so far!) We pitched in to clean up and sat around before having a light lunch, since dinner would be another big moment. And it was. For dinner I once again helped Mom and Grandma in the kitchen, we had a delishus glazed ham, rolls, sweet potatoes, and some vegetable thing that I didn't touch. Oh yeah, and apple cider. I love that stuff and it didn't bother my mouth too much. For dessert we had bread pudding. I really have no idea how I was able to eat the way I did today. Everything was so delishus I guess my stomach wanted some of everything and I didn't feel sick once. _

_It is now 10:30 and Mom tucked me into bed not long ago. I really had a great Christmas. Filled with fun, warmth, great presents, great food! Hope next year is just as great. I'll write in you later jornal, I'm tired. And Chelsea is sleeping on my feet. _

_Stan_

_December 29th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Something pretty huge was decided since I wrote to you Christmas. For a while now Mom and Dad have been worried about how much school I miss due to chemo. Mrs. Uhalley understands and told them not to worry about it but they still do. They don't want me to fall behind anymore than I already am. I already missed a huge sience lesson this month as well as many math and spelling tests. And when I get my homework from Kyle, a lot of it doesn't make sense. So my parents have been wondering what to do about it, trying to think of a way to help me out so I can pass 5th grade. They finally settled on something last week, they think it is best I get a tutor while I am here in Denver. They put an ad out in the paper and have potentials lined up already. They're going to start interviews tomorrow out of the apartment. _

_I have mixed feelings about this. I think it will be good yeah, if someone is able to help me out on work when I'm too sick to be in school, but it's still a little crazy. Mom still doesn't have a job although she has a few things lined up that could be promising and one place has asked for an interview but they need to call back with the details. They haven't really set up how much they are willing to pay this tutor either. But I have to stay a little optomistic; this is for my own good. And by now, whenever I hear an adults say those words, I have to believe them. So I will tell you all about tomorrow then._

_Stan_

_December 30th, 2010_

_Dear jornal,_

_Today Mom and Dad interviews potensal tutors for me. They talked to five people total and I think it went rather okay. Right after breakfast and taking my daily medication Mom wisked me away to my room._

"The first lady we will be talking to should be arriving in twenty minutes. I want you and Shelley to stay in your room while we talk to her okay?"

"Mom, are you sure hiring a tutor for me is the best thing? Can't I just have extra help from Kyle or Mrs. Uhalley?" I asked.

"Kyle is very smart I know, but I don't want someone your own age to help you. As for your teacher, she is a busy woman and wouldn't be able to have much one-one-one time with you to catch you up. I'm sorry."

_I sighed._

"Don't worry Stan, Dad and I will find the perfect match for you. I promise we won't hire anyone until you've met them and feel comfortable around them," Mom continued.

At that moment Dad hurried forward. "Miss Trecee said she is on her way here right now!"

"What? Oh dear, okay, let's get everything ready. Kids- don't make too much noise back here and no fighting, got that?" Mom said to Shelley and I before going over to the living room.

_Shelley and I watched a movie in our room while Mom and Dad talked to the potensals. Although after each interview Mom would get me from the room so I could meet the interviewee. The first person was a woman called Miss Trecee. She was pretty old, with white hair in a scarf thing and had a hard thin face. She wore those really ugly sharp glasses and well, I didn't like her. She looked me up and down after I shook her hand._

"Hm… boy needs to put a bit more meat on his bones I say," was what she said.

"I have cancer," I pointed out.

"Humph!" she scoffed. "My father and uncle both had cancer and lived normal lives. Ate us out of house and home just as well!"

"Um, thank-you Miss Trecee, we'll be sure to call you if we want another interview," Mom said getting up and shooing her out.

_The second person was a nice-enough lady named Mrs. Penny. She had home schooled her three children and now ran a daycare center so she was very good with kids. Mom and Dad looked at each other after she left the interview._

"She was nice," Dad commented as he wrote something down in his notebook.

"She was," Mom agreed. "I say she might be someone we call back on. What do you think Stanley?"

"Yeah, I liked her. But I didn't like how she looked at me, feeling sorry for me and stuff."

"True," Mom sighed. "She isn't used to dealing with children who have terminal illnesses. I'm not sure if that would affect tutoring sessions."

_The third person was a man. He was nice enough too and had expeeriance with kids, teaching, and illness, but I didn't really like him for some reason. He had a creepy smile almost and talked too slow. Dad said I was being picky but Mom told him this was all about my comfort and they would not hire someone I wasn't comfortable around. And so Dad had to cross Mr. Herman off the list. The fourth person was a middle-aged woman who loved kids and had a certificate in nursing and was now retiring from writing text books for schools. Her name was Mrs. Wilson. She really did have it all and probably was the best contender so far. The only thing I didn't like about her was the way she talked to me. She talked as if I were five or something. Again, I'm not trying to be picky but I know that would distract me from my work. The fifth and final person for that day was a young woman named Alice Freedman._

"Sit tight in your room for just a little while longer and I'll have you meet her after the interview, okay?" Mom said and nudged me to the back yet again. Sighing, I did so, although I really didn't want to be in the same room as Shelley for much longer because I knew a fight was bound to happen sometime soon.

_I stood around in my room for a few minutes before deciding to play with some toys. I took out my favorite monster truck and placed my rubber frog Junior in it and began making car sounds and crashing sounds as I drove it roughly over the carpet._

"Stop it turd!" Shelley snapped at me from her laptop. "I'm i-chatting with Amir!"

"It's my room too bitch!"

Shelley glared. "Just keep it down _okay_?"

_I smiled. I still do love the fact that she cannot hurt me phsically anymore. I love to push it to see how far she will go but so far, none of the bruses or cuts on my body is from her. I built a quick tower out of some wooden blocks and took out a few more toys._

"Help us! Help us! Our house is on fire!" I had my stuffed penguin say. (The one Mom got for my birthday. I still don't know why she did but he has grown on me.)

I took hold of my favorite Batman action figure and had him stand on the ledge of the bottom bunk. "Don't worry ma'am! I will save your house!" I grabbed my Superman doll. "Fuck off Ratman! I can handle this!" "Fuck you Superman! The only thing super about you is your horrible breath!" "What the fuck did you say?" "You heard me Super-_sucker_." I had Superman in the air now. "Say that to my face or are you a pussy?" I had Batman kick Superman across the room. "Take THAT Superman! You're so gay and overrated! Everyone knows I'm the BEST!"

"Shut-up TURD!" Shelley screamed.

"Oh what's this? Does a bitchy older sister need me to kick her ass?" Batman said.

"I'm going to cream your face if you don't stop!"

"I'm sooo scared," I smirked. "You know you're not allowed to hit me."

"I don't care! I'm going to if you don't stop with your gay Batman crap!"

"Did somebody call me gay? I'll show them!" I had him shoot fake lasers at her head. _You have no idea how great it is to annoy someone when you know they can't do anything back._

"I'm warning you Stan!"

I set Batman down with a smile. "Oooh, now you're mad? Pissed? What are you gonna do? What's the mean old witch gonna doooo? OW!" I cried. She had used all her force to hit my arm. I looked up to see her satisfied expression. "I'm telling!" I shouted before hurrying out the room, holding my arm. "Mom! Mooom!"

Mom was sitting in the living room with Dad, talking with a real young blonde woman. Mom turned around and sighed. "Stanley, not now, Mommy and Daddy are in the middle of something important."

"But Mom!"

"Later son," Dad said. "Anyway, Alice, what are your experiences with children?"

"Shelley hit me Mom!"

"She what?" Mom got to her feet and I showed her my arm. It wasn't bruised yet but there was a high guarantee it would be in ten minutes. "Why on earth did she hurt you Stan?"

"She was just being a bitch," I grumbled.

Mom bit her lip as she looked at the woman, Alice. She was smiling slightly back. Mom rubbed my arm and said, "Might as well… Alice, this is our son Stanley. Stan, this young lady might be your tutor soon."

I moved from my mother to the blonde lady. She couldn't have been more than 25 years old. I held out my hand. "Hi, I'm Stan."

"Hello Stan, my name is Alice. How are you doing today?"

"Pretty okay," I shrugged.

"Siblings can be such a pain sometimes huh?" she stuck up her face.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, no kidding. I like your name, Alice."

"Really?" she made the same disgusted face. "I've always hated it. But my mother loved all the Alice in Wonderland stories growing up and always told anyone who would listen; her first daughter would be called Alice. So here I am!"

_I smiled. My parents decided it was okay if I stood around for the rest of the interview. They asked her her experience with kids; she said she had a younger brother and sister she would always be in charge of since she was several years older. That, and she had been baby-sitting since she was eleven and was now in school, hoping to become a first or second grade teacher. Funny enough her mother was and still is a fifth grade teacher where she lives! That's when Mom and Dad hit her with questions about dealing with a kid who had a very serious disease. She admitted she didn't know of anyone with anything worse than asthma. This made all three of us smile and Mom wasted no time telling her I did have a moderate form of it. Alice explained how she baby-sat two kids with asthma for seven years and knew all about handling it. She was also certified to give CPR and knew basic first-aid. _

_As I listened to her speak, she reminded me a lot of Mrs. Uhalley, just a younger version of her. She seemed to really understand and love kids, and was really smiley and happy and seemed to really care. She just had a great personality. But I had my own questions for her too and she didn't mind me asking them at all._

"I really suck at math. What I wanna know is do you have the patience to teach me what I need to know, and what would you do if I told you I wanted to give up?" I asked her.

Alice smiled. "I want to let you know that I will go through all necessary steps and will work with you, however long it takes for you to get the problem. And I will never let you give up. I might take you out for some fresh air, a breather. But we will get back to it and continue on where we left off."

_I looked at my parents, they seemed impressed too. The interview it seemed, took longer than the others. I think it was because I was asking her things too. _

"Sorry about our son," my dad said suddenly. "He likes to ask questions all the time."

Mom glared. I frowned. Alice however smiled. "You have nothing to be sorry about Mr. Marsh; it's a normal and healthy thing for a child to ask questions."

_I smiled. I really wanted her as a tutor now. Five minutes later everything was wrapped up and we said good-bye. As soon as the door closed I looked to my parents._

"I want her as my tutor."

"Stanley, it's not that easy. We need to go over everything first," Dad said, indicating his notebook.

"But why go through everything you wrote if I'm telling you who I'm most comfortable with?"

Mom was biting her lip. "I don't know hon. What about Mrs. Wilson? You liked her."

"Meh," I shrugged. "I didn't like how she talked to me."

"Okay… oh, but Mrs. Penny was really nice wasn't she? I really liked her background and previous employee info," Mom looked down at her own notes.

"But she felt sorry for me too. I don't want to be reminded that I'm sick by anyone. If a doctor and nurse can treat me normally, why can't a teacher? Besides, what was wrong with Alice?"

Mom took a seat on the sofa. "Nothing. She was pretty much perfect." She sighed. "I'm just afraid she may not have the best experience sweetie. She's only twenty-four and in collage. I'm not sure how reliable she might be."

"But she looked after her little brother and sister for years and has been baby-sitting for almost as long. She wants to be a teacher _and_ her mom is a fifth grade teacher! I'm sure she has plenty of resources if she needs them. Oh, and not to mention how used to dealing with kids with asthma she is. Isn't is great knowing that if I have an attack with her, she'll know how to handle it?" I said in a rush. I know it really wasn't my decision but it was. I was going to be the student; my parents were just going to pay her.

"Yes yes, that's all fine and good but Stanley, she's too young," Mom said again.

"I don't think age matters much," I crossed my arms.

Dad got up. "Look, your mother and I will go over things together. We know you like Alice and we'll- I guess we'll take it into account. But we already have three more people to interview Monday. Let's not think of a decision until we talk to everyone okay?"

_I sighed, knowing it was useless to argue. So that's basically how today went. I really hope Alice is hired, I really think she'd be the best pick. She was smart, resonsapal, and fun. And it was only the interview! Imagine if she takes me to the park for a science lesson or something. That would be cool. I'll write in you later jornal._

_Stan_

_January 1st, 2011_

_Happy New Year jornal! ! You know what they say; a new year means new promises. I hope this year will be better than the last. It has to be. There can't be any surprises as huge as what happened in 2010. I look forward to spending more time with my friends this year. Also playing with Chelsea! I can't wait when she turns a year old! I'm also excited to just spending more time with Mom. We've gotten closer last year and I can't wait to see what else the future holds. I've always loved my mother but things have just been… different. It's sad to know it's my illness that brought her closer but I kinda have the feeling something else would have gotten us closer if I didn't have ALL. I kinda sorta want to put together our own recipe book this year. I think it would be really fun if we put all our favorite recipes in a book and decorated it and stuff. I really do like art stuff, but only if I'm at home. The guys would rip on me if they found out I spent some of my Christmas money on Crayola stuff. But to get to the point, I am excited about this year. Like I said, it has to be better than the last. _

_Oh, for New Year's, I completed my final treatment for phase two of chemo! It was a short four-hour session and like last time, my doctor and nurses threw a small party with a big sign, silly string, and some goodies. I was able to watch the ball drop from New York on TV, signaling the New Year. That's always fun to see. I had to go to bed right after though. But that is what the last day of 2010 and first day of 2011 included. I will write in you again okay?_

_Stan_

_January 6th, 2011_

_Dear jornal,_

_I'm just going to go straight to it-my parents hired Alice as my tutor! They interviewed three other people Monday like they said, but I could tell they weren't all in it since I had to meet with the potensals after they interviewed them, like last time. Let me tell you how it happened:_

_It was a normal day already. We were still in Denver since I have to go to chemo in two days. So all the usual stuff, breakfast and stuff like that. Then as I was bored in my room Mom came in with a smile on her face._

"Get ready Stanley," she told me.

"Ready for what?" I said, hardly glancing from my video game.

"It's a surprise. Just get ready. I don't want you wearing pajamas when our guest arrives."

_Guest? I really don't know what to think half the time my parents say something is a 'surprise.' Of course I tried getting it out of them but they didn't tell me anything so I gave up and got dressed. I stood waiting around in the living room by lunch time and that's when I heard a knock on the door._

"That would be her," Mom said and went to answer it. She opened the door to reveal Alice!

"Alice? I- what are you doing here?" I smiled when she walked in.

_She just smiled and said hello. My parents went over to my side._

"We thought it over, looked at everything and well, we think Alice would be the best choice when it came to helping you out while we are up here," Dad explained.

"What? Really?"

"She has everything we're looking for," Mom went on. "And, you seemed to be most comfortable around her." She looked at the young blonde woman. "I do apologize about questioning your abilities Alice, since you are still so young."

"Don't worry Mrs. Marsh, I get that a lot," she smiled. "I'm just happy someone trusts me to help their child out for such a serious situation. Most of the time people only want me to baby-sit their kids." She got to her knee. "How are you doing today Stanley?"

"Great now that I know you're going to be my tutor!" I beamed. "When are we going to start? I'm having troubles with my social studies and still can't get over division."

She laughed. "Wow, wouldn't think a ten-year-old would be so excited about school-work."

I shrugged. "My fifth-grade teacher back home kinda makes me want to come to school, so for once I like learning."

Dad looked into his wallet. "We were thinking we start at $40 per lesson. Is that okay for you Alice?"

She nodded. "Yes, that's perfect. I need all the extra help I can get for my own schooling," she chuckled.

"Say, you told me you had a brother and sister. How old are they? And is your mom really a fifth grade teacher? Sorry but I just find you too good to be true," I asked bluntly.

Again Alice laughed and patted my bald head. "You're a cute kid. You can ask me anything you want; I'm actually a very open person."

I had misgivings. "Nobody is _that_ open."

"Try me," she challenged.

I thought. "What's your most embarrassing moment?"

She made a face. "When I threw-up on the dentist."

I waved my hand in the air. "Pff, that's nothing. I threw up on the dentist at _least_ three times in my life."

Alice laughed again. "Really?"

"I… kinda throw-up. A lot."

"Well it was embarrassing to me. Dr. Cornwall was sickened and she smelled the whole time she was working on me."

I just smiled back at her. Alice turned to my parents. "Look, this might seem a bit sudden but I was wondering… it's nearly time for lunch. Is it okay if I take Stan out to the park for a picnic? You know, so we could get to know each other a bit before I start with the lessons?"

I gasped and looked to Mom and Dad. "Please Mom? Please?"

Mom smiled. "It's fine with us. Wait! Let me go over some of the safety rules we have with you Alice. Stanley, go get the sun block and I'll help cover you up."

_Mom covered me from head to toe in the sun block and I placed my Rockies cap on my head and took hold of my sunglasses while she explained everything to Alice about taking me outside. Stuff like making sure I wasn't in direct sunlight for long and stuff about germs and stuff. Alice promised she would make sure I was safe. I took hold of my inhaler just in case, and we were off to the picnic. I found out Alice was already planning to take me out today since she had a picnic basket of food ready for us in her car. We drove for ten minutes before finding a nice park called William H. Burg Park. We found a nice spot under a tree and spread the blanket out and sat down. _

"I hope you like turkey and cheese," Alice said as she took out the sandwiches.

"Yeah," I smiled. I began a sandwich and opened a bag of grapes as I looked at her.

"So tell me a little bit about yourself Stan," she asked.

"Well, aside from the fact that I'm very sick… I'm just your typical kid. I love sports and video games and doing stuff with my friends."

She rolled her eyes. "No no, what makes you unique? You know, stand out from your friends? What makes Stan Marsh, Stan Marsh?"

I frowned as I drank my chocolate milk. "Okay. I love animals. My friends have their favorite animals sure but I love all animals. Except for snakes. I have a pet cat named Chelsea. Did you see her at the apartment? She's really crazy and funny. I also have a mutt of a dog named Sparky back home. He's too big to stay with us at the apartment. Um, I'm pretty talented at stuff."

"Oh? What are you good at?" Alice asked eagerly.

"A lot actually. I'm a really good pitcher and quarter-back. I can drive too. There have been times I had to drive a car before… and on racing games I'm always on top. Um… I can play guitar too! Well not the real thing but I'm really really good at Guitar Hero, how different can it be? School-wise, I'm good at reading and writing although I don't really like doing those things on my own. My teacher keeps pushing me to write a story or something, she thinks I can do it since I'm one of the top readers in class but I don't know…" I explained.

"Why don't you think you can write?" Alice frowned.

"I think I can, I just think my friends will rip on me. I don't want to be made fun of for my ability to write poems or some shit," I looked down.

"Well that's not reason enough." Alice rubbed her chin as she finished her sandwich. "Say, for your first lesson, I want you to write me one short story and one poem. Any format. Do you think you can do that Stan?"

I sighed. "I'll _try_."

_It was a really fun day at the park. After our picnic and getting akainted, (she has four cats back at her parents' house! SO cool!) we walked around a bit and fed bread to the ducks in the pond. I played on the playground for maybe a half hour before we left. It was a great day, I'm very happy Mom and Dad hired her. And if she ever runs into something tricky she can ask her mom about it since she teaches fifth grade. So that's good to know. My first tutor seshion with her is next Monday. After chemo she'll show up at the apartment. So yeah, that's what happened. Talk to you later jornal._

_Stan_

_January 7th 2011_

_Dear jornal,_

_The most amazing thing happened today! ! Better than my new tutor, better than Chelsea learning to play fetch, better than any new toy or video game, better than French toast with bananas and chocolate syrup on a Saturday morning… Mom was hired at a new job! ! Told you it was better. It was really quick too. It's for a place called Kiddin' Around. It's a place in Denver that sells toys and kid stuff but what makes it unike is that it also has a bakery! Mom applied for it a month ago and they finally called her back. They called her in the morning for an interview. It was pretty sudden but they lost her application or something, I dunno. You wouldn't believe her reaction when her cell rang and they asked if she could come in today. Mom was stumbling around and forgetting little things, she was so shocked. But she got herself put together and left for an interview at 1:30. When she came back she told us they would call her back soon since they are so busy and need extra hands right away. Little did we know, 'soon' would be three hours! Aparently they told her they loved how she loves kids, loves to bake, and has great organization skills. That and she seemed very strong and eager to work there. For me personally, if Mom was applying for my busniss I would tell her not only was she strong and had great organizing skills, but that she is smart, kind, determined, independent, and a hard worker. But that's just me… Anyway, she starts work Monday! She will have to work around the scedual, my school, tutoring, and chemo, but I know she can do it. I am so happy for her; I haven't seen Mom this happy in months. Monday is going to be a great day for the both of us._

_Stan_

_January 10th, 2011_

_Dear jornal,_

_Wow, what a busy day. How to start? From the beginning I guess. It was a frantic morning. Dad had to leave late last night to South Park for work so Grandma Mara drove up to be with me. Mom started her first day at work at 9 AM and my chemo treatment was for 10:30 so that's why Grandma came so she could take me. Mom was hurrying around the kitchen trying to get breakfast going when I had to finally step in._

"Can't we just have cereal today?" I asked.

"Oh, yes, yes, that's far easier," Mom smiled after she had tried making pancakes.

_I poured us both a bowl of Chocolate Chex and we dug in. Mom looked at me._

"Why am I so nervous today Stanley?"

"I dunno, I wasn't born yet when you had your first day at Tom's Rhinoplasty," I shrugged as milk dribbled from my chin.

"It's not as if it's a high-tech job. I'm going to be stocking items in the store and clean up in the bakery. It might take a little while until I learn the recipes and get to be the actual person who makes those cupcakes and brownies but I'm still nervous."

"Maybe you're not over the shock at being interviewed and hired on the same day?" I suggested.

Mom thought. "Perhaps. That makes sense." She shook her head. "I'm just so happy I finally have a job. I didn't want to go any longer without providing income in the family."

"Meh, it's fine," I shrugged. "I knew you'd find one soon."

She smiled. "What about you? Are you nervous today? It's a big day for you too sweetie."

"Not really, more excited than anything."

_Not only was I going to be tutored today, but it was also my first day of my third and final phase of chemo! I am now in the maitenance stage. It will be just like the others, and will last for three or five years. I hate knowing I still have at least three years left of treatment before I hit remission. It seems like forever away. I cannot __cannot__ wait until that day. When I am fourteen it will be the happiest year of my life! No more drugs. No more needles. My hair will come back. But I'm going to enjoy all the good things chemo does give me until that happy day._

_Mom had to leave for work after breakfast. Before she did so I hurried to her and handed over an envelope with a card inside._

"Open it when you get to work," I whispered.

She smiled and hugged me again. "I think I'm spoiled, having you as a son."

"Naw, I'm spoiled having you as a mother," I said. She touched my bald head lovingly and kissed it.

_Like I said before, I don't know what it is but I've gotten really close to Mom lately. I see her do so much for me and sacrifice so much for my well-being. I think at some point all kids realize just how much their parents do for them. I don't think Shelley has realized it yet. I don't think any of my friends have either. One day maybe when they're teenagers, but right now, I know what my mother does for me and I am so thankful for it._

_I left with Grandma to Children's Hospital for treatment before 10. It was like any other day really, although the drugs today really left a nasty taste in my mouth and no amount of popsicles or gum took it away. At 4 PM I went back to the apartment where Alice would arrive for my first tutor seshion. Mom had set up a spot in my room for studies and my desk was now lined with paper, pens, and school books. At 4:30 Alice showed up. _

"How are you doing this evening Stan?" she asked.

"Good. You?"

She smiled. "Just as good. Did you write the papers I assigned you days ago?"

"Yeah," I pulled out my poem and short story. "They're not very good though."

"If you wrote what was on your mind then they are good. There are so many ways to write, I don't like grading based on the actual words."

"Then what do you grade on?" I asked.

"Structure. Punctuation. Making sure it is written clearly and neatly."

_I looked at my papers._

"Hm… looks like you're going to need extra help on penmanship," she smirked.

"What's that?"

"You're writing is a little sloppy."

_It was a very good first tutor session. Alice talked through my papers and told me what to fix on my short story. She really liked my poem though and said nothing needed to be fixed. She thought it was A+ work! She said I should write another poem since the first was so well-done. I'm going to. Maybe I'll show it to Mrs. Uhalley too and see what she thinks. We then had a lesson on division which took up a whole hour. Before I knew it it was time for dinner. And little did I know Mom had been home for almost an hour! She allowed Alice to stay for dinner. It was fun but crazy spending the evening with just chicks. Alice is a people-person and had Mom and Grandma talking the whole time. Even me! After our ice cream Alice went home. Mom tucked me into bed by 9:30 as always._

"Did you have a good first day?" I asked her.

"Yes. They kept me busy. A lot of it was just a run-down on how the business works and observing how things are done. Mrs. Athers said I will fit in just fine there. But do you know what the best part is?" Mom asked with a smile.

"What?"

"You'll like this: I get to take home any baked goods that did not sell that day!"

"You do?" I said excitedly.

"Yes. And since you are my son, you can walk in at any time and get whatever you want for free if you mention my name."

"Cool. So next time Kyle and Cartman come down, we can walk to your store and just say, 'yeah, we know Sharon Marsh', and they'll give us free muffins or something?"

_Mom smiled and nodded._

"Sweet."

Mom caressed my face. "Thank-you so much for your card this morning Stanley. It was so sweet."

I snuggled into my pillow and yawned as Chelsea purred on my stomach. "Thought you might need an extra boost of confidence today."

Mom touched my head again. "Again, I am spoiled for having you."

I could only grin back. Mom kissed my head. "Good-night baby. I love you."

"Love you too Mom."

_She turned out the light. It's kind of nice when it's just Mom and me here. I love how nice Shelley has been to me lately and Dad's always cool, but when I'm with Mom, things are calm. Happy. Normal. I dunno. Maybe it's just because we're so alike. Anyway, I should wrap, I'm tired and I need to wind Chelsea down who thinks it's a good idea to chase her jingly ball in my room at 11 at night._

_ALL has brought Mom and me closer._

_Stan _

_SPSP_

_I had a good time writing this chapter. It is always great when something good happens to those who deserve it. Now that I have gotten through that first difficult year for the Marshes, the chapters are going to start to speed up in terms of timeframe. Thanks again for reading, do leave a review and come for more :-)_

_Lots of love: Rose, May 1, 2011_


	16. Everybody's Changing and I Don't Know Wh

**EVERYBODY'S CHANGING AND I DON'T KNOW WHY**

_My POV_

February was met with its usual frost on the ground. That, and as the month began Kyle was contemplating what his next step would be for the Smiles for Stan Foundation. He didn't want each donation to be made as people simply passed by. He found he got the most joy dressing things up again and making the fund fun. But he didn't know what he could do for February. Lucky, or should it be rephrased, unlucky for him, someone beat him to the perfect idea. And that announcement had to come via a blaring siren in his house.

"Coon and Friends alert! Coon and Friends alert! Emergency meeting at headquarters'. I'm seriously."

"Coon and Friends? You've got to be kidding me," Kyle said angrily as he sat at the kitchen table doing homework. He didn't know if he wanted to go, he was done playing super heroes. Besides, Stan was all the way in Denver while his mother was at work so he couldn't attend. But feeling as if his extra credit assignment could wait a day, he went down to the basement to dress into his secret identity. Making sure the kite over his back still fit, he was off.

The basement in the Cartman house hardly looked like the Coon and Friends headquarters anymore. All members of the 'club' agreed they would not be playing super heroes much, if at all ever since the BP oil spill incident. And Kyle liked it this way. More reasons to not go to Cartman's house the better. When Kyle arrived at the basement he saw Kenny, Clyde, Token, Timmy, and Bradley there in their costumes as well looking equally as puzzled.

"What the hell is this all about fatass?" were the first words out of Kyle's mouth.

The Coon had a smile on his face, never a good sign. "I was just thinking about what our next mission should be you guys."

"Really Cartman, what is this about?" Token, as Tupperware asked.

"Who said I was up to anything bad?" The Coon asked looking around.

"We all agreed we didn't want to play super heroes anymore. We all took down the stupid Coon and Friends crap in this basement. And our fellow member, Tool Shed isn't here. Why would you schedule a mission without Tool Shed?" Human Kite demanded.

"I was just thinking… our next mission should be to think of a way to give money to a local charity for Tool Shed. How great would it be if we could do something that would have others give to the Smiles for Stan Fund? Wouldn't it be great to help a local boy out if he is not with us right now?" The Coon elaborated.

Kyle stepped forward, face very close to Cartman's. "Cut the crap Cartman. There is _no_ way you want to do anything for Stan. There is no way you would even think of doing something for him. All ideas are set up by me as it's _my_ charity. I don't want you to for one _second_ pretend to care about it."

The others looked around as The Coon and Human Kite faced each other.

"Gee Human Kite, bitter are we? Bitter for once someone else cares about your butt buddy? Bitter for once I want to do something for Tool Shed? Hm?" The Coon sneered.

"I just know The Coon doesn't give a crap about Stan that's why!" Human Kite pointed a finger at him.

For some reason this upset Cartman and he lunged at Kyle. "I do so care about Stan you fucking Jew!"

All the boys gasped at this. Mysterion whispered something to Tupperware and Mint Berry Crunch just looked shocked for words. Even the Human Kite stepped back in alarm. It was as if it were some huge secret being kept from them. And now that he admitted it, The Coon looked defeated.

"Look, I really could care less about Stan if I wanted, I _could_. But… I can't. I- I want to help out. I want to do something. I am so sick of you taking all the fucking credit Jew! All your stupid speeches each month! All I get to do is force people to empty their wallets! Damnit he's my friend too!" under the mask Human Kite was sure Cartman was blushing.

"Cartman…"

"You aren't the only one with memories of Stan, _Kyle_," Cartman said quietly.

"Dude…"

"Can we just get this out of the way? Who wants to get together to do something great this month for Tool Shed?" The Coon asked around.

There was a rush of agreement around. Mosquito hurried forward.

"What should we do?"

"Let's hold a huge car wash this weekend! We'll wash people's cars and give the profits to Smiles for Stan!" Tupperware said excitedly.

"No, it shouldn't be something that will ruin our costumes," Mysterion spoke.

"I know what we should do"- The Coon raised a finger.

Liane took the kids out to the grocery store to buy essential ingredients so that the boys could bake cookies and hold a bake sale all week long. The plan was to have all the boys working both together and at home, baking what they could and selling it in the front of Greggie's Fresh Market to local shoppers. It was one of the only places soliciting was allowed. And after they talked to the owner, there was no way she wouldn't allow them to do something since it was for such a good charity.

Kyle kept shooting glances at Cartman as the boys made sugar cookies in Cartman's kitchen. He didn't know if this was all a ploy for something or not. He didn't know if Cartman actually had any special connection with Stan. He hoped not but a part of him made him think otherwise. There were many moments Kyle could remember from preschool all the way to last week where Cartman and Stan did share _some_ things. He had always been slightly bothered whenever Stan laughed at something Cartman said or did. When Stan took his side. It still hurt whenever he thought about Stan picking Cartman's mascot in the huge Giant Douche and Turd Sandwich mascot voting last year. Come to think of it, anything at all that involved even a smile to and from Stan by Cartman made Kyle angry. He had always felt as if no one could or _should_ ever make Stan laugh like Kyle made him laugh. And now here he was, age ten and once again feeling upset that Stan and Cartman were friends. Maybe Cartman was telling the truth; maybe he really did care about Stan.

It took all day for the boys to make cookies but they finished in time to set up the first bake sale for the next day. Liane helped set up a table on the sidewalk of Greggie's Fresh Market and the boys set their boxes of cookies (as well as Mosquito's lemon bars and a sign saying: Coon and Friends Bake Sale. All Profit to go to Smiles for Stan Foundation) and began to sell. Kyle didn't want to admit it but so far things were going great. People seemed to really like buying sweets and at the same time giving back to charity.

"This is a lot better than what that little Jewish kid was doing," spoke a man as he bought a box of sugar cookies.

"Yes, I love being able to buy lemon bars for myself, but at the same time the money will go to a very sick little boy," smiled a woman as she made her purchase.

Kyle grumbled as he took hold of her five dollar bill. "Coon and Friends would appreciate it if you do not speak ill of what Kyle Broflovski is doing."

"Don't listen to Human Kite, he actually loves that you said that," smiled The Coon.

"This really was a great idea The Coon," Tupperware spoke.

"Yeah, with all this extra cash going straight to SFS, we'll have more than enough for Stan's family," smiled Mint Berry Crunch.

"And everyone will be benefit. We can have fun doing the baking, the people will be happy eating it, and the Marshes will be grateful for the money we gather," Mosquito.

Human Kite was having a difficult time biting his tongue but he had a feeling if Tool Shed was here he would jump on his ass and tell him to cool it. All of this was for Stan.

"You know, I just thought of something," Mint Berry Crunch said as he placed ten more dollars into a till. "Now that Tool Shed's mom has a job, why do you still have the Smiles for Stan Fund?"

Human Kite opened his mouth then shut it. "Just because Mrs. Marsh has a job now doesn't mean the fund should stop. It will be just like how things were before she was let off. They needed help before August; they will need our help now. Tool Shed's latest medical bill was $3,400. They are far from relieved of expenses."

But the bake sale was a great idea. Over the course of the week the friends would make all sorts of treats and sale them after school. What was proving to be popular were Liane Cartman's chocolate chip oatmeal cookies and of course, Mrs. Donavan's lemon bars. It would prove to be a fun but tiring month of funds for Smiles for Stan.

Valentine's Day was quickly approaching and sadly for Stan he would not be able to attend the party being held in Mrs. Uhalley's class that Monday for he had to go to chemotherapy treatment. It greatly bothered him. He wanted to go out and buy cards at the store and candy to give out like everyone else did in elementary school. But there would be no point, and it would be silly if he had Kyle or someone else do it for him. Of course Sharon told him she would make the day special for him as she usually did. Sure it was a hallmark holiday but there was nothing wrong with having everything heart-shaped for a day. Thankfully she did not have to be at work that day and could spend time with her son on the 'holiday'. On the afternoon of the thirteenth Randy and Sharon both drove out with their son to Denver. By the time they reached their apartment it was time for bed.

Valentine's Day morning Sharon woke Stan up with a few kisses. He rolled his eyes.

"_Mom_, I'm ten. This is getting silly…"

Sharon didn't seem to care. "Oh I understand. But I know you secretly enjoy it Stan. C'mon, breakfast is ready."

Breakfast was even sillier. Pancakes shaped like hearts. There were Valentine decorations all around. Sharon was already dressed in a red shirt that boasted hearts. What was with mothers and Valentine's Day? Stan ate his pancakes and bacon, shaking his head around as he watched his mother. Randy came out of the bedroom with a smile on his face. He kissed Sharon and handed over a small box as well as a dozen red roses.

"Happy Valentine's Day honey."

"Oh, _thank_-you Randy." She opened it to reveal a $25 gift card to Starbucks. "Thank-you so much, it's perfect. Oh! That reminds me... I have something for you, but I don't think it's appropriate to open in front of our son." Randy smiled and kissed her as she giggled.

Stan really wished he didn't hear what he just heard. He drank deeply from his juice pretending to be deaf. But he knew he couldn't go too far from the holiday of 'love' anytime today so after his breakfast he went into his room and grabbed something from his backpack and ran up to his mother.

"Happy Valentine's Day Mom," Stan said rolling his eyes once more but Sharon knew he was joking.

Sharon smiled as she was passed a small box of chocolates. She bent down to give him a kiss and squeeze. "Thank-you so much sweetie."

Unfortunately for Stan he had a long day of treatment ahead of him and by 7:30 he had to get ready to go to the hospital. Sharon had him dress in a red shirt with a white heart on it. He decided it wouldn't be too embarrassing since he would be inside a room all day long away from his friends so he didn't put up a fight. Before they left Sharon gave Stan his present- a giant heart filled with truffles, heart-shaped cookies, and of course a card. He did turn a shade of pink as he read it through. His mother had closed it by saying: _Never forget Mommy loves you!_ Again, why was the day so big in her eyes? By 8:30 in the morning Stan had his port cleaned and his blood drawn and tested before he was hooked up to four hanging bags of drugs around his bed in room 1312. What a fun day this was going to be…

Sharon did keep her promise of making sure she did all she could to brighten Stan's day up throughout the afternoon. Lunch rolled around and Randy left, saying he was going to meet up with a buddy of his for a short while and he'd be back. Sharon took up a plate of lunch from the fresh market downstairs for her son. Stan smiled in amusement when he saw the plate- on it was a little stuffed bear holding a little heart. Sharon just winked and handed over the grilled ham and cheese (that she cut into a heart), banana, and milk. When Stan wanted dessert Sharon came up with gelato and a heart-shaped balloon. And it wasn't just his mother; Nurse Jessica walked in to give him his next dose of cytarabine and was wearing heart printed scrubs. After she was finished she placed a heart sticker on his shirt and left with a smile.

Really, it wasn't a bad day Stan was finding out. And the lovey-dovey mood was getting to him; he spent most of the afternoon watching cute videos of animals on YouTube and feeling almost guilty he did not get Chelsea anything special. But his afternoon was just about to get much weirder: he was sitting up in bed, mindlessly flipping through the TV channels. Sharon sat at his bedside reading a book. Randy had still not come back. Stan moaned as he leaned into his pillow.

"I am so _bored_," he said.

Sharon looked up. "You have plenty of movies and DVDs and toys and games to play with Stan, how could you be bored?"

"I've been watching and playing with the same things for months Mom, I wanna try something new."

Sharon blinked. "Well what did you have in mind?"

"I don't know, all I know is I'm bored and want to do something."

Sharon smirked. "I can't help you if you don't give me an idea hon."

Stan played with a loose thread off his sheet. "I dunno, something that I can do for a while. Something fun that won't get boring any time soon."

Sharon blinked and swallowed. She looked down at her bag she had brought with her that had both Stan and her activities for the day. She did think of something but was slow to approach her son with it. She slowly lowered her book.

"Well… I do have one idea…"

"What?" Stan said not looking at her.

"Well… it might seem a little controversial at first but I think it might be the perfect thing."

"Go on."

"It's stimulating and fun and you can do for hours on end. And it's something you've never done before."

"What?" Stan smiled at his mother, excited.

Sharon bent down and reached into her bag and pulled out a ball of yarn and knitting needles. Stan looked at them then at her.

"Knitting?"

Sharon nodded biting her lip. "Now I know what you're going to say- it's lame and boring and girly and 'gay'. But I promise you you get sucked right in it."

Stan backed into his pillow. "No. No way Mom. No way in _hell_ am I going to knit."

"Well why not?" Sharon looked upset. "There's no reason not to. It will be a lot of fun. I can teach you all you need to know. Why don't you want to learn how to knit Stan?"

"Because knitting is _gay_ Mom. Knitting is for girls."

Sharon rolled her eyes. "Plenty of men do it hon, I promise you. I wouldn't suggest something if I knew you would hate it."

"Well I hate it; I don't want to do it."

But Sharon would not give up. "Please honey? So many people love to knit if they are bored or waiting for time to go by. It's the perfect thing for you. It's a fun activity that will last for hours."

"No."

"Don't you want to take up a new hobby? Have something new to do during treatments?"

"I'm not going to knit Mom!" Stan insisted.

Sharon sighed. "Please Stanley? My mother taught me how to do it when I was around your age."

"See? _Mother_, Grandpa didn't teach you now did he?"

Again, Sharon let out some air. "Stanley, I want us to share a hobby. It's something every parent wants, to be able to connect with their children somehow. I want to be able to share something with you."

"We're a lot alike Mom, you don't have to teach me anything else," Stan told her.

"Yes we're alike but when it comes to hobbies, we don't really share anything together. I want to be able to show you how to knit because I think it will be a fun way to spend some time together. Something that is just 'ours.' I already gave up on Shelley years ago; she had no interest in it. Can I at least try to pass down a Kimble lesson to you?" Sharon asked calmly.

Stan looked down at his red sock-covered feet. He sighed. "_Fine_."

Sharon took out two balls of yarn and knitting needles and put away the project she had been working on. She unraveled a long piece of yarn from one yarn ball and another from the other ball and handed one over to her son.

"The first thing I am going to teach you is how to make a slip knot."

"Huh?"

"First make a loop like this- then pinch the longer end of the yarn through the loop- pull- and there! You have a slip knot," Sharon smiled as she showed him how it was done.

It took almost twenty minutes for Stan to make a slip knot himself. When he finally had his knot at the end of his red ball of yarn he waited for the next step. This included casting the loop on one of the knitting needles. Stan watched his mother do it over and over again but he was having troubles with his piece of yarn. Finally-

"I can't do this Mom! It's too hard," Stan complained and threw the needles down and crossed his arms.

Sharon would not allow him to end things like this. She picked the needles up and handed them back before she took hold of her son's hands. "Life isn't about succeeding the first time you attempt something Stan. You can't give up yet. You already were able to make a slip knot faster than when Grandma taught me. C'mon, hold the left needle like this- good. Now slip the knot over the needle- good. Okay, now wrap this end of the knot over your thumb like this. Loop it over the needle. Okay, now this side. Okay, now pull gently. There! See? That wasn't so hard was it?" she smiled at the boy.

Stan tried to do it himself this time. He did so, although it wasn't as perfect as when his mother was guiding his hands the right way but he still did it. Sharon showed him how to cast on another time before he finally was confident enough to start doing it himself. He made one loop, then another. And a third!

"Hey, I think I got it now," he beamed.

Sharon smiled back. The rest of the lesson consisted of Stan making slip knots and casting them on the needles over and over again until he could do it without much fuss. That was when the door opened and Randy finally walked in.

"Where on earth were you?" Sharon asked not looking at him, instead watching her son.

"Well we got lost trying to find that new bar in town so we had to finally stop for directions. But man, that place has some of the best sandwiches and- what's this?" Randy frowned at the balls of yarn on his son's hospital bed, one of them leading to a trail to his son's hands.

"Look Dad- Mom's teaching me how to knit!" Stan said happily.

"_What_?"

"Yeah. I can make a slip knot great now and know how to cast the yarn onto the needles. Wanna see?" he held up his knitting needles which held the piece of yarn all nicely looped around.

"No I don't want to see!" Randy's face looked almost frozen in disbelief. "Why in the hell is our son knitting Sharon?"

"Oh, it was just something I thought he might have fun with," Sharon smiled. "He was getting so bored so I decided to"-

"Teach him to _knit_? Sharon… that's a new low. Really. It is."

"A new low? What is that supposed to mean?" Sharon felt the heat rise to her face.

"Boys don't knit. I mean c'mon," Randy chuckled. "I know how you get with your kooky ideas now and then but this is just silly. Why would you teach him to do something so… feminine?"

Stan looked down, he knew what was coming.

Sharon got to her feet calmly. "It is not 'feminine' Randy. Plenty of men enjoy knitting. It is a very popular activity to do if you're cooped up in a hospital, hours on end."

"Oh please, I've never seen a man knit before in my life. And if so, I would have some questions."

Sharon crossed her arms and glared.

"When on earth do you ever see a man of any age sitting down in a chair, knitting a pretty sweater? Huh? That's right, never. Because it's faulty. It's not right."

"Well I'm sorry you have been too blind over the years to notice the men who _do_ enjoy knitting sweaters," Sharon said, still calm.

Randy placed heavy hands on Stan's shoulders. "Tell me son, have you ever seen a man knit before?"

Stan swallowed. "N-no."

"There you have it then Sharon!" he let go as if he were praising the world.

"Randy, what pointless argument do you really want me to be a part of today?" Sharon said heavily.

"I'm not trying to argue Sharon; I just want to validate my point."

"And what point is that?"

"Men don't like to knit."

"I'm sorry but I find it really hard to take your words seriously," Sharon smirked. "I will log into Stanley's computer right now to prove to you men knit."

"Yes, fruity men."

At this point Sharon had to put her foot down. "Are you trying to call our son gay in any way Randy? Because it really sounds as if that is the direction you're heading," she said to his face.

"I'm just looking out for our son's sanity Sharon! I'm only trying to save him from being made fun of by his friends once they see _this_ in his hands!" he took Stan's knitting needles out of his hands as if he were evidence in a crime scene.

Stan cried out once he saw his hard work fall off the needles and onto his bed.

"You have to realize that none of our kids like any of your hobbies Sharon. You already gave up with Shelley when it comes to crafting and home-made goods, I really don't think our _son_ would have much interest in it since he's a boy," Randy stated matter-of-factly.

Sharon looked at her son who was obviously distraught over his father ruining his stitch. She looked up at her husband's face and said softly but forcefully, "You are such a hypocritical person Randy. You really don't know our son at all. Leave- right now. I don't think its best you stay around here at the moment."

Randy gasped, not expecting this. He saw his wife glaring and his son on his hospital bed looking sadly down at the knitting tools. He gave Sharon an outraged look before turning and leaving from the hospital. As soon as he left Sharon sighed and shut the door and looked at Stan. Her heart broke over the expression on his face.

"Oh… baby…"

Stan dabbed at a wet eye. "I just made my first stitch and he ruined it."

"I know. I'm sorry honey, I really am."

Stan shook his head. "You didn't do anything."

Sharon caressed the side of his face. "Do you feel up to starting it over again?"

Stan sniffed and nodded. He was able to get his first stitch on but decided he was done for the day. And he was back to being bored. Sharon needed to get some fresh air and told her son she would be back very soon. Stan had no interest in his toys or games as he had no one to play with so he took out his journal and began to write. It was close to 4:30 PM now and he would be leaving the hospital in two hours so he felt all his surprises for the day were at an end. He was wrong. They were only about to get stranger. There was a knock on the door and Nurse Jessica opened it.

"Stanley? A friend of yours has stopped by. Do you feel up for a visitor?" she asked.

Stan looked up from his journal. "I guess."

In stepped the round form of Eric Cartman, smile on his face.

"_Cartman_?"

"Hey dude."

Stan's mouth was open in shock. "_You're_ my visitor?"

"Why? Expecting someone else?" the fat boy glared.

"Well, seeing as Kyle is my best friend and is the only one who comes up here on his own, yes."

"Goddamnit I am so sick of hearing about the Jew!"

Stan blinked. "Damn, sorry."

Cartman decided to let it go. "Anyway, I came to give you stuff."

He passed over a pink box that had 'Stan' written on it and a plate that held various sweets.

"What's this?"

"Valentines from the class. Mrs. Uhalley wanted a student to give them to you today so I volunteered."

Stan reached into the box to reach a few of the cards. He looked back at Cartman, raising an eyebrow. "She said someone had to give them to me _today_?"

"Yeah, why?"

Stan placed the cards back. "Nothing, I just find it a little odd why she would want someone to give me my Valentine stuff today when she knew I would be in Denver. I don't know why she would ask someone to travel three hours just to give me stuff that I could have gotten in a few days."

"That's what she said," Cartman shrugged.

Stan was still not satisfied and he knew there was more to the story than Cartman was letting up. "Why did you do it then?"

Cartman huffed and rolled his eyes. "Because I wanted to okay? Why does this have to be some goddamn interrogation?"

"You never visit me by yourself that's why."

"Well I am now!"

"Cut the crap Cartman, why are you _really_ here?"

Silence followed. Stan just looked at Cartman with a blank expression. Cartman glared at the little boy, his blue eyes filled with confusion and hurt and longing for information. His barely-there eyebrows creased. Light bouncing off his bald head. He could hear the beeping of the machine that monitored Stan's vitals. Cartman glanced at the IV bags that surrounded Stan and the usual sign by one of them that read: **Caution- Chemotherapy drugs at use. Toxic**. He sighed heavily.

"…I wanted to see how you were doing."

Stan sat up straighter in his bed.

"I- I didn't want to say anything in front of the guys but I wanted to make sure for myself you were… doing okay. I'm sick of hearing updates from _Kyle_ and not from you personally."

Stan had never heard such sincere words come out of Cartman before, he was almost speechless.

"I'm doing okay," Stan said softly.

Cartman nodded. Man this was awkward. Maybe he should have rehearsed this before he actually came.

"Smiles for Stan is doing great right now," Cartman decided to continue. "We've really gotten a lot of money so far. We're holding bake sales all this month and so far we've made close to $1,500."

"Really? Wow, that's awesome," Stan made his first true smile since Cartman arrived.

"It was my idea," Cartman stated.

"The bake sales? Really?"

"Why? Am I not allowed to be a part of the fund or what?" Cartman demanded. It was just what he feared.

"No, you are, you are," Stan passed off. "It's just… usually Kyle comes up with these things. He's the founder so I would have thought he would come up with all the updates and changes to Smiles for Stan each month."

"Well it was my idea this time," Cartman said sourly. "I am so sick and tired of hearing about how Kyle has thought of everything! 'Thank-you _Kyle_ for giving my family a summer vacation.' 'Thank-you _Kyle_ for giving my family a Christmas!' 'Thank-you _Kyle_ for paying for my medical bills!' Kyle Kyle Kyle!" he scrunched his face up hard with anger and frustration.

"Dude, okay I get it. I'm sorry," Stan had his hands in the air. "It's just that he's my best friend and did come up with the fund to begin with."

"You're my friend too dickface," Cartman said through gritted teeth.

Stan blinked and leaned against his pillow. "You're my friend too dude and I think it's pretty cool you came all the way up here to see me."

A small smile appeared on Cartman's face. It seemed as if that was what he was waiting for since he came here and now that he heard it, everything else didn't matter. Stan reached over to his bedside table and pulled out a card game.

"Wanna play Phase Ten?"

Cartman took up a seat next to Stan's hospital bed. "Yeah man."

The two boys played their game for the rest of Stan's stay at the hospital. Sharon came by Stan's room minutes after Cartman and Stan began their game. Unfortunately Randy never showed up. By seven Stan was finally able to be released from the hospital. As Stan was packing up he looked at Cartman and frowned; he had actually had a really great time with him today. A lot better than they had had in a very long time and he didn't want it to end. He went over to his mother who was already outside his hospital room looking at her iphone. He cleared his throat.

"Mom?"

Sharon sighed as she looked down. "What Stan?"

She had been a bit difficult to approach ever since Randy had made a scene earlier.

"Um… is it all right if Cartman spends the night tonight?"

Sharon blinked. "Why would you want him to spend the night?"

"I dunno, I just do. We've been having a fun time today and I'm pretty sure he'd rather stay the night with me than in a motel room with his mother. Please?"

"I don't know if it's the best night tonight Stanley, your father is being a- you know… I need some quiet time to think tonight."

"_Please_? I promise we won't be noisy, promise," Stan begged.

Sharon rubbed tired blue eyes. "Okay, fine."

Stan whooped and went back to Cartman who had Stan's valentines from school in hand.

"Dude, my mom said it would be fine if you spent the night with me tonight. That is, if you want…"

Cartman looked extremely surprised by this information. "Yeah dude, sweet. Let me just get my stuff from my mom."

Cartman's mother picked him up from the hospital and took him to get his overnight bag that was at their motel before she dropped him off at the Marsh's apartment. Cartman set his things in Stan's room before both boys hurried into the kitchen. It was clear Sharon wasn't all up for having a friend of her son's over that night but didn't say anything about it. She just made a late and easy dinner for the three of them- grilled cheese with tomato soup. After, Stan and Cartman went back to his room.

"What bunk do you want? Mine or my sister's?" Stan asked.

Cartman made a face. "I'm not sleeping in the same bed your bitchy sister sleeps in, fuck that."

Stan smirked. "Thought so. Okay, you get the bottom. Just don't mess it up too much."

Cartman looked at Stan's bed: two pillows were askew, his blankets pulled back, his poof ball hat sat on top them, a few cat toys were on it, Ruffy, two books, and one sock. He raised a brow. "Dude, you're the hoarder, not me."

Stan opened his mouth to retort but shut it. Cartman looked around the place, it was fairly clean. The only things out really were Stan's belongings. Not that he cared much but he did find it almost humorous how Stan made his mark as an OCD hoarder in the apartment, just as he did back home, and he hadn't even been living in it for a year. Stan sat on the edge of his bed.

"So, what do you want to do now?"

It was obvious both boys were not used to sleeping at each other's houses. Stan always had Kyle over and as best friends it was almost their official law to always have something to do and talk about. Cartman on the other hand never had anyone over his house for the night and clearly didn't know how to deal with it.

"You know, when me and Kyle can't think of something to do we just start talking about random shit," Stan suggested.

"Pff, how gay," Cartman said.

Stan glared. "Do you want to do stuff tonight or not?"

"Okay okay, fine: random shit it is. First up- what were you writing when I came by earlier today?"

Stan gasped. "That's none of your business buttwhipe!"

"You'd tell Kyle…" Cartman said quietly.

Stan was still glaring. "It's personal all right? It was just- just something I was writing that I was going to show my tutor Alice."

"If it's an assignment it can't be too personal."

Stan wanted to hit him. "It was- it was a poem okay? Happy?"

Cartman burst out laughing. Stan sighed as Chelsea walked into the room looking for attention. He took her in his lap as she began to purr. "Maybe this sleepover was a bad idea."

Cartman honestly wanted to repair his friendship with Stan so he shut his trap. "Sorry dude, sorry. A poem… that's- that's kewl I guess."

Stan sighed. "She thinks I can write pretty well. I've given her two poems already and she loved them both. She wants another when I see her tomorrow."

"What's the poem about?"

Stan glared. "You don't need to know that. Not even Kyle needs to know."

"Fine."

Stan looked at that fat ten-year-old he wanted to hate more but never could. Cartman was so mysterious at times when it came to his feelings. The things he did and did not say and do always alarmed Stan. No one could ever tell if he would actually care about the next thing that happened to someone he knew. It made Stan hurt a little. He looked down at his toes.

"Cartman, I want the truth. What do you think of me?"

Cartman's eyes went wide, almost as if he was caught stealing. "What the fuck do you mean by that pussy?"

"What do you think of me? My leukemia? What do you really think about it?"

Cartman did not look Stan in the eye. "I don't want to talk about that dude."

"No, tell me. It's been almost a year now and I still don't know what you think about it. C'mon, one of your friends has a life-threatening disease and he could get worse at any moment. How does that make you feel?" Stan demanded.

"Stan- dude"-

"I've come to terms with my prognoses. Kyle has. My family has. What about you? What do you really think?"

Cartman took a seat on Stan's desk chair to face him. "I don't wanna talk about it dude."

"Then just give me a general idea. I wanna know if this is all for show or what."

Cartman took off his blue hat and scratched at his hair. "Stan, dude… if you really need to know… I- I hate it. I hate that you're sick okay? You've always been the cool one that I hardly ever ripped on. It's hard to see you as the one sick out of our group."

Stan sat there quietly, petting his cat, allowing Cartman to speak.

"Kyle I could care less about, I hate that ginger so much. Butters… it wouldn't really be a shock since he gets the shitty end of everything. Kenny always dies. But you… _you_… I can't get my head around it Stan. I can't believe _you_ are the one who has to go through everything you've always hated all the fucking time. It's… it's hard to see you like this," Cartman confessed as if it were the hardest thing he would ever have to do.

Stan blinked and sat straighter. "If it makes it any easier, there's a 90% chance I will make it through this."

Cartman just shook his head. "I really don't want to think about it dude. Can we just- play video games or something?"

Stan shrugged. "Sure. Let me set up the Xbox."

The night persisted. At nine o'clock the boys went out to the kitchen again for a bedtime snack of the cookies Sharon gave her son earlier. But it was an odd night. Randy still had not shown up and from the looks of it, never bothered to call his wife to tell her where he was. Sharon didn't talk much and it seemed as if her thoughts were somewhere else. Stan frowned as he looked at the bouquet of roses that sat on the dining room table his dad presented his mom so happily to that morning. They now looked dull, as if a dark cloud had rolled in above them. They didn't really stand as a symbol of love at that moment. Stan and Cartman turned into their pj's and played video games up until ten when Sharon finally opened his bedroom door.

"I want the lights out in ten minutes boys," she said flatly.

"Aww, but Mom, I don't have to go in for chemo until 10:30 tomorrow. Can't we stay up?" Stan asked as he lay on his stomach with controller in hand.

"No Stanley. I mean it boys, if the lights are not out in ten minutes you will both be in trouble," Sharon bit back and shut the door.

Stan sighed as he got to his feet.

"What are you doing Stan? We still have to finish this level!" Cartman complained.

"C'mon dude, my mom is all fired up right now. She means it when she says we'll be in trouble. It's best not to piss her off anymore than she is," Stan said as he went to his bathroom.

"Why the hell is your mom pissed off?" Cartman asked. "And where is your dad anyway?"

Stan sighed again as he took hold of his toothbrush. "They had a fight today. It was over something stupid… my dad was being an idiot- again."

"Oh."

"Uh don' 'hink he's co'ing home tonight," Stan said as he brushed his teeth.

"_What_?"

Stan spat in the sink. "I said-I don't think he's coming home tonight. Which is probably the best thing."

It was lucky Sharon gave the boys ten minutes to go to bed; it took close to five just for Stan to clean his teeth each night anyway. The lights were turned off and Stan climbed up the ladder to the top bunk, but not before asking Cartman to toss up his poof ball hat from his bed since he liked to wear it when he slept. He could hear Cartman giggling below him.

"What dude?"

"Chelsea- she's kneading on me."

Stan smiled. "Yeah, she'll do that."

"Mr. Kitty never does that, stupid cat."

"…well, 'night Cartman."

"'Night Stan."

It was a very odd night. Which fitted perfectly for what happened to be an even more interesting day. Stan could not believe his dad was so angry about him learning how to knit. Yeah it was a little feminine and sure he never did see men do it, but that didn't mean they _couldn't_ right? And Stan didn't want to admit it to anyone but he actually couldn't wait for his next lesson. He could see himself really getting into it as the weeks went on. And if his father didn't approve, well, it would be his problem alone to deal with. Cartman was whispering to Chelsea now which caused Stan to smirk in amusement; that stupid fat boy loved cats. He couldn't believe Cartman was even sleeping over to begin with, and that they had a really great time together that day. He wondered how his mother was doing as well, and if she was in bed, were her head full of these very same thoughts?

_Fyi, I know nothing of knitting. I got the information from the internet. I felt it was a nice little thing Stan could get into and might actually enjoy if he gave it a chance since he's more open-minded than the other boys. Thanks for reading. Of course, leave a review and make my day!_

_Lots of love: Rose, May 8, 2011_


	17. The Unexpected Strikes Again

**THE UNEXPECTED STRIKES AGAIN**

Sharon's POV

_February 18th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_I am finally back home after a long and difficult week. I wish I could say my new job in Denver was what made it difficult but it wasn't. It was Randy. I hate just writing this down because it makes me so upset. He's my husband. Sure we're entitled to get on each other's nerves but lately I cannot stand him. There are times when I look at him I just want to leave the room in a storm. I don't know what it is; it's as if I'm seeing him in a different way. Does this happen to every woman after 16 years of marriage? I keep thinking it's just the stress the family has been under for the past year but I was feeling annoyed before then. But how he has been lately… there is no excuse._

_He is still bitching about Stanley learning how to knit. I taught him how to do it Monday and on Tuesday we continued with it during his second day of chemo. Randy did show up at the hospital to drive them both back to South Park and was angered when he saw the kitting needles and yarn on our son's hospital bed. But it really is his problem and nothing else. Stanley is actually enjoying his new-found hobby and is really excited about getting good at it. I enjoy teaching him how to knit, and everything is fine. Randy still thinks he shouldn't be doing it and claims 'he is only stepping in to save Stan from humiliation from his friends.' Stan obviously doesn't seem to care because he is still asking me about knitting. _

_Like I said, Randy drove himself and Stan back to South Park Tuesday night and they have been there the rest of the week. So I have been left to my own thoughts, all alone in the apartment since I had to work all week. The job is great so far and I have met some great people, but I do hate how I never seem to know when I will be needed. I do wish I had a set-in-stone schedule so I didn't have to jump around my son's so much. I will be needed Monday, Thursday, Friday, and Saturday next week by the looks of it. I have no idea how I am going to work this out. Stan doesn't want to be away from me for longer than two days and I don't want to have Alice tutor him all the time if he is perfectly able to go to class back in South Park. I don't know what I am going to do; I have to think of something soon._

_In the mean time, I plan on going to Tom's tomorrow for lunch to catch up on some things. A good afternoon chat with a good friend is just what I need right now. I will of course tell you how it went._

_Love, Sharon_

_February 19th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_Today I had a very nice lunch and talk with Tom at his house. It really was everything I was hoping it would be. A nice calm conversation. Unfortunately I don't get much of those from Randy and never really have. It was going to be a lunch but I left the house around ten in the morning. When I walked downstairs Randy was watching TV. _

"I'm leaving now," I told him.

He barely looked my way. "So, going to be out all day or what?"

"I don't think so. I was planning on helping Stan with some homework he needs to turn into Mrs. Uhalley some time today."

Randy grunted. "Well I hope you have a good time then Sharon."

I fixed my purse over my shoulder. "Are you going to be doing anything today?"

"Might bring over a couple of the guys for some poker or something."

"Oh." _How badly I wanted to tell him that would be a selfish thing to do. If both Stanley and Shelley would be home all day surely he could have come up with something fun to bond with them over that day? But again, Randy is pretty self-centered. I left after he told me this; I knew it wouldn't be a smart thing to force him to spend quality time with his kids. I arrived at Tom's by 10:30._

"Sharon! How are you doing babe?" Tom greeted and hugged me at his doorstop.

"Tom, I told you many times not to call me that," I said but couldn't help but smile. It had been a while since someone called me that.

"Come in, come in. I was just about to put the chicken in the oven."

_Tom has such a cute and cozy little house. Three small bedrooms but not small that anyone sleeping in them has to fight for space. His living area has a nice TV and entertainment area and the kitchen is white and cute with little blue curtains over the windows. His mother lived in the place for thirty years and gave it to her son after she decided to move to Denver. Tom knows little about interior decorating and never made any big changes to the old house. While I took a seat on his sofa his over-excited little Yorkshire dog Manee started jumping around my legs._

"Manee- Manee! Sit!" Tom ordered. The dog didn't move an inch. He shook his head as he passed me a glass of wine. "Sorry about her, stupid dog."

"It's fine."

I took a sip of the wine. "How are things going for you Tom?"

He sighed. "Wish I could say 'fantastic' but it's been anything but. I've had to let Jill go a few weeks ago. It was pretty tough. Business is not booming and from the looks of it they might not build that medical plaza so hopes of getting hired at a brand-new cosmetics place are slim to nil. Apparently Mayor McDaniels sees no point in it, says people are all watching their cash flow right now and will not want to pay for specialty services," Tom said heavily.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry," I expressed.

"I just have to keep pushing on at my place for now and hope things will work out. But if I find a job elsewhere, I have no problems moving so I can take it."

_I nodded. That's when I updated him on how things were going for me at Kiddin' Around. He has been supportive for me and my new job even though it took him by surprise at first that I would be baking sweets for kids rather than answering phone messages behind a desk. Of course this led straight to my son._

"How is the little sport anyway? I haven't seen him since his birthday," Tom smiled as we now hung around in the kitchen as he made the last touches to his chicken dish.

I sighed and set my wine glass down. "Stan has been better. He was fine just last week but for the past few days he's been hard to talk to. Of course this is coming from Randy since I've been in Denver all week and he's had Stan, but I have to believe him. I could tell by the tone of Stan's voice he was upset when we spoke over the phone. He hardly ate anything for breakfast today and has been pretty moody."

"Is he feeling sick or something?"

"He says he feels fine and I believe him. He doesn't have a fever or anything. Something else must be bothering him," I frowned.

Tom smiled as he seasoned a salad. "Don't worry too much about him Sharon, you've spent the past ten years worried sick about your son."

"I have not," I avoided his eyes.

"Oh really? Remember when you had to leave work when he was a baby since your neighbor said Stan wouldn't stop crying? Turns out he was just gassy. Or how about how you were beginning to freak out he still hadn't lost his first tooth when all his friends already did? Or how about how you go into panic mode whenever you find out Stan suffers an asthma flare-up? Am I ringing any bells yet?" Tom smirked.

"I have a right to worry about him _now_ smart-ass," I smiled as he chuckled.

_It was such a nice lunch. Tom seasoned the chicken perfectly and the lemon tart after… delectable. But enough about the food, I was able to talk in a quiet setting about everything that has been on my mind this month. I was able to express my frustrations about Randy to Tom and he listened._

"I don't know what to do, I feel as if I'm his mother at times," I sighed.

"I keep telling you that you don't have to put up with his childish behavior Sharon. As you say, he's a big boy, he can take care of himself," Tom reminded me.

"He makes me so angry," I growled. "He won't do anything unless I remind him to. Everything he does has to be for himself. Get this- he was planning on having some friends over today for poker instead of bonding with the kids! That's what I cannot stand about him; he never ever takes them along to do something unless he has a part of it. He only ever takes Stan out to Whistlin' Willies so he can have a beer. He never does anything with Shelley. The kids are _fourteen_ and ten now Tom, pretty soon they are going to start resenting their father for these exact things!" I cried out.

He placed a hand over my shoulders to calm me down. "Then let him deal with it on his own Shari, it'll be his problem. You have nothing to do with it."

"But I hate it Tom… I hate when the kids wonder where their dad is and I have to tell him he's 'at the bar.' My father was never like that, I don't know what to tell my kids most of the time."

"Sharon, don't worry about it please. You have enough to worry about than how much time Randy spends with Shelley and Stanley. You're the one who tells us to find the good in life. Think about how _you_ spend one-on-one time with the kids and how much they respect _you_. Not what their father isn't doing," Tom rubbed my arm.

I sighed and nodded. "You- you're right Tom. Randy… he is not worth moaning over half the time."

Tom sighed and let go of my arm. "Sharon, you love him still. I know you do. I don't think it's right for you to be talking about him that way yet. The both of you just need to sit and talk about these things yourselves. Maybe then…"

I dabbed at my eyes. "I don't know Tom, I really don't. I'm done trying to talk some sense into him."

"Sharon… you can't throw everything away that easily, that's not the woman I know."

I shook my head. "I need to think about some things myself. I need to come up with these answers myself…"

_I'm lucky I have a good friend in my former boss, every now-and-then we all want to be able to talk with a member of the opposite sex. They give you advice your girlfriends don't. The lunch ended around four and I went home to find Randy at the breakfast table with four other guys playing poker. Beer sat around and a heavy scent lingered. _

"Was somebody smoking in here recently?" I cried out.

"Don't worry Sharon, Jim finished his cigar a half hour ago," Randy passed off.

"You allowed someone to smoke inside? Where is Stanley?"

"In his room," Randy said as he looked at his cards.

"You allowed someone to smoke inside our house when we have a son with both asthma _and_ leukemia?" I shrieked. Sometimes some things are worth arguing over.

"Sharon, I'm not stupid," Randy rolled his eyes. "If Stan was in trouble I would know about it. Calm down."

_Okay, scratch that- sometimes some things aren't worth arguing over. I knew I would win no applause if I snapped at my husband in front of his drinking buddies. I would just be the annoying stubborn wife. I shook my head and went upstairs to check on my son. He was in his room like Randy said, doing homework._

"Stanley hon? Are you okay?" I asked as I stepped inside.

"Fine," he said shortly.

"Are you sure? The guys downstairs didn't bother you?"

"Well of _course_ they bothered me Mom," he rolled his eyes. "I was watching TV and then they showed up so I had to come upstairs so Dad could 'drink in peace.'"

I frowned. "But apparently they were smoking cigars…"

"I'm fine Mom, god," Stan said roughly.

_This is what I'm talking about; he has been this way with me all week._

"What are you doing hon?"

"Homework."

"Homework? Sweetie, I told you I would help you with it when I got home," I said coming closer to his side.

"I've got it. I can't have you helping me all the time Mom. How else will I learn?"

"You asked me for help though Stan. You needed help with your social studies report."

"I'm fine Mom! Just leave me alone!"

_Everyone knows when they are not wanted so I retreated to the master bedroom. Hopefully Stan gets out of his little fink soon; I haven't gotten this kind of behavior from him in a long time. There really isn't much left to say; the guys left before dinner which was good. But dinner was an awkward affair. Nobody talked much; Randy obviously didn't have much to say to me in front of the kids and Stan was hardly touching his food. Which was a little weird, he loves tostadas. He exclaimed he 'couldn't eat' not long after and left the room. What is with my family lately? I think I have to have a talk with each one of them soon. _

_Love, Sharon_

_March 15th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_My oh my today was as unexpected as they come. Today was supposed to be a nice relaxing day for me as I had work yesterday and would have to drive out to Denver again Friday. But it was everything but that. Around 11 AM I received a phone call from my son's school. As a mother you always think the worst when you get a call from your child's school. Was he in trouble? Did he get hurt or sick? Did he forget something? With Stanley, I have gotten numerous amounts of phone calls from all three of these categories. I picked up my phone when it rung._

"Hello?"

"Mrs. Marsh? This is Principal Victoria," my son's principal informed.

"Oh. Hello. What happened?" I immediately asked, biting my lip.

"Mrs. Marsh, your son has just been sent up to my office from his teacher, Mrs. Uhalley for disrupting the class. I would appreciate it if you could come here and we can discuss it further?"

"Yes, of course. I'm on my way," I said flatly before hanging up. _How many times have I had to 'discuss' things with the faculty at South Park Elementary. They must be sick of seeing my face by now. So I took the car keys and drove off. I arrived in Principal Victoria's office where she sat at her desk, and Stanley in a chair in front of her, arms crossed with a scowl on his face._

"Mrs. Marsh! Thank-you so much for making it," the blonde woman greeted and shook my hand. "Please take a seat."

I sat down in the chair next to my son. "What did you do Stanley?" was the first thing I asked. Really, all of this has become so normal and customary for me by now.

Principal Victoria cleared her throat. "I received a message from your son's teacher Mrs. Marsh that he disrupted the class roughly a half hour ago."

"What did you _do_ Stanley?" I demanded again.

_He just huffed and looked down._

"Apparently his class was engaged in a floor game when Stanley here decided to kick the games' contents, cursing the while doing so," Principal Victoria explained, finger in the air.

"What?"

"And that's not all. He cursed at Mrs. Uhalley and shoved her too."

_My mouth was open in alarm._

"Luckily he didn't do any damage but she sent him up here. While he was coming over she called me to tell me what happened. She would like to talk things over with you whenever you feel ready."

"Why on earth did you do this Stanley?" I asked, still having difficulty believing it.

"I just did okay?" he spat.

"Young man I have _had_ it with your attitude lately."

"Oooh," he rolled his eyes.

I forced him to look at me. "You are already in huge trouble Stan. I suggest you stop this right now."

"_Don't_ fucking touch me."

I gasped and looked at Principal Victoria. She sighed. "This must be what she was talking about. Mrs. Marsh, Mrs. Uhalley is just outside the door if you would like to hear it from her point of view?"

Giving my son a hard look, I stepped out the door. Mrs. Uhalley stood outside shaking her head.

"I'm so sorry Mrs. Marsh but I don't know what happened. One minute he was sitting there the next, he's in here."

"What exactly happened?"

The teacher sighed. "I told the children we would be playing a fun game on the floor that would help their multiplication. We pushed all the desks back and sat in a circle on the floor. Two children grabbed random numbers from a bin and I would call out a student's name from a hat- again at random, and they would have to answer the multiplication problem that was set out on the floor. As soon as the game began I noticed Stan was behaving rather rudely. He was sighing loudly, sitting back on his hands, legs out, having zero interest in the game. I caught him whispering some things to his friend Eric, who he was sitting next to, and I am sure they weren't pleasant things by the looks on their faces."

_I nodded as she spoke._

"He was rude when he had to answer what is seven times seven and I gave him a warning that he better stop with the attitude. On the second round of the game when one of the students was having difficulty answering a problem, he suddenly out of nowhere got to his feet and kicked the bin holding the numbers around saying something like 'this game is so effing stupid.' Then the F word," the teacher said frantically.

"Oh no…"

Mrs. Uhalley nodded. "I went over to him and told him to calm down and head to the principal's office. When I touched his arm he told _me_ to 'F off and leave him alone' and shoved me, causing me to slip over the spilled contents."

_I shook my head in disbelief._

"That's how it happened," Mrs. Uhalley said sadly. "I don't know what made him do it, he's never acted like this ever. I haven't had to send many students to the principal this year, and defiantly not over something this huge. I don't know what caused Stanley to do this Mrs. Marsh."

I rubbed my eyes. "I know, he's been acting like this since February as well. I really think it's time I get to the bottom of it and find out what's wrong."

The sweet woman nodded. "I think it's just that, something is bothering him. I know your son Mrs. Marsh, he's such a sweetheart. I don't think it's anything more than that."

I agreed. "I'll take him home and talk with him, thanks Mrs. Uhalley."

_I went back into Principal Victoria's office and told Stan we were going home. I gripped his hand firmly and led him to the car and we drove home. I tried several times to get words out of his mouth the ride there but he just crossed his arms and looked away from me. Once we pulled into the driveway I led him inside and turned him around to face me in the kitchen._

"Okay Stanley, I am giving you one chance right now to tell me in your words what happened."

_He glared up at me._

"You have five seconds to start speaking before I take over." I held up my hand. "Five-four-three-two"-

"I was pissed off okay?" he growled.

I dropped my hand. "_Why_ were you so angry? Why did you disrupt class the way you did?"

_He shrugged and looked at his fingers. I gripped his jaw to have him look at me again but he backed away._

"Don't touch me!" he cried.

"Stanley Marsh, you are behaving ridiculous. If you don't give me a straight answer to something now then I am sending you to time-out before your real grounding time begins."

"I just did okay Mom? God, it's not that big of a fucking deal."

I took hold of his arm and led him to the time-out bench in the living room he had been sitting on ever since he was three. I had him face the wall. "You will sit here and cool off for ten minutes and I will come back for you. You know I do not like you saying the F word and you need to think about what you did in class."

"Mom, I'm getting too old for time-outs," Stan moaned.

"You know the rule: time-outs until you are eleven. I did it with Shelley; I'm doing it with you. Now sit- no talking." And I left him there.

_I sat in the kitchen for those ten minutes thinking about what my son did and coming up with his punishment. Thankfully he didn't try to get up once and when the kitchen timer beeped I went back to him._

"Do you know why I placed you here Stan?"

"I said the F word in front of you. And what I did to Mrs. Uhalley…" he mumbled to his feet.

"Yes. Are you ready to apologize and start talking calmly to me?"

He nodded. "Sorry."

I gave him a hug and let him back up. "Stanley, I am trying to give you a chance to tell me what happened because I really feel something else is bothering you. There is no reason I can think of that you would kick game contents across the floor, curse, and push Mrs. Uhalley. Maybe if you were in Mr. Garrison's class okay, but you like your teacher this year. I want to know why you did what you did."

"Why does it matter? I'm still going to be grounded anyway…"

I sighed. "Fine, you had your chance. Go upstairs into your room and stay there until your father comes home. _Go_ Stanley."

_Now he was acting sad, mournful, and broken. What was wrong with him? I could only hope I could get an answer from him when Randy came home. For once I was looking forward to my husband's return. After I told him what Stan did, he would be on my side for once. Randy came home at six and I immediately told him what had happened earlier._

"Are you sure Sharon?" he asked me.

I rolled my eyes. "Why would I make this up?"

_We went into Stan's bedroom to talk with him. It was an exhausting thirty minutes and we hardly got anything from him. He only told us he was feeling angry and upset about 'stuff' and left it at that. Randy and I both gave up trying to get an answer from him so it was time for the grounding. No computer for three weeks and an earlier curfew. Stan was back on his feet in a rage._

"No! No you can't do that! That's not fair!" he cried as Randy unhooked his computer from his wall.

"You are being grounded for your disgusting behavior Stanley," Randy told him.

"No! Nooo!" Stan was trying to reach for his beloved computer but I held him back so Randy could put it in our closet. He kicked at my hold and I finally released him. He ran to his bed and put his face in his pillow and began to cry.

_Told you it was unexpecting. I'll see if he is willing to talk tomorrow. It's time I hit the hay._

Love, Sharon

_March 16th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_Today Stan hardly said anything to anyone and went to school, head low. I told him I expected him to apologize to his teacher first thing that morning, and I would be making sure he did. When I picked him up from school Mrs. Uhalley told me he did indeed give a heart-felt apology and said she wouldn't hold anything against him for what he did. Sometimes I think Stan's fifth-grade teacher is too good to be true. Once we arrived home and I went to fix up a healthy snack for Stan, he decided to spill the beans._

"I'm ready to tell you why I've been a bastard lately Mom," he said softly.

I stopped applying chunky peanut butter on a bagel slice for him. "Oh?"

Stan sighed as he pushed aside his glass of milk. "Truth is, I've been a little angry because… because it's- it's been a year."

I frowned. "What do you mean it's been a year?"

He gulped and blinked back tears. "It's been a year. It's now March. I remember… it was M-March 16th exactly…last year… that- that I was d-diagnosed with ALL."

I gasped and almost dropped the knife. "Oh- oh baby…"

He sniffed as I went down to his level. He wiped away a tear. "It was coming up and I was reminded of all the bad things that happened this time last year. I remembered it was the last day of February I begun feeling sick. Then getting really sick. My appointment with Dr. Davies. Having four tubes of blood drawn in four days. The- the bone marrow tests… the s-spinal tap. The dia-diagnosis…"

"Oh Stanley baby…" I wrapped my arms around him in a strong hug as my own tears began to fall. "Baby… I wasn't thinking. Of course you'd be bothered by it. I had no idea… it has been a year to the day… so much has happened since then… sweetheart…"

"I tried not to think about it but I couldn't help it," Stan gushed. "How could I not remember the exact time my whole life turned upside down? You don't forget those things Mom, you don't."

I shook my head. "You don't. I know."

"I didn't want to tell anyone. So I allowed those feelings to take over and- I lost control."

"And that's why you did what you did yesterday in class. I understand sweetie, I don't blame you for feeling so upset lately."

Stan wiggled out of my arms. He gulped. "There's- there's something else I need to tell you too Mom."

_I watched as he took out his lunch pail from his backpack and opened it. I saw that his apple, little bag of mixed nuts, and Banana Walnut Cookie still sat inside from this morning._

"Honey, why didn't you eat your snacks?"

Again tears formed in Stan's eyes. "I don't wanna say but I have to. Mom… I- I have a (_gulp_)… toothache."

_Defiantly the last thing I was guessing…_

"What do you mean Stanley?"

Stanley looked down and again spoke to the floor. "My tooth hurts."

I touched his cheek. "Why for how long?"

He sighed. "A while," he said shortly.

I shook my head. "I don't understand. You've been cleaning your teeth so well since treatment began. I've seen you using your special soft brush and flossing them."

Stan rubbed his dripping nose. "Not all the time. It- it freaked me out when chemo first began when I flossed and my gums began to bleed. I- I kinda stopped flossing altogether shortly after. As for b-brushing… it's too hard Mom! I've been having such a hard time staying away from drinking soda and not eating certain foods with sharp edges. Once in a while they're okay, you served them last week and it has been a long time since I've had hard tortilla shells. But I haven't been listening. I got a lot of candy for Halloween, Christmas… and I haven't been cleaning my teeth the way Dr. Fohlkoly said I should. I have two mouth sores Mom _and_ I have a toothache!" he cried.

I allowed him to cry on me for a few minutes before I looked at his face. "Are you sure it's that serious Stan?"

"It's serious, I've been hiding it for months," he sniffed.

I then gasped and got to my feet. "Oh no… oh dear… I've only just realized… Stanley, you haven't seen Dr. Steels in a _year_."

_He looked up at me, half confused, half scared._

"I've been too caught up on other things to think… and Dr. Fohlkoly suggested it best to for you to see the dentist ever four months, not six… maybe if I had listened…"

_Stan took up a seat at the kitchen table again._

"Sweetie… I've been so stupid. I need to call Dr. Steel's office right away… what was I thinking?"

_I did just that. I am very lucky; Dr. Steels can see Stan Friday which means I would have to miss work just to take him. (Randy to this day has never taken the kids to a dentist appointment). I wasted no time apologizing to the receptionist about forgetting all about it. She told me it wasn't a problem and after the year I've had, it was easy to forget. But I do still feel slightly guilty about it… I did get a few phone calls from Dr. Steels' office the past six months and one of those little postcard-type reminders came in the mail for Stanley as well. But I told myself not to think too much about it, he'd finally be seen in two days._

_After my son told me what he had been keeping from me, I decided to go a bit easier on his grounding time. He is now grounded from his computer for two weeks, not three. Although I do sympathize with him about why he acted out the way he did, the fact remains… he really caused a scene in class that could have been dealt with a better way. _

_That is what happened today. Thank goodness I know what was upsetting Stan. Now let's hope he can survive the repercussion…_

_Love, Sharon_

_March 18th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_I wish Stan told me about his toothache earlier. Yes that is what I am opening tonight's entry with. After his appointment today I can't think about anything else. I have been in denial his tooth hurt as much as he claimed it did since he told me, but I couldn't ignore it. Now that it was in the open I have had to be extra careful with what food I give him. You would think this wouldn't be a big deal by now, there have been plenty of no-no foods on the list from Dr. Fohlkoly, but I now have to add in another factor… Stan couldn't eat much of his Cocoa Puffs so he has been forced to eat oatmeal for breakfast the past two days. And I had to use creamy peanut butter for his sandwich today, not chunky. He couldn't eat ice cream last night because the cold bothered his tooth too much. So I was very afraid what Dr. Steels would find when I had to take Stan into his appointment at 10:30._

_Stan glanced up from his DS when the hygienist called him back. I sighed and patted his back._

"Good luck sweetie."

_Stan looked up gloomily at me before handing over his favored electronic device and walked off with the young woman who called him in. And so I waited. Sometimes as a mother you feel almost as scared as your kids when you take them to see the dentist. You're going to be the one hearing about what is wrong with them and what you as a parent should have done to prevent said problem. Then you will be the one paying for whatever procedure needed to take place, all the while trying to convince your child it really wasn't that bad. I sat there with a book the whole time, trying to keep my mind on happier things. It was close to an hour when the door at the end opened and the blond head of Dr. Steels poked out._

"Mrs. Marsh? Would you like to come into my office and we'll go over everything?"

_Everything. Why did he have to say 'everything'? I went behind the door and Dr. Steels went into the second treatment room where Stan was in and told him to follow us. We took seats in his small office. _

"How bad is it?" I asked first thing.

Dr. Steels sighed as he rubbed his tiny goatee. "Well, to start off, there is only one thing that really needs to be addressed."

_I nodded as I rubbed Stan's shoulder._

"But before I say it, I want to say that I am pleased with how well Stan here has been brushing and it's good to know that special toothbrush works like any other. Also his mouth sores seem to be fading and he said they weren't causing him too much trouble anymore."

"But the one thing…?"

Dr. Steels sighed again. "He has an infection in one of his molars- his first molar on the top left to be specific."

Stan's eyes went wide. "In-infection?"

"Yes. I'm sorry son, I wish I had better news for you," Dr. Steels frowned.

I licked my dry lips. "But I don't understand, how? How did it happen? The worst thing that's ever happened is a cavity. But an actual _infection_?"

The dentist glanced at Stanley before looking at me. "Your son told me pretty much all I needed to know. Is it all right if I tell Mom Stan?"

_Stan nodded, not looking at the man._

"He has been skipping flossing for months. Told me he does it here and there but there have been weeks he hasn't bothered. He'll sometimes cut corners when brushing and as he said, he received a lot of candy during Halloween last year. Of course this is nothing new for kids but add onto the fact that taking care of his teeth is so crucial to his chemotherapy… he is at risk of catching an infection if he doesn't properly care for his teeth the way not only myself has showed him, but what his oncologist has as well."

I looked over to Stan. "Stanley… why did you allow this to happen?"

"I don't know okay?" his voice wavered.

I looked back over to the man. "Did he mention anything else?"

"He told me he's been cutting corners for a long time, but the actual toothache erupted sometime in September. Which means there were underlining problems even _before_ then."

"Stanley…"

"If you'd like, I have his x-rays if you want to see what I mean…"

_He showed me the images of Stanley's teeth and explained in-depth exactly what was wrong. It was rather unfortunate he has such a deep cavity in one of his few permanent back teeth. And as I sat back down I asked what was going to be done about it and he said the words no one ever wants to hear at the dentist office, much less a pediatric dentist office- root canal. I asked if there was any other option but he said the only thing he could do would be to remove the tooth entirely. He told me he felt he could still save the infected tooth and did not think extraction would be the best choice. At this Stan began to cry softly. He blamed himself that he was in this situation. I hugged him._

"It's my fault baby. I should have taken you in to see Dr. Steels a long time ago."

"Hey, kids will be kids. Even if they have to be extra careful these things still happen," Dr. Steels tried to consol us.

_We had some words before he told me he would call Dr. Fohlkoly this afternoon to talk about when it would be safest for Stan to have dental work done. He will call me up and explain what to do next after the two talk. This has to be the first real major dental work my son will have to have and I am now terrified for him. I hope Dr. Steels calls me first thing tomorrow and a date is set to do the root canal. But I don't want to think about it. My sweet baby boy has to have a root canal done and he's only ten. I still think it's my fault. If I had taken Stanley in to see his dentist months ago he might have been able to catch the first signs of trouble and it wouldn't be as big a thing as it is now. _

_I'll close for now; I have to give myself some sleep._

_Love, Sharon _

_March 19th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_I just wanted to catch you up on Stanley's root canal. Dr. Steels called me this morning and spoke with Dr. Fohlkoly. He informed him it would be safe to have Stan undergo the dental work within the next two weeks before he has to go back to Denver for chemo. So it is settled, Stan will undergo the work in two appointments. His first is on the 23rd where they will drill into the tooth and clean it out, the next they will seal it up. The second appointment will be scheduled after his first one is finished. The poor thing is dead-terrified now but I hope he can be a champ when it comes. But we both know how Stanley can be…_

_Love, Sharon_

_March 23rd, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_Today was Stanley's first appointment to take care of his infected tooth. My son had to torment me when I picked him up from school early for the appointment. Apparently he told how he was feeling to Mrs. Uhalley during recess, about how scared he was and things like that. It has been a while since Stan was really afraid about something. I have to get used to it again, just as I had to get used to grounding him again. (Honestly, I don't think I have punished him at all since he was diagnosed. And it's not because I have gone soft, but because he honestly has not done anything worth grounding). But I did have to give him a little push when we stepped in front of South Park Children's Dentistry. _

_It was almost like his appointments of having blood drawn or his lumbar puncture; he sat in his seat and did not do anything but twitch at every sound he heard. It's really hard to comfort your child when you are feeling almost as nervous as he is. _

"It'll be okay sweetie. You'll feel better after it's over."

"I should have done everything Dr. Steels and Dr. Fohlkoly told me to," Stan said quietly as he rested his head on my arm.

"And I should have taken you here in September. But what's done is done. We're both a little at fault."

_Stan nodded. The poor thing did not get up from his chair when the nurse called in his name. I had to give him another nudge._

"Remember, special treat after. Promise."

_With a kiss on the cheek he finally went behind the door. And again I waited in the room, nervously wiggling my foot around and not being able to concentrate on the magazine I had brought with me. Even the receptionist noticed how I was acting and tried to comfort me. I had to tell her why I was nervous but she said it was understandable. An hour had passed and I saw Dr. Steels enter the receptionist's corner, telling Stanley to pick out two prizes from the collection behind the desk. Two minutes later they walked out the door._

I touched Stan's cheek and looked up at the dentist. "How was it?"

He cocked a half smile. "Well first ten minutes could have gone better. Stan was so nervous he threw up on me."

_I gasped._

"But it was fine, happens a lot if you do what I do. But once we got rolling, he was a trooper. I asked him before I started though what would make him most comfortable. He said if I wore banana-scented gloves and if he could watch TV. So he was watching Spongebob on the TV overhead the entire time and that helped a little right son?" Dr. Steels looked down.

_Stan nodded slowly. He explained a few more things before we set up his next appointment to finish the work. Stan will have his tooth sealed on the 29th. It should go better then. Even though he already picked out a card game and Hot Wheels car from the dentist I still took Stan to Target to choose anything he wanted under $10. He found a book called Socks, Scarves, and More! Fun With Knitting for $12. I was surprised._

"Are you sure you want this hon?"

_He nodded vigorously._

"You don't want a toy or game or something? Then again you have plenty…Well, if you really want it… I'm sure it will be very interesting and helpful."

Stan took out the little notepad he had since he couldn't speak and wrote: I really like knitting Mom. I wanna learn more.

_I smiled after I made the purchase and glanced at Stan._

"Just make sure your father doesn't hear about this."

_Even though he couldn't really smile I could see it in his eyes, his mischievous nature. If only the good feelings would last. By the time we got home Stan was already feeling miserable so after I made his bed he crashed. His friends visited him after school but he was in too much pain to do anything but force them out. I don't think he'll want any dinner tonight. I hope he feels better tomorrow. Even though there is still one more week to go, I have to say March could have defiantly ended on a higher note. I doubt next week is going to be any different than this was._

_Love, Sharon_

_SPSP_

_It was enjoyable for me to write Stan being a true 'kid' again. Forgetting things, getting in trouble…Anyway, thank-you for the reviews. Please keep 'em coming :-)_

_Lots of love: Rose, May 16, 2011_


	18. Only Time Will Tell

**ONLY TIME WILL TELL**

_My POV_

Ever since the struggles March threw at the Marsh family, they seemed bent on trying to make the next month a little bit better on each and every one of them. After his painful procedures at the dentist Stan finally was back on flossing each and every time he ate something and promised his mother he would tell her if anything was bothering him. Sharon and Randy were trying to work things out now as well. They have had a few talks coming into April, and were back where they started from, which to anyone, had to be something. But the biggest change to anyone's life was that of Shelley's. On April 12th, she went through something she had been dying to have happen since she was twelve- her headgear was finally removed. The smile on her face now was better than anyone could imagine. Stan had almost forgotten how his sister looked without the protruding metal from her mouth and by May, she seemed to have transformed into a completely different person.

To start it off, she had grown a lot since the past few years and was considerably taller than her little brother now. A nice defined nose was showing as it did to all teens, and she had even begun to experiment with make-up 'just to see how it looked.' In short, Shelley Marsh was becoming a teenager. But this was hardly what caused a curious look from her brother. Oh no, what made him look at his sister differently happened on her fifteenth birthday.

Stan had to have chemo during her birthday but she didn't seem too bothered by it. She held off a party with her few friends and opted to be with her family in Denver for the day. Stan was of course skeptical as she spent that afternoon with him in his room.

"Why are you doing this?" he asked her just before lunch arrived.

"Because you need your toenails cut that's why," Shelley stated with a disgusted look on her face, holding up his foot as she clipped his nails.

Stan frowned. "No, why are you spending your fifteenth birthday hanging in a hospital with me?"

Shelley didn't answer right away. "I didn't want to do anything back home that's why turd."

"You must have, it's your fifteenth birthday. I'm sure Krissa wanted to do something fun with you today."

"Not really. She just told me she wanted to be there when I opened her gift so I'm going to wait until tonight when we get back home. Plus I want to have a big birthday next year when I turn sixteen. Nobody cares if you're turning fifteen."

Stan was having none of this and took his right foot out of her hand. "Really Shelley. You must have wanted to do something a little more exciting than trimming the toenails off your little brother's feet."

Shelley glared at him this time. "Why must everything I do for you have to be questioned you ungrateful _brat_?"

"Because you hate me. Sure you've been nicer to me ever since I was diagnosed but the past month… man, it's been weird."

"I don't hate you Stan..." Shelley said quietly.

He blinked.

"Maybe, just maybe some of my anger towards you was caused by my headgear. But I've been beating you up since you could walk. But since I can't _do_ that anymore…"

"If you don't want to say it fine. But I've liked that you've actually been nice to me for once. Maybe once I get better you can still treat me this way."

Shelley rolled her eyes. "_Maybe_." She glanced down at her brother's feet. "And aren't you a little old for someone to still be trimming your nails turd?"

"Not really. I'm just afraid I'm going to nip my skin on accident and bleed," Stan pointed out.

"Like this?" Shelley made a move to squeeze the skin on his toe to cut it with the nail clippers but he retracted his foot on time. Again Shelley rolled her eyes although with a smile. "Relax Stan; I wasn't actually going to do it."

"How do I know?" he asked, holding his foot.

Shelley raised a brow. Stan seemed to know what she was thinking so he relaxed his body and placed his right foot back on her lap and she continued what she started. Shelley did have a nice birthday in Denver. Sharon had made her favorite breakfast that morning (ham and cheese omelet), and she had gotten a few nice gifts from her parents. Sharon had also baked a cake for her but it was at home since she wanted her best friend Krissa to be there when she blew out the candles. And Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter sent out a gift for her which would be arriving any day now. They said it was big and Shelley was excited about that.

Two days later Kyle turned eleven. Stan was pumped that he would be able to celebrate his birthday this year. Kyle decided to celebrate his big day with a movie night/sleepover. Along with Stan, he invited Kenny, Butters, and Jimmy. Stan was a little upset Cartman was not invited at all.

"There's enough room for all of us to crash in the living room," the bald boy told his best friend that evening.

"Dude. I hate Cartman. And as much as it _hurts_ my mother, she told me I'm allowed to do whatever the hell I want now when it comes to birthdays," Kyle pointed out.

"What do you mean?"

"This means she won't be forcing me to go to his gay birthday this year! Sweet!"

Again, Stan didn't know how to feel about this. "Dude, I'm going to Cartman's birthday this year if my chemo allows it."

"Well you tell me how long it lasts until fatass ruins his own party. Who's up for Spiderman 2?"

Stan was better friends with Cartman now; Kyle now had the option to kick him out of his gatherings. It did bother him a little and it made him realize just how much had changed the past couple of years. It was a fun night though, and it would have been better if Stan didn't feel so tired and rundown by ten o'clock. He fell asleep in his sleeping bag by eleven so the other boys finished up watching Terrance and Phillip: Asses of Fire 2 before hitting the hay after midnight.

June 3rd came with some bittersweet moments for Stan. It was the last day of school and he would have to say good-bye to what had to be his best teacher ever, Mrs. Uhalley. It seemed like just yesterday he was hit with a powerful wave of emotion on his last day of fourth grade when the whole school celebrated his Make-a-Wish nomination. Now he had to pack up and move on with his life once again. The last day was very much like Mr. Garrison's. The class celebrated their final day before summer with a pot luck party. Stan decided to bring his mom's famous fruit punch to his fellow classmates this time. The whole six hours was filled with food, drink, and fun. Mrs. Uhalley set up the same multiplication floor game Stan had gotten in trouble over not long ago, by her students' request. This time however he enjoyed himself and felt proud that he was able to remember what eight times nine was as well as eleven times twelve. Yes, Mrs. Uhalley really had taught him well this school year. Before he knew it the bell had rung and all the kids cheered and rushed to the door. Stan's heart sank, he still had not gotten his teacher to sign his yearbook and now it was too late.

Cartman was tugging on his arm. "Dude, c'mon, school's out!"

"Just- just a minute"- Stan stood on his toes in the sea of students to try and spot Mrs. Uhalley. She was at the front door, hugging each kid that passed through.

"I don't think so mister!" she scolded a boy who tried slipping past her. "You really thought you could leave without a final hug Garrett?"

Garrett Timmer rolled his eyes with a smile and hugged her. "'Bye Mrs. Uhalley. Thanks for everything!"

Soon the last student out was Cartman since he had been waiting up on Stan. He reluctantly allowed the kind teacher to hug him before leaving. Mrs. Uhalley turned around and gasped at the one remaining student.

"Better hurry up Stan, I'm sure you can't wait to jump in the pool first thing."

Stan held up his yearbook. "Mrs. Uhalley, could you sign it? Please?"

She gasped. "Well of course sweetie. Why I can't believe I hadn't yet!"

He smiled as he leaned over her desk as he watched her write a message in the back of the book. Only then was there a knock at the door and Stan saw his mother there.

"My mom wanted to say good-bye to you too," he smiled.

Sharon wrapped an arm around the teacher. "You probably don't get many other mothers doing this but I wanted to thank-you for everything this year."

Mrs. Uhalley smiled. "You don't have to thank me Mrs. Marsh; I enjoyed having your son in my class from day one. He was a very good student and he's very smart. He's going to do great things in life, I can tell."

Stan felt the heat rise in his face. Sharon then passed along something to him. He turned back to his fifth grade teacher.

"I- I got you a lil' something…" he said softly as he gave her the small wrapped gift. He couldn't remember the last time he gave a teacher something. At least other students had given her gifts too throughout the day so he didn't feel as embarrassed.

Mrs. Uhalley opened the box to see a bundle of… something red sitting inside.

"They're supposed to be gloves," Stan said quickly, turning pink again. "I tried knitting you something but I couldn't really do what I wanted. They may be too small and look crappy but… it's what it's _supposed_ to be."

Tears filled the teacher's eyes as she looked at the nobly, shapeless things, and she gave the boy a big hug. "Thank-you so much sweetie. This is one of the most thoughtful things I have ever received."

"Actually it was more of Mom's idea, I just made 'em," Stan smiled.

Mrs. Uhalley handed back Stan's yearbook to him and they said their final good-byes before it was time to head back home. He sighed as he sat in the car. He was really going to miss her; she was different than other teachers. She made learning fun and made him look forward to school for once. He was already sick of it by kindergarten. No, she was something special and now he would be moving onto sixth grade with another teacher. Who he or she was going to be was still unknown; he just knew they would not make as much an impact in his life as Mrs. Uhalley did.

June tenth usually meant one thing for the Marsh family, Sharon and Randy's anniversary. This year would be their seventeenth and the majority of past anniversary celebrations were planned in advance. Not this time. Sharon's schedule was still inconsistent so she couldn't plan much ahead of time, not to mention Randy was known to be an idiot when it came to Tom as well as Stan's new hobby of knitting ever since February. Though things seemed a little better over time, it was still plentiful obvious Randy's problems were everyone's problems so it was hard to get into the right mood June tenth. Shelley bought a card from the dollar store where both her and Stan signed, and Sharon and Randy went out for dinner but that was the majority of it. Even when they returned home the kids could feel the tension emitting from their parents.

"You made me spend $25 for a glass of wine and you didn't even like it," Randy said as he took off his coat.

"Don't talk to me about spending Randy. You really want me to bring up how much you spend on beer a _week_?"

"C'mon you two, there are kids present," Shelley glared at her parents while nodding at Stan who sat on the floor in front of the TV.

"Sorry kids, Mommy's just being hypocritical," Randy noted.

"Randy!" Sharon snapped.

"You two were getting along fine earlier. And Shelley and I made you a cake, if you want it," Stan said softly as he went into the kitchen.

"I'm sorry you two, Dad and I just have had better anniversaries, that's all," Sharon sighed.

"Well if it makes you feel any better, I had a great time with Shelley tonight," Stan quipped. "We watched a few Friends episodes then she even made dinner. I was craving waffles so she broke out the waffle iron and made 'em. We played with Chelsea a bit then just talked. It was actually the best baby-sitting she's ever done."

Shelley rolled her eyes and flicked his ear. "Stupid turd."

Sharon smiled at the obvious bond her two children now shared. "Thank-you you two, that does make me feel better."

Not much happened during the first couple weeks of vacation. The only thing Stan had scheduled was chemo which was to be expected. But he did get good news the last week of June; his grandparents from California were planning a trip to see them and would be there on the thirtieth. He couldn't help but expel his excitement to anyone who would listen.

"It's perfect timing! I get two weeks off from chemo! I'll be able to do almost anything with them!"

The Marshes picked up Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter at the Denver Airport the night of June thirtieth where they drove to the apartment in the same city.

"I hope you don't mind sleeping here tonight Mom and Dad," Sharon told her parents. "Neither Randy nor I want to drive for four hours in the dark back to South Park."

"This is fine dear, you know I've slept on a rock in the middle of woods before," her mother passed off.

"You slept on a rock Grandma?" Stan looked up at the older lady.

"Yes. I was eighteen and my friends and I thought it would be a fun idea to go on a hiking adventure in the woods to celebrate graduating from high school. We traveled a bit off-course and ended up lost! We had to sleep on a large flat rock for two days before we were found," Grandma Ellen explained.

"It's good you two decided to show up," Randy stated. "I think we all have been anchy this summer. Especially the kids, they've been bored out of their minds."

The elderly couple looked at each other with a smile before turning to the others.

"Yes, we figured you might want some excitement," Grandma Ellen said.

"Where are you going to take us?" Stan beamed.

"Oh I can't hold it in any longer!" she exclaimed.

"Then let's tell 'em," Grandpa Peter grinned.

Grandma Ellen pulled out a pamphlet from her back pocket. "We are taking a week-long vacation to the all-new Kid-Nation Hotel and Adventure!"

At this Stan gasped and whooped and did his usual twirl of excitement. Shelley didn't seem to know why her brother was happy but she was smiling nonetheless. Randy took hold of the pamphlet and he and Sharon looked it over. On the cover boasted bright colors and kids playing in a pool with a hotel in the back where happy parents waved behind them.

"Um… what?" Randy said.

"It's- well, looking at Stanley here, I think he knows what it's all about," Grandpa Peter nodded to the boy.

"It's the coolest thing ever Mom and Dad! It's a new chain of hotels that offer all sorts of cool stuff! We can scuba dive, swim with dolphins; go to the zoo, scavenger hunts. Movie nights. I heard the hotel offers 24/7 snack bar! And there's a make-your-own sundae bar!"

"Really?" Shelley was beginning to get pumped too.

"There was an ad in my Kid's Sports Zone magazine a few months ago. It looked super sweet. I went on their website too," Stan was saying all in almost one breath.

"Is there anything I would enjoy?" Shelley looked at her grandparents.

"Don't you worry Shelley, we made sure to check that there was something for fifteen-year-olds," Grandma Ellen smiled. "They have a special Teen Scene Room just for teenagers with games, music, movies, everything geared to your age group."

"Hm…" she rubbed her chin.

"But… what about, you know, parents?" Randy asked. "By the looks of it this seems very kid-oriented."

This had Mr. and Mrs. Kimble smiling again. "We knew you might not want to go so we have another surprise in store. Sharon and Randy, Peter and I booked you two a six-day long stay at the Peakcove Bay Resort and Spa!"

"What?" Sharon gasped.

Her father took out a separate pamphlet of information from his pocket to show his daughter. "There is a full-range of amenities to cater to both your interests. They have every kind of spa and massage available as well as golf, wine tours, hiking, themed dinners. It's the perfect place to spend as a couple and regroup."

Sharon looked weakly at her parents and at Randy, then back again. "Mom… I don't know about this…"

Grandma Ellen placed an arm over Sharon's shoulder and took her to the corner. "You told me weeks ago you didn't have anything planned for your anniversary. Your father and I felt bad and thought you two needed some time alone to talk and get back on the same page again. Consider this a late anniversary present dear."

"But what about the kids?"

"Your father and I will be taking them to the Kid-Nation trip. I took care of everything and made sure to book both trips at the same exact week."

"Wait, what about me? I mean, did you talk to my doctors or what?" Stan asked his grandparents.

"We made sure to talk to both Dr. Fohlkoly and Dr. Davies before anything," Grandpa Peter said. "They both advised you take extra care and to follow your safety rules, but they told us it would be all right if we took you out for a week."

"Sweet," Stan smiled.

Grandpa Peter took a seat on the sofa. "I suggest we get a good sleep tonight so we can begin packing everyone up back in South Park!"

That night Sharon took the sofa while Randy slept in the reclining chair in the living room. (Sharon's parents took their bed for the night).

"So… a week-long stay at a romantic retreat…" Randy said, staring at the ceiling.

"It should be nice," Sharon commented.

"_Should_ be."

Sharon sighed. "Oh let's try to make the most of it Randy. This is a very nice thing for my parents to do. They're taking the kids for a week to what seems like a great place for them, just so we can reconnect. We have to take advantage of that."

"Hey, I'm all up for it. I haven't been fishing in a long time."

"You're too impatient to fish Randy," Sharon rolled her eyes.

"Remember that one trip we took? For what- our fifth or sixth anniversary? I forget, I just remember Stan was still in diapers."

"The romantic getaway in the cabins over the weekend? That was such a nice trip," Sharon sighed.

"We woke up to find a skunk on the front steps of the cabin."

Sharon chuckled. "I couldn't believe it, of all cabins he had to choose ours."

Randy smiled at hearing his wife laugh. "We can do it again baby. I know we can."

"We can try," Sharon gave him a light kiss before getting comfortable on the sofa.

It was a very busy few days before the two vacations. July first meant it was Cartman's eleventh birthday and Stan was invited. Although there were actually considerably less kids at the Boomwalker's Funland Park than usual for Eric Cartman's parties. For starters, Kyle was not there. Even though Stan was expecting this he still missed his best friend's presence. But funny enough Cartman was happier during this party than last and Stan was sure it had to do with the fact the Jew was not there. And Stan _did_ have a fun time with Cartman, Butters, Jimmy, Timmy, Cylde, and a few of Cartman's cousins. The best part of it was the rides, especially the park's two roller coasters they were able to ride over and over again.

"Ohh man! The front is the best! Hahaha!" Cartman laughed after they got off The Twister for the sixth time.

"Yeah! That first drop is freakin' sweet! You never see it coming!" Stan joined in.

Of course Kyle had to ruin it the next day saying, "So how lame was fatass's birthday anyway?"

When Stan replied it was actually really fun it pissed off Kyle. But Stan couldn't worry too much about it now; he had to get his last things together for his trip with his grandparents to the coolest new place for kids! Everyone had to wake up extra early on the morning of July the fourth. Sharon and Randy had to drive to Denver while Mr. and Mrs. Kimble had to take their rental car and drive themselves and their grandkids to Colorado Springs. Everyone was bleary-eyed when they had to say good-bye to each other. Stan slept most of the way to Colorado Springs but by 9:30 he was woken up by Shelley who told him they were almost there.

It was close to ten in the morning when they finally reached their destination. An eight-story hotel loomed overhead with KID-NATION HOTEL AND ADVENTURE written in shiny gold letters.

"We are going to have the best week here Shelley," Stan spoke as they went to find a parking space. A bellman helped the family lugged their suitcases on a rack and followed them into the hotel where they checked in. After waiting around behind everyone else and filling out all the necessary items, the smiley lady up front finally gave them their key and they went to find the room.

"What room are we?" Stan asked behind his grandfather.

"Room 415, floor four," Grandpa Peter read off his card.

They went into the elevator and went up three floors before getting off and walking down the hall.

"Well, let's see how it looks"- Grandpa Peter said. He opened the door and all four of them gasped in wonderment. The room was decked out in a woodsy, forest feel. Beautiful hardwood furniture shown throughout and a 32" flat panel TV faced the two full beds, all ready to be used.

"Look! It comes with a free Xbox!" Stan cried, picking up a controller that was beside the TV.

"And the tub is huge! I can't wait to take a bath in it," Shelley spoke from the bathroom.

"Now Grandma and I are sorry we didn't get a room with a bunk bed," Mr. Kimble sighed.

"They were all booked," his wife added.

"We sleep in a bunk all the time back in Denver," Stan passed off.

"But the sofa does fold out into a futon if one of you doesn't want to share a bed," Grandpa Peter said.

Stan and Shelley merely shrugged. Shelley took a seat on the bed at the far end near the window. "Good thing it isn't too kiddish in here. It actually looks really nice."

"Hey look- there's something on the bed"- Stan pointed out to two baskets on the bed Shelley was sitting on.

"Wow, look at this," Shelley opened hers that boasted a mug with the hotel's name written on it, a set of body lotions and other free items. Stan's was full with free things too although slightly more kiddish. They spent the next half hour getting used to the place and exploring some more before deciding to grab some lunch downstairs. The hotel offered four different restaurants to choose from: The Sunset Buffet, Mama Lulu's Family-Style Italian, Crabby Joe's Steak n' Seafood, and for the parents, the romantic diner, Le Fraique. All restaurants were open to the public but only those who had rooms in the hotel got their meals for free. Since it was July fourth there was going to be a big Independence Day BBQ that night so Mr. and Mrs. Kimble, Stan, and Shelley decided to eat something light so they could pig out later. The grandparents split a burger from the buffet, Shelley ate a chicken salad, and Stan had a small helping of macaroni.

"We have got to eat here tomorrow night, look at all the desserts they have!" Stan pointed out as they were leaving.

Grandpa Peter chuckled. "Of course, whatever you kids want. This is your vacation."

Meanwhile, Sharon and Randy had arrived at Peakcove Bay Resort and Spa, a picture-perfect scene of romance and time to reconnect without the kids. Their room was equipped with a queen-sized bed and beautiful deep red covers.

"Well, here we are," Randy said when they had a look around.

"This place is remarkable. It was so nice of my parents to do this for us Randy," Sharon said as she took a seat on the bed.

"It is. And according to this"- he held out the pamphlet. "There's a great selection of wine and they have some of the best micro-brews in town!"

Sharon sighed. "This is supposed to be _our_ time Randy; I do not plan on reconnecting with you over a beer."

"Okay, okay. I want us to reconnect too Sharon, don't think I don't." he cupped her face and kissed her lips gently. "I do miss staring into those gorgeous blue eyes baby."

For some reason Sharon did not feel flattered by his gesture. Her heart constricted as she softly brought his hand down. "I- I really want us to talk Randy. Now."

Sharon and Randy talked through the night, ignoring all the Independence Day festivities taking place at the resort. When they finally went to bed Sharon couldn't help but feel slightly worried about what the rest of the vacation would hold. While Randy told her he would try harder to listen to her and not put her down anymore it was one of those things she had to witness to believe. And she hadn't even brought up Stan yet. Hopefully she would be able to address her feelings about Randy not supporting Stan's knitting hobby tomorrow and they could finally sweep that under the rug. There was no way that by now, he would be as upset about it as he was months ago. But again, she had to see to believe.

Tuesday had Stan and Shelley by the hotel's three pools the majority of the day. While Stan did engage in a fun outdoor scavenger hunt at 3 o'clock, nothing was more fun than the Extreme Pool which was curved and had three water slides. Their grandparents went to get some alone time at the bar so Shelley was left in charge to make sure Stan didn't hurt himself.

"Stupid turd, it says no running!" Shelley shouted at him as he chased after another kid by the pool.

"But Shelley"-

"Do you want to slip and twist your ankle or something?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "I was just playing Shelley."

"You have to follow the pool's rules and Grandma and Grandpa's _and_ mine turd."

"I don't wanna be babied! I'm ten years old!"

"Then that's what I'll tell Mom when I explain how you ended up in the emergency room after smacking your face on the pavement," Shelley shrugged as she hung over the side of the deep end.

Stan sighed, hating, as always, how even the simple things had to have a set of rules since he got sick. "I promise to be careful…"

Shelley gave him a questioning look before going back to her own thing. Really, being his older sister was easy and bossing him around was excusable.

Back in Denver Sharon and Randy's first full day of vacation was not turning out the way either of them hoped. The couple decided to try golf that day but unfortunately things quickly went south.

"Oh come on Sharon! You could have gotten it that time!" Randy called on the grass.

"I've been trying Randy," Sharon told him, tongue between her teeth as she tried to swing the club for the tenth time. The stupid little ball missed its hole again!

"You're swinging too much, it looks silly. Let me show you…"

"You have hardly done better Randy. I want to try to do this without help."

Sharon took another swing and missed. Randy groaned.

"Honey, at this rate we'll be here all day. Face it, you don't know how to golf."

Sharon glared and tried one last swing- the ball landed in the pond ahead. Randy started to laugh. Sharon thrust her club in his chest and left to try the next hole without a word. That night they tried to reconcile over dinner at one of the romantic restaurants but it didn't help. It was clear both wanted to do some more arguing but didn't want to cause a scene. So they ate their steak in near silence before an uncomfortable retreat back to their rooms.

Wednesday morning came and after Stan and Shelley ordered up some pancakes, eggs, bacon, and chocolate milk from room service for breakfast, they were encouraged by their grandparents to try out one of the many classes/fun shops being held inside the hotel. Stan wanted to do something with his sister but she was very against it.

"Please Shelley? Let's do something together," he begged her, lying on his stomach on his bed.

"I already told you you're pushing it turd. Just because I'm being nicer to you doesn't mean I want to do something with just you," Shelley spat.

"Dude, you've helped me bathe weeks ago. You've cleaned our room at the apartment tons of times on your own. You've carried me around the hospital a few times when I'm too weak. You've even cut my toenails! Is that not weird enough?" Stan reminded her.

"Shelley, just take your brother for the afternoon. I'm sure you'll find something to do that isn't swimming," Grandma Ellen told her granddaughter.

"No! I'm not _that_ close with him!" Shelley felt as if her words were falling on deaf ears.

Stan blinked at his older sister. "Dude, you've cut my toenails," he said bluntly again.

Shelley groaned, knowing she was going to lose the battle this time. "_Fine_ you stupid turd. What do you want to do?"

The two looked at a little book that explained all the activities and classes, shops, and events that took place every day at Kid-Nation. One did catch Shelley's eye- The Art Shop. Stan recoiled in disgust stating he hated art projects unless he had full control of them. Shelley pointed out it was a popular pick for all ages and the caption underneath it even stated: _a fun sibling bonding experience_! So Stan was dragged downstairs by his older sister to go to some gay art class to make gay projects he would just throw away later. But he was the one who wanted to spend time with Shelley in the first place; he had to make the most of it.

It was hardly a class though, more like a place for kids to gather and have hundreds of different art mediums to work with while adult 'instructors' helped out and offered tips to those who wanted them. Shelley happened to really enjoy art and grabbed a large paper and oil pastels and went to work. Stan sat next to her, lost.

"I don't know what to do Shelley. This is gay. Let's do something else."

Shelley rolled her eyes. "It's art Stan, there's no right or wrong way to do it. Just- do something."

"What?" he shrugged.

The teenager groaned again at her idiot little brother. "What's your favorite medium of art?"

"Huh?"

"What do you like when it comes to art? Drawing? Painting? Ink? Colors?"

"Uhh… colors?"

"Do you want to get messy or stay clean?"

Stan thought. "Messy."

Shelley took hold of a large sheet of paper and colored charcoal. "You'll like this then Stan. It's like chalk for paper. You can draw with it or blend the colors. Whatever you do, it gets messy," she explained.

Stan took hold of a red piece of charcoal and made light strokes before making the same movement with a green piece. Shelley showed him how to blend by using her finger and blowing. Stan tried it himself and was amazed.

"Wow! This is cool!"

Shelley rolled her eyes yet again as she watched Stan work on his project. Her stupid brother liked to knit of all things, there had to be a part of him that wanted to do art as well. Sister and brother spent a good two hours at the shop doing all kinds of projects. Shelley took it upon herself to show Stan all the tools and brushes and paper and everything there and how to use each thing and they hardly were bothered by one another the whole time. It felt natural for Shelley to teach Stan, like a rule in the Unofficial Big Sister Rulebook was: teach your little brother one of your hobbies. And Stan was all up for it, thanks to Mrs. Uhalley and his tutor Alice; he once again found it fun to learn. It was a very good day for them both.

That same Wednesday Randy woke up to find his wife was not in bed. By the time he had showered Sharon had returned from breakfast downstairs. Randy watched as she went into her suitcase to pick out the day's clothes.

"Didn't here you get up Shar," he noted.

"I tried to be quiet. I knew you wouldn't want to be woken up before you needed," she said.

Randy went down to get breakfast as well and came back a half hour later. When he did he looked thrilled about something.

"Sharon, do you have plans today?"

She frowned. "Well I would like to go to the spa as it is a resort"-

"Well cancel those plans, I have today's event lined up!" he cut across her. "I was downstairs eating my eggs and this couple asked me if I was going to the free Wednesday trip offered from the resort today. I asked where the trip was and it's to a Sports Fair!" he said excitedly.

Sharon raised a brow. "Sports…Fair?"

"It's included in the price of our stay here. It's supposed to be really great; they have booths and games and even retired players from the big leagues showing up! They'll be signing autographs and they have a ton of crap for sale. It sounds great."

"Why would I want to go to that?"

Randy shifted and rubbed his neck. "Well, you know… it's- it's a couple thing."

"I don't know who in the right mind designed an event for couples at a sports fair," Sharon crossed her arms.

"Come on honey, you like watching the game sometimes. I'm sure they'll have some stuff for chicks there. It'll be fun," Randy said uncomfortably.

At the risk of another argument occurring between them, Sharon decided to go. It was everything Randy said it would be which was unfortunate. Randy dragged her around pointing things out and talking about football even though she was not the least bit interested. They ran into the couple Randy talked to early that morning about the Sports Fair and apparently they were both huge Denver Broncos fans, the lady was decked in a themed shirt and hat. Randy spent a good forty minutes talking football with them and Sharon was left looking at her iphone. Randy finally came over to her.

"Honey, what are you doing over here? Beth wants to know who you'll be cheering on this season!" Randy put a hand on Sharon's shoulder.

"Randy, you know I don't care about football," Sharon said blandly.

"What? Sure you do, you've been to all of Stan's games."

"I go to cheer on our son, not because I like the sport."

"C'mon Sharon, be a sport. Chat it up with us," Randy grinned.

"I have nothing to say! Don't force me to talk about something I don't care about," Sharon shook his arm off.

"C'mon, Beth loves the game. Why can't you be like that?" Randy said in a hushed tone.

"Because I don't like football. Excuse me; I'm going to amuse myself at the bargain booth…"

When Randy bade farewell to the football-loving couple he met up with his wife who had a couple of things in hand and was smiling.

"Look Randy! I found this great book in this pile over here"- she showed him a book titled: 500 Sports Facts for the TRUE Fans! "I thought it would be perfect for Stanley. He'd love it. And look at this too"- she showed him an orange and blue football that was shiny and in good condition. "Stan would love it. Remember he used to have a ball just like this when he was younger but it was lost at the park? I'm sure he would be happy to have one that looks just like the one he lost years ago."

Randy's face was blank. "He was five Sharon, I doubt he even remembers."

"Oh well, it's such a good price I'm getting it anyway," she smiled as she pulled out her wallet and went to pay for the two items.

Randy sighed as she walked to him after her purchase. "I thought we were supposed to be here for us Shar. You know, romantic getaway? No kids?"

Sharon held her bag to her. "I thought so too Randy…"

Dinner that night between the two was very awkward. It frustrated Randy that no matter what he said or did Sharon would find a reason to back out of it. But it was a different story for her; there was something there that she hadn't felt all the time she had been with him. It was like a wall, purposely blocking Randy from her. A wall that made any kiss or touch feel hard and heavy. And she didn't know how to get rid of it or if she even wanted to.

If only Sharon and Randy were having as good a time as their kids. Thursday proved to be just as exciting as Wednesday, if not more so. Stan spent hours in a giant play room that was better than any Chuck-E-Cheese's while Shelley spent the day at one of the teen-themed shops, the Advanced Art Shop. Afterwards the two took up the All Desserts! class and had fun learning about different techniques in the kitchen and made a delicious three-layer lemon cake from scratch which they had for dessert after dinner at the hotel's Italian restaurant.

Meanwhile Randy reluctantly followed his wife to get a full-body massage and spa treatment. The massage was nice, but the spa and facial treatment was not. He felt it was too feminine and skipped out on it. By this point Sharon could hardly care, she was finally relaxing and there wasn't anything Randy could do to take her out of that mood.

Friday Sharon took Randy to a couple-only pottery class. Again, Randy hardly knew what he was doing and didn't get into the two-hour lesson like his wife did for he simply did not understand art. Late that afternoon Sharon sat by the pool by herself, reflecting many things at once. At that moment she felt a hand touch her shoulder and a lady she had met a few days ago smiled at her.

"What are you doing by the pool by yourself- Sharon, right?" she asked.

Sharon nodded with a slight smile before sighing. "Just wanted some time to myself."

"At a couple's resort?" the woman chuckled.

Sharon looked at the drink in her hand and moved the straw around. "Let's just say the majority of our trip was a separate vacation."

"Oh. I'm sort to hear that hon."

Sharon shrugged. "It doesn't matter, after a while you sort of…give up on some things. Suddenly romantic dinners aren't all that romantic. You find it awkward and boring doing something your spouse likes to do. You get annoyed at things you didn't before. And the whole time you're away, the only thing you find yourself looking forward to is getting back to your kids."

The woman- Nancy, sighed. "I'm sorry to hear that doll. But, it happens unfortunately."

"It was nice for my parents to do this for my husband and I but, I think we both know by now…where we both stand."

Nancy rubbed her back. "Well if you need anything just call. I gave you my number."

Sharon smiled gratefully at the lady. She felt like she would be okay for now.

The next two days went by in a flash for Stan and Shelley. While they had fun all that week their best day came that Saturday where their grandparents told them that day was going to be family oriented and they would be spending the whole time together. They ate breakfast at the buffet and played mini golf on the course provided by the hotel. That evening all four took a pizza-making class and ate their creations for dinner. They spent their last night at their hotel room watching Finding Neverland on DVD. Stan was tiredly leaning his head on Shelley's arm by the end of the movie, a baseball patterned surgical mask over his face for he had hit nadir the other day. He took a cookie off the plate that was in front of him and his sister and popped it into his mouth.

"I wonder if it's that pleasant," he commented as he watched Sylvia drift off into Neverland.

"What?" Shelley looked down at her little brother.

"Dying. I wonder if it's that pleasant."

Shelley felt very uncomfortable now.

"Look at it, look at how pretty it is and how happy she is. I really wonder if it's that peaceful," Stan said in his usual blunt manner.

"Stanley dear, let's not talk about things like that," Grandma Ellen said gently.

"Sorry. I was just curious. Don't worry; I don't actually _want_ to know. Sorry," he said again as he placed his mask over his face again.

Sunday morning both grandparents and parents hit the road back to South Park. Even though Stan felt incredibly weak and tired when he arrived home he nevertheless ran into his mother's arms when he saw her.

"Did you kids have a good time?" Sharon asked.

"The best. It was so cool," Stan smiled.

"I actually had fun too," Shelley told her mom.

"I'll talk more about it later, I wanna take a nap, I'm tired," Stan told his parents.

"I'll make up your bed if you want," Shelley offered and went after him, Chelsea in her arms.

Sharon turned to her parents. "So? How was it?"

"The kids had a wonderful time, Shelley and Stanley spent a lot of time together," Mrs. Kimble gushed.

"There were only a handful of arguments we had to clear between them. Even those were fine since Shelley usually hits rather than speaks. But since she can't hurt her brother anymore, things were rather smooth," Mr. Kimble said.

"They traded off, sleeping on the bed and futon/couch, but last night they were both so tired they slept in the same bed together. It was so sweet," Mrs. Kimble told her daughter as they walked into the kitchen.

"But enough about that, how was your trip?" Sharon's dad inquired.

Sharon watched as Randy went upstairs. She sighed. "It could have been better."

"Oh no," her mother gasped.

"Mom, it's okay. What you did was a great treat for us and there were some really great points for the both of us. But we both… things have just- it's complicated right now Mom. I really don't know where to go from here."

"Sharon…"

"I'm not going to talk about it now. I need to talk with Randy again when the kids aren't here."

"Well your mother and I will be here for a few more days. If you want us to take Shelley and Stan somewhere we will," Mr. Kimble told his daughter.

Sharon smiled gratefully at her parents before going to her bags. She had to remember to give Stan his two gifts later. Really, it had been a fun trip, but the excitement was separated between her and Randy. It was unfortunate they didn't have as good a time together but then again, Sharon was expecting it. She knew by now Randy would never change, he was hardly any different now than when they got married seventeen years ago. She just had to decide if she wanted to continue putting up with a man like that, or if she wanted to move on.

_Finally, a new chapter! At first I wasn't too keen on this chapter; it was more of a 'filler-type' simply because I wanted to write about something happening for the Marshes' summer. But I actually quite enjoyed it. I hope you did too. The next chapter shall be up sooner. In the mean time, I'm going to sit here, excited about tomorrow's new SP!_

_Lots of love: Rose, June 7, 2011_


	19. Seasons Change and so do I

**SEASONS CHANGE AND SO DO I **

_Stan's POV_

_August 27th, 2011_

_Dear journal,_

_First of all, can you believe I've been spelling 'journal' wrong all this time? HA! Stupid me. Ah well, I know how to spell it now. Anyway, I just want to wrap up summer since I haven't written in you for a little while._

_The rest of summer went by nicely. Days when I was home in South Park Mom set up my slip n' slide and my friends and I spent hours on end running through it. She also picked up a Wacky Wild Hose attachment to the sprinkler system and we ran around in the grass on hot days as we were drenched with water spraying in every direction. _

_My parents are a different story. It's not that Mom and Dad spend all their time fighting, they have simply given up almost. They go about their own ways and do their own things with the occasional argument between them. Days go by without any romantic gesture from either of them but they don't seem too bothered. It was if they were expecting their relationship to turn south the way it did ever since their spa vacation so they didn't bother trying to reconcile. These things happened and they leave it at that._

_Mom had gone school-shopping with Shelley and I a couple weeks ago. I have barely grown at all since last year so I didn't get many new outfits, save for a new pair of jeans and a handful of shirts. Shelley however had done a fair bit of growth and had to have many of her clothes replaced. With the new clothes we picked out a new pair of shoes from our grandparents' website and a few other essentials. The last week of August Shelley received her sophomore schedule in the mail while I found out who my sixth grade teacher is going to be- Mrs. Stratsmore. I know nothing of her but it doesn't matter, I want Mrs. Uhalley to teach me again this school year. Mom has reminded me that I still have my tutor Alice that I love, and not to think negatively about sixth grade already. Fat chance._

_Stan_

_September 10th, 2011_

_Dear journal,_

_School started on the sixth but I couldn't attend since I had a week of chemo to attend instead. Nothing really happened all week so I'm going to talk about what happened today. It has been a pretty rough week of treatment this week, and although the shortest treatment was today, the very last day, it was still the worst day of the week! I had to get my first round of Pegaspargase, otherwise known as Peg, shots that Saturday before we went back to South Park. Both shots were injected into my thigh muscles at the same time. Yes, they were as horribly painful as they sound. I tried to sleep off the pain on the four hour ride back home and was hobbling around all day when I got there. Not long after my friends stopped by to hang out and tell me all about their first week of sixth grade._

"She's cool yeah," Kyle shrugged after I asked him about our new teacher. (We all have the same one yet again).

"She's no Mrs. Uhalley but she's likable," Butters commented.

"She wanted to know if anyone in class was close to you, and we said we were. She apparently can't wait to 'meet you'," Cartman rolled his eyes with air quotes. "But my god, that woman has a lot of rules."

_So I'll tell you all about my first day of school Monday then. See you._

_Stan_

_September 12th, 2011_

_Well, today was my first day of school. I was hoping as I got there that the week away wouldn't be too much a distraction; I hate knowing I am already behind most likely. Mrs. Stratsmore's classroom is on the second level of the school (like all the upper-grade classes) so I stood outside her door early that morning to meet her. Mom had talked with my teacher over the phone and both agreed it would be a good thing if they got to know one another before class began. I sighed as I knocked on her door, knowing she was going to be very unlike Mrs. Uhalley like my friends said. Seconds later it opened to reveal a woman in her fifties with gray-speckled brown hair and a boring blue outfit. She smiled at me._

"Hello, are you Stanley Marsh?"

_I nodded mutely._

"It's good to finally see you dear," she told me and shook my head. "Why don't you step in so I can inform you on how my class works and what you've missed last week okay?"

_The classroom is a bit of a bore, defiantly lacking the fun and colorful vibe from Mrs. Uhalley's. There were several motivational posters around, a boring chart that listed all the US presidents, a poster about parts of speech, one that boasted the scientific method, and the alphabet written in cursive over the whiteboard, just like Mrs. Uhalley's room. We have assigned seating too and I sit next to Cartman in the front of the row. It could be worse considering we're good friends now. _

"I do not allow gum chewing, offensive language, talking when others are talking, talking when I am lecturing, and above anything I do not allow the usage of music players or 'ipods' or cell phones of any kind," Mrs. Stratsmore listed off.

_I was so tempted to ask 'what __do__ you allow'? but thought it was best not to. Sadly the teacher was not finished._

"I also do not want to see any squirming or messing around by students, particularly boys," she told me.

"What do you mean?"

"You boys have too much energy. You can burn off all your eagerness during recess, that's what it's for. But if any child finds it funny to mess around during class time they will receive a warning"- she showed me a chart that held each student's name and a little envelope for each kid. "If I tell you to cut it out, you get a yellow card." She slipped one in the envelope with my name on it. "If I have to tell you again you get a red card and I call your parents. By the third time I have to tell you to behave, you get a purple card and that sends you to the principal as well as a phone-call home," she explained.

_My face fell, there were too many rules for this woman and I had a bad feeling right there it was only going to take a week before I began hating school again. Honestly, I tried to have a good attitude towards the first day of school but it was a total bust. I was so relieved to see Mom's car when she picked me up. I wasted no time telling her everything._

"She has so many rules! 'You can't do this, you can't do that.' Get this! She won't even allow us to move!" I cried.

"Stanley, that's just silly," Mom smiled.

"Really! She said so herself she hates how much boys move so if we move or goof off we'll get in trouble! Oh, and she has this stupid card thing that tells us how much trouble we are in. If she tells us to behave just the second time she's gonna call home!"

_Mom sighed but didn't interrupt me._

"We spent a whole hour doing math and this worksheet about the factors of multiplication. I told her already I didn't know how to do it but she just said 'you've been learning multiplication for two years now, you should know this.' I actually had to do two worksheets. She had me do this basic math sheet before anything to see where I'm at in math. Then she had me do a cursive worksheet to see how well I can write in cursive. We also started reading this book together in class called 'Out of the Dust' about this huge dust storm in the 1930s or whatever. It is so _gay_. I feel so burned out already," I complained.

_Mom seemed to feel awful for me that I had such a bad first day of school so to try and lift my mood she took me out for frozen yogurt! Although she did warn me not to get used to it as I would be having more bad days at school ahead of me and she can't always treat me because of it. I now have homework to do and work that I have to catch up on already and it's the first day! I am so pissed. I'm not looking forward to tomorrow at all._

_Stan_

_September 28th, 2011_

_Dear journal,_

_School has not gotten any better. I have to watch out that I don't break any of Mrs. Stratmore's rules and it's hard not to chat with Cartman who sits right next to me. My teacher is nice enough, she enjoys doing her job and is better than Mr. Garrison, but going from a teacher who allowed the kids to be themselves and to be individuals to her… the transition did not sit well for me. We had to write a report on something we have recently learned that we enjoy, and I wrote about knitting; Mrs. Stratmore looked a little shocked. She gave me a B+ on it but had to ask me about it in private after school today._

"You really enjoy knitting do you Stan?"

"Yeah, and I'm really good at it. I've picked up on a lot on it over summer," I explained.

"Interesting. I hope you don't find it offensive for me asking about it, I've just never seen a boy knit before."

"Well I do," I had gotten defensive. _I had gotten argumentive (hardly! Really!) with her before she gave me a stupid yellow card! I told Mom all about the injustice as soon as I got home. Thankfully Mom was on my side and said it was really stupid how Mrs. Stratsmore got me in trouble like that for a really lame reason. She called her up tonight and told her that she did not like how she called me out simply because I was standing by something I believed in. There were a few raised voices over the phone but in the end Mrs. Stratmore apologized to Mom. I was also handed the phone where my teacher apologized to me too that she 'yellow carded' me. _

_Stupid teacher I swear…_

_Stan_

_October 10th, 2011_

_Dear journal,_

_October is here so that means only one thing- my birthday is approaching! That, and Halloween, so technically there are two reasons to get excited this month. Mom asked me what I wanted to do to celebrate my birthday a week ago. That's always a tall order for a kid who can think of all sorts of things they want to do. But I found out I'm going to be going through chemo days before Halloween, and, not wanting to miss out on the holiday fun with my friends, I came up with the perfect idea._

"Mom, I want a big Halloween/costume party for my birthday," I told her days ago.

Mom had smiled. "That's a great idea. I feel bad you can't trick-or-treat with everyone here but that's a perfect idea hon."

_With my birthday idea underway, Mom began planning everything in time for the nineteenth. The first thing she did was custom-make invitations for all the attendees and today I gave them out during recess to my friends. They looked a little surprised by the pumpkin and bat-themed cards they received that day. It had been a few years since I handed out birthday invitations. Kyle opened his up to see what it read:_

JOIN STAN IN WISHING A HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY!

When: October 19th 2011

Time: 5 PM- 9 PM

Where: 2001 Bonanza Street South Park Co.

What: Stanley Marsh's 11th birthday celebration. Join us in a fun night of Halloween and birthday goodies!

RSVP: Sharon Marsh at (611) 567-3021 by the 16th

Requirements: This will be a costume party so guests will be required to dress up upon arrival. Gifts are not required. Donations to the Smiles for Stan Foundation will be greatly appreciated for the Marsh family in place of gifts. Thank-you.

Kyle looked over at me. "Wow dude, a costume party? Sweet."

"This will be fucking sweet. We'll be celebrating two things at once! Great thinking dude!" Cartman patted me on the back.

I smiled. "Yeah well I figured it would be best since I won't be here for Halloween on the thirty-first."

_So yeah, can't wait for my birthday! It's going to be great!_

_Stan_

_October 18th, 2011_

_It's close to midnight and I was already tucked into bed but I gotta write in you now, it's too hard to fall asleep since my birthday is tomorrow! I don't know everything my mother has planned but she is the official 'party planner' in the family so I trust her. I wanted to soak up every bit of being ten that last night though for I know as soon as I turn eleven I will be feeling different and really begin developing into a tween and like any kid, I am a little afraid of the changes. The one good thing though- no more time-outs! YES! I allowed Mom to read me a bedtime story one last time since I'm sure by tomorrow I will feel too old for such things. Mom kissed my cheek after she set aside The Bubblegum Prince in the Land of Chocolate._

"Remember sweetie, whenever you want to have a bedtime story, I will always read you one," she reminded me.

"I know," I sighed. "But I'm going to be too old for that by tomorrow."

Mom smiled. "I'm sure there will be a night or two you will want one. No one else needs to know." She tucked Ruffy into my arm. "And this doesn't have to be your last night sleeping with him either."

_I sighed; it didn't have to be but it was, I just don't want to feel like a little kid anymore when I blew out my birthday candles the next day. Mom shut the door and I snuggled into my bed, enjoying all the warmth of a good tucking in for the last time of my life._

_Stan_

_October 19th, 2011_

_Okay, let me channel Cartman for a moment: today was my birthday! My b-b-b-birthday! WHOOP! So of course I have to tell you all about it:_

_I was awoken the next day by my parents with their usual birthday hugs and kisses. I was a little surprised they had both gone in to wake me up since they no longer act as husband and wife but it made me feel good. Breakfast consisted of Mom's fabulous French toast as always with a glass of chocolate milk. Shelley came down the stairs just as I was being served._

"Happy birthday little bother," she told me and gave me half a hug.

_I had almost chocked on my breakfast by the shocking gesture_.

I coughed and rasped out, "Th-thanks Shelley."

Shelley began her own serving of French toast. "So, you're now eleven, the age of wonder."

"Guess so."

Shelley grinned. "You're in for a lot of changes this age Stan."

"Really?" I frowned.

"Oh yeah. You could be hitting puberty any day now. Could have your voice break, could shoot up in height, gain weight. Get your first pubic hair- well, you know…" she glanced at my bald head. "You could lose your last baby tooth and before you know it, might hear you'll need braces. Not only that but say good-bye to your childhood. It's considered lame now to have tucking in time and bedtime stories and playing with toys. Yep, a lot changes once you turn eleven brother."

_I just sat there, mouth agape in shock. Mom took a seat, glaring at her._

"Shelley… don't listen to her Stan, you have plenty to enjoy now that you're eleven."

"Is what she said all true though?"

_Mom and Dad shared a look._

"Well son... some of those things can happen when you're eleven, yeah…" Dad scratched his neck.

"But not all," Mom added. "You may be eleven now but you are still a child so you do not have to say good-bye to everything honey."

"But she's right, a lot does happen at this age. I've noticed Kenny's voice has been cracking lately and Kyle can't remember the last time he's played with a number of his toys."

"Everyone is different Stanley, don't worry about it. You will mature at your own rate, there is no right or wrong way about it," Mom said firmly.

_Even still, I knew there was a lot of truth in my sister's words and couldn't help but worry about what she had said. I'm still worrying! I still feel like a kid inside… and today was my very first day at being eleven; I didn't have to 'grow up' right away. But I had little time to think about that, today was my birthday and I was going to have a big Halloween-themed party to celebrate tonight. So I quickly finished up my plate before getting ready to go to school. _

_School was a normal affair. We all spent a good deal of time writing alternate endings to this short play we had read in our reading text books. And it wasn't that bad either, I have learned some tips from Alice when it came to writing and am able to do it more confidently than before. As soon as school ended I happily found Mom's SUV waiting to take me back home._

"Don't me late!" I called to my friends before hopping inside. _I didn't know why but I was very excited for my birthday party. I like when there are plans and a theme, they are far better than hanging around doing nothing special but a birthday cake and maybe going out for dinner. And even though I have a good feel about my cancer prognosis (really, I do), I still know I can't predict how long I will live so I want to gather as many happy memories as I can, shall I ever fall victim to the disease. _

_Mom had help from friend Abbie, and Shelley, with the touching up of decorations, food, and games for my party (Dad was at work and didn't want to ruin his wife's 'groove'). Meanwhile I was upstairs in the bathroom making sure my costume was just right. I went as a cross between a zombie and a rock star. I had found a sweet bright red wig that had black streaks in it and crazy spikes at the Halloween store. I wore rock-star style clothes but tattered, and a pair of sweet black army boots. Mom took a break from decorating to do my zombie make-up. To finish the look I strapped my Guitar-Hero guitar over my body before I was complete. _

_At 5:00 on the dot Kyle arrived, dressed as Spiderman. So stupid! He knows how I feel about that! I rolled my eyes and slugged him._

"Dude, _gay_."

_Kyle just grinned, he knows I am a huge Batman fan and feel Spiderman is too overrated. Not long after did Cartman show up. Then Kenny with Butters. Then Jimmy, Token, Clyde, Timmy, and Bradley. Soon the house was full of several eleven-year-olds and we were quickly downing the sickly snacks set out on the snack table. Even though it specified I did not want birthday gifts from my friends pretty much all my friends arrived with a box or bag of something. I sighed as Clyde handed me a wrapped gift._

"Clyde, dude, I don't really need any presents," I told him.

Clyde took out his vampire fangs and said, "I know. But you can't have a birthday party without presents. Don't worry Stan; I donated ten bucks in your foundation."

_Which appeared to be what everyone who had given me something had done so I can't feel too bad about it. Soon it was time to get the activities underway, and we all agreed to do the classic Bobbing for Apples first. To make sure I would be as safe from potential germs or infections as could be, I went first. The water was pure and untouched and no one but Mom had touched any of the apples floating inside. To make it more challenging each person was spun around as many times as their age and blindfolded. Cartman cheered when he successfully was able to grab an apple._

"What's our prize?" he immediately asked.

_Mom rolled her eyes at the greedy boy. She brushed aside her long green witch's hair from her face and handed over a bag of candy. Afterwards everyone went outside for another sweet game, Pumpkin Bowling. Everyone had a turn to bowl small pumpkins and try hitting a strike from the empty plastic 2-liter bottles several feet away. If a person did get a strike, they had a change to bowl again for another strike. If they did indeed do this they received a bag of candy. By 6:30 we were beginning to feel famished so Mom dished out dinner. A special harvest soup and spaghetti and meatballs. Mom didn't plan too many activities tonight though; maybe she really does think I am growing up. Again, just like Shelley warned! So Mom allowed my friends and I to do whatever we wanted after dinner before the last activity and last 'game for a prize.' I declared I wanted to watch Tim Burton's Corpse Bride so we all gathered around to watch the claymation-style movie before the last two things Mom had planned._

_She had selected several different sodas and drinks and mixes and add-ins from the store and allowed the guests to create their own 'spooky punch'._

"_Mom_, don't call it 'spooky', it sounds too kiddish," I had groaned just as she was setting out the items.

"Oh, sorry honey," she frowned.

_Before long Cartman was getting anxious and told me to open my gifts right this minute. Mom had thought it was best to serve birthday cake at that moment as well. So I was led into the dining room and sat at the head of the table. The lights went out and before I knew it, Mom walked in with a round cake glowing with eleven birthday candles. Everyone broke into song and I smiled widely when Shelley playfully socked my arm while she sang, 'Dear Staaaan.' I blew out the candles to a great applause and was served up a slice of the wonderful red velvet cake. _

_After dessert it was finally present time. All my gifts sat on the living room table and so I went to open them to my friends' delight. (Well of course I was excited about them too). While I was having a wonderful day so far, the gifts were my first real taste that I was indeed transitioning into a new period in my life. The majority of my gifts were video games or accessories for video games. There were hardly any toys except a really cool remote-controlled car decked out in chrome finishes from Butters and a new Air Rocket from Grandma Mara. But I did receive two cool Lego-themed board games. Lego Creationary and Lego Minotaurus._

"This is so sweet! Thank-you so much," I smiled up at Mom after opening Creationary. This would prove some great fun for my family and friends during chemotherapy. I looked at Shelley blankly though; she was the one who had gotten me the other game. "Why did you"-

"Because I thought it would be a cool game I knew you'd like, _geez_," Shelley rolled her eyes. "Ungrateful brat."

I smiled at the very first birthday present my sister had ever gotten me. "Thanks Shelley."

_The party ended after Mom had us kids go outside for one last game. She had hidden a small pumpkin with a drawn-on green face somewhere outside and whoever found it would receive the best prize of the night. Thankfully everyone seemed eager to participate and quickly tore through the back and front of the house, looking for the pumpkin with the green face. I was feeling tired by then so I just went and watched my friends as I sat on a chair, facemask on. Butters were the lucky kid for once and had located the pumpkin inside my tree house. For that he received a ten dollar gift card to the mall. The birthday/Halloween party was over past ten but thankfully no one's parents were too upset by the extra hour. _

_I sat on the sofa reading the back of the Lego games when Mom came over with a box in her hands. She looked excited about something._

"Mom… you shouldn't have," I grinned even though I was tired.

"I know I know. I wanted to give you this for Christmas but I think now is a better time. Go on, open it. I'm sure you'll be happily surprised," Mom said as she took a seat next to me.

_I tore off the paper and opened the box- inside was a pair of knitting needles, three balls of yarn, and a book called After the First Stitch. _

"Mom…"

"Do you like?" Mom asked nervously. "You've learned how to knit so quickly I felt you should have your own needles and everything."

I smiled and hugged her. "I love it. Thank-you so much."

_When it was time for bed I lay there, waiting for my mother to come in. I knew I was too old now for bedtime but I also knew Mom always enjoyed saying good-night to me on the night of my birthday. And at 11:30 on the dot she walked in with a smile._

"Waiting for tucking in?" she asked amused.

I rolled my eyes. "Maybe _one_ last night."

She smiled and pulled my covers over me. She caressed my face. "I hope you had a good birthday today hon."

"I did, it was great. Thanks so much."

Mom kissed my face and stood._ "_I know you're eleven now Stan but I want you to always remember that you're my baby and I love you."

I smiled, exhausted. "I know Mom."

_I also know that it must be a little hard for my mom now, now that her youngest is reaching those 'tween' years. Again, I don't feel any different or older but only time will tell. I know a lot is going to change soon like Shelley mentioned. I hope it's not all at once. I am still a kid._

_Stan _

_October 20th, 2011_

_Okay, something interesting happened today. It's a good thing when you look at it, but I'll let you be the judge of that. After I came home from school and plopped in front of the TV, Mom came down the stairs to see me (I think). _

"Hi sweetie, how was school?" she asked.

"Lame," I said gruffly.

"Oh?" Mom rubbed her chin. "Well I just got a call from them not long ago."

"Oooh, I didn't do anything!" I groaned._ Stupid school!_

"No, it's nothing bad. It was a recording from the principal telling parents about the yearly South Park Harvest Festival."

"Oh, that gay thing?"

Mom frowned. "She said something about students being sent with a flyer about information about the fair. You know, about the crafts and activities and contests they always hold each year."

I blinked at her. "So?"

Mom sighed. "You know, they have a Youth Knitting Contest each year."

_I spun around at this. I knew where she was getting at but I didn't know how to respond._

"Well? Do you think you might… like to sign up for it?"

My lips pulled into a grin before my smile grew. "No way. That's lame. I mean, what if the guys found out? None of them know about… my hobby yet."

_Mom thankfully allowed me to speak without interruption._

"Besides, I'm not even that good. I just think it'll be a really bad idea…"

"You _are_ good Stanley, that's the whole thing," Sharon immediately said. "You're very good. You've already knitted two hats and a pair of socks. You find yourself picking up the needles even when you aren't in chemo. Wouldn't it be nice to show others how good you are? Everyone wants to show off their talents. And what about Mrs. Stratsmore hm? Wouldn't you like to show her your 'first place' ribbon?"

I shook my head. "Mom, no. I don't want to."

Sharon sighed. "Can I see the flyer they sent out?"

_I regretfully handed over the yellow paper that I didn't even read yet. I watched as Mom's eyes scanned the words printed onto it. She looked up._

"It says here that along with a blue ribbon, the first place winner in each category wins $100."

My eyes lit up like streetlights. "I'm in."

_The South Park Harvest Festival would take place November 14-18. It was where local farmers would sell their produce, a petting zoo was held, activities, and contests for the local residents for all sorts of things. From sewing skills to painting and cooking. Usually it was a place all us guys' parents will drag us to each year and the only excitement we get from it is buying homemade sweets from sellers and watching people fail at certain contests. But this time I would be a part of it. I entered into two divisions in the Junior Knitting Category. I would have to present a piece in Pattern and Color as well as Technique. As embarrassing as it feels to be to be a part of such a thing, the thought that I could win a total of $200 if I win first place in both categories far outweighs what others might think. I have decided to work on an original piece for the pattern category; it's gonna be a cool hat with several zigzagged patterns throughout. I'm going to be judged in technique by a judge who will be watching me knit from scratch. _

_Now all I have to do is tell everyone just what I'm up to. They have to know, I've been hiding it for months. And there are worse things out there to keep secret. But I don't think it's going to be easy with Dad since he's so against it. But I can hope that he will understand why I am doing this and it doesn't start up another fight with Mom. I don't know how to tell him yet so until I do, I think it's best to put him out of the picture. I'm telling Kyle as soon as I get a reply letter from the people at the festival saying I'm in! It could take a week though so I think I'll be able to hide it from Kyle just a bit more._

_Stan_

_October 31st, 2011_

_I will say a little review on tonight- tonight was Halloween! I trick-or-treated at our apartment complex since I'm obviously in Denver. I didn't go anywhere else since I felt a little weak today and I don't want to over-do it since I had chemo yesterday. But I got a good enough pillow-case filled with candy. Of course Mom had to sort through everything and take away the chewy or pointy candy since she 'doesn't want another costly bill from Dr. Steels' office'. I wouldn't do that to myself again, that root canal sucked. But what I really need to tell you journal happened yesterday. Yesterday Dad found out about me entering in the festival. It's as bad as it sounds, I'll tell you what happened:_

_I was at Children's Hospital getting chemo (Mom was at work) when I got a phone-call from Dad that afternoon. I clicked off my TV to pick it up._

"Oh, hi Dad," I said into the hospital phone.

"I received an interesting piece of mail just now son," Randy had told him.

"Huh?"

"It's addressed to you and is from the South Park Harvest Festival Spokesperson."

"You opened my mail?"

"Well, well I thought it was an ad or something so I just opened it to make sure."

"_You opened my mail_?" I repeated.

"Says here 'Dear Mr. Marsh, your entry into the Junior Knitting Category for Pattern and Color as well as Technique has been accepted,'" Randy read off from the letter.

"Why the hell are you opening my mail?" I demanded.

"What is this Stan? Why on earth did you get a letter saying"-

I felt lightheaded due to the drugs running through my veins. I sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Okay fine. I entered into two knitting divisions at the Harvest Festival. So what?"

"So what?" Randy said wildly. "You know what I think about this Stan! Why did you enter? Was this your mother's doing? I bet it was, I told her already that I"-

_I had had a twenty minute argument over the phone with Dad where neither side won. I had hung up the phone angrily before leaning forward and throwing up in a trashcan. I had expected this sort of reply from Dad but it didn't make the taste any less bitter. It wasn't that big of a deal; why did my father have to be so against something that made me happy? I didn't tell Mom yet that Dad had called or that my letter came. She can deal with it however she wants when we get back home tomorrow._

_Yeah, that's what happened yesterday and today. Guess it means I can tell Kyle now. I think that conversation will go __a lot__ smoother than Dad._

_Stan_

_November 1st, 2011_

_Since I can't keep a lie from Kyle for very long I told him first thing after I had returned to South Park during the first week of November. Kyle looked shocked and didn't quite know what to think of it. He shook his head and put a hand on my shoulder._

"Dude, you have some crazy hobbies and talents. That's all I can say."

_I however refrained from telling Cartman anything unless he brought it up. But I can trust Kyle won't tell him anything. Anyway, just a quick note so you know how Kyle reacted. Talk to you later._

_Stan_

_November 11th, 2011_

_We had no school today, so sweet! I love when that happens, especially when you have a controlling teacher like Mrs. Stratsmore. Today was Veteran's Day. I didn't do a whole lot, just sit around the house, but dinner was nice. Mom had told Shelley and I earlier that Tom had invited all three of us to his house for dinner. I can't remember the last time I was over at his house. Now Mom had to tell Dad about it. Luckily Dad provided the perfect window of opotunity._

"What's for dinner Sharon?" Dad had whined to Mom as soon as he went into the kitchen.

Mom paused. "Well, I don't know about you but Tom invited me over to his house for dinner tonight."

_I was at the breakfast table at the time, reading a magazine. I could see Dad's face grow slightly red._

"Why?"

"He just wants to throw dinner for us, it's not a big deal," Mom sighed.

Dad frowned. "What do you mean 'us'?"

_Mom glanced at me; I shrugged and returned back to my magazine._

"He invited the kids over as well." There was a long awkward pause after that. Dad didn't say anything so Mom continued. "Of course it would be a little awkward if he had invited you too. He's going to cook for us; he wants to get to know the kids a bit more."

"He has no reason to," Dad immediately said.

"There's nothing wrong with a man wanting to know a child he has been so uncomfortable around with in the past," Mom glared. "He wants to make it up to Shelley and Stanley. He wouldn't do anything with the kids there so you can stop worrying."

When Mom left Dad turned to me. "Are you okay with going over to that loser's house son?"

"Yeah," I said softly. _He still hates how I am in a knitting competition next week. I guess that simple answer was all Dad needed to go and leave the room. It was around 5:30 when Mom, Shelley, and I were ready to go. Dad was in his office when we left so we didn't say good-bye (not like it would do any better). I put on my face mask like I always do when I'm in someone else's house. You can't trust how clean their place is. We arrived at Dr. Tom's little house and as soon as we reached the steps and he opened his door a little Yorkshire dog attacked us._

"No! Manee! Get down!" Dr. Tom cried when she jumped around my legs and I jumped back startled. _Yeah, no one expects an animal lover like me to do that but something about little dogs… they always freakin' jump on you! I don't like that. Dr. Tom was able to get the dog back inside before he hugged Mom in greeting and shook hands with Shelley and me. _

He shook his head at Shelley. "Man oh man, look at how much you've changed Shelley…"

Shelley turned pink. "I haven't changed _that_ much. I still like kicking and hitting and things like that."

"Although now she does it with the punching bag my parents got for her for her birthday," Mom said.

_We sat around at his bar. He looked at me._

"How have you been holding up Stan hm?"

"I'm doing okay," I shrugged.

"Are you?"

I looked at my hand. "I have my good days and bad."

"I hear you've been a big help for your brother Shelley," Tom smiled as he busied himself in the kitchen.

"Only because I'm forced to," Shelley rolled her eyes.

_She glanced at me and I know she knew I was smiling through my mask. It was a really nice dinner 'party' tonight. Dr. Tom had made stuffed pork chops and they were really good! For dessert we had apple pie that was store-bought but it was still good. The whole time we ate though Dr. Tom had put his dog Menee outside since she was bothering us too much. He asked Shelley and I about the usual stuff adults ask kids. How was school, friends, if we liked anyone… the whole time though he didn't come off as awkward or trying too hard like I remember from my past. He seemed generally interested in talking with us and it was nice. _

Dr. Tom shook his head as he sipped his wine. "Man, just think Stan, you're going to be going to _Jr. High_ next year! Isn't that something?"

My eyes went wide. "Wow… hey, you're right. Oh my god!"

Mom sighed. "Don't remind me Tom, I still think of Stanley as my little baby."

My cheeks burned. "_Mom_…"

Dr. Tom laughed. "Get used to it son, my mom still calls me her baby since I'm her only son as well."

"Thank god I'm oldest," Shelley said dramatically as she snacked on some trail mix the doctor had out.

Dr. Tom set aside his glass of wine. "Say Stan, your mother was telling me not long ago… you're going to be participating in the South Park Harvest Festival next week."

"Oh, yeah. That."

The black-haired man smiled. "Well? Are you excited about it?"

"Yeah. I'm nervous but I think I got this. I'm going to be in the junior section of the Knitting Category. That means I'm going to be against other kids who are ten to fourteen."

"What piece are you going to be entering in the pattern division?"

I frowned. "How do you know-?"

Dr. Tom nodded to my mother. "So?"

"A hat. It has all these cool zigzags in it and colors. I'm almost done with it; I've been working on it every day practically. I'm just kinda worried since I know I'll be against kids who have been knitting for years while I've only been doing it for months."

"Well if you're every bit as good as your mother tells me you are I'm sure you'll do fine," Dr. Tom smiled.

_Words I have not heard from my own father. I was surprised there was someone else out there who seemed to support boys knitting. I couldn't help but smile in satisfaction (I had my mask off since I was drinking soda)._

"Thank- thank-you so much Dr. Tom."

He winked. "Anytime."

_When we got home Dad was glaring at all of us from the TV. _

"So how was the dinner date?"

"Randy, not now…" Mom sighed as she put away her keys.

"No, I want to know!"

_Mom didn't answer. She just followed Shelley and I upstairs. By now Mom has defiantly figured when it's best to not start something with Dad. Although I'm sure there will be some fire tomorrow, Dad shouldn't be too mad. He knows he and Mom have issues and there's a chance they may never solve them. And really, like Dr. Tom was really going to do anything to Mom with her kids there with her? Stupid. Yes I called my own father stupid (again, again). But he is. He loves making something out of nothing. I'm going to close now before a bitter taste lingers in my mouth that isn't a side-effect from chemo drugs…_

_Stan_

_November 17th, 2011_

_Dear journal,_

_Today was the fourth day of the South Park Harvest Festival and the day of the knitting contests. The festival was open all afternoon and night and the knitting contests started at 4:00 so I had to hurry as soon as school ended to get there. By then all my friends knew about what I was doing and so they all came to support me. Butters is really supportive but Cartman finds it a little gay. I don't blame him but he still came with everyone else so that's all that matters. I stood around when Mom drove us over to the entrence of the festival. _

"Is Dad coming?" I asked her softly.

She sighed. "I don't know sweetie. But don't stress about it. I'm here, Shelley's here, all your friends are here."

I nodded. "Yeah."

She checked her watch. "Oh, you should get going sweetie, all contestants are expected to be at the booths by four."

_She gave me a kiss and I put my facemask over my nose and mouth and hurried to find the Knitting Booths. I presented my colorful hat to one judge who marked it as an entry before I was told where to place my work and sit while the judges looked over everyone else's work. Of course one of the questions the old man who I showed my hat to was whether I was the one who made the hat and if I had any adult interference. I told him no before he nodded and I was ready. I sat around looking at the other kids around my age who were also being critiked. It was close to five before three judges, the old man and an older woman and a younger woman began going down the line of projects entered in the Pattern and Color Division. I then noticed the crowd of people by the booth and spotted out my friends and sister and mom. Mom had her camera in her hands, ready to take pictures. It was nerve-racking to see the judges look at my hat and write things down in their notes._

"Whooo! Go Stan!" I heard Butters cheer when they got to me.

"Young man, you swear by the official Harvest Festival Rule Book that you have made every stitch on this hat?" asked the old woman.

"Y-yes," I told her.

_The man held up my hat and showed it to the other woman. They were nodding and mumbling stuff. I caught I few things like- 'I like this pattern here' and 'nice use of color on the brim'. _

"Does it fit a specific sized head?" asked the young woman.

"Yeah, look"- I took off my own red and blue beanie and placed the crazy-colored hat onto it where it rested nicely.

"Interesting…" the old man nodded. _The judges shared a few more words before they went over to look at the pair of gloves the ten-year-old girl next to me had made. I let out a relieved sigh. The results wouldn't come until at least a half-hour later so I went with my friends to grab a snack at the Deep-Fried Paradise seller and got myself a couple of deep-fried Oreos and some frosty milk._

"Do you think you won?" Kyle asked me as we waited around.

"I dunno, the judges seemed pretty impressed with the heart on that one girl's hat."

"Please, it was a stupid red heart on a pink hat. Your hat is way more complex," Cartman waved a hand.

I blinked. "Wow, thanks dude."

_Minutes later I had to return to my station. I nervously put my mask back on as I took my seat. There was clapping when the judges showed up._

"Thank-you, thank-you," spoke the old man as he held a microphone. "But more importantly, let's give a round of applause to our young contestants here, all who showed some great skill today in today's contest."

_A handful of applause. I saw Mom flashing away at her camera making me embarrassed._

"Let's get right to it." he cleared his throat. "In third place, with the yellow ribbon and twenty dollars is… twelve-year-old Ashley Mellinger with 'red heart hat'."

_My friends clapped, but because she lost, not out of respect. _

"In second place with the red ribbon and fifty dollars… twelve-year-old Bianca Rodriquez with 'sunshine mittens'!"

_More claps. I was getting nervous as hell now. Was it possible I could actually _win_? I could see the anticipation on my friends and family's faces. Mom was chewing her lip, Butters looked ready to pee from all the dancing about he was doing. Kyle and Cartman were both crossing their fingers. _

"And the winner of the Pattern and Color Division of the Youth Knitting Contest, Junior Knitters of the South Park Harvest Festival, winner of the blue ribbon and one hundred dollars is… eleven-year-old Stanley Marsh with 'Stir-Crazy Hat'!"

_My eyes went wide when I heard my name being called. Surely it was a mistake! I'm a fucking beginner! I looked dazed as the young woman handed over a check of one hundred bucks and pinned the blue ribbon to my hat. My friends and family were cheering for me wildly. Kyle patted my back hard after I went over to them._

"Good job dude! Way to go!"

"Fuck yeah man! I knew you'd win!" Cartman told me.

Mom gave me a big hug and kiss. Shelley smiled. "Ha, good job turd."

"Wow, I can't believe I won!" I said in shock.

_According to the judges I won because of both my pattern and color usage, which were not as evident in the other competitors. My hat would be on display until the festival was over. I hardly had anytime to fully grasp that I had won before I was wisked away to the technique category. This I was a little nervous about, I did not want to be judged as I worked. Not only by some other old fart but by the people passing by. No doubt there were other jerks like my friends who made people mess up and feel pressered on purpose. As I waited around nervously I saw Mom come over with someone- Dr. Tom._

"What are you doing here?" I asked him.

"C'mon, it's the harvest festival, I can't miss it. And it's your big day tonight," the man smiled.

"Oh, yeah."

"Your mom told me you already snagged first place just now! Good job son!"

I smiled. "Thanks."

_All too soon it was time to begin. I was to knit a simple cloth no larger than my hand. I took up the knitting needles provided and the red yarn before I began, all under the watchful eyes of the judge who kept asking questions as I stitched. Stuff like 'why I knit', 'when did I start knitting' and shit like that. I think she was trying to faze me, and it was working. I was so happy when it was finally over. I hung around with Mom and Dr. Tom until the results came in. He treated all four of us (Shelley too) to some hot apple cider while we waited. I had to sip the drink very carefully the whole time so it wouldn't create any sores in my mouth. Finally it was time for the results. I didn't have to wait long until I knew how I had done._

"In third place is… Stanley Marsh!" spoke the judge. I collected my yellow ribbon and twenty bucks, trying not to look too upset.

"You did a good job sweetie. You got first and third place! And you've only started knitting this year. Be happy," Mom told me.

"I guess."

"I'm proud of you son, it takes some patience to knit. You did a good job," Dr. Tom gripped my shoulder.

_I looked around the heads of people all around us. Not one belonged to Dad. I sighed, knowing it didn't really matter either way._

"Thanks a lot Dr. Tom, that means a lot to me."

"What are you going to do with $120 Stan?" Kyle asked me.

"I dunno yet."

_The rest of the night was nice and warm with warm drinks and food to keep us happy. Mom promised us she'd take us here after school tomorrow so we could pick up some fresh produce being sold and a few treats and sweets too. When I came home Dad was already in bed. (It was late when we got home). I'm going to tell him I won first and third place tomorrow. I don't know if he'll care and frankly, I don't care much about his reaction. But maybe seeing how good I am at knitting will make him a little more open to the idea. I dunno. Mom loves that I do it. Kyle thinks it's pretty cool now that I'm recognized for my efforts. Cartman thinks it's cool 'cuz I got $120 bucks. Butters thinks it's cool that I'm doing something controversial for boys and am really good at it. Shelley is just happy for me overall. Dr. Tom is open to it and has thought it cool since he found out. And really, with all these people behind me, I don't give a shit that Dad's the odd one out._

_Stan_

_SPSP_

_I had to write two one-shots after seeing 'You're Getting Old', that's why this is a tad late. Also, I had written this chapter 80 percent in with my POV only to realize it was to be in Stan's. So if anything sounds slightly off or detailed, it's because I did a quick job changing things in his view. There are around seven chapters left, just so you know. How do you think it will end? Thanks for reading and reviewing; don't forget to do so now!_

_Lots of love: Rose, June 28, 2011_


	20. All That I Know is

**ALL THAT I KNOW IS…**

_Shelley's POV_

Okay, first off the last thing I want anyone to do is think I ever cared about my whiny stupid little brother Stan. But I was sort of forced to after he was diagnosed with leukemia when he was nine. Now a day doesn't go by in which I think about everything he had to go through all those years ago. And I'm old enough and mature enough now to not deny that his diagnosis scared me as soon as I first heard about it. With the diagnosis of Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia, all our worlds changed. It took some long grueling months before he finally accepted his fate and soon after was able to enjoy life again. He just had to be extra extra careful.

Sadly things at home never really helped. Our parents always had their moments, but ever since Stan was diagnosed they really began to get on each other's nerves. I know Stan felt like it was his fault and maybe it kind of was. The stress was too much for Mom and Dad to handle properly and things only got worse as time went on. Things really blew up after Stan picked up knitting as a hobby thanks to Mom. Dad would never live it down and would tell anyone who would listen it wasn't a 'manly' activity to do. Of course no one really listened…

When Stan was eleven he had entered in the South Park Harvest Festival's Youth Knitting Contest and won in two divisions! Made him happy. Pissed Dad off. He never did tell Stan he was happy for what he was able to accomplish and I see no reason for that to change now. I would always ask Stan if he was upset that Dad was making such a huge deal out of this. He would always shrug his shoulder and go 'Mom, you, Dr. Tom, and all my friends don't mind so who cares what Dad thinks?' The end of the 2011 was approaching us by then and it was when a lot happened to really test the Marsh family once and for all.

Thanksgiving was always a nice affair. Once in a while we would host a big dinner with friends and family. This time however Mom felt so frazzled she didn't have time to make huge plans. So it would just be the family as well as Grandma Mara that day cutting into the turkey. Our grandmother could feel the tension in the house as we prepared everything. She didn't want to start anything up with her son but she was just as worried about her daughter-in-law.

"Let me handle the cleaning of the turkey Sharon, really I don't mind," she smiled.

Of course Mom ended up doing a lot in the kitchen that day either way. I helped but Stan didn't. He felt too dizzy to do so. The one thing that did draw us in as a family was watching Thanksgiving episodes of our favorite TV show Friends.

Stan was laughing as Monica had the turkey over her head and was dancing for boyfriend Chandler. "Haha! Wow that gets me every time."

"Because you find Courtney Cox hot _that's_ why," I pushed him.

"So? She is. But it's just funny- what with the sunglasses on the turkey but man she has a great ass…"

I couldn't help but laugh when he said that. A few years ago it might have been considered 'cute'. Now that Stan was eleven and was getting into those tween years it was just funny hearing him talk like that. Before we knew it, it was time to eat our Thanksgiving feast but not before each family member went around the table listing off three things they were thankful for this year.

"C'mon, who wants to go first?" Mom asked around.

"Sharon this is so stupid," Dad rolled his eyes.

"It's tradition Randy!" Mom glared.

"The kids are fifteen and eleven, they're too old"-

"I'll go first," Grandma Mara cut across. "I am thankful that my only grandson has made it another year," she looked at Stan who turned pink. "Also that my only granddaughter has turned into such a lovely young woman," I groaned. "And that I was able to reconnect with a long-lost friend of mine last month through Facebook."

Mom smiled. "I am grateful that my son is able to act like a normal kid despite ALL, that I was hired at Kiddin' Around, and that all of us has had such wonderful moments to remember and experiences we haven't yet had."

I cleared my throat. "I'm grateful about Stan as well, that I actually feel pretty now, and because of this have been doing well in school."

Stan thought for a moment before saying, "I'm grateful that uhh… I've had a lot of fun with my friends and family this year. That I'm alive and uhh… I have a cat!"

"Stupid turd you said that last year!" I lightly slugged him and he just smiled.

Dad mumbled a few things about Stan's health as we all did and whatnot before we dug in. Stan actually didn't eat much since he was still feeling lightheaded and had a mouth sore. Soon the smell of all the food was too overpowering and he had to go upstairs to get away from it. It did make me ponder about being grateful for his health as he was obviously no better now than he was when he was nine. And not long after Thanksgiving did all of us have to worry whether or not Stan was as okay as he appeared to be.

It was a few days after Thanksgiving, I don't remember the exact date, when Stan had us all worried again. He had not gone to school for he was feeling sick. Of course Mom tried not to seem too concerned but I knew inside she was panicking. I had walked into the door after the school bus dropped me off to find Stan on the couch holding his head up with a bloody rag under his nose and Mom on the phone with Dr. Davies. She was pacing back and forth frantically. Finally she nodded and said 'okay' and hung up the phone.

"Stanley, we have to go to the emergency room right now. Dr. Davies will meet us there."

"What's going on?" I asked as I set my backpack down.

"Shelley- Stanley has been feeling sick all day. His complexion is off and has had two nosebleeds already today! Dr. Davies thinks his platelet count may be low. We have to go to the ER."

Not what I was expecting but she did have a point- Stan was very pale and his eyes were dull and there was an almost purple-ish tinge to his face. I decided to guide Stan to the car as he held a new rag I had grabbed for him under his nose and all three of us sped to Hell's Pass Hospital.

"Wait- why are we going here?" Stan asked as we reached the building.

"It's easiest. Don't worry sweetie, everything is going to be okay," Mom told him.

"Why not Children's Hospital? I feel safer there," Stan sounded scared.

"It will take too long. Don't worry sweetie, everything is going to be okay," Mom repeated.

Stan's pediatrician met up with us in the ER where he quickly evaluated Stan before testing his blood. It didn't take long for word on how he was; his platelet level was very low which meant his body was more prone to injury. This was why he was bruised and had two nosebleeds in one day. The only option available was a platelet transfusion.

"Platelets help our body to form clots when there's an injury," Dr. Davies was explaining. "Don't worry champ, you'll be feeling better soon."

But my brother was worried; he would be spending the day at Hell's Pass rather than Children's Hospital. He had not spent a day in the local hospital since he was diagnosed except for when he fell very ill the winter before. It had been a tough time then, the doctors could do very little for Stan and he ended up being transported by helicopter to Children's anyway. The fact that Hell's Pass hardly ever dealt with patients with terminal diseases scared my whole family so no wonder Stan was hesitant now.

"We do plenty of blood part transfusions son," Dr. Davies explained. "It's not something that is specialized for children only. I promise you."

Even though Mom, Stan, and I were all nervous about his loss of platelets it ended up being relieving when we saw the transfusion only lasted thirty minutes. He ended up having to stay overnight just so he could be monitored that he would be okay. Word traveled fast though about Stan and before we knew it his little friends showed up to see how he was doing- or tried to at least.

"If you are not family you cannot see him," spoke a nurse to them.

"What?" Kyle shouted.

"We have to see him asshole! He's our friend!" Cartman argued.

"Your friend is doing fine right now but for his safety we do not allow anyone to visit if they don't need to."

I glanced over at the four turds and glared. "They _are_ family lady. Stan has four brothers so I think it would be the best thing for you to allow them to see their brother before I make you regret it"- I growled and made a fist. Sure I was being overdramatic but it worked- Kyle, Cartman, Kenny, and Butters were all allowed to see Stan hooked up to a single IV line in a hospital bed much to his delight. After their short half hour chat they had to leave. When they did they looked at me. Kyle raised a brow.

"Thanks Shelley."

I crossed my arms and gave a curt nod and watched them leave. By this point it had gotten easier to treat Stan with a bit of respect as well as his friends. Our grandparents had given me a punching bag for my fifteenth birthday and whenever I did feel the urge to hit, I used that. And it was actually keeping me more firm and in shape than kicking Stan around ever did. But the times Stan dared to smile at me and thank me for being nice to him… I could only muster a shove or a flick on the ear.

Days after Stan's transfusion he had to return to Denver for chemotherapy for two weeks. It was a huge downer for everyone; it was Christmas time and he wanted to be home in South Park with his friends. Carmtan told him he was lucky he'd be able to skip all of December from school and Stan did have to agree. Apparently he did not care for his sixth grade teacher Mrs. Stratsmore and was happy to know he would be getting help with his studies with his tutor Alice instead whom he much preferred. My last day of school before the winter break was on the fifteenth but Mom and Dad said it was okay if I took Friday off as well since it was Mom's birthday. It was also Stan's last day of chemo and I wanted nothing more than to drive up to Denver with Dad Thursday night and be there for my mom and little brother.

Mom didn't want a huge fuss for her birthday but that didn't mean Stan and I spent the whole night at the apartment planning for it. Since our parents were feeling awkward around each other by this point Dad left everything up to us about Mom's birthday. He just said 'she'll appreciate whatever you two do. I'll just pay for whatever you need.' On December the sixteenth Dad did however take Mom out for breakfast so Stan and I could get the apartment ready for decorating. Stan's last day of treatment would be four hours long and begin at 1 PM so we had time. I put streamers around in the living room while Stan put up a large sign that read: HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM! we had both made and decorated with her favorite things the night before, on the dining room wall. We placed the gifts we got her on the dining room table as well and waited for her to return. Stan peaked outside the closed blinds.

"She's coming!" he called and once the door opened and Mom stepped in we cried, "SURPRISE!"

"Oh- oh my!" Mom placed a hand on her chest in alarm.

"Happy birthday!" Stan blew a noise maker and we went over to her and gave her a hug and kiss.

Mom turned to Dad. "So _this_ is why you wanted to take me out for breakfast."

"Kinda, but I wanted to do something for you too," Dad shrugged.

Mom looked happy for once and we led her to her presents.

"Open them now before I have to go back to the hospital," Stan told her excitedly. (He had been feeling a lot better since his platelet transfusion).

Mom opened the card I gave her first. She kissed my cheek after she read it. "That was very sweet Shelley, thank-you." she opened Stan's card after and kissed him after she read it. "That was too sweet Stanley… thank-you so much."

"Yeah yeah," Stan looked embarrassed.

Stan and I each gave her a present plus another one that was from us both. Mom opened a little book from me called: Poems and Short Stories to Lift Your Mood. From Stan she received a fuzzy blue bathrobe and a pair of thick fuzzy socks. From the both of us, a cookie jar in the shape of a cat that read: Sharon's Kitchen. Mom laughed as she unwrapped it.

"Kids… where did you find this?"

"Some kitchen store in the mall," Stan shrugged.

"We weren't planning on it but thought this would be something you'd want so we got it," I pitched in.

"Well thank-you so much, it's so cute. It even looks like Chelsea a bit," Mom smiled.

"Naw…" Stan looked down to see his cat playing with a shoelace.

By the time one o'clock rolled around we had to drive to Children's for Stan. Thankfully the drugs that day did not cause Stan to feel too sick so we went out for dinner after. It was a rather good day really and now that Stan didn't need to come back to Denver until the first week of January, we took the long drive home.

By this time Christmas was right around the corner but none of us really did much to make it special this year. Of course Stan's stupid friends had their Smiles for Stan fund which raised more money where we were able to spend on gifts. As much as I hated Stan's stupid friends they made sure that he was able to get what he needed and then some. What was different this time around for Christmas was the fact that Stan was in nadir meaning at the point his body was most vulnerable to infection so come Christmas Eve when Mom and Grandma Mara were in the kitchen he could not participate in any preparation. It did bother him because he really wanted to hand out homemade cookies for those who have helped us that year but of course it would be far too risky for him to travel door-to-door in the snow. That year Mom and Dad had reached a consensus and did not buy each other any Christmas gifts. Now I didn't know all the reasons but I overheard them talking one night.

"…I don't want this to sound mean Randy but I just don't care enough to"-

"Don't worry Sharon; I don't care enough to this year either."

I was in the hall listening outside their door. So what if it seemed rude? Both my brother and I needed to know everything our parents had planned since we knew how they were at this point.

"Christmas has always been about the kids," Dad had said. "It's always been that way."

"I know. When I was younger my parents put all their effort to make sure my brother, sister, and myself had a great holiday, they came last."

Christmas morning Stan and I went downstairs to find a pile of wrapped gifts under the tree and our stockings sitting on the fire mantel, stuffed with goodies. Stan was wearing his facemask already but I knew he was beaming. For him it was all about the joy and fun even at the age of eleven. Stupid turd. Stan cautiously dumped his stocking to the floor and Chelsea ran over and began attacking a sack of chocolate coins wrapped in foil that fell out. Mom snapped away at her camera as the cheery feeling began that morning.

"Stop! Stop playing with my coins Chelsea!" Stan cried for the cat had already torn open the mesh bag and was now batting the coins on the carpet. "Ow!" he suddenly cried as she scratched him.

Mom's eyes went wide as she lowered her camera. I looked at the blood that was already dripping from my stupid brother's finger. I sighed very heavily and got Stan to his feet as I led him to the bathroom.

"It's just a scratch everyone, god. He didn't break his arm. I'll clean it up for you idiot…"

Stan looked positively terrified as I cleaned and wrapped his cut finger.

"Relax turd, she's scratched you plenty of times."

"Never in nadir," Stan's eyes were as wide as Mom's were.

I sighed and shoved his finger back to him. "You'll be fine. Chelsea has had all her shots long ago and is perfectly healthy. You aren't going to catch anything from her."

"But"-

"_Promise_," I emphasized.

Stan bit his lip but nodded. "Thanks Shelley."

Honestly it was almost a good thing I started looking out for Stan since he was diagnosed. Mom would freak out over anything that happened; there had to be someone there to calm everyone down and not flip unless something serious actually happened. After Stan's little 'accident' it was time for breakfast. I can't remember exactly what it was but Grandma made most of it so it was good. I do remember Stan ate little of it. I admit, it had me worried. My little brother had always been at a healthy BMI his whole life, give or take a few extra pounds over the normal weight for his age. But ever since he had been diagnosed with ALL he had lost more weight than was healthy and had never gotten back to where it was healthy. Stan was now eleven years old and should have been around 75 pounds. Instead he was around sixty-five and it showed. His arms had lost their extra fat and muscle and his eyes looked sunken in most of the time. You have no idea how hard it was to not look as if I cared or was worried about him in any way!

We opened our presents after breakfast. Even though the majority of everything was for Stan and I Mom and Dad still received a few things from their parents as well as us kids. We had each gotten them one thing each and thought it best not to go for a gift for the both of them to share this time. Mom did love her book filled with beautiful images and information about Hawaii and Dad loved his new $30 wallet. I was amused watching Stan open all his gifts; he seemed a little upset he did not receive many toys. I was only joking halfway when I told him on his eleventh birthday toys are considered 'uncool' at that stage in life. I guess our relatives had the same idea. He did get a few playthings from our parents but like his birthday, the majority of the gifts were for his video games or something.

"Why would I want an alarm clock?" Stan wondered aloud as he took the box containing it in his hands.

"Stanley, be grateful," Mom reminded him. "I'm sure Aunt Maggie and Uncle Paul thought you might need one. And it's a really vibrant red color so it will look great in your room."

"But I don't need one; I like my Terrance and Philip one…"

I knew he was lying; it had actually been a while since he had sat and watched an episode of the stupid farting Canadians. It was as if my stupid brother wanted to remain ten forever. He had one remaining present to open and it happened to be from me. I passed it to him.

"This might cheer you up stupid turd."

Stan tore off the paper and a large smile spread across his sickly face. It was a Lego Alien Conquest Tripod Invader set. "Wow! Thanks Shelley!"

Stan always did love Legos.

"Hopefully this will bring back some childhood in you," I rolled my eyes although smiling.

"This looks really fun, thanks. Oh, and here, I got you- well made you- just here"- Stan passed me a small box. I always felt awkward whenever he gave me a gift. All his life whenever he did something nice for me I hated it. Again, at the age of fifteen I still felt uncomfortable with the idea even though we got along now so I sighed as I took the box. In it was a hand-knitted scarf. I sighed as I pulled out the purple thing.

"It might be too short; I never made a scarf before. I hope it's not too itchy…" he explained.

"This is _so_ gay Stan."

Dad, who was sitting across from us on the couch, raised his eyebrows. Stan cast his sunken eyes down. I sighed again.

"You know what I mean turd. This- it's nice. Very nice. Thanks Stan," and I gave him a side-hug which brightened him up.

Christmas dinner was a glazed ham as is tradition. Stan ate very little again but was able to sit at the table and not get sick from the sight and smell of food. When it was time for bed I couldn't help but notice Mom spent an extra half hour in Stan's room. I could only guess she read him a Christmas story but of course he knew I'd tease him if I found out. It was a pretty good Christmas overall and as long as Stan and I were happy, so were our parents. How quickly that was going to change…

It was a few days before New Year's and none of us knew what we were going to do to celebrate 2012. Stan was kicking the idea of hanging out with Kyle and his family but didn't really want to be away from Mom. Mom came down the stairs with a smile on her face that afternoon. (Stan and I were watching a movie).

"Kids, I just got a call from Dr. Tom and he wanted to know if we'd like to go to his place to celebrate New Year's," she told us.

Stan and I shared a look.

"I dunno," Stan shrugged.

"I know, I don't know either," Mom sighed. "It would be nice but I kind of wanted it to be a family-only thing this year. Someone needs to keep an eye on your father in case he drinks too much."

"Dr. Tom is nice but you're right Mom, I just want to hang around here this time," I told her.

"Me too. Chelsea will feel too scared by the fireworks so I have to be with her," Stan said as he stroked his cat as she purred on his lap.

"That's fine, I'll just tell him thanks for the offer but we have plans," Mom said and went back upstairs.

Obviously she knew it wouldn't be a good idea to invite Tom over instead if Dad would be home.

"I don't even know if I'll be able to make it to midnight," Stan stretched and wiggled his toes as he slunk deeper in the sofa.

I glared at him. "You better turd, I'm getting wor- I hate seeing you eat so little. You're the same size as you were three years ago. You have to keep your energy up somehow."

"I know," Stan sighed. "I just hate eating when I'm not hungry. And that's often."

I shook my head. "I'm going to ask Dr. Davies or Dr. Fohlkoly to prescribe you a multivitamin or something myself then."

Stan blinked. "Well there's talk they want to so I'll save you the trip."

"Damn, I wanted to test my driving skills and drive to Dr. Davies' clinic."

Stan laughed. "I think that would be a bad idea sis."

I flicked his ear. "Do _not_ call me 'sis' you little pile of cat shit."

"Okay, _sis_," Stan winked.

As close as we were becoming I did not like nicknames just yet. Stan of course always had his since he was born: turd, brat, baby, whiner, pussy, sissy, annoying-little-assface… but he could _not_ call me sis. But seriously, I was learning how to drive at that point and if I could have marched over to Dr. Davies' clinic I would have.

December 31st. Mom had gone out to buy some 'New Year's' goodies and it was late afternoon when Dad decided to bail out for a while.

"They're already starting the party at Jim's Bar," he had told us as he put on his coat. "Gotta make sure I don't miss any of the action."

Mom was glaring at him, jaw clenched tight. If I could have gone into her head I am sure she would have been screaming 'we were all going to celebrate _here_ tonight as a family' but again, knew it was pointless to argue it.

Instead she simply said, "Do you know when you'll be coming back?"

"Oh man, I don't know. It's the New Year Sharon, could be gone all night," Dad said as he took hold of his car keys.

"Well that's too bad. I bought some buffalo wings and other fun snackables, but if you want to skip out, I won't stop you."

"C'mon Dad, it's going to be boring without you," Stan complained.

"Sorry son but you'll understand when you're older- sometimes Daddies have other priorities and things they want to attend."

If I could have gone into _Stan's_ head I knew he was saying 'priorities over your kids?' but he said nothing. He just took a seat back on the couch, juice box in hand. Dad waved a hand in farewell and left. Mom sighed as she sat next to Stan.

"Now what?" I asked tonelessly.

"We'll just ring in the New Year without him."

"Aww, I wanted a party," Stan moaned.

"Why can't we just go to Tom's?" I asked.

Mom frowned. "I don't think it's the best thing for Stan. There will be other people over, all whom will be drinking. The air will be filled with smoke and other toxins. Not to mention his overexcited dog."

Stan sighed; I knew he was a little bummed now. Kyle had gone with his family at the last moment's notice to celebrate with relatives in Colorado Springs and Cartman was with his family in butt-fucking Nebraska.

"We can have fun with ourselves. I promise I'll come up with some fun things to do," Mom said lightly, getting to her feet.

It felt like any normal weekend to us but Mom tried her best; she allowed Stan and me to each choose a movie we wanted to see before asking us if we wanted to help bake cookies with her. Stan was feeling better now than he did over Christmas and agreed to help Mom with the Peanut Butter Blossoms.

"Stanley… you can't keep eating the kisses, they're for the cookies," I heard Mom chuckle in the kitchen. (I was sitting at the breakfast table with my laptop chatting with Amir at the time.

"I can't help it, chocolate is so addictive," Stan said as he popped in another Hershey Kiss from the bag. "Okay, last one, promise."

Since we couldn't decide on three movies all three of us wanted to watch, we chose one long one-Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. We had a great time watching it too and it was close to 9:30 when the phone went off so we had to pause the movie so Mom could answer it. There was silence for a moment and a couple agreement noises from her.

"I see… okay… what? _What_?" her voice went louder and the angrier she sounded the more confused Stan and I looked at each other. "He did what? (pause) No I don't want to talk to him! I don't care if I am his only option!"

We knew she was discussing Dad now.

"I said no. He got himself into this he can get himself out. I'm not his mother and I will have none of this. Good-night." And she hung the phone up roughly on the receiver.

"What…?" Stan hesitated.

Mom's face was glowing with anger. She took a moment to compose herself before saying, "Kids, turn off the TV and put on your coats. We're going to Dr. Tom's for New Year's after all."

"Why? What did Dad do?" Stan got to his feet.

"Your father was arrested for drunk driving! Again! And now he expects me to pay for his bail!" Mom screamed.

We stayed silent.

"Not this time, I've lost track of how often your father's been arrested. C'mon, now that your dad has decided drinking is more important that his family I see no reason to not ring in 2012 with company. Let's get going. I'll call Tom so he knows of course…"

"But Mom, I thought you said it wouldn't be the best place for me," Stan looked up at our mother.

Mom sighed. "I know, and I don't know if it will be. But sweetie… I really don't want to be here now. You've been feeling fine the past couple days, we'll be extra careful. To tell you the truth I kind of lied, thinking your father… just, get your shoes on."

All three of us got ready and when we were, we gathered some things to take over and went into the car and drove off. The ride there Mom kept muttering to herself things like 'does he really think I'd do that?' 'The nerve of him…' 'Not his mother' 'the idiot' and things of that nature. Funny enough Stan and I didn't seem too bothered by it. Like our mother we were too used to having Dad taken off to jail due to various drinking incidents. Funnier still, this was only his second time being caught drunk driving since he's been a dad. The other time Stan was nine and Dad had driven with him and his friends after karate practice. Driving drunk with children in the car… Mom did not let him live it down for almost two months after.

There weren't many people at Dr. Tom's party after all, just his mother, sister, and a few colleagues. He looked very happy to see us.

"I'm so happy to hear you came after all!"

"Please, I feel stupid we didn't arrive earlier," Mom smiled.

"We brought over chicken wings, they're really good," Stan said as he brought forth the box.

"And Peanut Butter Blossoms. Although a few may be missing a Hershey Kiss," I said, glaring at Stan as I held up the plate.

Dr. Tom went over to an old lady sitting on the armchair who was obviously his mother. "Mom, I'd like you to meet good friends of mine, the Marshes. This is Sharon; she used to work for me. And her daughter Shelley and son Stanley."

The woman gasped and got to her feet. "Finally! Tom has always mentioned you Sharon, was wondering if he was making it all up the whole time! I finally get to meet his girlfriend!"

Tom coughed and Mom blushed.

"We aren't dating Mother; she's just a good friend."

"Sure, that's what they all say…" the woman rolled her eyes.

Mom smiled. "It's great to meet you Mrs. Marden. And these are my children, Shelley and Stanley."

We shook hands. "Ahh, she has kids. How old are you dearies?"

"Fifteen and eleven," I answered, pointing to my brother and myself.

Mrs. Marden scrutinized Stan, rubbing her chin. "You're the boy Tom tells me is very sick?"

Stan rubbed his neck. "Yeah. I have leukemia."

The old lady sighed. "Too young to be so sick. I'm sorry Stanley; I hope you get better quickly."

"Thanks."

The rest of that evening was nice and within the first ten minutes Mom already looked happier than she had all day. She gratefully took a glass of wine and went to meet Tom's sister Nancy. Stan looked happy too; there was no smoking or anything going on and the man's stupid ratty dog was outside. Stan happily dug into a cup of Hawaiian Punch and M&Ms. We watched the ball drop in New York City and as time ticked nearer, we were all huddled by the TV set.

"Ten…nine…eight…seven…six…five…four…three…two…one- HAPPY NEW YEAR!" I glanced over at just the right moment to see Tom lock lips with Mom. I gasped and looked to Stan who was too busy cheering at the TV and blowing his noise maker to notice. It was now officially 2012 and I was already anticipating just what that year would bring us next.

_Did you enjoy reading something in Shelley's POV? There is another surprise POV coming in the chapter after the next. Again, the pacing is going to speed up now that it's a new year. Thanks for the reviews, keep them coming. :-)_

_Lots of love: Rose July 10, 2011_


	21. Am I Ready for This?

**AM I READY FOR THIS?**

_Kyle's POV_

As soon as 2012 hit everything began to change. Of course ever since Stan's diagnosis when he was nine, I was used to this, but what 2012 brought, I was not prepared for. To start off, I hardly had a chance to speak to Stan until a week after January began; he had been in Denver all week for chemo. But when he did return, he spent all day at my house and insisted no one else come over. He needed some 'guy talk' with me and only me. And it was only then that I realized how little the two of us spent together now. I could tell Stan wanted to say fifty different things to me after school on the ninth. He looked to be stressing out and was rubbing his hand over his bald head as if it still boasted his once thick dark hair.

"Dude, what is it?" I asked as I passed him a Capri Sun.

Stan sighed as he punctured the juice pouch with the yellow straw. "Dude, you're never going to guess what happened New Year's…"

"Well I can take a guess. You're dad was arrested for drunk driving," I shrugged.

"Well I already told you that," Stan said.

"How is that going anyway?"

"Uncle Jimbo was the one who paid his bail last week. Mom was insistent she had nothing to do with it. Can't blame her, what was he thinking driving drunk at 8 at night?" Stan said savagely. I could only shrug. "She's not talking to him again. But dude, Kyle, what happened when we were at Dr. Tom's…"

I sat and looked into his pale face as he sat on my bed.

"Kyle… Dr. Tom and my mom kissed."

"What?" my jaw dropped.

"Just a midnight kiss kinda thing, but they still kissed. I didn't see it but Shelley told me and I looked over and Mom looked really shocked. I don't think it means anything, Mom hasn't brought it up since and I really don't think she sees him in 'that way'. But it was weird."

"Well what do you think about it?" I asked.

Stan took a sip from his drink. "I dunno. I know she doesn't see him like that like I just said. But I'm pretty sure he likes her and has for years. I don't know what to think, I don't know if I should care."

I smirked as I opened a bottle of water for myself. "We're starting to sound like two girls swapping he-said she-said shit."

Stan smiled back slightly. "Maybe I'll only care if I should then."

I watched him carefully drink his Capri Sun and pop in some pieces of rainbow-colored candy in his mouth he had pulled from his pocket. I could tell there was more he needed to say but we had time so I didn't push him for anything. Only when he was finished with his strawberry kiwi drink did he speak up again.

"You know, my mom got a promotion at work," Stan was looking at his hands.

"Hey, that's great dude!"

"She's going to be working full-time now at Kiddin' Around. She's going to be managing the bakery. Her new schedule is Monday through Friday, 8:30-4."

"Wow, that's great."

Stan sighed. "You don't get it dude, my mom is going to be in Denver. Full-time. Every single Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday from now on. She has no real reason to be in South Park anymore."

My mouth opened slightly. "Oh. Oh…"

"Might as well say the apartment's going to be her new permanent residence."

I bit my lip. "How do you feel about _that_?"

Stan was still looking down. "Great obviously. She's really happy she's going to be working full-time. But dude… I- I got to thinking… well first off, I mean… argh!" Stan growled and rubbed his eyes.

"Just say it Stan," I frowned.

"I kind of want to just live out there with her now."

So that was where he was getting at…

"I mean look at this from my point of view: everything I need will be in Denver. I'll be able to get schooling done with my tutor Alice. Mom already told me she'd be willing to pay her more for extra hours. Anytime I need to get treatment at Children's I'll only need to worry about a fifteen minute drive, not a four hour one. And I'll be living with my mom. No offense to my dad but I'd rather be around her more than him…"

"Stan…"

"I mean what reasons do I have to stay in South Park?" he added.

"Your friends are here dick, that's why!" I had to shout.

Stan was glaring; I knew it even if his eyebrows were no longer there. "Going to Denver might be the better thing for _me_ Kyle."

"C'mon Stan, you can't just get up and go there."

"Yeah I can. I have a lot of my stuff at the apartment already anyway. I can just come and go as I please."

"But- but what about school? Sure it may be more fun to have Alice teach you but she has her own studies."

"She's going to be finished in May."

"What are you going to tell Mrs. Stratsmore? You can't just skip school like that."

"I won't be 'skipping school.' And c'mon, you agree, the less time I spend in her presence the better," Stan said bitterly.

"C'mon, it can't be that bad to live with your dad the majority of the time. I'm sure he'll have no problem taking you to Denver to see your mom or when you need chemo. And won't your mom want to come back here during the weekends?"

"Again, if things go the easier way, my mom won't need to come to South Park much. My needs are her priority and she wants to do this so it'll be easier on us both."

I was frowning again.

"I honestly don't trust my dad being the one taking care of me the majority of the time. I'm honestly afraid he'd forget about a day I need to go up to Children's Hospital."

"He's not _that_ stupid," I rolled my eyes.

Stan gave me this look. I sighed. "Irresponsible I mean." Again, that look.

"But what about- about"- I admit, the reasons for Stan to stay put in South Park were low but that didn't mean I wouldn't stop until I couldn't fight anymore.

"Kyle- everything I will need will be less than thirty minutes from me. My tutor Alice. Children's Hospital. The apartment. My mom's work. My mom. I'm sorry dude but I'm really considering it."

"But what about us dude?" I had to ask again.

Stan sighed. "I'll see you whenever I can. And you can keep visiting me whether I'm at the hospital or just sitting home at the apartment. No one said we have to stop being SBF's if I live further away."

He had a point; there was no reason for him to stay put. I shook my head, not knowing how to think. I knew it was selfish but I wanted him to stay put.

"Dude, South Park is supposed to be your permanent home, Denver is your temporary. Not the other way around."

Stan could only shrug.

I had little time to convince him to change his mind. By the time February rolled around Stan had his friends over his house for a sleepover before he would be driving up to Denver with his mother. The plan would be that he would stay with her up in Denver for at least a month. If he ended up hating the idea of being away from South Park she would drive him back. If he liked being in Denver more, well, the time he spent there would only grow longer. Stan's plans of having a fun night with the guys could have gone better to say the least. I wasn't the only one bummed out about his plans.

"C'mon you guys, it's not that bad," Stan reminded us as we lounged around his living room.

"You're going to be leavin' us for a _month_," Butters emphasized.

Stan sighed, clearly annoyed. "Dude, you guys, I was in Denver for seven weeks during my first set of chemotherapy treatments. You didn't seem too upset about seeing me go then."

"Because we knew we'd visit you loads, that's why," I told him.

"You still can! Really, you know where I'll be. You know how to contact me. You have my e-mail address. You have my mom's cell and the apartment phone number and the Children's Hospital number. What gives?"

I don't think any of us really knew why we didn't want to see him go. I guess it felt like a lot of change happening at once and the fact that our best friend Stan willingly wanted to be away from South Park for a month, getting schooling and whatnot some other way, sucked. What if he did end up loving it in Denver and next thing we knew he'd be spending the remainder of the school year there? And really, it wasn't as if our parents were open to the idea of driving out to Denver every weekend so we could see Stan.

The night was good enough, sans the feelings Cartman, Butters, Kenny, and myself all had towards Stan. His mom made homemade pizza and we had banana splits for dessert and watched a couple movies. But the next morning he was all up for leaving. I had to send him off of course, even if it made me seem gay. Mrs. Marsh's car was packed with a month's worth of stuff for herself and her son. Currently Mr. Marsh was putting in a pet carrier complete with a howling cat inside the car.

"I don't see why you get to take Chelsea with you," Shelley told her brother.

"Because she's _my_ cat," Stan frowned. "I always take her with me when I go to Denver."

I stood back as Stan said good-bye to his sister and dad. I was surprised to see Shelley give him a small hug.

"You're lucky turd, you get to be with Mom and I have to stay here," I heard Shelley say and stick up her nose.

"Hope you can survive a month of just Dad," Stan smiled.

Mr. Marsh sighed as he placed a hand on Stan's shoulder. "You sure you want to do this son?"

Stan looked down. "Yeah Dad."

"I'm going to miss you Stan."

"It's just the best thing right now okay Dad?" Stan said heavily.

The bald boy looked at me now.

"Dude, it's not good-bye forever. You'll see me again," Stan said lightly.

"I know, but with school and everything, I don't know if my parents will want to make the trip."

"Well you gotta make it Kyle; my mom doesn't want to do any heavy driving when we get there. She wants to see how she likes it, not doing stuff like that too."

Mr. and Mrs. Marsh had a rather uneventful good-bye. The tension between them was heavy. All Mr. Marsh could say was 'well, good luck then Sharon.' She could only reply with a 'thanks.' Stan got into the passenger's seat and she took the driver's. Not even a kiss good-bye. Soon the car started up and Stan and his mother were driving up Bonanza Street.

I was right in being annoyed that Stan would be in Denver all month. I did not get to see him once. Sure we kept in touch my e-mail and the phone but that was it. He was even busier than me with schoolwork considering how Alice couldn't tutor him every day like a normal classroom so he was given plenty to work on and study the three days a week she did see him. While he was gone I was tempted to go to his house, just to be there but I knew there was no reason. I had no idea what was going on there but according to my talks with Stan, his parents never really talked with each other over the phone. If anything Stan was talking plenty with his sister Shelley; getting homework help and general sibling chat.

It was the first weekend in March when Stan finally came home with his mother. He had invited us guys over his house first thing.

"Did you uh, have a good time in Denver then Stan?" Butters asked as we sat around in Stan's room.

"It was okay. I didn't go on vacation or something. I was doing schoolwork and had chemo just like any other day," Stan said simply.

"Do you… think you'd stay there longer?" I had to ask.

Stan took his time finding my face. "I dunno, maybe. Course I missed being here but it was really convenient living at the apartment all month. I would get up the same time I always do for school. My mom has to be at work by eight so she would drop me off at her friend's, Kerry's, who doesn't live too far. If Kerry couldn't watch me then Alice would. Either way one of them had their eye on me the whole time. I had tutor sessions with Alice Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday from 9:30-2 o'clock so I just waited at home after my mom left for Alice to show up. Course I had chemo all week during the second week of February, then I had it a couple days last week. Again, if Mom couldn't take me or be with me Kerry or Alice was. It's actually really nice, Alice is really ahead in her studies and stuff so she was able to be with me a lot of the time. And so, yeah, everything was pretty okay while I was up there."

I wanted to find faults into what Stan had just said, knowing it was selfish of me to want him to be five minutes away from me, not four hours.

"Are you sure you're learning everything though? Aren't falling behind on what we're learning?" I asked.

"Sure of it. Alice knows the requirements for each grade level and if she doesn't know something or doesn't have the material, she can get it from her mother who's a fifth-grade teacher. I'm all caught up as far as I can tell."

"Okay then… tell me what the Renaissance was," I asked him. It was where we left off after Stan went to Denver.

Stan thought. "A cultural movement in the… 14th century. Where like, people began to relearn the arts and language and science and stuff their ancestors knew. It's actually pretty interesting. Alice and I did a couple fun projects about it, although right now I'm in the middle of an essay I have to give back to her next week."

"But what about math and everything Stan?" Butters thankfully asked. "We all know you hate that."

Stan shrugged as he opened a bag of M&Ms. "It sucks but I'm doing it. I'm doing decimal stuff right now."

As were we. I really couldn't pick on my friend for school now. "But what about your family? Your dad and Shelley?"

"I talk to them when I can. It's not like my mom forbids me to talk to my dad. And Shelley… she's been there for me now too."

And so it was settled, I had to get used to Stan being away from me for weeks on end. As time did slip by, the longer he seemed to be gone for. And it wasn't always the easiest thing to hear. Even when he told me he'd be staying in South Park, his plans sometimes got fouled up depending on any number of factors. It was late April when I got a phone call from Stan. I was in bed, asleep when I woke to my cell vibrating.

"Hello?"

"Hey dude," Stan's voice sounded muffled.

"Stan? What the fuck? It's… almost one," I squinted at my alarm.

"I know, sorry. Listen, I'm at the apartment right now."

"What? Why? You said this week"-

"I know, I lied. Mom had to drive out here tonight anyway to be ready for work in the morning. She asked if I wanted to come. I did. Well, it made Dad really angry. He and Mom fought a little. Anyway, I packed my bag and I'm going to be staying up here with her this week instead. Sorry."

I didn't know what to say. I simply told him 'fine' and hung up. I stared into my ceiling plenty of times, used to sudden changes such as this. Again, I was looking for reason for Stan to stay but couldn't think of anything that wasn't for my own happiness. Stan appeared to be doing perfectly okay in Denver, and seemed happy to be with his mom all the time.

"It's really great," he would say. "Having my mom all to myself. It's so calm when it's just the two of us. Shelley isn't bugging us with teenage woes and Dad isn't there to cause arguments with any of us. I'm getting used to this."

I had to get used to going to school without Stan. I would often look behind me to see the empty desk that was next to Cartman's. Often, Cartman would look at me, almost as if he understood how it felt to have Stan gone so much of the time. Mrs. Stratsmore did not like how Stan seemed to come and go as he pleased, and wanted to drop him from her class. Only when he had done some worksheets to prove he was on track did she agree to let him stay. A lot of the time other students would ask me where Stan was and how he was doing.

"Did he die yet?" Craig asked one day after school.

"_No_ Craig he didn't die!" Cartman shot at him before I opened my mouth.

"I haven't seen him in two weeks."

"He isn't dead," I had said calmly. "In fact, I was planning on holding another bake sale for the Smiles for Stan Fund in June so he can get an extra boost of support from everyone."

I hate to admit it but Cartman's bake sale idea last February was a big hit, and we had thus held two others since then. Stan's medical bills were never-ending. But those who did buy the baked goods my friends and I and our parents made reminded us that this was a better way to go. Who wouldn't want to buy a cupcake if they knew the money was to go to a good cause? It's how the world works. And the Marsh family was always grateful for the money I presented to them each month. And since Mrs. Marsh had a job now things were becoming slightly easier to pay for even if her new job didn't pay as much as her old one.

Since Stan was spending a lot of time getting all the schooling, medical treatments, help, and love he needed in Denver, when he did come back to South Park I always expected him to be jumping for joy and to be as excited to see me as ever. Of course this was not always the case and I found out first hand after he had come back to his original home May 23rd after spending the last two weeks in Denver. He wanted to celebrate his sister's sixteenth birthday and my twelfth with us since it was on the same week. (His mother had taken the week off). I rode my bike to his house and happily knocked on his door once the school day was over.

"Oh, hello Kyle," Mrs. Marsh answered.

"Hi."

"Look, I don't know if it's the best time to see Stan, he's in one of his 'moods' right now so it's best to leave him be."

"How can he be? He just got here," I asked.

Mrs. Marsh sighed. "He just is sweetie."

"I haven't seen him in almost two weeks! It will be quick, promise," I told my best friend's mother.

Mrs. Marsh sighed again and stepped aside. "Okay, but I'm not promising you anything."

I went upstairs to Stan's room and knocked on his door before poking my head in. The room was dark, the curtains pulled shut. "Stan? Dude? You okay?"

A deep groan was my reply. It came from his bed where a bald pre-teen was lying on his side with a tabby cat sitting at his feet.

"What do you want Kyle?" Stan said heavily.

"Dude, I just wanted to say 'what's up'. It's been two weeks."

"I don't want to do anything now okay so just leave."

"Stan, what's wrong with you?" I went nearer to his face.

"I'm fucking sore okay Kyle?" Stan shot at me. "Just today I had to have another spinal tap so they could check to see if any cancer cells are in my spinal column. And only three days ago I had to have another fucking bone marrow biopsy which we all know fucking hurts!"

I blinked. "Sorry dude."

"My back hurts and my hip is still sore, I can hardly walk. I just want to lie here," he grumbled.

"Stan, we were supposed to ride our bikes to"-

"_Go_!" he shouted.

"All right, I'm leaving…"

I did wonder if Stan was even going to come to my birthday party after that. I got word that he had a fun time celebrating Shelley's big sixteenth birthday the day after meaning he would feel okay when mine rolled around. I couldn't think of anything exciting for my twelfth birthday so my mother just made dinner and cake and I invited Stan, Kenny, Butters, and Jimmy to hang for the night. I didn't want a lot of people over. Again Stan looked a little annoyed Cartman wasn't there but I could care less, having him away from me was the best feeling pretty much.

The end of the school year was June 13th. Surprisingly Stan was present to take his end-of-the-year tests and passed sixth grade. It was weird knowing half his learning was spent four hours from school, but at least he passed. That wasn't the only weird thing; sixth grade meant the end of elementary school, the end of being a young child. Next step was the 'big time'; going to school and dealing with six different teachers and six different classes each day. While there was plenty of time to worry about that later it was still a bit odd to think about. I wasn't particularly sad to be leaving South Park Elementary, it's not as if each teacher was fantastic, but it was a huge step in all our lives and it meant that we were indeed growing older.

That final day after the school bell rang Stan went to visit Mrs. Uhalley, our fifth-grade teacher. She was very happy to see him and told him he better visit her more often. All five of us guys took one last look at what was our old school as of now, before we waited for our mothers to pick us up.

"Kinda crazy isn't it? To be leaving it?" I said.

"Yeah. Seems like just yesterday we found out Mr. Garrison would be our fourth grade teacher and tried getting himself fired for being gay," Stan reminisced.

"Or that Miss Choksondik died," Butters added.

I sighed. "Well, this is it; time for seventh grade."

"Seventh grade is going to be so scary, all these new people and environment," Butters looked disappointed.

"I have no idea how I'm going to handle it," Stan told us as he held onto his year book. "Butters is right, everything about seventh is going to be different. What if they fail me because I can't participate in a lot of the PE activities? Or miss a lot of days at school period? And will Alice be able to tutor me still? That's going to be rough."

And so summer was here. It seemed as if Stan's family didn't have many plans and Mrs. Marsh already told me I didn't have to do anything for Smiles for Stan to gather money for a vacation. They weren't planning on going anywhere. Unfortunately it was a pretty boring summer; Mrs. Marsh had to work as always so a lot of the time Stan went with her. What was exciting was Shelley Marsh learning to drive. It was another dull day in South Park and for once Stan was home, left in the care of his dad. He had asked if he wanted to see Shelley drive. I agreed since there really wasn't anything else to do. So Mr. Marsh took the car to South Park High which had a large parking lot perfect for a good spin. Once there Mr. Marsh and Shelley switched places up front.

"Don't worry, I'm not going to kill you turds," Shelley told us as she buckled up.

"Really dude, she's a good driver," Stan told me.

I couldn't complain much, it was a rare treat to do something with Stan, no matter how lame it was. It made me feel like I was eight again almost. Shelley practiced driving around the parking lot before going on the streets where homes were close-by. Really, it was rather a good time; seeing Mr. Marsh freak at nothing while all three of us got annoyed.

July first was Cartman's twelfth birthday. He didn't invite me, not like I wanted to come. He held a big bash at the Denver Sea Park and Stan wasted no time telling me how fun it was the day after.

"They got Tambu to give him a special birthday wave and splash!" Stan said, speaking of the killer whale that had replaced Jambu, the one who we had sent to the moon. "Then we all got to see a baby sea lion and got to pet a penguin! It was so sweet. I almost want to have my birthday there."

"That would be stupid, you'll be able to think of something better than the Denver Sea Park," I had to say. There was something about me, even at the age of twelve that still was bothered by the closeness between Stan and fatass at times.

I did see a couple Rockies games with Stan and both our families went to Water World towards the end of July. The only bummer I guess you could say about summer was getting immunized and examined for seventh grade. Well, not for me as I never had a problem with needles but Stan wasted no time telling me how horrible a day he had after coming back from Dr. Davies' office at the very end of July.

"I had to get one in each arm! _And_ I have to get a tetanus shot in a couple weeks, it sucks," my best friend exasperated.

I could only shake my head in laughter. "Dude, really, you get poked by needles all the time, you'd think by _now_ you'd be used to them."

"I am used to them but I _still_ hate them. The only thing I don't mind _as_ much is the Huber needle they use for my chemo. Dude, I'm just doomed to hate needles the rest of my life," Stan said heavily.

Earlier in the summer we had gone off to South Park Jr. High to take pictures for school and to gather our schedules. Before sixth grade was over we had gotten packets from the Jr. High where we had to fill out a lot of stuff and sign up for whatever elective classes we wanted to take. Stan really wanted to take show choir, drama, or band but was reminded by his mother that it wouldn't be a good thing for his health. She had told him things like 'what if you are too sick to practice or to show up at a concert?' and 'what if you won't be able to make it to the end-of-the-year special trip'? It had made Stan very upset and angry for weeks until he had to face the facts; he was simply unable to participate in any class that had to travel and practice their stuff. Even though he couldn't be a part of those things Mr. Marsh still had a problem with it. I was at Stan's house the night he hold his dad what he wanted to do come seventh grade.

"You want to do _what_?"

"Dad, it doesn't matter, I won't be able to anyway," Stan had tried to reason.

"You know what I think about those kinds of things Stanley," Mr. Marsh declared.

"Randy, really, why do you have to make everything a big deal?" Sharon said crossly.

I was sitting on the sofa, trying to make myself invisible from all the arguing.

"Sharon, only the boys who want to sing and dance are the ones who end up"-

"But wouldn't it be cool if I _could_?" Stan said loudly. "What if I was healthy enough and was able to get really good at dancing or something and ended up on Broadway or something?"

Mrs. Marsh had smiled then. "That would be very neat indeed honey."

To say it short, Stan and his mom had won that agreement. But that day we got our schedules more friction was to arise and we soon found out how different Jr. High was going to be. Like many other kids were doing, the five of us gathered around in a circle to look at our classes.

"Who do you have for pre-algebra?" I asked around.

"Mr. Martinez," Butters said.

"Me too! What period?" Kenny asked.

"Second."

"Oh, I have him fifth."

"Anyone have Mr. Martin for social studies?" Cartman asked.

"I do, sixth period," Stan answered.

"Sweet, so do I."

Stan smiled.

"Do you have Mr. Isband for pre-algebra?" I asked Stan.

"No, I have Mr. Walker."

"Damn. Do you have Mrs. Keebach for second period science?" I asked my friend. We had to have _one_ class together.

"Yeah."

"Great. What about third period?"

"Mr. Evans, PE."

"Great! So do I!" I said gratefully.

"Why, me too!" Butters chimed in.

"What's your elective?" Cartman asked Stan.

"Art…" Stan didn't look too thrilled about it. There weren't too many options for electives in Jr. High, and since the three choices he wanted he couldn't have…

I blinked. "That should be kind of fun right? I mean, Shelley's going to be happy." Stan's sister was a big fan of art.

"I guess. She's always telling me how fun it is. She took it for seventh grade and took Art 1 in ninth. _And_ she's going to take a painting class this year for eleventh grade."

And so it was time for seventh grade. I can recall my mother being very excited for me that her son was finally going to be going to 'the tougher side of my learnings'. I can also remember Ike being upset that Mom wasn't making a big deal for him for going to third grade.

"I'm two years younger than all the other students in grade three!" he would always complain. As he got older my little brother became very aware that he was a genius and thus should be treated extra special.

Mrs. Marsh had volunteered to take all five of us to school that cold August 27th morning. She did not want to miss anything about her son's first day of 'the big school' either. She was just as bad as my own mother about it! But I was happy to know Stan would be able to make it the first whole week of school. The Jr. High was around five minutes from my house, just west of it. Sure we had already been there to pick up our schedules but today was our actual first day, and Shelley wasted no time telling us how all the eighth graders would likely beat the crap out of us.

"Have a good day today boys!" Mrs. Marsh told us when we got out the car and drove off.

"Well, this is it," I said.

"Aw geez…" Butters looked nervous.

"What if they make us run laps during our first day of PE? I won't be able to do that," Stan said nervously.

Even fatass looked a bit unsure of himself; the thought that some eight graders putting him in his place was daunting. We luckily arrived at the school a half hour early so we could get a good feel of it and find our classrooms. Only then did the bell ring and it was time for us to go our separate directions.

"See ya dude," Stan said heavily and walked from us to his pre-algebra class.

"Yeah…" shaking my head, I went off to social studies.

I don't think any of us knew what we were in for that first day of school and it could have gone worse for us, then again it could have gone better. Stan got his first taste of roughing it during PE. All of us had to change into our school-issued PE clothes which were grey, green, and white and boasted a bull. All of South Park's mascots are cow-related somehow. Stan had to change into his clothes away from everyone else, so he was issued an extra five minutes from the principal to get to the boys' locker room to change before the bell rang and the rush of other boys came stampeding in. Our PE teacher Mr. Evans went straight to work and began testing each student's physical ability by doing push-ups and pull-ups and this thing outside with measuring how quickly we could pick up a dry-erase board eraser and return it to its spot.

"Hopefully by the end of the year, you will have all improved on what marks you get this coming week," he explained.

He was a nice guy really, just tough. And liked football. Stan had passed over a note from both Dr. Davies and Dr. Fohlkoly that explained all his health problems. Everything from his leukemia and moderate asthma down to his allergies and how easy it was for him to bruise and bleed. He looked down at the bald boy after he had read the paper.

"Wow kid, you're really sick…"

"Yeah," was the only way Stan could answer.

Stan tried to do some pull-ups but was too weak to do more than four and could only do one sit-up before complaining how much it hurt his back. He was defiantly going to have a tough year of Physical Education, that much was clear. And as the school day ended and Stan listed off all his worries to his friends and mother, I couldn't help but get a feeling of dread; _would_ my best friend be as doomed in seventh grade as he was thinking?

_So, anyone here see Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2 yet? :-D There are five more chapters left. Don't forget to leave reviews; they really do make my day!_

_Lots of love: Rose, July 21, 2011_


	22. More Than Meets the Eye

**MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE**

_Stan's POV_

_October 1st, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_FINALLY I am back. Sorry for not writing in you in over a week but school takes up so much time now. I knew seventh grade would take some getting used to but that doesn't mean I have to sit back all smiles all the time. It's stressful, handling six different teachers each day. What's tougher is staying on track with the work. If I'm going to be with Mom in Denver I have to make sure I get all the work I can from my teachers and do it while I'm away. Since I get so much work from them Alice doesn't assign me anything anymore, she's there to help me out pretty much now. And go further into certain topics of the classes I'm in. But I don't think it's school that's stressing me out so much, I just feel annoyed a lot of the time. Mom says it's just a part of growing up. I guess. Anyway, since it's the first of the month that means it is 18 days not counting today until my birthday! Cannot wait! Mom asked me what I wanted to do as usual. I don't know what yet; I just know I want it to be big._

_Talk to you later, _

_Stan_

_October 7th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_A big part of my childhood has officially died today. Earlier today when I was eating lunch at Chili's, I lost my last baby tooth. It is so crazy; it's one of those things you get so used to growing up. Loosing teeth all the time is so normal. Now all my baby teeth are gone and Shelley was right, I feel a part of me has died. I know it's not a big deal and other kids are happy to make this milestone but not me. After Mom hugged me tearfully about my very last tooth, she told me this meant she would schedule an appointment with the orthodontist as soon as possible. I've only seen Dr. Zephyr once before when I was eight. He said something about wanting to wait until all my teeth fell out to see if I would need any work. I'm kinda scared now- I know my teeth are a little crooked, what if I need braces? Or end up in headgear like Shelley? OMG I don't think I'd be able to stand the humiliation it would bring. Good news is Mom promised me a super-special treat the 'tooth fairy' gives to all kids who've lost their last baby tooth. So can't wait to see what she brings me tonight :-)_

_Moving from baby teeth woes, I have my birthday party all planned out: it's going to be huge. The best it's ever been. I want it to be music, sports, and animal-themed. I trust Mom will be able to pull it off. Everyone I know from school will be there and I want us all to make pizza. Shelley has a friend who knows a friend who's this high-school band that is supposedly really good. It would be so sweet if Shelley was able to have them play for my party but with my luck it won't happen. I want some big form of entertainment though. I gave Mom a few ideas in case the band can't make it. Kyle and Cartman had great twelfth birthdays but mine will blow theirs away!_

_Stan_

_October 18th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Mom took today and tomorrow off for my birthday. I'm actually taking tomorrow off from school because Dr. Tom is planning on taking me out for lunch. I decided to invite him to my party, last moment's notice. I know it may not be the best thing since Dad will be there but I've decided I don't care. Dr. Tom has really gotten to know us over the past two years or so and I've grown to really like the man. He's apologized before about acting like an idiot in the past but it doesn't matter. Dad doesn't know yet, I don't know if I should tell him. Great news too- Shelley was able to talk to the high-school band, Crooked Street a couple weeks ago and they agreed on playing at my party! They're just starting out so didn't ask for a high fee to be booked. And they don't have that many fans yet but I'm sure all my friends will spread the word once they've seen them play tomorrow night. I'm excited for tomorrow; it's going to be my best birthday ever! _

_Stan_

_October 19th, 2012/ October 20th as it's midnight now_

_Dear journal,_

_HAPPY 12TH BIRTHDAY TO ME! Things went as planned, but other things could have gone better. Let me tell you:_

_Mom woke me up by her usual kissing me several times and saying happy birthday. This was the first time Dad was not with her when I woke up on my birthday. But he wished me a happy birthday once I went downstairs for my usual French toast breakfast. Shelley once again surprised me._

"Happy birthday brother," she smiled and pulled me in a half-hug.

"Thanks Shelley," I beamed back.

_My French toast was delicious, as always. Dad got ready for work, just as usual. And so I waited around for all the fun birthday stuff to happen. I went and showered and got dressed while Mom took Shelley to school. I went to get an extra hour of sleep after and lounged around while Mom was busy getting the house ready for my party. Turns out it was too hard to do something with animals that didn't come off as a kindergartener's birthday so much of what I would have liked were nixed. But Mom did manage to find some nice animal-themed party wear like cups and plates and balloons that weren't too childish at the local party store in town. I watched a movie downstairs before it was time to meet Dr. Tom for lunch. We had lunch at King of Sandwiches._

"Hey there Stan, how are you?" Dr. Tom greeted as we met him just outside the restaurant.

"Really good, you?"

"Been better but still have my practice so I shouldn't complain too much. And how are you Sharon?" he hugged my mother.

"I'm doing okay myself."

"Hey bud, want to open your birthday present from me now or do you want to wait until tonight?" Dr. Tom got to my height.

_I have a weird thing about presents, I hate opening them at different times. I much prefer opening my gifts all at once. But as I never broke out of that tradition…_

"I want to open it now," I smiled.

_We went to his car where he pulled out a wrapped box. I tore off the paper with excitement and opened to see what it was._

"Oh wow, cool!" I exclaimed as I unwrapped a new board game called Fact or Crap.

"Like?" Dr. Tom looked hesitant.

"Yeah dude, I've wanted this game for a while. Thanks."

_We ate some really good sandwiches for lunch. I had a delicious chicken bacon and Swiss sandwich. It was so good. Dr. Tom asked me the usual stuff: how is school, how am I feeling, do I have a girlfriend? But I didn't mind talking about those things because I feel comfortable around him now. Even about my romances. _

"I mean, I used to date this one girl, Wendy, when I was eight and nine. We broke up and got back together and broke up again. Stupid kid stuff," I was explaining as I ate a cookie. "I promised her I'd never date anyone before going back to her when I felt ready again for a relationship. Truth is, I don't think I'm going to ever get back with her."

"Why's that son?" Dr. Tom asked.

I shrugged. "I've grown up first of all. I don't see her the way I did when I was eight. Sure she's pretty but, there's more to relationships than looks. And I don't think she wants me back either. She _might_, she gives me this look once in a while but I don't think it means anything."

"So, have your eyes set on another chick then?" Dr. Tom winked.

I turned pink as Mom laughed. "N-no. I mean, well, there is someone… she's really pretty. She has long brown hair and sits next to me in science. She's really smart too."

"Ohh Stan, I didn't know you liked someone else now," Mom smiled.

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like that. I mean, well, her name is Brenna Gerfelter. She loves animals. And like I said, is smart."

_I could tell Mom and Dr. Tom were hanging on every word now and wanted me to spill more beans._

"But…?" Dr. Tom helped.

I sighed. "It won't work out."

"What makes you say that? This girl sounds perfect for you by the sound of it," Mom frowned.

I sighed again. "It just won't."

"Do you think she might have a problem with your illness or something?" Mom asked.

"No. She knows about it and is really cool about it. It just won't work."

"But Stanley"-

"Hey, c'mon Sharon, you can't expect a tween to go spilling all his secrets now," Dr. Tom placed his hands on Mom's shoulders.

I looked at my hand even though there was nothing to look at. "Let's just leave it at: it won't work."

_I can't blame Mom for wanting to know but Dr. Tom is right, no one needs to know. It's my business. When you know something can't happen there's no point in fighting it. I've learned that the hard way ever since being diagnosed with ALL. The lunch ended on a good note though and Mom drove us back home where Abbie was waiting and together they went to set everything up. As soon as school ended Shelley and Krissa came over as well as Kyle and his family and they all helped to get the outside put together. Since I was having a band performing for me it would be the most important thing. They set up a stage (quickly but it was sturdy) and set up thirty or so chairs around. The door knocked and the contact of the band, Jen was there. (She knows Shelley a little bit but is actually Krissa's friend). Jen is cool; she has that punk look going on and is just really chill. She looked at me and Kyle and gave a small smile._

"So, who's the birthday boy?" she asked.

"Me," I raised a hand.

"Right. I know I've seen you before. You had black hair then."

"Yeah," I shrugged.

_I've gotten over being bald by now. Even though my head looks funny, hairless but with a pink scar over my forehead caused by a playground accident when I was six (my hair used to cover the mark), I'm still me. Mom came to the front door, hands full of streamers, tape, and scissors._

"Oh, hello Jen," she shook her hand with difficulty.

"Don't want to crash a party if I shouldn't, I just wanted to give you a heads-up."

"You aren't crashing, I'd like you to stay," I told her.

Jen smirked. "Well I'm not the problem. Word got out my cousin's band is performing tonight. I just wanted to warn you about other possible crashers."

I looked up at Mom who looked worried. "I was afraid of this. I'm sorry but I really can't have people over I don't know. Stan has leukemia so"-

"Hey, I know," Jen said. "I'll tell my cousin."

"Maybe there should be a couple people here to _prevent_ anyone who shouldn't be here from coming," Shelley said, flexing her fist.

Mom sighed. "Maybe that's the best thing."

_It was decided; Shelley, Krissa, and Jen would all be monitoring the area the whole time the band was playing to make sure no one without an invitation arrived. I was satisfied with that; Shelley alone would be able to stop anyone from crashing. Honestly journal, knowing Shelley was there to stop people from sneaking in meant so much to me. Knowing she made sure all those teenagers wouldn't be coming over; carrying with them all sorts of germs and sicknesses and shit… she _does_ care about me._

_The party started at 5 and all my friends came by, dropping off gifts and giving me birthday wishes. I asked for donations to Smiles For Stan like I did last year. All those guests deposited both money into the fund as well as get me a gift. Like Clyde said last year, it just isn't a birthday without the gifts. As each guest arrived Mom passed along a party hat to them. Either a sports motif, animal print, or guitar one. _

"Shit dude, you're really going all out this year aren't you?" Cartman asked me after he took off his snowcap and placed a guitar one over his brown hair.

"Yeah, I really wanted to go out with a bang," I beamed, fixing a giraffe hat on my head. "You should see the yard though, it's really crazy."

_Dad had set up a karaoke thing outside and that ended up being the first thing we did. It was really fun, and a lot of the guests were surprised with me._

"Damn dude, that was good," Kyle noted.

"Y-yeah Stan. I didn't- didn't think you had such a voice," Jimmy stuttered.

"You should take up choir or something next year if you can," Token remarked.

I bit my lip. "I highly doubt I'd be able to."

"Come on man, you're a natural! You can sing great and you've never had lessons! Do it!" Token continued.

I didn't think I was _that_ good. "I don't think my leukemia will allow it but, I'll keep it in mind."

_My friends and I all hung around until it was time for dinner. To save time, Mom had bought four or five pizzas from Pizza Hut. I even was able to drink some Sprite, although I made sure to drink it slowly and carefully to reduce the acidity exposure to my mouth as usual. It was during dinner the four members of Crooked Street showed up. Dad led them outside to show them where they could hook up everything. After dinner there was a knock on the door. I was about to go and answer it but Dad had come back inside and went for the door himself. It was Dr. Tom._

"What do you want?" Dad asked. I don't know if he meant to sound rude or not.

"Stan has invited me to"-

"Dr. Tom! Hi," I greeted, slightly pushing Dad aside.

"Stanley, what is"-

"Did I not tell you Dad? I invited Dr. Tom to my party," I said simply.

"What?"

"I can come by tomorrow if it's better," Dr. Tom told me.

"No, I invited you. I want you here. Come in," I frowned.

"Stanley this is my house and I do not want"- Dad started.

"Well it's _my_ birthday so you don't really get to make the rules today," I glared. "And it's Mom's house too."

I almost forced Dad aside as I made way for Dr. Tom inside. Mom smiled at his appearance and handed over a party hat.

"Choices choices… but I think I'll go with the guitar hat," he said and placed it on his black hair.

"Come out back, the band is just about to perform," I showed him to the yard, all the while Dad was fuming behind us. Dr. Tom had only been over the house a couple times over the years so he didn't really know his way around.

"There you are dude! Everyone's waiting on you," Cartman pulled me over to him.

_I took up one of the seats up front where Cartman and Kyle sat on either side of me, both annoyed that I was good friends with the other. The sky was almost dark now, a few stars were twinkling. There was a soft breeze that ruffled the red and blue streamers Mom had put up and everyone's hair. I shivered as I placed my facemask on._

"Okay, how is everyone tonight?" spoke one of the band member's into his microphone. (His name was Aaron). He had long shorts on and a blue shirt. He also had wild blond hair. My party guests cheered. "I heard tonight was a special kid's birthday," he continued. More cheers as Kyle nudged me. "Well tonight we're going to be playing a few of our songs just for him so we hope you enjoy. We'd like to start off with one we wrote a couple weeks ago called Gathering Dust. Hope you like. Hit it!" he called to the others, and soon the sounds of guitars and drums filled the backyard.

_They were pretty good actually. They had that cool guy look but were really nice. Their music sort of reminded me of Green Day. It was actually far better than I could have asked for; everyone was enjoying themselves and rocking to the beat. I did notice Dad was standing around with Uncle Jimbo talking but I didn't let it bother me. Dr. Tom was not sitting with Mom though, which was good. I'm sure if he was Dad really would have blown a fuse. It was rather cold out that night so the band skipped one of their songs and wrapped up the mini-show with singing 'happy birthday' to me which was cool. I've never had such a cool birthday song before!_

_I went inside not long after, and so did the band members. It was now time for cake. I stood at the end of the table as the lights went down and a moment later there was a glow from candles piled onto a rectangle cake as Mom made her way into the room. At the sight of the cake everyone began to sing happy birthday (again). I looked around at the faces of my friends and parents as the twelve candles glowed, all waiting of course for me to make my wish. I didn't know what to wish for; would any of it even matter? But it was tradition so I took a moment to think to myself: I wish I'll be able to make it to my next birthday, and blew out the candles. It was a mellodramatic wish, but when you're going through what I am, you think this thing every day._

"So? What did you wish for?" Dad asked me after the lights turned back on.

"I'm not telling _Dad_, I never do."

_I had a white cake this year with layers of this cookies and cream frosting in-between. It was so good. Mom served up slices to Crooked Street as well before they called it a night and left. Only then did we all realize how late it already was so I was rushed over to my pile of presents sitting on the couch and began to open them. I got some good stuff: an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt as well as a Hollywood Undead t-shirt. One of the gifts from Mom was a really nice new jacket that has chunky blue and gray stripes. A got a new video game from Token and Kyle and a book called Those Awkward Tween Years- for Boys from Shelley. (I turned a bit pink when I opened the present). Let's see… from Cartman was a few new packs of baseball cards and a new album to put them in, and from Grandma Ellen and Grandpa Peter- a really sweet microscope! I got a lot of other things as well but don't want to list everything. It was past 10:30 when parents began arriving to pick up their kids. I was soon left with Mom, Dad, Shelley, and Dr. Tom. I sat back on the couch looking over each gift again when Dr. Tom went to help Mom out by cleaning the mess of wrapping paper and ribbon. _

"So, just came for the free cake huh?" I heard Dad ask Dr. Tom from the kitchen.

_I groaned as I sunk into the couch, knowing what was sure to happen next._

"Actually I gave Stan his present earlier today," the other man replied.

"Randy don't you even start," Mom snapped.

"I am not starting anything _Sharon_."

"Stan invited Tom over so respect our son's wishes. Thanks for helping out Tom."

"No problem Shar- um, Sharon."

_As far as I could hear none of them said anything else. It was after eleven when Dr. Tom decided to leave. He patted my back as Mom and I led him out._

"Hope you had a good birthday kid," he smiled.

"I did."

_Dad was right behind us so Tom gave Mom a smile before she shut the door. She jumped a bit to see Dad standing right there._

"I know what you're thinking Randy. I do not want to start anything, not tonight."

"Yeah Dad, I wanted Tom over."

_Neither Mom nor Dad said anything for a minute. I swear Mom was almost daring Dad to say anything. I coughed._

"Thanks you guys for the party, it was, if not the best," I told them sincerely.

_With the help of Shelley, we gathered all my gifts and placed them in my room. After Mom came in to kiss me good-night. She gave me a big wet kiss on my cheek._

"Is twelve too old for bedtime kisses now Stan?" she smiled.

"Once in a while," I expressed. "But I'm afraid I've outgrown tucking in and stories now."

_Mom sighed and if I still had my hair I knew she would be running her fingers through it._

"Just promise me something Stan."

"Hm?"

"Don't grow up too soon. You're my baby boy and I want to keep it that way."

I sighed. "I am growing up Mom. In a lot of ways. I've put on some weight, grown in height, lost all my baby teeth. Terrance and Philip aren't funny anymore. And I'm now in Jr. High. I'm expecting my voice to break anytime now."

Mom sighed again. "I know honey, but don't try to do too much too soon okay? Just… act your age."

I yawned and my eyes drooped. "Promise."

_She caressed my head and scratched Chelsea under the chin for a minute before shutting the door behind her. Even though I was tired I couldn't fall asleep. All too soon I heard rumbling noises from the wall. It didn't take long for me to notice it was coming from the master bedroom and that Mom and Dad were talking- or should I say arguing. I tried to block it out but was too curious for my own good. I checked my alarm- it was 12:30. Quietly, I got out of bed and popped my door open to the dark hall. Since Mom and Dad's room is right next to mine I didn't have to go out my doorframe to hear them._

"This is your own problem Randy!" was the first thing I heard from Mom.

"_My_ problem? There is no reason he had to be here tonight!"

"Stan wanted him over; can't you respect our son's wishes?"

"I just don't like the thought of him in _my_ house."

_Mom gave a hallow laugh._

"_Your_ house? I'm still paying the mortgage for it in case you forgot. So you don't get to decide who comes and who goes."

"I should have some say at least!" Dad cried.

"Face it Randy! Our son invited Tom over and you're angry that he shares a bond with him now!"

"Bond? That man has spent all of our kids' lives trying to _avoid_ him! Do you not remember when he scared Stan that one time when he was four? Or how he's only held him once as a baby? What about all the crappy gifts he's given the kids over the years?" Dad shouted.

"Times change Randy! Stan likes him now, and Tom has told me himself he regrets the way he's acted in the past. The kids like him and he gets along great with them now."

"Why now? Huh?" Dad demanded.

Mom didn't answer right away. "I don't know, things like this can happen at any time. Maybe he just woke up one morning thinking 'I've been an ass towards Sharon Marsh's kids over the years and I want to make it up to them.'"

"Men don't do that Sharon. They always have some ulterior motive. Men don't just act nice to a woman's kids unless he wants something from her."

_Dad kinda had a point…_

Again a long pause. "And what if he does? What if Tom wants more than just that Randy?"

_I could tell both my parents were shocked at those words. I bit my lip as she spoke them. I had to step out just a little further to hear what came next._

"Sharon…"

"Randy… it's obvious this isn't going anywhere," Mom said in a calmer tone. "I don't know about you but I'm sort of past everything now. I want to move on. To stop pretending I can change you."

"Sharon c'mon, we're just having another fight is all," Dad tried.

"Yes but how much longer can we keep doing this? It isn't normal. No healthy relationship has people going at it as often as we do. I just want to move on; I'm sick of things going around in circles."

_Another pause._

"What do you- what does that mean Sharon?" Dad asked.

I'm sure I heard Mom sigh. "I don't know what it means. Maybe it means things are over between us. Maybe it means we'll keep trying. Maybe it means something neither of us understands yet. I just don't want to be arguing about petty things simply because you're the one bothered by them, on our son's birthday for _god's sake_."

"It's almost one, it isn't his birthday anymore."

Mom groaned. "Why can't you just accept the fact that this is how things are now Randy? If Stan can put the past behind him surely you're mature enough to do the same."

"I just don't like the thought of a man who could care less about the kids before is suddenly their new go-to guy. He has no reason to still be in our lives. You don't work for him anymore. And I know he's wanted to do something like this for a while I bet. You're still my wife. But Tom…" Dad growled.

_Muffled sounds. _

"Then I give up," Mom said.

_I heard more sounds as I listened harder._

"What are you doing Sharon?"

"I don't know, I just know I can't be here tonight."

The last thing I heard was from Dad. "Sharon… has he ever… kissed you before?"

_At that moment I saw the doorknob turn and in my hurry, pretty much slammed by own door shut and escaped under my covers. Exactly five seconds later my door opened. I pressed my eyes hard and tried to fake being asleep. My bed dipped as someone sat in it. I felt a cool hand touch my cheek._

"Stanley?" Mom whispered.

_I didn't know if it was better to fake being asleep or to admit I heard everything. I chose the first. Mom got up and placed a kiss on my cheek and left the room. It is now 2:30 and I can't sleep. I have no idea where Mom is and the only thing keeping me sane is writing my thoughts. I'll tell you what happened later if I can._

_Stan_

_October 20th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_I woke up to find Mom gone this morning. It was a quiet breakfast where Dad simply told us to do whatever we wanted before he quickly ate and went back upstairs. Shelley gave me a look. I was hardly eating my Cocoa Pebbles._

"Did you hear anything last night?" she asked.

"Yeah," I said heavily.

Shelley sighed. "I don't want you to worry about it turd, there's no point."

"I know," I said honestly. I pushed aside my bowl. "Maybe I shouldn't have invited Dr. Tom over for my birthday party."

"Don't be stupid," Shelley spat. "You wanted him over. It was your birthday; Dad shouldn't be the one calling the shots about what can and can't happen. It's not like you wanted to experiment with alcohol or something, what's the worst that could happen?"

"Apparently inviting Dr. Tom," I said.

Shelley sighed. "Look Stan, I don't know if you've realized this or not but Mom and Dad- well, they're pretty much finished. Given up. Either Mom was going to do something to anger Dad or Dad was going to do something stupid to piss off Mom even if Tom didn't come over."

"I just added fuel to their fire then."

My sister didn't answer right away. Finally- "Don't beat yourself about it Stan."

"But Mom is gone!" I cried.

"She'll come back."

"You don't get it Shelley, she's gone. Just look at everything, it's all my fault."

_This caused Shelley to roll her eyes. I always tell her I think I've caused our parents' anger towards each other._

"If I hadn't gotten sick Mom wouldn't need extra comfort from Dr. Tom. All my hospital visits stress her out; she needs help from someone else."

Shelley glared as she faced me. "Listen to me you stupid little turd because this will be the last time I say it: you did nothing to cause Mom and Dad to fight. They had problems before you got sick. You didn't ask to get cancer obviously, it wasn't something that could be controlled or prevented like an asthma attack. Mom and Dad just chose to deal with the news in stupid ways. They chose not to seek each other out and to be there for each other. It's their fault they caused this mess. And when two people who were already having problems before get hit with something huge like this, any little thing can cause them to start up again. Understand?"

Tears were in my eyes. I nodded and hugged her, happy she didn't flinch back. "Thanks Shelley."

"Yeah yeah. Now stop blubbering before I puke," she said, rubbing my back.

_I love my sister, I really do. What she said was true; I had little to do with how our parents were. And soon enough Mom entered the door looking tired but happy to see us._

"Where were you?" Shelley asked as she hugged us.

"Abbie's," Mom confessed. "I told her I needed to be away for the night. Luckily little Bryce slept through the night so we could stay up talking."

_Shelley and I stared at our mother. She sighed and took a seat with us at the breakfast table._

"Kids, about last night… well I don't know if you heard"-

"We did," Shelley said sourly.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to hear. Your father had to bring it up, and it was on your birthday sweetie, I'm so sorry," Mom looked at me.

"Not really, it was past midnight," I told her.

"Still…"

"What are you going to do now?" I asked, looking at my hand.

"I'm going to pack up to leave for Denver. I have to work all week anyway and it's probably best I get there as soon as I can. I'd like to make it there before dinner tonight."

_I nodded, still not looking at her. She got to her feet._

"Do you want to come with me Stanley?"

I looked up now. I got to my feet too. "Yeah."

_Mom and Dad met by their bedroom door on the way up. Mom simply told him we were going to Denver for the week. Dad turned to me._

"Stan, I really don't want you missing anymore school."

"I won't be, Alice helps me. The only thing that matters in social studies right now is this one project so as long as I work on that I'm fine. Same with science. Alice can tutor me in math and language arts."

_I packed my bags rather quickly, although it took a while to debate which of my new birthday gifts I wanted to bring along. I was soon saying goodbye once again to Shelley and Dad and was on the road to the apartment. We did make it in time for dinner which turned out to be a stop at The Burger Joint that's pretty close to the apartment. I made sure to call Kyle so he knew where I had gone. He seemed a little annoyed that I left so quickly but I told him it was for the best. I also called Cartman who seemed a bit bummed but didn't go any further._

_I'm going to close now and go to sleep and see what this week brings._

_Stan_

_October 26th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_I am so excited! Tonight I'm going to go to over Alice's apartment! She wanted to throw me a late birthday party and I guess a couple of her friends are coming too. I am really excited, she said she has all sorts of things planned and well, it's just going to be fun. But Mom did have a talk with her before she agreed. Told her stuff like make sure I got a good amount of sleep, no drinking or smoking, don't over-excite me or do anything that might make me sick. Don't do anything that might make me bruised or cut me. Then make sure I took all my medication and vitamins in the morning. Just the usual stuff. I know it may seem a bit crazy, having a night of fun with some twenty-five year olds but so what? If anything I think all other boys my age would be extremely jealous, haha. _

_Anyway, since I probably won't be able to write in you until tomorrow, I'll close and tell you everything that happened tomorrow!_

_Stan_

_October 27th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Like I said, Alice threw me a late birthday party sleepover thing at her and her roommate's apartment last night. Mom dropped me off around 5. _

"Be sure to do everything I told you and to not to everything I told you," Mom warned Alice when she opened her door.

"I know Mrs. Marsh, you can trust me. And my friends. I promise your son will be in safe hands."

_Mom kissed me before leaving. Alice smiled._

"Come in Stan, let me show you around."

_Alice lives in a two-bedroom apartment with a friend of her's named Kimmy. It was a pretty basic space with a small kitchen and living area. I would have to say our apartment is a little bigger. It was decorated with balloons and a large HAPPY BIRTHDAY sign hung over the kitchen counter. I dropped off my backpack and bag in the living room. At that moment the bathroom door opened and a young woman the same age as Alice stepped out, towel around her body, another drying off dark hair._

"_Alice_!" she gasped. "You didn't tell me he'd be here already!"

I smiled as Alice laughed. "I told you he might be dropped off earlier. Stan, this is my roommate Kimmy."

Kimmy was very pretty. She rolled her eyes but shook my hand. "So you're that cute kid Alice tutors. Hope you won't be scared off too much by us tonight."

"Naw, I'm really excited. Not every day a boy gets to hang with pretty girls," I told her.

_Kimmy chuckled. Alice told me I could watch TV until their other two friends arrived. We didn't have to wait long; by 6 two more girls the same age stopped by. Their names were Sarah and Claire. I was surprised all of them wanted to meet me._

"You were right Allie- he is such a cutie!" Sarah smiled.

"Alice talks about you all the time. She apparently loves helping you with school," Claire commented.

"Yeah, and she's really good at it too."

"What's your favorite subject?" Claire asked.

"Reading and writing, so language arts, which is what they call it in Jr. High," I thought.

"I bought the drinks!" Sarah cried, holding up two bags.

"Sarah! I promised his mother there'd be no drinking," Alice hissed.

"Chill out, it's soda and iced tea," the girl with the gold hair said. I guess Sarah was known to be a bit loud and wild at times.

_Before anything happened Alice passed out hand sanitizer to Sarah and Claire, just to make sure anything they touched that I touched was as clean as possible. Alice even told me how she spent all day making sure everything was as germ-free as she could. It made me happy to know she did indeed care about me. Soon Kimmy set out all the stuff needed for dinner which happened to be make-your-own-pizza. I've always loved making homemade pizza and jumped as I saw the stuff they had and chose how I wanted my personal pizza to be. I lathered a good amount of tomato sauce and tons of white cheese as well as pepperoni, sausage, bacon, and ham. Sarah had fun making a pizza with literally everything on it._

"Looks good doesn't it?" she asked me.

"I dunno, I hate olives and I think an egg on top is a little weird," I told her.

She winked. "Just watch- this pizza will kick ass. We're allowed to curse aren't we?" she asked.

I laughed. "I curse all the time, who cares?"

_Sarah's pizza ended up being very good, for her anyway. No way was I going to try anything with olives and bell peppers on it! Mine happened to be delicious! After Alice set up the next fun activity, design-your-own-t-shirt. She had bought cheap solid color shirts and special paint for them. While we made our shirts Kimmy put on a movie- Charlie and the Chocolate Factory._

"Someone told me it's one of the birthday boy's favorites," the dark-haired girl smiled.

_I was so happy to see it; it's been over a year. And really, Tim Burton's version kicks ass, it's so colorful and dark at the same time. And who doesn't love Johnny Depp? I ended up making three t-shirts: a red one where I tried to squeeze in all my favorite bands' names onto, a blue one where I tried to make a dinosaur, and a white one that read Cancer Can't Keep me Down. _

"I think that one's the best," Kimmy told me.

_I certainly think so. I can't wait to wear it to school. What else did we do? We played a fun and loud game of Fact or Crap (thanks to Sarah) and before I knew it, it was dessert time. Claire went over to turn down the lights and Alice brought out a round cake topped with a lit wax twelve candle. Soon the girls began to sing 'happy birthday' to me as I sat on the barstool, overlooking my second birthday cake. _

"Make a wish sweetie!" Alice squealed.

_Not wanting to say the same wish as I did last week, I chose I wish my family will be happy no matter what, and blew the candle out. Alice began slicing and serving up the cake and of course I got the first piece._

"I hope it's good, I never made a cake from scratch so I went with the box kind," she told me.

She had made a boxed strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting. "It's good!" I told her as I was handed a glass of milk.

_Soon Sarah began to go into some crazy story about how she had made a cake from scratch with disastrous results. Some would find her irritating but I loved her. She was funny and knew how to break the silence and nothing was too awkward for her. Alice seemed relieved to see we were getting along. With the cake came ice cream, one of my favorite flavors, peanut butter cup. _

"I didn't think you knew me this well," I confessed to my tutor as we watched TV.

"Oh I do. I listen to everything you say silly."

_After the cake and ice cream, fun and games, I was beginning to feel a little tired. There was one thing I had brought just in case I needed down time- my knitting stuff. Sarah didn't know I did it and asked me if I'd demonstrate how to do it. So I first showed all the girls how to make a slip knot like Mom first showed me, then casting it onto the needle, then the first stitch. Claire kinda seemed to get the hand of it; Sarah couldn't even hold the needles right! And what I thought would be a quiet activity ended up being another crazy one! But it was all really fun. But I was beat and Alice agreed it was time for bed. She let me sleep in her bed that night while everyone else slept in Kimmy's room or in the living room._

_In the morning Alice woke me and Kimmy made pancakes for all of us. _

"Did you sleep well last night?" Alice asked.

"Yeah, your bed's really comfortable," I said, stuffing my mouth of pancake.

"So what's on the agenda today?" Sarah asked.

"Well Stan's mom is going to be picking him up shortly," Alice remarked.

_To my surprise Claire and Sarah looked upset._

"We were just getting to know you kid," Claire told me.

"How else am I going to learn to knit?" Sarah asked.

"Sorry but I want to spend some time back in South Park- where my dad and sister and all my friends are, before I have to go back to chemo," I told them.

"When do you have to go back?" Claire asked as she sipped her coffee.

"Next treatment is Monday. But I'm going to be here in Denver all next week because after Monday, I'm going to hit nadir. Which means I'm going to be very vulnerable to germs and viruses and stuff." _I quickly explained how I'd get very sick seven or so days after treatment but Mom didn't want to risk anything so I was going to be staying in Denver all next week anyway._

"Can we visit you in the hospital at least?" Sarah asked.

_I blinked; still shocked three girls I just met last night all wanted to hang with me. I'm such a lucky kid, haha!_

"Sure! I mean, you have to talk to my Mom first," I told them.

_After breakfast I got dressed and watched TV for close to two hours before Mom showed up. She looked relieved to see that I was smiling and alive and that Kimmy, Claire, and Sarah were really nice._

"Your son is so cute," Claire said. "And he's so smart."

"Really, he knows more about geography than I do!" Sarah said making Mom chuckle.

"We were wondering Mrs. Marsh, if it would be okay if we visited Stan in the hospital? Whenever he has treatment?" Claire bit her lip.

_Mom doesn't mean to be so strict when it comes to such things but she has reason to make so many rules. She asked them if any of them ever been to Children's Hospital before, and if they ever visited a sick kid before. Kimmy said she visited a young cousin when he got sick years ago. Then she told them what they might see if they did visit and how I might be too sick to do much. Finally Mom told them they could only see me if they got a flu shot since it was the beginning of flu season._

"Well I've always been a big baby when it comes to shots but, I'll do it if it means we can see Stan again," Sarah smiled.

"Hey, I gotta get a flu shot tomorrow so I can't be the only one who suffers," I told them.

_To put it short, I now have three more visitors at the hospital! But not only does Mom need proof they got a flu shot, so does Dr. Fohlkoly. And since treatment is Monday, all of us have only a couple days to get it. It's now Saturday night and I'm back in South Park. Kyle's parents invited my family over for dinner tonight which was nice. Kyle couldn't stop asking me about the girls though, asking if any were hot and stuff. I'm sure he'll get to see them sometime. _

_Anyway, I have a flu shot to look forward to tomorrow! YA me!_

_Stan_

_October 31st, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Sorry it's been a couple days since I wrote in you. I was feeling too sick when I had chemo Monday. But Alice, Kimmy, and Sarah came by to visit. Claire couldn't because she had too much school work. I feel bad they didn't stay for long since I was feeling too sick. But they promised to see me some other time. Today was Halloween, obviously. But Mom didn't want me to over-exert myself so I didn't get to go trick-or-treating. Which I'm trying not to be too bothered about, I am twelve now so getting too old for it. Kyle skipped out this year too. Easy for him as he's not a candy fan. Cartman, Kenny, and Butters went out though. But I was stuck home all night. I did rent a few scary movies though, and Mom made her special punch and surprised me with a giant bag of candy. _

"You'd get this much if you went out tonight anyway," she said. "Just promise not to gorge yourself with it."

_How many other kids get a bag of candy because they are too sick to partisipate in Halloween fun? HA! Just thought I'd let you know what you've been missing. Talk to you later._

_Stan_

_November 21st, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Just another heads-up. Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. Grandma Mara is coming over and it will be just like other times really. So we shall see how Mom and Dad behave. School is getting really cruel- if I'm not at school I'm sick. And when I am sick I'm expected to be working on missed assignments. Alice can only tutor so much. Shelley can only help me so much. Kyle can only remind me of missed assignments so much. So it's been tough getting much free time. But thankfully I have the whole week off due to the holiday so I can catch up on three math pages, one social studies worksheet, finish the book for language arts and write an essay on it. I think I'll be able to finish and FINALLY be on track again. My first progress report came in the mail the other day. Thought you should know how I'm faring-_

_Pre-algebra: C_

_Science:C+_

_P.E.: C_

_Art: A_

_Language Arts: B+_

_Social Studies:B-_

_Could be better. Could be worse. Dad thinks I could have done better but Mom said I'm actually doing better than she thought. Dad doesn't like my three C's but Mom always said, if I don't get a D or F on something then it isn't a big deal. Oh, and just thought you should know, I didn't sign up again for the South Park Harvest Festival this year. It was a fun but intense thing last year. I'm happy I won in two categories but I don't need the stress of making a perfectly knitted scarf on top of all my school work. I'd rather continue it as a fun activity at home or in the hospital._

_Write in you tomorrow,_

_Stan_

_November 22nd, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Today was Thanksgiving. It went better than I could have hoped. I wasn't feeling too hungry but I did help Mom and Grandma in the kitchen so that was nice. As always we played all the Friends Thanksgiving episodes. My favorite one is still The One With All the Thanksgivings. So fun to see all these incidents that happened on Thanksgivings-past. There isn't really much to say about what happened today because it was all nice and normal. Mom and Dad didn't fight and Dad even participated with the yearly traditional 'three things I'm thankful for' before dinner. And of course everyone is once again thankful I'm still here. I am too. I sincerely hope we all get to say the same exact thing next Thanksgiving. With ALL you never know when things will take a turn for the worse._

_Anyway, we had a good time. I ate enough (I think so anyway) and did have a sizable slice of the pumpkin pie I helped make. So everything was as nice as anyone could hope for really._

_Just a little overview of the day. Write in you later._

_Stan_

_December 14th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Spent all day today in Children's for chemo. It was a better day than originally expected. I got a very nice surprise during lunch after I had asked Nurse Michelle to bring me up something before she began my next dose of a couple of my meds. _

"Hey dude!" I heard an extremely familiar voice. I looked over to see Kyle standing there, holding up my lunch on a tray.

"Kyle!"

"Hi Stan!" called another familiar voice, which turned out to be seven-year-old Ike.

"Hey man," I smiled.

"Don't forget me," Cartman walked in as well.

"You guys…"

_I honestly cannot remember the last time my friends visited me in the hospital. Their parents never want to make the trip and seventh grade bombards us with too much homework._

"What are you doing here?" I looked around.

"Mom said it was okay if we came to see you," Kyle said simply with a slight crack. (His voice has been doing that breaking thing for a few months now).

"I can't remember the last time though. And shouldn't you all be in _school_?"

"I'm ahead in all my classes," Kyle said in the same normal tone.

"Me too," Ike added.

_I looked over to Cartman, raising a brow._

"Pff, what's one absent Friday going to do to me?"

Kyle took out a wad of papers from his jacket. "I was able to get all your work from your teachers. And your art teacher told me you got a 90% on your tree painting."

"Sweet."

At that moment my door opened again and Nurse Michelle stepped in.

"Hope you don't mind a few visitors today Stan," she told me.

"Of course not."

_She had with her the usual mess of tubing and IV bags and syringes._

"Any of you boys grossed out by this sort of thing?" she asked as she pulled up a chair and opened a fresh packet of latex gloves. _All three said no so she proceeded to pump my body of more cancerous cell fighters. Today I opted to have my drugs through IV in my hands as I don't like how my port access is getting irritated and scarred. She checked to make sure one of the IV bags was dripping the medicine at a steady rate before leaving._

"How are you holding up Stan?" Ike asked.

"I dunno to be honest."

"You're looking okay," Cartman pointed out.

I shrugged. "I just feel sick. In a weird way. I mean, I still like eating and everything but I dunno, I guess you can say I'm just getting tired of this," I said heavily, leaning into my pillow.

"Well, do you feel you're getting any better?" Kyle said seriously, sitting on my left side.

"I dunno dude, I don't know anything. Course, there's no way Dr. Fohlkoly is going to tell my parents or me how much time I've got left- sorry," I said, seeing the look Cartman was giving me. "I'm just saying you guys, it's too soon to tell. As long as I get the medicine I need I should be okay. I just wish it would hurry up. I'm really starting to feel the strain of not being a normal kid."

"You're normal Stan. You still do the same things everyone else does," Ike pointed out.

I rubbed my eyes. "No. I'm behind. In a lot of things. I'm as skinny as shit and haven't grown much since I was diagnosed. Dr. Fohlkoly did a physical on me a couple weeks ago and I'm only 4'10." And, other things…"

"Are you upset you're voice hasn't changed yet?" Kyle looked shocked.

"No, I know that will happen at any time," I frowned.

"Then what?"

"I don't know. Hair in… other places perhaps?"

Kyle gave a tiny cough and turned pink.

"Normal puberty stuff? I just want to feel normal again. I had dreams of playing football, baseball, and soccer for school. I haven't been in the shape or health to do so now in years. Maybe I'm just making it too complicated. I'm just sick of being like this…"

"C'mon dude, I don't want to have to talk to someone who is giving up again," Kyle said sternly.

"I'm not giving up, I'm just sick of feeling like this. I'm feeling impatient. I just want to be normal again," I expressed, crossing my arms._ I didn't think it was that hard to explain but apparently it was. No one but me could possibly know what it felt like. Except of course all the other kids on this level in the hospital._

_I tried to not let my feelings ruin their visit. After all, they drove four hours to see me even though I'd be returning home over the weekend. Kyle and Ike talked of school with great pleasure, boring Cartman and me. All in all it had been a nice visit. Surprise ones are always the best. Mrs. Broflovski popped in to see how I was doing before she took Kyle and Ike back home. Soon enough Mom went to take me back to the apartment after my treatment was done (and she got off work). We had a hamburger helper dinner and went to bed. Well, I'm writing in you right now journal so I haven't fallen asleep yet._

_We'll be on the road yet again tomorrow so talk to you then._

_Stan_

_December 16th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Today was Mom's birthday. Again Dad gave Shelley and I money and told us we could do whatever we wanted to celebrate. We each bought her a present and treated her out for ice cream after dinner. Not just any ice cream, ice cream from Mom's and Dad's Diner, a new place in South Park that's only months old. They have everything there. Mom got a giant rocky road Sunday while I got a cookie overload Sunday. I love that place and so want to go back! Anyway, that's the majority of what happened. Mom had a good day (Abbie treated her to lunch) so there's nothing for anyone to complain about. Hopefully I can write in you again soon. If the last week of school before the Christmas holiday doesn't take its toll. _

_Stan_

_December 24th, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_ARGH! What a crazy last week before school. Thankfully I caught up with everything and am on track with all my classmates. I kinda feel bad for my P.E. teacher, Mr. Evans. He knows I have a lot of health problems but can't mark me down as 'unwilling to partisipate' during class. So I have to just do what I am able within my doctors' notes, as well as find health reports in the newspaper and write about them if I can't do something. Like running the mile or play touch football. But I'm doing okay in school like I said so let's move on from it._

_It's Christmas Eve and as usual, it's been nothing but a bake-fest. Again I was too sick to hand out homemade cookies to friends and neighbors so both Mom and Shelley did it instead. Sucks, _I_ helped make them. These people helped _me_ this year. _Why_ do I have to be in nadir now? If I make it to next Christmas, I am so going to plan to hand out the cookies to everyone. _

_Grandma Mara came down today so we'll be celebrating with her again. The house is nicely decorated and there are piles of presents under the pretty tree- can't wait! We had a pre-Christmas dinner of macaroni and watched all the Friends Christmas episodes. The best one hands down is The One With the Holiday Armadillo. The most _random_ of animals. I don't know why but I really wanted Mom to read me a Christmas story for bed. I know I'm too old for bedtime stories now but I really wanted one from her. Tradition when I was younger, but I know she enjoys doing so._

_So yeah, Christmas is tomorrow and super excited, as always. Chelsea's purring on my legs- so cute!_

_Stan_

_CHRISTMAS 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_If you didn't know what today was… had another nice family Christmas. Grandma was the one who woke me up this morning and I raced downstairs with Chelsea in my arms. I caught a look at Shelley who looked just as excited._

"Go open your stockings kids!" Grandma smiled.

_In mine was bubble tape, a couple Hot Wheels, a giant chocolate Santa, $10 i-tunes card, two pairs of socks, a mini pocket book about birds, a new toothbrush, and a ton of Hershey hugs and kisses. After the stockings was breakfast. I actually felt hungry for once and ate all my cinnamon bun, eggs, and bacon and apple juice. _

"Is it time for presents yet?" I had to ask as soon as I was finished.

Dad chuckled. "In time son. Wow, you're never this anxious for Christmas."

"Yeah I am. I'm just excited. But if I _have_ to wait…"

_Mom popped in a mix Christmas CD in the stereo and we all gathered around the tree. I fitted my Santa hat snugly around my head, rubbing my hands in anticipation. Everyone allowed me to open the first gift which kicked ass._

"Oh, nice," I unwrapped a new pair of pajamas from Grandma. Which meant that the first present Shelley opened were also pajamas. She always gives us pajamas! Mine were green and blue plaid with a green shirt.

_Nothing too big happened today though. Nothing that doesn't count for a normal American Christmas. I got some great stuff like a new CD player, skin for my i-pod, nice clothes, a complex lego set, games, and this weird puzzle globe thing. My Batman thing for the year was a vintage Batman lunchbox. It's really cool but I don't want to chance it getting ruined at school so it's going to remain a collectible. I didn't know if I should have knitted something for Shelley like I did last year so I decided to just buy her something- a new wallet. _

"Perfect to put your driver's license in," I pointed out.

Shelley smiled. "Got that right."

_Shelley got me this really cool book called How Stuff Works. And a couple of those really nice candy bars you see in stores that are $3. Really, you would have never of guessed my big sister ever knew me at all. I would never have guessed anyhow. Yeah, stockings. Nice breakfast. Presents. Christmas movies and songs. Lunch. Big dinner. All nice and normal and Mom and Dad didn't have any problems at all. I honestly could not have asked for a better Christmas. Can't wait for tomorrow cause my family is going to go to Stark's Pond to ice-skate and Cartman and Butters are going to be there so we can all discuss our presents and everything then! _

_So I will close by saying Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!_

_Stan_

_December 31st, 2012_

_Dear journal,_

_Hi. I'm stuck in Children's for New Year's Eve and Day. But I can never really control my chemo schedule. When my blood levels will be low or at a good spot for the drugs. It's always such a touch-and-go kinda thing. Guess this is what I get for having the perfect family Christmas. Like I said before, I'm getting sick of this. Sick of hospitals and drugs that make me feel like shit. Sick of needles piercing my hands. Arms. Chest. Hip. Spine. I want it to be DONE! I don't mean to take my frustration out on you but where else is safe? I only wish I knew my prognosis. Dr. Fohkoly will not tell me or anyone how long I've got. But he did say I don't need to worry because I am responding well to treatment and as everyone has to keep reminding me, around 90 percent of people from cancer survive. So I should stop my complaining and as Mom says, find the good in the bad._

_The bad- I am stuck here on New Year's for chemo._

_The good- I am celebrating with my family still and no one ever makes me feel alone or anything at the hospital. But I'm pooped. I'm probably going to go to sleep as soon as I watch the ball drop come midnight. I'll stop writing now and interact with everyone._

_Happy 2013! May the New Year bring lots of hope, fun, and great things to the Marsh family as well as to Kyle, Cartman, Butters, and Kenny. We ALL deserve it!_

_Hope to be here this time next year,_

_Stan_

_SPSP_

_It can be difficult to write so many events taking place at once but I think I've got it down by now. I hope you liked the chapter. Four more left! Next one is another surprise POV. Who do you want it to be? Butters? Kenny? Cartman? Randy? Shelley again? You'll have to wait and see! Please leave reviews. I would so love to reach 100 by the time this story ends, haha._

_Lots of love: Rose, August 6, 2011_


	23. Life, Please be Kind

**LIFE, PLEASE BE KIND**

_Cartman's POV_

If I have to be brutally honest, Stan Marsh was always my friend. Ever since his fourth birthday party. While we had the craziest shit happen to us and showed signs of hating each other, it was never the case. That stupid hippie was too likable and gave people too many chances than they deserve. Fuck it, he gave _me_ too many chances than I deserved. He was always care-free when it came to me. We liked each other and got along. We never were butt buddies like he was with the Jew but we were cool. I made him laugh. He put up with my maniacal ways. We both loved cats. And like I said, he always gave me the benefit of a doubt.

Maybe after everything that has happened I don't feel as weirded out by saying this. No one will ever know. Stan has always been cool. He was kind of like me in ways, kind of not.

"Sure we're a lot alike, only difference is _my_ mother gives me rules and boundaries," I remember him telling me some years ago.

If I have to be honest again, when I first found out about Stan's cancer diagnosis, I was shocked. More shocked than when Kenny was diagnosed with a muscular disease. More than when I was accidently diagnosed with the fucking AIDS! Stan was always the go-to guy in the group. Normal and everything. You don't expect the normal kid in the group to get sick. It's not normal for the average kid to get a terminal disease. It happens to Jews and to unlucky people like me and to people who die all the time, but it doesn't happen to your average, normal, fun-loving kid.

And _that's_ why I was so stricken. This kind of thing doesn't fucking happen! All too soon Stan had to stay in Denver, weeks on end and get his chemo drugs. Those were dark days. Whenever we did get a chance to visit him in the hospital we never knew what we might be hit with. He would either be happy to see us and want to play with his toys and games or he'd want nothing to do with us and order us off the planet. The whole time I dared not to look too concerned about him.

"Oh good, he's alive," I'd say after taking one look at his pale face and reach over for a cool car that sat on his bed.

I really thought I was off the hook when it came to pretending not to care; who would have ever suspected anything? Turns out Stan saw right through me and had to ask me about my true motives for seeing him Valentine's Day of 2011. He did not buy my crap about offering to deliver his Valentines to him. He made me tell him I wanted to see him and him alone. Without stupid Kyle around!

"You're my friend too dude, and I think it's pretty cool you came all the way up here to see me," he had told me with that stupid smile of his!

Thankfully he made me feel relaxed and grateful for spilling the beans that day and not embarrassed. And that's why Stan always rocked- he didn't care what you had done in the past, he never could truly hate someone. From that point onward we had become closer. And it kinda felt nice to have Stan as the man who had my back. Sure Kyle will always be the best thing for Stan but I could call him my best friend too. And I had little choice but to stop acting like a jerk to him when the others were around us. I'd like to think of it as growing up; everyone else who disagrees can kiss my black ass!

In and out. In and out. That was the life of Stan. In and out of the hospital. Almost sad really. I just wish I was prepared for how much coming and going he'd be under when 2013 hit us. That year was nothing but hospitals and doctor appointments of all kinds. It was the year everything changed.

It was the middle of January. I don't remember the date; I can just remember it was a week before one of Stan's chemo rounds. I was suffering through an incredibly pointless pre-algebra class when Mr. Bardstol got a call from the office and I had to see the principal at that very moment.

"I haven't done anything! I don't know how Mark Mitchell's gym shorts were found on that electrical pole!" I raged.

My teacher raised a brow. "Actually, the principal said this concerns a friend of yours, Stanley."

My eyes dilated. "Stan? Oh shit dude, what happened _now_?"

I can recall Stan was in Denver that week to be with his mom. I didn't want to think of something happening and I was four hours away. When I reached the principal I was surprised to see Kyle, Butters, and Kenny there as well, all of them looking worried. I took a seat next to Kenny.

"What the hell happened?" I demanded.

Principal Chapman looked at us with upsetting eyes. "Boys, as Stanley's closest friends I felt it was important to tell you what I just got word of."

"_What_?" Kyle looked drastic.

I was almost prepared to hear that Stan's leukemia took a turn for the worse and he was on his deathbed but-

"I got a phone call from The Children's Hospital. Stanley's mother wants you to know that your friend suffered a pretty bad asthma attack this morning and is currently being treated at the hospital."

Asthma attack. Okay, wasn't expecting that, and I almost sighed with relief but Kyle washed that pleasant feeling away.

"Is he okay?" he asked.

"I'm not sure on his exact condition but from what I was told it was rather serious. They're doing what they can right now to help him," the woman looked at us sadly.

I turned to the other boys and looked down. Stan hadn't suffered a bad asthma scare since he was nine. After his diagnosis with leukemia his asthma almost took the backseat in my mind. But that day I was reminded my friend already _had_ a serious disease before cancer, one that could kill him if ignored. And now it had sent him to the ER and with his already weak condition, I didn't know if he would make it.

"I don't know what you boys want to do. If you want me to call your parents so you can see your friend or wait for more news back home, I will. If you feel you can go on with the rest of your classes I will give you a note to your next teacher explaining why you are late."

We didn't look at each other but we were all thinking the same thing- no way would we be able to go back to class now. And my mom was the first one who showed up to pick me up. As soon as I was in the car I demanded we head straight to Children's.

"Why but sweetums, that's a long ways away," my mom said.

"I need to know how Stan is woman! Now drive!"

So we were off to Denver. I had no idea if the Jew was on the same road the whole ride there. It would be kind of sweet if only _I_ was thoughtful enough to see Stan but chances were Kyle would be by Stan's bedside before me _some_ way. By the time we did reach the hospital Mom had gotten a text from Stan's mother telling us Stan was in a recovery room in the Pediatric Intensive Care Unit of the hospital. This had me worried, I'm not going to lie. Thankfully we were able to visit and I didn't realize how fast I was walking down the halls of level three of the hospital. When I reached the PICU I was surprised to see that the Jew was not there. Mrs. Marsh met up with Mom and me.

"How is he?" Mom asked.

"Better but still has us worried. He'll be so happy to see you Eric," Mrs. Marsh answered.

"What? Is _Kyle_ not here?"

"No," Stan's mom sighed. "I'm sure he couldn't make it. Go on, but don't make it too long, Stan needs his rest."

Now I was feeling nervous. I didn't want to look gay or anything, coming to the aid of Stan so soon after getting the news. But I was already here and for some reason I couldn't bolt now. I stepped into his room. He was lying in a semi-upright position with a special mask over his face to help him breathe and hooked up to a few IVs and machines. I hesitated as I walked to him.

"Uhh… hey dude," I said uncomfortably.

Stan turned a heavy head towards me and his dull eyes opened wider. "C-Cartman?" he said with difficulty.

"Yeah."

Stan frowned. "Why"-

"Don't stress yourself out dude. I heard what happened. Had to uh, make sure you'd be okay."

Stan dipped his head in a nod. I bit my lip.

"Man, you haven't had an asthma attack this bad since you were what- nine huh?"

Stan nodded. "Happened- so sud-suddenly. Over breakfast. M-Mom just went to work. None of my- medicine- worked. Had to c-call her. We came-here."

"That's rough dude."

"Kind- kinda hard to make sure I both do stuff- and- and not do stuff. For my asthma and- and ALL," his chest constricted.

I sighed. "I know what you mean man. Must be hard."

Stan looked down.

I rubbed my neck, still feeling a little weird being here at all. "Will you… be okay?"

Stan drew in a deep breath. "Dunno. Hope so."

I could see his lids dropping and fidgeting in his sheets. I walked towards the door.

"I'll let you rest then man."

"Cartman!" Stan called just as I opened the door. I turned around to see him looking at me. "Th-thanks." I couldn't help but smile back, knowing the meaning behind that thank-you. I just waved a hand and left. Maybe visiting Stan on my own was okay and not a gay thing to do. Now that we had become good friends moments like those felt pretty good, and it was all because Stan never made anyone feel awkward or unwanted. Not even me.

Thankfully Stan recovered from his attack and went back home to his apartment two days later. Meanwhile, turns out Kyle's mother didn't want to drive up to Denver for him to see Stan. Mrs. Broflovski didn't want to do any driving until they knew how Stan would be and if he was up for visitors. But after finding out he'd be okay she never made the drive. How could I _not_ feel smug that I was there for Stan during such a scare and Jewboy wasn't? HA! If only those feelings would have last.

I remember dates pretty well after January. It was February fourth and Stan was in Denver after being back in South Park for a few days. He had a doctor's appointment with his pediatric oncologist Dr. Fohlkoly to see how he was doing. Apparently his regular pediatrician back in South Park would not have the tools at hand to check him over like the oncologist would. And so things went by like any normal day. Stupid school and dealing with lame-ass teachers and the stupid students that I was forced to have classes with. That one asshole Andre in second period, always poking at my weight. I fucking _swear_ I'm surprised I never ripped his balls off. Anyway, it was a normal day and as usual, I demanded something to eat as soon as I stepped foot into my house after coming off the bus.

I was online looking up some shit when I saw a post about a cat show coming to South Park! Knowing Stan would want to go I decided to give him a ring, and to make sure he hadn't died or something on the way to his doctor's appointment.

"Dude, you'll never guess what's coming to town in March!" I told him as soon as he picked up his cell.

"Oh, hey dude." Stan sounded quiet.

I sighed impatiently. "What happened _now_? You have to guess Stan- just guess."

"I'm not in the mood for guessing Cartman."

I growled. "What happened?"

He didn't answer right away.

"Stan, man, what happened? What did your doctor say?"

I heard muffled sounds on the other end. He finally answered. "I dunno dude. I mean, well, when Dr. Fohlkoly was checking my eyes he said- well, he's not liking what he's seeing. I mean, he seems pretty concerned about my eyes, my left one in particular."

I raised a brow. "Okay…"

"He doesn't know what it is exactly. But it has him worried so I have to see a specialist about it Friday."

"What?"

"He had some other doctor- an eye doctor look at me but he couldn't diagnose me so he wants me to see some eye specialist Friday. I guess I'll find out what's wrong then." He sounded very flat, almost emotionless. But he had to say one more thing. "Kyle told me problems with anything can occur with cancers but it's still a little unnerving isn't it? He said I shouldn't worry though."

Of course he had to talk to Kyle first. I shrugged this news off as if I wasn't too worried. "You'll be fine dude. See you this weekend then."

That weekend Stan came back home. He wanted to tell all his friends the news at the same time. We were at his house, hanging in the yard.

"Dude, so, what happened?" Kyle asked as soon as Stan sat down in a chair and faced us.

Stan sighed as he faced the Jew, Butters, Kenny, and myself. "It's not good you guys."

"What man?" I said heavily, preparing myself for more bad news from the world of Stan Marsh.

"Well, as you know, I saw some eye specialist yesterday. Dr. Fohlkoly was right, something's not right with my eyes. Dr. Thom examined me very thoroughly and… well, said I have leukemia cells behind my eyes."

"What?" Kyle gasped.

I frowned. "It can't- I mean, it's not what is sounds like right?"

"It is what it sounds like," Stan looked into his lap. "The cancer is spreading. They found some cells in my eyes- my left eye is worse."

I don't think I ever saw Kyle's eyebrows furrowed that deep in thought before. It almost looked as if he was constipated or some shit.

"What does it mean?" I was the only one brave enough to ask.

Stan sighed again. "Well, anything could happen really. But I'm going to need glasses. I can pick them up on the fourteenth. Valentine's Day. But there isn't much else anyone can do. I'm going to be on stronger chemo drugs now to try and control the cancer from spreading. But it's very likely I might- I could"- Stan paused painfully as if he were trying to swallow a whole mango.

"You might go blind?" Butters asked quietly.

I saw a tear form in Stan's eye and he nodded.

"Aw dude…" Kyle gripped his shoulder.

Stan sniffed, trying to calm himself. "I know anything can happen with my disease but whenever something does happen…"

He didn't need to finish that sentence; I was thinking the same thing. Anything could happen. He could get worse in any way at any time no matter how sick he was. If he were in nadir or not. If anything. And when it did happen… well, none of us knew how to take it. When Valentine's Day arrived I waited around in school for Stan to see him in his new glasses. He was pulled from class second period to get them and came back towards the end of third. Since I didn't have him for third I saw him when it was lunch which was right after. I hurriedly grabbed my spicy chicken sandwich, nachos, bag of Doritos, and a Gatorade and took my seat at the usual table we all sat at during lunch.

"Did you see Stan in his new glasses yet?" Butters asked me as he opened his lunch bag.

"No dickhole, I haven't seen him all day."

"Oh yeah. Well I just saw them during third, we both have Mr. Evans."

At that moment I saw a rather short twelve-year-old in a brown jacket and blue and red poofball hat walk my way. And on his face were a pair of thin-set black plastic frames, sort of rectangular in shape.

"Hey," he said simply.

I sat there, mouth open, not believing it. I blinked and shook my head slowly. "Dude…"

Stan blinked back and sat next to me, placing his lunch box on the table.

"How- shit man, I mean what"- I could never get used to asking people how they were Goddamnit!

"They're okay," Stan answered. "Kinda hard to get used to but they're okay. But I gotta wear them all the time pretty much. Hopefully they'll save my vision and it doesn't get any worse."

"I never knew you even _had_ vision problems," Butters said.

"Well I didn't either. Things were slightly blurry but I didn't say anything. I dunno why now that I think of it… doesn't matter really; I still ended up in glasses."

At that moment Kyle took his place at the lunch table. He immediately glared at me.

"Bet Cartman pointed and laughed two minutes ago didn't he?" he spoke to Stan.

"What? No, he didn't laugh at all," Stan looked surprised.

"C'mon, you're in glasses, that and braces are the two things fatasses like him make fun of."

"For your information you little rat, I did not laugh. What's funny about Stan having leukemia cells behind his eyes? If anything I bet _you're_ the one who thought it was a riot!" I demanded, fists pounding the table.

"You honestly think"- Kyle got to his feet.

"Kyle, calm down. Cartman didn't laugh," Stan said flatly as he at his sandwich.

And so that was it- Stan Marsh had glasses. It was funny almost had quickly we all came accustomed to it. If he forgot to put them on one of us would remind him. And they suited him nicely really. But NOT in a gay manner! Who do you think I am? Anyway, February came without any other incident and was full of the usual Stan-having-chemo-then-going-into-nadir days.

March paved its way for more bad news from Stan. It was becoming so customary to hear something which was really sad. I'll get to the first thing- the less unsettling news. It was sometime in the middle of March when Stan told us one day he'd be going to the orthodontist to see whether or not he needed braces. He was now the first person of the five of us who would receive the news about such things since he had already lost all his baby teeth. I admit, I was almost ready to point and laugh at him then. Really, Stan in glasses and braces would be too much.

"Good luck!" Butters had to call when Stan was pulled from school early.

"Oh god this is going to be rich," I said in satisfaction.

As custom was whenever we wanted to find out something from Stan, we gathered at his house after school.

"Well Stan? Are you going to need braces?" Butters asked, looking at him as if he were spilling news much more important.

"Damn you guys, do you really have nothing else to do with your free time?" Stan looked at us all looking back at him.

"Sadly it seems not," Kyle rolled his eyes. "But really dude, what's the news?"

Stan rolled his eyes. "They did the same shit to me when I went in when I was eight I think it was. A lot of x-rays and shit like that. With my luck the office was pretty empty so Dr. Zephyr was able to come to a proper treatment plan right after."

"And?" I urged.

Stan glared. "I'm going to need braces, happy?"

"Aw man, that sucks Stan," Butters frowned.

Stan sighed. "I thought I'd be more upset but I'm not. Really. Maybe I had a feeling I would need them for years. I guess I don't care anymore."

"Not care?" I laughed. "You're going to look like a freak now!"

Stan glared at me. "It's hard enough to tell myself it's not that bad without you poking fun you jerk."

"But is it okay if you get them? Now I mean?" Kyle asked. "Will your leukemia interfere in any way?"

Stan had sighed as he leaned into a pillow. "That's the interesting thing: I had a choice when I wanted to get them."

"You did?" Butters blinked.

Stan's cat Chelsea rubbed her head on his hand, demanding attention so he placed her in his lap and began to stroke her head. "Apparently Dr. Zephyr already spoke to Dr. Fohlkoly about it weeks ago. And Dr. Zephyr's been doing this for a while so he has dealt with a few cancer patients over the years. But when he told me I needed braces he said I had the option of when to get them. Either now and get them over with so it will be easier for my teeth to shift into their correct positions, or after I hit remission."

Kyle scooted forward. "So what are you going to do dude?"

Stan yawned. "Decided to get them now."

"_Really_?" Butters' eyes went wide. "But Stan, you're already going through heck, why do you want to add braces to- to that heck?"

Stan took his time to answer but I was listening; why the hell did the hippie want to go through that shit now of all times if he could hold it off for another couple years?

"I thought about it and think getting 'em now would be better. If I get them now, I don't have to worry about it in two years. I don't want to be cancer-free one day then the next get braces. That would mean at least another two years of suffering. I don't want to suffer anymore after I hit remission," Stan exasperated. "Plus it'll be easier for my teeth to straighten now than if I'm older. I forgot why but I know it's true. And _lastly_, with braces comes a list of foods and drinks I can't have. Gum. Soda. Crunchy things. Things I already can't eat with my chemo. It'll be easier to get them now so I can avoid the same foods I'm already avoiding, you know? I fucking can't wait to drink a 2-liter of Pepsi and eat Doritos after chemo! No way am I going to wait longer than what I already am."

I just shook my head. "You're fucking crazy man."

Poor poor Stan. The bad news kept coming. What happened just a few days after was hardly what you can call bad news, more like are-you-fucking-serious news. He had had another bone marrow biopsy days ago and that Monday the results came in- and they weren't good. However Stan didn't tell us anything until he came back to South Park from a few days of chemo the day before Kenny's thirteenth birthday. It was so fucking out-of-the-blue too. We were at the park.

"My bone marrow is deteriorating," Stan said blandly as he sat on his bike, staring at nothing really.

"What?" Kyle and I said at the same time, whipping our heads his way.

Stan looked at us now as if he didn't know what he had just said.

"What? What the fuck did you just say?" Kyle demanded.

"Sorry, did I upset you guys?" _why_ did he always have to say things so bluntly?

"What the _hell_ are you talking about Stan? What?" Kyle was almost nose-to-nose with him.

"I had a bone marrow biopsy days ago. The results came back. They aren't good."

Kyle was looking angrier than I had ever seen him.

"They found cancer cells in my bone marrow."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Dude, calm down, you might hit him," I held Kyle's arm back but he shoved me away.

"What are you talking about Stan? Bone marrow deteriorating? What the bloody fuck is that supposed to mean?"

Stan scooted away slightly. "I'm sorry Kyle. They found the cells in my bone marrow. I couldn't have prevented it. It's just the latest news."

"'Latest news'? Why the hell are you so god-damn calm about it then?" Kyle was now red in the face. Really, he needed to calm down.

"I'm not! I hate it!" Stan said in defense. "You really think I want this?"

"Sure seem like it since you aren't about to attack someone because of it!"

"I'm sorry but I didn't want to say anything when I found out Monday."

"You- you've known since _Monday_?"

Stan was on his feet now. "I was afraid of saying anything. Obviously it's not what you want to hear. Listen, it's not that bad. I'll be okay."

Kyle's eyes were wide now. "Oh, you'll be okay then huh?"

"Yeah. They just have to alter my drugs a bit and start me on some new ones but I'll be okay. It's just another setback but I promise you, they know what they're doing. I'll be okay. I'm not going to die tomorrow or something. In fact, I bet you anything I'm going to make it to your birthday," a slight smile pulled at Stan's lips. Kyle was calming down slightly. "I wouldn't lie to you guys, especially you Kyle."

"Hey!" I cried.

"I bet you I'll be okay and will be at your birthday. Just to prove to you that I'm going to…make it."

Stan and the Jew ended up working things out, for a while anyhow. Kyle didn't want to make any bets in case Stan did die before his birthday even though the bald boy kept reassuring him that wasn't going to happen. But the day after was filled with a little tension between the butt-buddies. We had all decided to pitch in and go out for pizza at Shakey's to celebrate Kenny's birthday. He was annoyed at Stan and Kyle but for once, just once, I sort of KIND of understood what the Jew might be feeling. Stan had told us out of nowhere he was getting sicker and that he had known for days. Of course you'd be pissed if you found out something that serious later than you wanted. And Stan didn't seem very upset by it to top it off! He told us he was scared but he hardly looked it. I asked him about it and he just said he didn't want to totally freak out or he might become depressed or something again like he was when he was first diagnosed. There was simply no point in his mind to dwell on bad news; he trusted all the doctors and nurses at Children's Hospital and they were going to continue to give him the best care possible so why worry?

"Because you might not make it," Kyle had stressed.

"I 'might not make it' for the past two years now, it's hardly any different now," Stan had said heavily.

It was left at that: Stan didn't want us to worry and we had no choice but to fake not being so. Good thing I had been doing that since he was diagnosed. But I never understood why Stan wasn't crying his eyes about it. The Jew had a point, he was sicker now so the chances were higher he might not come out on top. Stan was already very pale, skinny- weighing a mere eighty pounds, and walked more slowly and painfully since he had told us. Who was he faking? He was in pain, sick, and I knew deep down he was afraid. Life is never a guarantee to anyone, especially if you have a terminal illness. I'll never forget 2013- the year Stan began looking and walking like an old man. The year his body decided to slow down. The year I realized just how much I did care about him; the year everything changed.

_SPSP_

_Changed for the good? The bad? What do you guys think? I am sorry for those who wanted a Kenny POV- I wanted to do one for a while, honest, but I could not fit it in. My goodness only three more chapters left! I think I'm going to cry. Please leave reviews; you know I love 'em!_

_Lots of love: Rose, August 16, 2011_


	24. Because I Love You

**BECAUSE I LOVE YOU**

_Sharon's POV_

_April 3rd 2013,_

_Dear diary,_

_I apologize for not writing in you for days. The last time must have been the night before Stanley's 2nd orthodontist appointment wasn't it? Things have been insane this year, I wish it wasn't so. But to keep you up-to-date, Dr. Zephyr said Stan needs braces. Stan actually had the say in when he wanted to get them, now, or in a few years. He said now would be best to get them over with. He wants to do nothing but celebrate after he hits remission and going in for orthodontic work will ruin that glorious feeling. I had a feeling my son would need braces for some years now. That one gap on the top never closed after he lost that one tooth, and, well, I blame the Kimbles. My brother and I both had them. Shelley had them. And I bet anything my children's children will have them. I think Stan had a feeling he would need them too; he wasn't too upset with the news. Anyway, yesterday he had his pallet expander put in to widen his upper jaw. He's still trying to get used to it but keeps drooling and now has a lisp and his lips keep popping out even when his mouth is closed (he can't close his mouth properly now). I think it's cute but he hates it._

_I'm trying to grin and bear everything now. I don't know how much longer I can go through or what else I can stand. I count as of now since my son's diagnosis back in 2010: one blood transfusion, one platelet transfusion, horrible flu, life-threatening asthma attack, braces confirmation, leukemia cells behind eyes leading to vision loss and glasses, and his bone marrow is now weakening. Tears are burning my eyes as I write this diary; I am so scared. Stanley has gone through way too much; all of these things have nothing to do with his chemotherapy. I can't even begin to summarize that. My poor baby boy is trying so hard to be strong. If anything he's gotten a lot stronger this year. He keeps reassuring me everything will work itself out and I shouldn't worry. I feel guilty almost, I almost wish my son hated hospitals like he used to when he was nine. Now he's gotten so accustomed to them… _

_I just wish the best for Stan, but I don't know if I can handle anything else. I have little choice but to sit back and allow the doctors and nurses to do what they're trained to do. I trust all of them; Stan loves all his doctors and nurses, especially Nurse Michelle. I do love how close they are, he even e-mails her when she's not working. But I do hope things do work themselves out in the near future like my son said. It's not time to give up yet._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_April 18th, 2011_

_Dear diary,_

_The strangest thing happened last night, I couldn't write in you. I was checking on Stan at bedtime to make sure he'd be okay (he had been feeling sick after his last chemo treatment the day before) when out of nowhere he broke down in tears. When I went over I could see something was troubling him, before I knew it, he just broke. When I finally calmed him down enough to ask what was wrong he told me a lot of really odd things. He told me he's afraid he'll never reach remission. He's afraid that if he does get better the cancer will return when he's older. He's afraid of dying. Then he told me he doesn't want to die before he accomplishes all these things. He doesn't want to die before his hair grows back. Before his first kiss. Before he hits high school. Before he gets his driver's license. I have no idea where this came from. I admit, I'm a little afraid some of those things will never happen too, but it was really heart-breaking hearing it from him. Stan has been so calm about everything lately, I didn't think he was afraid of anything anymore. But he proved me wrong last night. But I was a little suspicious about it and had to ask why he was saying these things and if he was hiding something from me._

"No," he said through his tears.

"Are you sure? Because baby, you know you can tell me anything."

"I'm sure. Some-sometimes I can't help but- but think of this stuff."

"Are you sure?" I asked again as I rubbed his arm.

_Stan nodded as he wiped his pale cheeks. _

"Stanley…"

"I'm okay Mom. I'll be okay," he insisted.

"You know how I've been worrying baby…"

"Really Mom, I'll be okay. Promise. I wouldn't lie about that."

_I had to believe him. I kissed his forehead before leaving his room. I still do believe him. But I know my son wouldn't tell me anything that might worry me. Then again if there was something he was hiding I know Dr. Fohlkoly, Dr. Davies, or one of the nurses will tell me. So I will not ponder about it any longer. I just want the best for my son. _

_Nothing happened today worth writhing but this conversation that happened the night before. I will hopefully write in you tomorrow._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_May 12th, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_That wonderful time of the year- Mother's Day! Now I never ask for much, it's a day the kids can come up with anything they know will make me happy. This morning I was surprised with breakfast in bed by Shelley and Stanley! They had made me my favorite, waffles with the Belgian waffle maker, topped with strawberries and whipped cream with a cup of coffee. I love the fact that they are old enough now to do such things. It used to be chaos and a mess with Randy having to oversee everything whenever they made me breakfast._

_After breakfast I was brought downstairs to see a large sign reading HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY and balloons and a bouquet of flowers. The whole day was set up by the kids, Randy just sat back and allowed them to do whatever. The kids bought me separate cards and gifts this year since Shelley now has a part-time job at the mall. Shelley's card was sweet, don't get me wrong but Stanley's... well, let me tell you what he wrote:  
_  
Mom-

I just want to take the time today to tell you how much I love you. You have done so much for me my whole life. You made me feel better when there was pain. You helped me on homework. Set guidelines for me so I wouldn't end up some druggie. Comforted me (really, a kid can never have too many hugs and kisses). Above all, you made me see the good in the bad. And you have no idea how much I respect you for it. You are a strong, smart woman, don't ever forget it. I love you more than you'll ever know, and am so happy to have YOU as my mommy.

your son,

Stanley

_The card itself was beautiful and the pre-written words touching, but hearing this from my son... it's all I'll ever need to hear. But that wasn't it; Stan really went all-out this year. He bought me two gifts, both incredibly beautiful._

"Oh Stanley..." I gasped after opening the first. It was a beautiful necklace with a heart with his birthstone in the corner. Simple but amazing.

"And this..." he handed over a flat gift the size of a large book. _I unwrapped it to find- six pictures of Stan in different sizes behind the black frame. A baby picture, Stan in preschool, Stan smiling- his two front teeth missing at age 6, Stan and I on his eight birthday, Stan playing with Chelsea, and finally Stan smiling in a nice sweater and pants against a tree, bald. Next to the picture were the words:_

**Happy is the son whose faith in his mother remains unchallenged- Lousia May Alcott**

_I could hardly bring myself up to look at him. I ran my hand over the beautiful frame._

"I- well I wanted to give you something extra special this year. You know, since we've gotten closer and I appreciate you more than when I was little," Stan explained, not smiling.

"How...?"

"Cartman's mom knows a guy who knows a guy who has a sister who's a photographer. She was able to take the last picture of me by the tree, then set up the rest for me. I dug around in photo albums to pick out certain ones I... knew you might like. She took 30% off the original price for everything," Stan told me. All I could do was hug him tight as I cried. It made me realize just how much he's changed and how much we have all been through.

_From Shelley I received a new bathrobe. She looked a little annoyed at her brother's gifts but I immediately told her how much I loved hers too but I don't think she believed me. The whole day was spent relaxing while Shelley and Stanley cleaned up the house for me- well, Shelley anyway. Stan couldn't do much that didn't act up his asthma with cleaning liquids and anything that put strain on his body. He did however make me lunch which consisted of a chicken salad sandwich since it didn't require the use of the stove. It was delicious! Dinner was spaghetti Bolognese made by Shelley and Stan and dessert was cheesecake. This has got to be the best Mother's Day yet. Nothing tops the brand-new feelings I had on my first mother's day seventeen years ago, but this is a good second. Everything the kids did for me was so thoughtful and full of love. I am so thankful for having such a wonderful daughter and son. Next year's Mother's Day has a lot to live up to- just kidding! Haha. _

_Thank-you kids for making me feel so special today, I needed it,_

_Love, Mom_

_May 24th, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_Today was Shelley's seventeenth birthday! I cannot possibly get my head around it; just yesterday she was demanding I play tea party with her! My daughter is becoming something I always knew she could be. She now has favorite make-up and lotion brands, began putting highlights in her hair and takes ten minutes each day to make it look nice, she has her license, is getting great marks in school, but above anything… she loves her little brother now. I cannot believe it. I cannot believe it took twelve years to like Stan but I know for a fact how she feels about him now. She even admitted it to me days ago. Their relationship is so precious now; she has done a lot for him over the past two and a half years. I know I am not talking anything about today's events but I am talking of Shelley. I need to tell you how she is now. She is so helpful of her brother- she has helped him with homework and doing everyday things like getting him items or simply talking to him if he can't fall asleep. She carries him around if he's too weak or in pain to do so and even drove him to Children's last chemo session a couple weeks ago! Now I don't approve of her driving with Stan in the car without me, but she got him to the hospital safely. And really, it is something of a blessing. I have work and it is difficult at times to get Stan to the hospital with other's help. If Shelley could be the one to do that whenever she is with us in Denver, that would be fantastic. _

_Shelley loves Stan. Her own words:_

"It's not that I _have_ to care," she expressed. "But I want to. He's only a kid, he doesn't deserve this shit that he's going through. And I know it hurts him whenever I do kick him around. I'm his sister, someone he sees every single day and someone whose job is to look out for him."

"Shelley…" I didn't know what to say.

She avoided my eyes and focused on her hand. "We say some things to each other when no one's around Mom. He's told me a lot… we've matured I guess. Or at least I have. Beating him up has lost its fun and I don't want to be responsible for breaking his arm or something. That's what my punching bag is for."

_I was so happy when she told me this. It's every mother's wish for her children to get along great with each other. It did take a long time for it to happen but at least it has happened. And seeing the smile on Stan's face when Shelley doesn't recoil from a hug and to see Shelley smile back… words cannot describe. _

_Anyway, today was Shelley's birthday and we held it at the house. I thankfully was able to get Friday off so I could celebrate. It was a usual birthday with a few close friends, movies, pizza, cake, and ice cream. But it was still a good time. She was happy Stan was able to make it, but thankfully his next chemo session isn't until Tuesday. Shelley received some nice presents, a couple of CDs and clothes from Randy and I and from my parents a high-quality 132 colored pencil art tin from Prismacolor for $140. My parents always give the kids expensive gifts but this time was funny- Shelley almost thought it was something small when she saw the flat package. But when she found out it was the high-quality pencils she wished she used in school, she was beyond excited. _

"I don't get it, it's just colored pencils," Stan pointed out. I was thinking the same thing.

"They aren't 'just colored pencils' turd, these are some of the best," Shelley pointed out and opened the tin to show him the pencils.

Stan looked confused. "Still look like colored pencils to me."

Shelley looked annoyed. "Don't they teach you anything in your art class? These are a lot better than Crayola or the ones you use. These ones are soft, rich in color, have a huge variety, and don't break as easily as Crayola pencils."

"Really?" Stan picked one up.

"You have to ask before even _thinking_ of using these Stan. Even I have to be careful about them. I want these to last as long as possible."

_I know my daughter has this thing about art, it's her thing. But I am a little upset all she seemed to care about by the end of the night were the colored pencils and not that jacket I knew she wanted for forever. I'll try not to take it personal; she's too old now for me to feel hurt about something like that. Well, that was the one and only highlight of the day- understandable really. I don't expect anything else to happen during someone's birthday but the birthday itself. Shelley is now seventeen… cannot believe it. Happy birthday honey!_

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_May 26th, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_While another birthday goes, another birthday comes. Today Kyle turned the big thirteen! Again, where on earth has time gone? Just yesterday little Kyle came over to visit Stan as soon as he was diagnosed with asthma in preschool. Already their friendship had no bounds and they were closer than anything. Kyle held his birthday party at Games! Games! Galore! A huge arcade kind of place filled with games and prizes and rooms to rent out for, well, parties of course. It was in Middle Park and I volunteered to help Sheila set everything up. Again, so happy it was the weekend for both kids' birthdays! Even better, Stanley was able to attend Kyle's birthday. For a while Stan had told me Kyle didn't believe he'd be able to make it._

"Ever since I told him about my bone marrow he thinks I'm going to die any moment," Stan said, frustrated, again and again.

_So Stan was happy to prove it to Kyle he would be there for his birthday. I am shocked actually; Stan has been able to make it to Kenny's, Shelley's, Randy's mother's, and now Kyle's birthday this year. He is a lot sicker than he has been yet he has made it to each one. It will be wonderful if he can make it to Eric's birthday and Butters'. As long as Stan makes it to his own birthday this year, that's all that matters. Stan had a great time at Kyle's birthday and I think the presence of Stan being there like he promised made Kyle relax a little about him dying any day. _

_Great news too- the plans my parents made for coming out here in June have been finalized. Now they can't stay too long so there won't be a big vacation this summer, but at least they're coming. They will arrive at Denver Airport June 12th, the same day Stan gets out from seventh grade. They want to be there that same day so I'm going to have to count on either Randy taking Stanley to school that morning or Sheila so I can pick my parents up. I am rather excited, Mom told me there will be a surprise for me when they arrive. I wonder what it could be!_

_Well, I will close with a happy birthday Kyle!_

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_June 9th, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_Finally have word on my work situation this week. I could not get the whole week off for my parents' arrival, I will have to work Tuesday and Thursday. Better than working all week. Today Tom and I went out for lunch. It was rather nice; we went out to Café Local, the 'hip' place to be for a great meal and wine. He was a gentleman and paid for my wine. We were talking so much I hardly paid attention to my salmon dish although I do remember it was delicious. He told me how things have been at Tom's Rhinoplasty. It's still there; business can be slow on some days but there is enough for the place to keep alive. _

"I do miss having you work for me Sharon," Tom told me.

I sighed. "I miss it too, but I'm okay where I'm at now."

"Are you?"

"It doesn't pay quite as much but it's very enjoyable. I love the girls I work with and it's a lot of fun managing the bakery. I see so many cute kids throughout the day. I almost want to give out free muffins just because they are so precious," I smiled.

Tom laughed. "You've always had a thing for kids haven't you Sharon?"

"I wouldn't say that. Sure I've wanted some of my own, what woman doesn't? They just became more precious after I had Shelley."

"And after Stan came along…" he winked.

"_Tom_! I love my kids the same amount. Stanley did nothing to change my views on children," I said with dignity.

_We laughed for a little while before we got into some more serious conversations- my son being that thing. Kind of hard not to ask about him nowadays. _

"He has his good and bad days," I said simply, playing with my fork.

"It's been that way the past three years. Really, how is he? That poor kid has had so much blow up in his face this year alone. How is he getting along?" Tom looked at me seriously, placing his hands on top of mine.

I sighed. "He's doing okay for the most part. His vision hasn't gotten any worse thank god. His body is responding to the harsher drugs they have been using. All the doctors and nurses love him. He's going to pass seventh grade. He's really calm when I think about it. Nothing bothers him much these days. If anything bothers him it's his pallet expander. But that's how Stan's been," I expressed.

Tom shook his head as he drank from his glass. "I'm telling you Shar, you have a very strong and determined little boy. I'm sure he knows all he needs to know and is ready for anything. He's gone through so much now, I don't think anything can change his views or shoot him down by this point."

My heart warmed. "Thank-you Tom. That's very true…"

_We had such a nice lunch, we really did. I was able to plan it and do it without any interference from Randy. Up until…_

"I'll call you sometime this week then okay? Before your parents arrive," Tom cupped my face with his hands gently and placed a soft kiss on my lips. I could hear the blood rushing in my head and I gasped, pulling away. "You okay Shar?" he asked.

I swallowed, eyes wide, one hand on his chest. "I- I'm sorry but I- I don't know if I can- if I want"-

Tom sighed and brought my hand down. "I had a bad feeling you might do this. Sharon, you need someone for you. Someone to listen and be there."

Tears prickled my eyes. "I know but I don't know who- I don't… I don't know what I want right now Tom. Randy… I don't know where I'm at with him. I mean I _do_ but…" I looked sadly into my old boss's eyes. "I'm sorry Tom. I'm sorry."

Tom sighed and nodded. "I'm sorry too."

_I don't know what to think right now diary. I keep thinking I should. Who am I kidding? I know how I feel about Randy. I know how I feel about Tom. Don't I? Things are too far gone between Randy and I, I don't see things getting better. There have been too many back-and-forth arguments and incidents, I'm sick of it. I'm not doing it any longer. I know I will no longer allow him to tell me what to do, to control me. I'm in charge of my own life; Randy has no say in it any longer. He will not change and I have accepted this. A while ago actually. I am no longer attracted to him. No longer look for him for advice. He feels the same way. He has given up finally. He doesn't care what I do or who I am with. I don't know what this means, I don't know if we are getting the big D or not. But I know we are no longer in love. It hurts but I have done my grieving over the years so it's not too painful. And the kids already know how we are and are not too bothered by it either. If Stan was crying about it I might be thinking otherwise._

_But what do I do about it now? What do I do now that Randy and I are over? I don't want to continue to live in the same house as him but we haven't discussed any separation plans yet. I don't know when we will, we are both so preoccupied with Stanley we don't want to talk about anything else. Moving from South Park and living in the apartment in Denver permanently will be too much stress right now for the family. I can't do that. I don't know what to do. _

_And there's Tom. I know he means well but I do not want him thinking I am looking for a relationship. Like I mentioned, I haven't planned anything with Randy. I don't know how I feel about Tom when I think of it. It's wonderful of him to be putting my best interests to heart but I don't need him to. Not yet anyway. I don't want to do anything until Stanley hits remission but sadly nobody knows when that might be. So until then… I can't do anything with Tom. And I can't get up and leave Randy. I'm stuck here with my thoughts. I hope something comes up soon to help with everything. I only want the best for everyone but in the least confrontational way possible._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_June 12th, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_Wow, what a busy day today! Sheila took Stanley to school today so I could pick up my parents. Their flight came in at 9:20 so I woke extra early to drive all the way to Denver. I do hate the days I have to drive to and from Denver. Eight hours on the road is exhausting. So I arrived at the airport and my parents came out, greeting me with the usual hugs and kisses._

"So what's the surprise?" I smiled as I took hold of my dad's bag.

_At that moment someone popped from behind a group of people- my sister Maggie!_

"Maggie!" I cried and hugged her.

"Sharon! How are you?"

"So you're my surprise?" I smiled.

"Yes, I hope you weren't expecting something more extravagant," she joked.

I shook my head. "But what are you doing here? What about everyone back home?"

"I wanted to see everyone, especially after I found out Mom and Dad was planning to come here. The last time I saw you was a couple years ago. And after finding out how Stanley's been… I had to come. Paul's taking care of the kids, they'll be okay without me for a week, at least he promised they would," Maggie explained.

"I'm so happy you were able to make it. The kids will be so happy to see you."

_Dad drove back to South Park the first two hours and I took the wheel the next two. We made it home before two (we had to stop for lunch). Just in time to pick Stan up from school. I'll never forget the joy on his face after he saw his grandparents and aunt after walking out those doors of the school._

"Aunt Maggie! I didn't know you were coming!" Stan cried as he hugged her before hugging Mom and Dad.

"Hi sweetie! It was last minute but I had to see you guys."

"Did you have a good day of school?" Dad asked.

"Yeah, it was pretty okay. Last days are always weird. We hardly did anything in any of my clasth-classeths," Stan struggled to say.

"Expander still giving you trouble?" Dad chuckled.

"It is _so_ annoying," my son grumbled.

_At that moment Kyle and Eric popped up._

"Are we going to throw a last-day-of-school-party today or not?" Eric demanded.

"Dude, my grandparents and aunt are here. I'm not doing anything for over a week. Sorry."

"_Weak_," Eric rolled his eyes and walked off.

_We didn't do much else after picking Stan up from school. He still couldn't believe Maggie was there- neither could I! We had a very nice rest of the day though. Mom insisted on making her infamous beef stew so we stopped by the grocery to pick up the ingredients and the kids helped her in the kitchen. Sadly Stan couldn't do a whole lot that didn't involve being careful so chopping up the carrots and potatoes was a job left for Shelley. But he did help make the stock. Randy was happy to see my parents and Maggie but there was some tension. No doubt everyone knows how we are now, and only recently I poured my heart out to Maggie over the phone about my situation. But as long as there aren't any arguments that's all I can really ask for._

_Work tomorrow unfortunately. Mom and Dad plan to take the kids with them to mini-golf. Wish I could make it!_

_love,_

_Sharon_

_June 22nd, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_I cannot believe it but tomorrow my parents and Maggie will already be on the plane back to California. I wish they could stay longer but my parents have their shoe company to run and Maggie has four kids back home to tend to. Mom promised me that she will try and make plans so we can all be here in Colorado for Christmas. I will love that, I haven't spent Christmas with Mom, Dad, my sister and brother since I was in my early twenties. Before I got married and had kids. It will be so wonderful if we can make it happen. I would love to go to Cali for the holiday but Maggie told me everyone will want to get that real Christmas-y feeling here. I guess snow and evergreens are more festive than a hot sun and palm trees huh?_

_We all went out to eat at Big Ed's Italian in Middle Park for a nice final dinner. Again, it was all very sweet as Randy didn't complicate things and even though he didn't want to butt in on my side of the family Mom insisted he come. Shelley actually drove us there! She's so good at it now; I really do trust her driving anywhere when I think of it. It's been a short visit but a good one nonetheless. More great memories and pictures to add to the books. One of my favorites, if not my favorite was when Mom and Stanley spent the night by the fireplace knitting. It was so beautiful diary. Mom asked Stan if he wanted to show her what he's been working on since she's never seen him knit yet, and they just pulled up the old glider by the fire and began to knit. Of course Chelsea had to play with the yarn but it was all so sweet. Stan actually fell asleep and had to be carried to bed. The warmest thing I've seen in a while._

_I cannot wait to start the Christmas vacation planning. It's best to start right away since everyone is planning on coming out. I will write in you tomorrow._

_Love,_

_June 29th, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_Good news and bad news. Good news is I have booked a spot for Randy, his mother, Shelley, and myself at the Fourth of July Celebration taking place in Boulder. (Got the news yesterday). Bad news, Stan is coming as well. This sounds horrible coming from me, but I didn't think he'd be able to make it. Let me explain: I told the kids I was planning to take us all to the Independence Day party taking place at Foulsom Field but I didn't know about Stan's condition, if it would be allowed to happen. He told me before it would be fine if we went if he had chemo or was too sick to go. Alice had already told us she would look after him if he was too sick. But looking at Stan's chemotherapy schedule for the month of July, he will be in chemo the eight through the tenth so he is able to go. But let me get into the real detail, as soon as I told him we got the spot for the celebration, I said I didn't think it was best if he went. So he told me he'll ask Dr. Fohlkoly if he'd be healthy enough to go. I told him not to do that as I don't want to risk his health in such a populated area for hours on end but he insisted he talked with his oncologist. _

_Get this- since I am so insisted he doesn't go, he had SHELLEY drive him to Children's to talk with his doctor! I cannot believe it, Shelley took my car without asking me to driver her brother there to talk about something that I already decided on! Stan came back and told me Dr. Fohlkoly said it would be okay if he went! I know! What is he thinking? I talked to him just to make sure._

"Dr. Fohlkoly… are you sure it would be safe for Stan to go?" I strained.

"I promise you Sharon, as long as he takes his usual safety concerns in hand, he should be fine."

"But I don't think it would be a good thing. There will be a lot of people around us and the activities start at 2 PM, all the way until nine at night when they set off the fireworks."

I heard him sigh on the other end. "I won't lie to you Sharon; there are a lot of risks. It would be better if he stayed home but…"

"But what?"

Another sigh. "You had to hear him Mrs. Marsh; he was very stubborn about the whole thing. He would not stop asking me about it and telling me he would make sure he'd be okay. As soon as I told him generally speaking, he should be safe, he did not stop. 'I promise I'll be okay. I promise I won't do anything to risk my health or let anyone do anything to me. I promise.'"

"He really said that?" I asked.

"He did. I asked him why he wanted to go so badly. He told me he didn't want to miss out on any family events. He's very concerned about his health and he said he doesn't want to miss anything in case he doesn't have… he doesn't have much time left."

My heart skipped a beat. "Doctor"-

"I would have told you if you needed to know something Mrs. Marsh, you know I would. The way I look at it, the kid wants to have fun with his family in case something happens. It's that way with all kids. Just put out every caution when he goes. Make sure he has his sun block, wears a hat and sunglasses and his facemask at all times. And that he's always with a family member to make sure he doesn't come in contact with germs. I asked him if he wanted to take a wheelchair just in case but he doesn't want to. But if you think that's best…"

_So there you have it, Stan is coming with us. I can't say no to him now if he so badly wants to go and we'll make sure he's extra-careful. But I did tell him this would be the last event for a while since I don't want to take any more risks. He said that's fine. So let's hope all goes well in a few days!_

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_July 1st, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_Amazing yet again- Stan was able to make it to Eric's 13th birthday today! I am surprised his chemo or health in general has not gotten in the way. But I'm so happy, he's gotten really close with Eric and I know Eric sees him as his best friend. There was a huge party at his house and again I volunteered to help out. I'm still very shocked about Stanley, he's nothing but skin and bones at this point but he was able to participate in pretty much everything that was going on. But the sweetest thing happened today… as I was hanging in the yard I overheard and oversaw Stan and Eric sitting together after the party had died._

"Dude, you didn't have to come today you know," Eric had said.

"Yes I did," Stan said seriously. "Why would I miss your birthday if I didn't need to?"

"Look at you man- you're like a fucking walking skeleton. There's no way you're healthy enough to be even ten minutes away from the hospital."

Stan was smiling. "If it wasn't okay I wouldn't be here dude. I promise you have nothing to fear."

"I fear you might die yeah."

Stan shoved him. "Will you guys stop saying that? I'm okay. I'll be okay for a little while longer at least."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Eric asked shrewdly.

"What you think it means. I don't know when it will happen. But hopefully not for a while. I just don't want you to fret about it," Stan said heavily.

_I don't know how any of us cannot fret about Stan at this point. He's so pale now and his eyes are dull and looked bruised. He has bruises scattered at various points on his body. He's skinny and hasn't grown a whole lot. Even Eric is feeling the heat._

Eric looked a little uncomfortable. "I'm not fretting man, just you know, making sure you're okay and shit. I mean you- you're- well you haven't given me the big 'fuck you' yet like some of the other guys. If you _were_ to die"-

"I'm not going to die today. Tomorrow. The next week. Some day of course, we all will. But I wish you of all people would be okay with just that," Stan explained.

"Sorry Stan. You just look like crap now. But if you want me to not care I can easily do that too," Eric said simply.

Stan sighed. "Whatever fag, you're too much a complicated ass to sway in another direction to begin with."

"Hey!" Eric shouted. Stan was just giving him a playful look.

Eric was shaking his head, grinning. "Dude, I'm… I'm glad you made it."

Stan turned to Eric, smiling again. "I'm glad I did too."

_So in short, I am happy Stan and Eric have become such close friends now. Who would have thought really? But I know my son; he always wants to find the good in a person and won't give up until he knows something is a lost cause. Frankly I thought Eric was a lost cause but I have been proven wrong. Because of Stan he's now a little calmer, if only a little. And has said 'please' and 'thank-you' a few times since becoming closer. I see him bite his tongue a bit more before speaking too. Not to mention how sweet it is to see both boys playing with Chelsea- Eric is actually a bit gentle around her. What did my son do to him? HA. Anyway, it was a rather nice day today._

_Happy thirteenth birthday Eric!_

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_July 3rd, 2013_

_Dear diary,_

_Just a heads up- tomorrow is the big Fourth of July Celebration in Boulder! I can't help but feel worried about Stanley even though I know I shouldn't. He'll be okay, he keeps telling me. Dr. Fohlkoly told me there's nothing to worry about either. So why can't I stop? I'm always this way whenever Stan is in a public area. He did great at Kyle, Kenny, and Eric's birthday parties this year where there were plenty of people around. I'm sorry diary, forgive a fretful mother. I just hope all goes well, Stan is so vulnerable now. You know I have always told you, if anything ever happens to Stan I would never be able to bring myself up to writing in you again. That's the reality of it. So much has already happened, anything else… I will miss writing in you if something were to happen, let me tell you. All I can do is make sure we are all packed up and ready for tomorrow. It's a happy day where there will be lots of food and things to do. I just wish I could shut up that part of me that keeps telling me not to allow Stan to go. She won't shut up! Stan wouldn't lie to me. Nor would any of the doctors or nurses. He'll be okay inner self so STOP! This stress this year is doing my head in I swear._

_Well, let's just hope for a fun, safe day then. Will write in you tomorrow night if it's not too late._

_Love,_

_Sharon_

_**SPSP**_

_Okay then, finally done. I will tell you this now, with two chapters left, you will find out what I am doing with Stan next chapter. So this is your last chance to tell me your theories before I write if he lives, dies, or is scarred somehow. So enjoy the suspense! I know, I'm evil._

_Lots of love,_

_Rose, August 30, 2011_


	25. Thirteen

**THIRTEEN**

My POV

A/N: _Sorry for the late update. Real life gets in the way, plus I had to make this as best I could. Read on._

It was the morning of the Fourth of July, or properly named- Independence Day and Sharon was busy bustling around the house in South Park to make sure everyone and everything was ready for the day's events. Herself, Randy, Randy's mother, Shelley, and Stanley were driving out to Boulder to celebrate. There would be food and activities and fireworks throughout at Foulsom Field and she was happy that she was able to book a spot in advance since there was limited room there. The events would start around 2 PM so she wanted to make sure everyone was out the door by 10 AM in order to make the four hour ride there and get settled. Sharon came around the kitchen table where her kids were eating breakfast, at least one of them was.

"Stanley, finish your cereal please," Sharon expressed as she watched her son move his spoon about in his bowl but didn't put anything in his mouth.

"I'm not"-

"Don't tell me you aren't hungry. Eat; Dr. Fohlkoly wants you to eat as much as possible."

"I already ate as much as possible," Stan told his mother.

"Just eat turd," Shelley sighed. "I don't like when you don't eat either. And you have to have some food and energy in you today if you're going to survive the events."

Stan sighed but spooned some of the Cinnamon Life cereal into his mouth, frowning as it was now soggy.

Sharon had him eat a cantaloupe wedge as well. Fruit had to be eaten by him every breakfast or he was not allowed to leave the table. She had to make sure he was eating as well as he could now that he was so sick. After he finished his breakfast he took his five daily pills and capsules before getting dressed. Everyone was down and ready right after ten. Sharon couldn't help but notice the worried look on her son's face. "Sweetie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Stanley…" Sharon sighed.

"Sorry. Nothing's wrong though, really. Just thinking."

"I hope you aren't regretting coming. You're the one who practically begged Dr. Fohlkoly if you could go."

"I want to go Mom, really," Stan said, a bit shocked.

Sharon hardly knew what to believe anymore; all she could do was gather everyone in the car and leave. Stan looked behind his shoulder as his deep blue/green house disappeared as they turned the corner. Sighing, he pulled out his DS and began to play a game. As soon as the Marshes reached their apartment Stan let out Chelsea from her cat carrier and she immediately bolted out and ran into his room. Smiling he chased her and took out one of her feather dancer toys and began playing with her but only for a short while. After the pit stop Randy told him they had to get back in the car and take off to Boulder. Stan sighed and hugged his cat to him and kissed her cute pink nose.

"Stanley, you know not to touch or kiss Chelsea like that anymore!" Randy cried.

"No one ever said that. And I never get allergic reactions to her. God," Stan rolled his eyes. With one last stroke he went back in his mom's SUV and they finished off the ride to the Independence Day festivities. Shelley noticed her little brother seemed a bit down, she even spotted him dabbing at the corner of his eye.

"What is it?" she asked softly.

"Nothing, it's stupid."

"Tell me Stan."

Stan drew in a sharp breath. "I'm just going to miss her, Chelsea. That's all."

Shelley raised a brow. "You're going to see her again idiot. We're coming back to the apartment after. We're staying here until your chemo is up next week. And why does it matter? She's always with you."

"I dunno, I'm just going to miss her today."

The Fourth of July Celebration was going to take place at Fouslom Field. It was a large area with a playground and water works for children and beautiful walking trails all around. It also had a baseball field with bleachers where everyone would sit during the fireworks display at night. Before they even left Stan had to be covered from head to toe in sun block and wore a wide-brimmed hat over his head as well as a white long-sleeved shirt made from a light and protective material against the sun. Last but not least he had to wear his facemask at all times. If he wanted to take it off for any reason he had to ask his parents to see if it would be okay. Otherwise, he was as protected from the hot summer sun as he could be. He however did not want a wheelchair to get around; he wasn't handicapped per se, and preferred being carried around by his family if needs be. Shelley had no problem doing it now.

It was defiantly time for lunch when they arrived so Stan told his mother what he wanted to eat and he sat and talked with Shelley at one of the area's picnic tables. After his hotdog and a few cookies Stan was ready for some fun.

"I'm going to take Stan to the arts and crafts area, see if there's anything good," Shelley told their mom.

"I don't know Shelley, it might not be safe," Sharon bit her lip.

"Mom, he's going to be fine as long as he's with me. If anyone does anything as much as accidently bump into him I'm going to make 'em regret it," Shelley punched her fist in her hand.

"Well, all right then…" Sharon couldn't help but worry about her son today. He'd be safer home with a sitter. Even his oncologist said so. But he so wanted to come, and as long as they took every safety measure out there, he'd be fine. Her son wasn't stupid, he had been flushing public toilets with his foot for the past two years and knew better than to touch something germy. He took care of himself fine when it came to his leukemia, so why did she still feel the need to treat him like fragile glass? _Maybe because he practically is_, said a voice in her head.

At the arts and crafts area Shelley and Stan made pinwheels and fun hats. They even made little coasters, all from knitting supplies. Shelley had difficulty with hers as she never got the hang of the activity but Stan went right at it and finished before everyone and even made extras. They took a break and did a word search puzzle that was being handed out at the kid's booths before they took a snack of festive red, white, or blue cupcakes. After, they witnessed a messy blueberry pie eating contest. Only then did they meet up with their parents.

"You kids have been spending all day together, what about us?" Sharon asked.

"Shelley, you know it's no good to hog your brother all to yourself," Grandma Mara 'scolded.'

"Sorry, we just found some stuff to do," Stan smiled. "Look! We made coasters. Knitted them. I helped Shelley with hers."

Shelley flicked his ear. "Stupid turd."

Sharon pushed aside her lemonade. "Why don't we take a little walk around the stream Stanley?"

"Hey, we were planning on seeing those old geezers practice baseball in the baseball field," Randy told his 'wife'.

"Randy, Stanley shouldn't be in the sun for that long, the game just started! At least he'll be shaded by trees if we walk," Sharon said in her usual disproval manner.

"I'll go to the game with you Dad," Stan said.

"Stan…" Sharon sighed.

"I'll be okay Mom, really," he said so only she could hear. With a nod, he followed after Randy, fitting his new hat on his head as he went. The two took up seats at the baseball belchers as men in their fifties and above played the game. It was only for five innings as they needed to set up the field for the fireworks after.

"Don't know why your mother is so worried, I won't let something happen to you; I'm not that irresponsible," Randy said to himself but loud enough for Stan to hear.

Stan looked on as one guy hit the ball right at first base and was the first out. "Did you see that Dad? Not a good way to start the game," Stan commented. The two sat and enjoyed the first two innings without talking to one another.

Only after Stan glanced at him did Randy speak up. "Stan… do you think I'm a bad father?" he asked.

"What?" Stan was surprised.

"Do you? I mean, I see how you are with Tom," he growled. "Maybe I've missed my mark when it came to you and Shelley."

Stan sighed as he took a long drink from his water bottle. "You aren't a bad father Dad."

Randy raised a brow.

"Sure you've done some stupid stuff. And I admit, I speak for both Shelley and I when I say you have disappointed us. Not shown up at an event or something. And we both hate how you drink," he glanced at the cup of beer in his dad's hand. "Not to mention how you've never given Mom any sort of respect all my life…"

Randy sighed and looked down.

"But those are too late to change and 'forgive and forget'. You aren't horrible; you just made mistakes like we all do. There are far worse things you could have done," Stan went on.

"Oh come on Stan, by the sounds of it I am horrible!" Randy shot.

"Let me finish," Stan said calmly. "You could have been worse. You never came home yelling like a mad drunk. Maybe a little angry but never at any of us. You never hit Mom or Shelley or me. You did give us support a lot of the time. And a lot of your motives were for us, for your family. You could have used up all that bonus money you got years ago on that one car show you wanted to go to but instead you allowed Shelley and I to pick something, anything we wanted at the toy store. That was a fun time. I got that one robot, Pete I named him. Remember?"

Randy smiled and patted his son's back. "Yeah, I remember."

"I was so happy that day. I played with Pete for years before I lost him on a trip to California." Randy looked at his son as he spoke, feeling satisfied now. "The point is Dad, you've done some really stupid stuff over the years but you're my dad. No one can replace you. Tom can't replace you."

Randy's heart swelled. "Really?"

"He's great, he is. He makes Mom happy. I don't know if anything's going to happen with them ever but, he won't replace you. It's your black hair I have- or had, not his," Stan smiled.

A tear formed in Randy's left eye. He hugged him. "Thanks son, I needed to hear that."

"No problem Dad." The game was getting a little boring as no one had scoured in any runs so father and son returned back to where the rest of the family was. By this time it was dinner and Stan hungrily ate BBQ pork ribs and corn, laughing as Shelley kept pointing out how ridiculous he looked with the sauce all over his fingers and face. Before the firework show, Stan walked around the stream with his mom.

The two didn't say much but enjoyed the running water and stood on the bridge over it, watching the fish below. "I love when it's just the two of us Stan," Sharon sighed. "You were always the more open one in the family." She could see it in her son's eyes he was smiling even though he had his mask on. "I mean you knit! Who would have guessed?" she laughed.

"Really. But I love doing it. Thanks for teaching me Mom. I'm so happy you did."

By 8:30 Stan had taken a seat in the bleachers with his family, ready to see the fireworks display. He was sitting next to his grandmother with no one on his left. He shivered in the slightly cool night air.

"Are you going to be okay sweetheart?" Grandma Mara asked. Stan nodded.

"Just a bit cold but I'll be okay."

"Well let me get you a blanket from the car. Randy?" Stan watched his grandmother get up and walk with the car keys in hand. He blinked at the emerging stars. He'd be able to make it the rest of the night. Ten minutes later she returned with a blanket Sharon had knitted years ago. She draped it over his bony shoulders. At that moment a man Stan did not know sat in the empty space on his left.

"Whew!" he wiped his forehead. "Five minutes to go, made it just in time." He looked to see he was sitting next to a small tween boy who had a blanket over his shoulders, glasses over his eyes, and a mask over his face. He looked alarmed.

Stan took off his mask for a second to give him a grin so he knew he was okay. "Hey, my name's Stan. I'd shake hands with you but it might give me the flu," he said matter-of-factly.

The man blinked but tipped his hat. "I'm Mike. Say, I don't mean to sound rude but..."

"It's okay," Stan passed off. "I have leukemia. But you can still sit next to me, just make sure you don't touch me or something."

The two chatted for a few minutes before all lights went out and the people in the stands began to cheer and Stan heard a few kids cry out 'the fireworks are gonna start Mommy!' They started right on Que- bursts of red, white, blue, gold, green, silver. In an array of patterns and syncs.

"Oh wow..." Stan gasped as he gazed his eyes up at a rather spectacular gold display.

"Are you doing okay honey?" Sharon asked her son over the noise (and her mother-in-law).

"Yeah! This is great!" Stan shouted back.

Mike coughed next to him but Stan barely noticed. He couldn't remember the last time he had been this close to fireworks. It was amazing. A gust of cold air swept through the stands now. Stan shivered as he felt his chest constrict. He took his facemask off, hoping breathing in the fresh air would calm his lungs. It did not. He took a sip from his water bottle and turned to his mother.

"Mom- Mom! I need my inhaler," he called.

Sharon dug around in her bag and passed it to him. Stan drew in another deep breath. The man next to him, Mike, was coughing again. Stan glanced at him before he faced forward and wrapped his lips around the mouthpiece and pressed, sucking in the medicine at the same time. He waited ten seconds before doing it again. He felt his body relax again and so he passed the inhaler back to his mom and placed the face mask over his mouth again.

"You okay kid?" Mike asked.

Stan nodded. "Just a little asthma flare-up. I'm fine."

More bangs and booms in the air. More sparkles and colors danced in Stan's deep blue eyes. If only he could make it the rest of the night. That's all he needed. And it looked as if it was going to happen. The air was pleasant, he felt safe and warm in his blanket. He ate well today and had a lot of fun. And tonight was the perfect way to end it all.

As he looked at the happy faces of his family, he knew there was no other way he could possibly ask for a better ending. It was close to 11:30 when the family returned to the apartment in Denver. Stan was carried to his room by Shelley who offered to take him. She made sure he was warm in his bottom bunk and finally freed him of his mask. She scooped up Chelsea and placed her on him.

"Thanks sis..." Stan said exhausted and seconds later, he was asleep. July 5th Stan woke with a headache. He slowly sat up and realized he felt flushed and warm. He coughed a couple times. He sat up in bed, idly stroking his cat before deciding to get out of bed. He padded his way to his parents' room and woke his mother up.

"Stanley, what are you doing up? It's hardly seven," Sharon squinted.

"Mom, I have a fever."

"What?" she felt his forehead. Trying to not look too worried she took him back to his room and placed the thermometer under his tongue. "100.5," she read off. Stan blinked lifeless eyes back. "Let's not worry too much dear, a fever just means your body is trying to fight an infection. It isn't something to stop."

At that moment there was a creak of mattress above and Shelley looked down rubbing her eyes. "What's going on?" she yawned.

"Stan has a fever but he'll be okay," Sharon stated. Shelley watched as her mother tended to her little brother; giving him fresh pajamas and filled a bottle of water for him and placed it next to his pillow so he wouldn't get dehydrated. She placed a cool washcloth over his face before telling him she'd check on him soon.

"Sure you're okay?" Shelley asked.

Stan drew in a shaky breath. "I'll be okay Shelley. Promise."

However Stan did not get any better that day. By nightfall he was coughing constantly. Sharon sat next to him on the couch, rubbing his back and trying to comfort him. "I don't understand how the poor thing got sick," Grandma Mara said as she came forward bearing some tea for her grandson.

"I knew I shouldn't have allowed you to come with us yesterday," Sharon stated.

"It's not your fault Mom"- Stan said as his chest constricted.

"You're obviously in no state to go anywhere but home or the hospital!" Tears burned Stan's eyes, he did not like to think this but perhaps it was the truth. Who was he kidding? He knew it was the truth. He leaned against his mother and listened as she said things about how she'd be taking him to the hospital tomorrow if he was not better in the morning. Stan drew in a deep breath and just snuggled against her.

July 6th. Stan woke himself up; he could hardly fall asleep during the night. His chest hurt as he went into a coughing fit. This woke up Shelley and she went down the bed bunk to his side. She rubbed his back, a worried look on his face. Stan looked at his big sister, tears in his eyes. Shelley looked back with the same expression. No words were spoken between the two siblings, the sister just continued to comfort her brother the best she could. Stan blinked dull eyes at her before his eyes traveled downward. They didn't need to say anything, Shelley understood everything that was going on in her brother's head. An hour of this she finally got to her feet.

"Want me to get Mom?" she asked, voice tight.

Stan drew in a shuddered breath and nodded. Sharon came in and gasped at her son's state. His fever had spiked and he was coughing more. He was also shivering. Words had become blurred as she and Randy went about the apartment getting a bag ready for their son who would no doubt be spending some time in the hospital. "C'mon son, let's go," Randy took out a hand time later for Stan to balance against. Stan slipped his cold feet into slippers.

"Wait"- he turned around to his bed where Chelsea sat, giving him the curious gaze only a cat provided. He hugged his cat to him tight. "I love you so much Chelsea." He looked over to her one last time at the doorframe before he wiped a tear and had his father lead him out.

10:45 AM had the Marsh family sitting in the familiar waiting room on the seventh floor of Children's Hospital Denver. The sound of shoes on carpet was heard and a round balding man came forward.

Sharon got to her feet. "What's wrong with him?" she asked the man anxiously.

Dr. Fohlkoly looked at the file in his hand. "It's the flu." All three family members looked at each other.

"What I want to know is how he got it."

"He- he took every precaution the other day at the Fourth of July celebration. I don't understand how he got sick," Sharon sniffed.

"I think it's best to ask him about that when he feels stronger. We just concluded all our tests and he's sleeping now in his room. You can stick around until he wakes up or I can call you when he does," Dr. Fohlkoly spoke.

They decided to wait. By three they were allowed to see Stan again. Each one of them did their usual prep work of thoroughly cleaning their hands and putting surgical bags over their shoes before stepping in. Stan was in a semi-upright position, eyes half-open. He was hooked up to the usual vital machines and two bags of IV drugs hung by him. "Oh sweetheart," Sharon sniffed, coming forward.

"It's just the flu… I'll be fine," Stan whispered.

"Don't stress yourself son, take all the time you need," Randy said. Stan didn't answer back. Just when his family was about to leave Stan made one request.

"Can- can you make sure the guys come see me soon? I- I really want to see them…"

Sharon bit her lip. "If… if that's what you want. I'll go call their parents today okay sweetie?" Stan nodded and closed his eyes before he fell asleep again. He was in and out of sleep the rest of the day. July 7th. Stan looked on as Nurse Michelle tended to his bedside that morning. He blinked tired eyes as she checked one of the IV bags hanging. She frowned and looked at the twelve-year-old.

"How are you feeling this morning honey?"

Stan took in a deep breath. "Same. My body really hurts."

Nurse Michelle sighed. "Well I'll go see what else I can do to make you comfortable. You don't seem to be getting any better from yesterday." Stan just shrugged. "I'll bring you up some breakfast okay?" Stan ate one triangle of jam covered toast and a bit of his apple juice before he was full. He didn't care about eating at this point; all he wanted was to see his friends. His prayers were answered around lunch time when Nurse Michelle entered his room again. "Looks like you have some visitors sweetie-pie!" she smiled and revealed his best friends.

"Dude, we heard what happened and came as soon as we could," Kyle said looking frantic as he hurried to Stan's bedside.

"How the hell do you manage to get sick in the middle of July?" Cartman asked.

Stan looked at him.

"Oh. Right. Sorry."

"Are you going to be okay Stan?" Butters asked worriedly.

Stan moved his head. "I'll be okay… soon. I'm sorry if I've worried you guys. I wish I didn't get the flu in July but what are you gonna do?" he shut his eyes.

Kyle touched his left hand where the usual IV tubing sat. "Dude, are you sure you're okay?"

Stan opened his eyes again. "Yeah Kyle. I wouldn't lie. Sure I feel like shit but I promise you, I'll be feeling better again soon. I just wanted to see you guys, that's all."

Kyle was tempted to say something to him. Stan had never asked his friends to visit before; it was just something they did on their own. Stan was so weird like that at times, what were his true intentions? Did they even matter? All that mattered was he was here for him when he needed him. Kyle could sense Stan wanted to go back to sleep at that moment. He gave the others a look and they retreated.

"See you tomorrow man," Cartman patted Stan's foot under the covers and parted.

"Stan, dude, all of us are going to be here until you get out of here okay? Our parents all said it was okay to until you'll be back on your feet. So if you need us, we're just a phone call away okay? I'm staying at the Golden Tree Motel as well as Butters' parents. Cartman and Kenny are staying at Best Modern Motel." Kyle wrote down the numbers to the places mentioned.

Stan gave a slight smile. "Thanks dude. See you."

Kyle sighed. "See you." The day went by and the only visitors Stan had beside his parents was Shelley. She hadn't made it uncomfortable at all. Just sat there sitting next to her little brother, occasionally looking at him as he went in and out of sleep or watching TV with him or talking with him. When she finally got up to leave that night back to the apartment, Stan stalled her.

"Shelley, for what it's worth- you were a good big sister," he said sleepily into his pillow. Shelley looked shocked at first but smiled slightly before shaking her head and meeting up with her parents.

July 8th had Dr. Fohlkoly shaking his head as he looked down at the chart in his hand. "I don't understand it, he's not responding to any of the drugs we're giving him," he said to Nurse Heather.

She frowned. "What do you think we should do doctor?"

Dr. Fohlkoly sighed. "I have to talk to his parents."

Shaking his head he gathered Stan's medical file and went to find Sharon and Randy Marsh. They had already arrived that morning to see their son, but before they did so he had to break the news to him; Stan was not getting any better. The only hope he had was to begin his next round of chemotherapy that day otherwise it was likely the flu could take over. Sharon shook as she was lowered into a chair by her husband.

"Is that- safe?" she gulped.

"We have no other options left. Originally he was due to have treatment today anyway. And it might not have been that big a deal if he hadn't gotten sick. But if we call off treatment it's very likely your son might not be able to fight off the illness in the already weakened state he is in. I'm sorry."

With heavy hearts, Stan's parents decided to put their son back on his chemotherapy schedule, even if it might not be the best thing to have him on so many medications, he was sure to die from the flu if he didn't get help soon. To say Stan's friends were shocked to see him that day was an understatement. Before they went into the room they were instructed to put on facemasks of their own as well as the sanitary covers for their shoes and extensive hand cleansing. They could only stare open-mouthed at their friend when they saw his figure on the bed.

"Dude…" Kyle spoke.

"You look worse today than ever dude," Cartman stated.

"Sorry… you have to… see me like this guys…" Stan said over the mask over his face giving him oxygen.

"Dude… what the fuck?" tears burned Kyle's eyes. He had never seen Stan like this, ever. He looked so small in his bed. He was hooked up to so many machines and IVs and drugs of all sorts, pumping their harsh chemicals into his thin veins. His skin was so white, his eyes so dull and sunken in. Two bruises sat by his left eye. Sweat dripped down his bald head and his hands looked like they belonged to an old man's. He was nothing but a short seventy-eight pound twelve-year-old. But by the looks of it, he was still ten.

Tears were already spilling from Butters' eyes. Cartman however was finding this too hard to take. Stan really looked like he was dying. He felt his eyes burn and he drew in a sharp breath. The cough Stan gave sounded painful and he couldn't take it anymore. "I- I gotta go dude"- he choked before leaving the room. He leaned against the wall outside his friend's usual recovery room, trying to catch his breath.

"Are you okay sweetums?" Mrs. Cartman asked, noticing her son.

"I- need a drink- leave me alone"- And he left for the soda machine, not knowing if he'd be brave enough to visit room 1312 again.

July 12th. Stan lay in bed, hardly opening his eyes for anything. The first words he did utter were after Nurse Michelle was about to leave his room after giving him a breakfast tray with food he would not eat. "My friends… can you… make sure they come today?"

The black woman gave a small smile. "Of course. Let me tell your mother so she can call them sweetheart." It was hardly a request, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, and Kenny had stopped by their friend's hospital room each day since they arrived. Although it was getting harder and harder to do as he looked different each day. Around ten they stopped by with slight smiles on their faces.

"Hey dude, how're holding up?" Kyle asked Stan softly, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Stan didn't answer, just coughed. "Just wanted to see you guys…"

"We were going to come after lunch," Kyle tried to say with a smile.

Stan sighed. "Just wanted to now." He noticed Cartman standing by the door looking unsure. "Happy… you made it dude."

Cartman glared and crossed his arms. "Yeah well I have better things to do Stan. Like watch TV. And tell that stupid motel manager to give me clean sheets! I don't need to waste my time standing here and watching you _die_."

Stan smiled. "Thanks for coming though man." His heart constricted and he fidgeted in his blankets.

"Look, guys, I wanted to- to see you. Each individually."

Kyle was the one boring angry eyes at Stan. "Stan don't you dare fucking say your goodbyes don't you _dare_."

Stan frowned. "I'm not. I just wanna… talk to each of you. Just for a few minutes. Too short for a goodbye. Don't worry dude." Kyle stood outside room 1312, arms crossed now as Kenny was inside talking with Stan. When he came out Kyle immediately asked what had happened.

"Calm down Kyle," Kenny bit back. "Stan didn't give me some little goodbye chat."

"Then what did he do?" the redhead demanded.

"He just wanted to tell me a few things. It wasn't a goodbye. Wait your turn asswipe."

When Butters had his turn he had tears in his eyes. Kyle was feeling suspicious now. Cartman was called in next.

He sighed when he saw the broken boy in his hospital bed. "Stan man, you know I'm no good at this sort of shit…"

"I know. That's why… I'm not going to say goodbye." Cartman noticed Stan's old lovey Ruffy tucked into his arm. He had to smirk. "Still sleep with that thing do you?"

Stan chuckled but stopped when he was racked with coughs. "Only recently. Still sleep with Clyde Frog?"

Cartman smiled. "If you weren't sick dude I'd punch you."

Stan's eyes were heavy and he was very tired. "Look, I'm not going to say goodbye. No one said I'm dying today. Just wanted to say… thanks. Thanks… for being a cool friend Eric."

Cartman's eyes were wide. "Dude, you never call me"-

"-it's been fun. It really has. Just saying, dude… I honestly don't know how much time I have left. I just wanted you… to know… how I feel," Stan struggled to say.

Tears stung in the fat boy's eyes. "Come- come on man, this is getting kinda gay."

"I know. But thanks a lot for being there. I… I always knew you cared."

At this Cartman shut his lip. He didn't have anything to respond to. He just said, "You're welcome Stan man. I- I… shit dude, I'm glad we became, you know…"

Stan nodded slightly. "Me too dude."

Kyle was hesitant to walk in. He did not want to hear some sob story from Stan, he didn't need it. He didn't want to hear his best friend give up. There was no reason to give up hope now.

"Why the fuck do you want to talk to me? Honestly?" Kyle asked.

"We're SBF's, that's why…"

"Stan"-

"It isn't goodbye. But just in case…"

"In case nothing Stan! Do you not listen to anything I ever tell you? _You still have a chance at beating this_! I've been doing research in my free time and you can still _win_. Don't give up already dude, you're only twelve! And I"-

"Kyle, let me speak," Stan strained. Kyle blinked back his tears. "I'm not saying goodbye. I'm not. I just want to tell you… you've been great. A great friend and"-

"Sounds awfully like a goodbye to me."

Stan rolled his eyes. "Fine. But I know we'll see each other… again. And I promise you I won't… give up until the end. Promise." Kyle sniffed as he touched Stan's veiny hand.

"Good. Because I'm going to miss you if you do go."

Stan made a painful smile. "I won't give up until the end. Promise Super Best Friend."

Kyle made a fist and touched his shoulder as if to sock him. "Super Best Friend. We are _so_ gay."

Stan laughed softly. His eyes became heavy and Nurse Michelle stepped in and told the boys they should leave. With the promise they could come back tomorrow, she allowed them to say their final goodbyes to their now sleeping friend and went to find their parents.

The rest of the day passed slowly. Sharon did not leave her son's bedside ever since his friends left. She couldn't. He had never been sicker than he was this day and if she could comfort him she would. Of course the nurses suggested she get up and walk around a bit or get something to eat but she didn't. She couldn't. Stan needed her; even if he was sleeping most of the time she knew he needed her. Whenever he was awake he looked around with tired eyes. She didn't bother to place his glasses on during those times. Around dinner the door opened and Randy poked his head in.

"Sh-Sharon, it's almost seven. Maybe you should get some dinner. They're selling burgers downstairs," he said uncomfortably.

"I can't leave him now Randy, he needs me," Sharon insisted.

Randy sighed and ran a hand in his hair. "He's been sleeping all day Sharon. You can see him tomorrow okay? You can't spend all day watching him do nothing."

Sharon glared. "What if something happens when I'm not here? I want to be here. There's no cut-off time for visiting hours here so why should I leave? I've done this many times before. I'm not going anywhere."

Randy gave up and left the room. Sharon turned to her son and noticed his eyes were now open. They were the dullest of blues.

"Hey sweetie, did you have a nice nap?" she asked, squeezing his hand.

Stan smiled slightly. "Had better. Can I... have glasses?" his chest constricted hard from the mask pumping oxygen into his lungs.

"There's nothing to see though sweetie."

"Please?"

Sharon placed the specs over his ears.

"Can I... not see...my pretty mother... clearly?" Stan joked.

Sharon laughed. The two were silent for a long time. A nurse came up with food for Stan that he did not touch and food for Sharon. She nibbled her cheeseburger as she watched her son. She was so used to this; she had been doing it the past three years almost. Watch Stan, awake or not, in this very bed in this very room. Surrounded by hanging IV bags, machines, and other medical equipment. Hold his hand as he was poked by yet another needle. Laugh with him as he watched his cartoons on the TV. Cried when the chemotherapy simply became too much. Held him in her arms as he tried to forget it all. All so familiar, all so repetitive. And here she was again, on some random day, holding onto his little pale hand that held tubing where harsh drugs were being pumped into. She looked at him, eyes half-shut, arm looped loosely around Ruffy. He looked so small in the bed. Surely he was not her twelve-year-old son?

Night had fallen. It was now ten and surprisingly, Stan was still awake. Sharon was still in the room with him. She wanted to stay here but she knew she had to take care of herself. She needed to get a proper sleep at home so she'd be refreshed for another day of looking down at her son.

But Stan didn't want her to leave just yet. "Mom... can I have a story?"

Tears instantly filled Sharon's eyes. He had not asked for such a thing in almost two years. "Of- of course honey. But why now of all times?"

"Just.. wanted to. My favorite, please." Sharon always did make sure to take along his favorite storybook with her whenever they were at the hospital. Such a request could be made again, she never knew. She smiled and took out The Bubblegum Prince in the Land of Chocolate from her bag and pushed her chair nearer his face.

She cleared her throat. "One fine day in Bubblegum Town, the Bubblegum Prince was happily bouncing along. He then received a message from Chester Jellybean: 'Oh Bubblegum Prince! Help is to be found! Terror has stricken Chocolate Town!' 'Oh no!' cried the Prince. Every happy soul in Bubblegum Town knew the terrors that faced the little residents in the Land of Chocolate, but what was one little Prince to do?"

Stan gazed happily at his mother as she read the beloved picture book. Her voice like magic to his ears, sending him to a place only peaceful souls could go. When she finished, Stan had shut his eyes and appeared to be asleep. She sat and rubbed his hand for a little while.

Around eleven the door opened and a male nurse stepped in. "Mrs. Marsh, you look haggard. I think the best thing for you to do is get some sleep."

Sharon looked at her son, heart constricting.

The nurse smiled sadly. "We'll inform you of any changes. But I think it's best you come back fully energized tomorrow. I'm sure it will make Stan happy."

"R-right... just a sec..." She got up from her feet and placed the old book in her bag. She bent down and took off Stan's glasses and kissed him on the cheek and stroked his face lovingly. "I'll be here first thing tomorrow morning okay baby? I love you." With one last kiss, she allowed the nurse to lead her out.

What no one saw were two blue eyes open ever-so-slightly just as Sharon got one last look of her son as she left.

Stan struggled to speak. "M-Mom... Mom..." The lids closed over the boy's eyes and never did reopen.

Midnight. At the Marshes' apartment, Sharon tossed and turned in the bed. It annoyed Randy to no end of course. "_Why _are you so topsy turvy tonight?" he finally moaned.

Sharon lay flat on her back. "I don't know Randy. I can't get comfortable. I can't fall asleep. I don't know."

"Well figure it out soon before one of us is on the couch." Even though they were borderline separated they still slept in the same bed, out of desperation more than anything.

Sharon sat up now and rubbed her eyes. "I can't fall asleep Randy. I'm- I almost feel afraid to do so."

"What?" he said sluggishly.

Sharon sighed. "I can't do it. I can't sleep."

"Well try harder," Randy simply stated.

Sharon tried. But by 1 AM she suddenly sat up as if electrically charged. "Stan"-

Randy moaned as Sharon turned on the bedroom light and began running around for a jacket and shoes. "_Now _what are you doing?"

"I have to go to Children's, right now," she managed to say.

"What? Sharon, it's"- he looked at his alarm. "I:05 in the morning. It's way too early to check on Stan now."

"I have to go to Children's now. _Right now_!"

"Sharon, you're becoming a mother hen. Stan is fine. If anything happened the hospital would have called," Randy stated.

Sharon looked up madly, hair tousled, stuffing her foot into a shoe. "I have to go! I have to go!" Randy tried to calm his wife down but she could only grab her purse and cell before saying "I'll call"- and running out the door.

Shelley exited her room yawning. "Where is Mom off to?"

"She had to see your brother _this_ minute," Randy said, looking at the door as if Sharon were to come bursting in as quickly as she left.

"Why?"

"I don't know Shelley." Randy looked at his daughter who had bags under her eyes. "Doesn't look as if you got much sleep," he noted.

Shelley shrugged. "No. Can't sleep. Been trying but, can't do it. I could say the same for you."

Randy sighed. "Yeah, haven't been able either. And it's not because your mom was tossing around in bed."

Shelley bent down to pick up Chelsea who had been circling her legs. "Chelsea's been bugging me too. I think she misses Stan."

Randy rubbed his eyes. "Let's- let's wait around a bit, until your mother calls us anyway."

Sharon could not get to Children's Hospital quick enough. She didn't exactly know why she had to be there at one in the morning, she just knew she had to. She tapped impatiently on the steering wheel as she waited for red lights to turn green before speeding off as fast as the limit provided. She parked in the parking garage, not caring to see where it was she parked. As she ran towards the automatic doors on the third floor her cell went off. It was from the hospital itself. She didn't answer it, she just ran. And ran. She ignored the people she ran by, ignored their shouts of friendly hellos or the shocked looks on their faces. She just ran to the elevator and hammered the button to the seventh floor. She had no time even for the elevator to go up.

She came bursting out of the elevator. She came running down the halls of the floor for Blood Diseases and Conditions. She saw a group of doctors and nurses outside room 1312. It was as if it were a scene from a movie; time seemed to have slowed down ten times. People were saying things she couldn't understand, Dr. Fohlkoly was gripping her shoulder.

"I'm sorry Sharon, I'm so sorry..."

"No! NO! Let me see my son! Let me see my son!" she screamed.

In slow motion a nurse had to stop her from disrupting the floor. Sharon pushed those who tried holding her back, all the while screaming 'no' again and again. She finally pushed her way through the staff and made it to her son's bed. Stan lay motionless on his bed. His eyes were closed. The doctors and nurses outside the room allowed her to be alone with him.

"_No_! _No_! _No_! My baby... my baby boy..." Sharon's screeches filled the room, the whole floor. She touched her son's face, now cold. "Stanley... Stanley baby it's Mommy. Stanley... Stanley wake up, _wake up_..." she sobbed as she squeezed his hand. There were no sounds for the next twenty minutes. Nothing but the utter agony of a mother as she sobbed and screamed at her son's deathbed. Touching his face, squeezing his hand. Expecting him to wake up.

Only then did Dr. Fohlkoly step in and gripped her shoulder, trying to lead her out. "C'mon Sharon, let's get you out of here..."

"No! No! That's my son! My baby! That's my baby!" her words were choked with anguish as she struggled against the round man.

"You're going to upset the other patients on the floor. We- we need to get you some air..."

"That's my son! That's my baby! My baby boy! No! _Noooo_..."

At 2:40 Randy received a phone message from St. Joseph's Hospital. His wife had been taken there after she suffered a panic attack. It was then that he discovered the news on their son. He threw the phone and broke down on his bed. Shelley walked in and with one look from her father she knew. Randy took his daughter in his arms and together they cried.

It was around lunchtime when Shelley had informed Kyle, Cartman, Butters, and Kenny about what happened. She knew it would be better if they heard it from her than going to the hospital for their daily visit, only to be told then what had happened. None of them could believe it, it was after all something everyone tried to ignore since they found out about the disease. Kyle lashed out at his parents and sat on his bed the next two days, not eating and crying. Cartman had almost had his mother hit the tub after he pushed her in the bathroom in his anger before going out and walking somewhere, not speaking to anyone. He had been reported missing for three whole days before Liane had the police go looking for him. He was found under a bridge, dirty, hungry, and beside himself with grief. When he saw his mother he finally put his head onto her and broke.

Sharon Marsh had to be hospitalized for four days; including the day Stan had passed. She had been frozen with such shock no one could get anything out of her. With her mother in such a horrible state Shelley took it upon herself to inform other family members and with Randy and the Broflovski's help, made funeral arrangements. Even though she was the strongest of everyone at this point, Shelley could not help but feel bothered by the events. She loved her brother, she did. But she also knew a deep secret. And it made her angry almost that she knew it. But her little brother trusted her... she could hardly think clearly as she placed all the details for Stan's memorial service in cards. According to the hospital, Stan had passed away at exactly 1:13 AM. On July 13th. She shuddered as she made a stack of the cards. 13. Stan was so afraid he'd never make it to be a teenager. Perhaps this was his way to show everyone he would reach the big thirteen some way.

Shelley spent all of July 16th getting the final touches arranged. Her grandparents and all her aunts, uncles, and cousins from California would be coming in the next day. Stan's memorial service was set for the 19th. He was to be buried at South Park cemetery.

"It's where he'd want to be," Randy barely let out after the spot was marked.

Maybe it was one of the perks to being one of those unknown towns. All that had to be arranged was. Shelley oversaw it all; the casket her brother would be laid in, the outfit he would be wearing, the headstone, flower arrangements and everyone who would be coming. Of course all of Stan's family members and friends would be there but she knew to add many more chairs as she was sure there would be more people who would want to pay their respects as well. And they should have been allowed to; Stan had touched many people the past three years.

Shelley awoke early on the morning of July 19th. She, along with Gerald and Sheila drove to the South Park Catholic Church to arrange everything. Shelley knew her brother would not care much for where or how he was buried but as the only sane person in the family now Shelley knew it was up to her to make those final moments count for something. She knew he was not religious or had ever been throughout his life. But she knew the rest of the family was Catholic and Stan had still been deemed Catholic even if he never practiced it at all. And that much was certain as the months passed by.

"_I mean what's the _point_?" he had said. "We're all going to die anyway. As long as you're a good person who cares? I know I'm going to go to a good place when I die."_

Shelley shivered in the cool church as she remembered those words. Really, Stan had shared so much with her this year. She shook it off and went back to arranging the flowers. The memorial service was scheduled to begin at 2 PM. Shelley was in her room back at 2001 Bonanza Street, looking into her mirror to make sure her black dress fit okay. She clasped on a simple necklace before sighing. She went out into the living room where her parents and grandparents sat.

"We need to get to the church soon. I do at least, I'm going to be handing out the cards," she spoke. Sharon was dressed in a black dress herself and was looking off into space. Heavy bags were under her eyes and her hair a mess. "M-Mom? Did you get ready?"

Grandpa Peter got to his feet, sniffing. "Don't worry about your mother Shelley; we'll take care of her. You get- get to where you need to be. We'll all pile into the SUV." Shelley sighed and took the keys for her dad's car and drove off to the church.

She frowned as she looked at the empty passenger's seat. Only last birthday did she promise Stan she would help him learn how to drive. He was already good at it, spending so many hours playing those driving video games. He'd be able to take the wheel of an actual car, easy. She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts.

She parked the car at the church and went inside where a few people already were. Stan's casket had already been brought in and now sat at the head of the building, a glow onto it from the light coming in from the window overhead. She ran her hand over the beautiful cherry wood finish.

"I'm going to do the best I can today, okay Stan?" she whispered before going and making the final touches with the helpers already there.

Two rolled by and car after car was being parked, friends, family, acquaintances, and those Shelley had never seen arrived. She stood by the open doors of the church, basket in hand, filled with cards for each of them. Of the first to arrive were her parents and grandparents. Grandma Ellen had her arm around Sharon, leading her in. Sharon walked on unsteady legs, mumbling words that were not in any particular language.

"Shh, it's okay Shari, it's going to be okay…" the older woman said. "Thanks dear," she nodded to Shelley as she took hold of a card that was passed to her. Shelley felt her heart sink as Stan's closest friends arrived. Kyle had his head low; his mother had her hand on his shoulder. Shelley handed each of the Broflovski's a card.

"What's this?" Kyle asked dully.

"Information about today's service. And one of Stan's favorite poems. Turd." Kyle sighed as he took it, walking in with his head down. Shelley was shocked to see just how distraught Cartman appeared to be as he walked in.

"It's not right man. It's not fucking _right_…"

"Save it for after okay?" Shelley said heavily and passed him a card.

Butters was already crying when he came in. Kenny had to grip his shoulder and tell him things were going to be okay. And in came everyone else. Dr. Fohlkoly, Nurse Michelle, two other of Stan's favorite nurses, his dentist Dr. Steels, eye doctor Dr. Oswalt, and tutor Alice. The three friends of Alice he had hung out with last year had arrived as well. Also Mr. Garrison, Mrs. Uhalley, and several other teachers from kindergarten up until seventh grade. There were also the owners of the animal shelter Stan had volunteered at for his Make-a-Wish wish and several people who were regulars contributing to the Smiles for Stan Foundation. The majority of Stan's classmates filed in including his first-time love, Wendy. Only until the last person was seated did Shelley see just how many people had turned up. Stan had touched them all in some way.

Kyle took in a shuddered breath as he finally looked up. Ahead of him in a beautiful cherry wood casket, his best friend in the entire world lay. He finally looked at the card in his hand too. The cover was a beautiful and colorful forest scene, two deer walking amongst the trees. He opened it and saw a poem on a separate sheet of paper. Not wanting to read it yet, he read the words inside the card.

On the left was a shorter poem:

_When the sunny skies turn from blue to gray,_

_I can't help but wonder just what you would say?_

_I wonder if you know how many lives you have touched,_

_Do you know that people here love you so much?_

_Can you even know how many dreams you made come true,_

_Or if you can hear the voices saying I love you?_

_Do you know how many lives you have changed,_

_And how many lives you completely rearranged?_

_I wish I could have just one more year,_

_Because I can't picture the rest of my life without you here._

_Just another chance to spend the night, and share a laugh,_

_Another day of school with you is what I'd like to have._

_Do you know you'll be greatly missed by us all?_

_Just one more time I want to hear your voice when I call._

_Just one more laugh, one more time to see you walk through the door_

_Another smile, another story, another hug, another day...Just one more._

_Miranda G. Brice_

To the right: _Stanley Quintin Marsh_ _October 19th 2001-July 13th 2013_ _To be memorialized- South Park Catholic Church_ _To be buried- South Park Cemetery._ _May we never forget the strong spirit this boy brought the world._

Kyle looked up as tears poured down his face. Beautiful, powerful music was playing throughout the church; he could have sworn he recognized a track from The Lord of the Rings. He looked over to see his mother already dabbing at her eyes. Many people were doing the same thing. Down the pew Cartman had his face in his hands, down, as if looking at his shoes. Kyle angrily wiped his tears.

Ike patted his shoulder. "It's gonna be okay dude…"

"But"-

"He's in a better place now. Don't- don't beat yourself over it Kyle."

"He was my best friend. _He was my best friend_," Kyle moaned and covered his face as more tears fell.

The music stopped and Priest Maxi got to the podium. "Fellow men, women, and children, it is my deep regret to say goodbye to such a wonderful boy today…"

"_Stanley_! _Stanley_!" Sharon shrieked. Randy had to calm her down as she cried into her tissues.

The priest said his thing before it was Shelley's turn to step up.

She hastily wiped away a tear as she cleared her throat. "Stan… was a great person. I- I know this is weird coming from me but the past three years… I've come to see just what a wonderful kid he was. And I was lucky, really really lucky to have him as my little brother." She drew in a breath. "I used to hate him at times. I was jealous of him before he was born. But he didn't do anything wrong but try to get me to like him. He tried so hard to get me to be there for him. I wish I had been. He was my little brother and I it was my duty as big sister to look out for him. But the past few years really opened my eyes to the kind of person Stan was. He was sensitive, sweet, and cared for his friends and family in ways you wouldn't expect a kid to do. He loved us, each and every one of us. And I promise you that he was happy to have each and every person in this church today there in his life. Whether they were the ones who taught him the ABCs…"

Kindergarten teacher Ms. Burgum sniffed.

"…or they helped him get over his hatred of school…"

Mrs. Uhalley wiped her face.

"…if you were the doctor who continually poked and prodded him, the lady who he helped find her lost cat, or the friend he has known since he was three-and-a-half, Stan loved each and every one of you. So let's not forget the person he was. And be thankful for him being a part of our lives. This sweet, sweet boy who wanted nothing but to love someone and be loved in return." Shelley sighed. "That's all he ever wanted, happiness and harmony among all of us." She looked up. "Stan did request me something in the event he died. If you follow along on the paper I had given in your cards, a poem written by Sarah Blackstone." Shelley took it out and read:

"'Imagine if I was given one moment,  
just a single slice of my past.  
I could hold it close forever,  
and that moment would always last. I'd put the moment in a safe,  
within my hearts abode.  
I could open it when I wanted,  
and only I would know the code. I could choose a time of laughing,  
a time of happiness and fun.  
I could choose a time that tried me,  
through everything I've done. I sat and thought about what moment,  
would always make me smile.  
One that would always push me,  
to walk that extra mile. If I'm feeling sad and low,  
if I'm struggling with what to do.  
I can go and open my little safe,  
and watch my moment through. There are moments I can think of,  
that would lift my spirits every time.  
The moments when you picked me up,  
when the road was hard to climb. For me to only pick one moment,  
to cherish, save and keep,  
Is proving really difficult,  
as I've gathered up a heap! I've dug deep inside my heart,  
found the safe and looked inside,  
there was room for lots of moments,  
in fact hundreds if I tried. I'm building my own little library,  
embedded in my heart,  
for all the moments spent with you,  
before you had to part. I can open it up whenever I like,  
pick a moment and watch it through,  
My little library acts as a promise,  
I'll never ever forget you.'"

With one last look to the hundred and more faces, Shelley thanked them and went over to the casket. "I love you brother," she whispered before taking a seat next to a stock-still Sharon.

It was now free rein for anyone who wanted to say something to go up and do it. Randy decided he'd be the one to do it next. He approached the podium and cleared his throat, tears in his eyes.

"Wow, never- never thought this day would actually come. Oh wow…" he dabbed at his forehead. "I just want to say, as Stan's father"- his eyes traveled Tom's way. "I'm- I'm going to miss him. He was my son. Heh, every father dreams of the day he'll be able to play catch with his boy. Laugh about fart jokes. Stan was that and more. He- he was a very emotional kid too. Always upset about something. I remember how- how hard those first two years were. He would wake us in the middle of the night every night. Screaming his lungs out."

Shelley had to smile as she remembered such times.

"But we stuck through it because my wife and I both knew we had a great son on our hands. We created something truly special. He was a great kid, loved his animals. Loved helping people. Loved to have fun and just be a kid. And that's what I'm going to miss most, that carefree happy smile on his face. Heck, he only wanted the best out of me. And I never took his advice. My son was so full of wisdom and advice; he just wanted me to be a good person. I- I'd sure love some advice from him now…" Randy drew in a shuddered breath. "I know others might want to say more about him so I'll leave it at the fact that Stan was one-of-a-kind. Every parent's perfect child. And I'm going to miss him so much…" he pressed his fingers to his lips and planted a kiss on the casket before sitting next to Sharon and bawled.

After Randy went Alice walked to the front. She spoke words on how much she enjoyed Stan and his love of learning. How happy she was to help him in troubled subjects and how much she looked forward to seeing his happy face each time they met at the apartment or the hospital, ready for another tutoring session. A few other secondary family members or classmates went up to say a few words, including Wendy. She said how happy she was to have known Stan and how those two or three years of childlike 'dating' meant the world to her. No one went up for a while after this. Ike kept nudging his brother.

"I can't, I can't do it Ike," Kyle whispered.

"You were his best friend Kyle, you have to go up. If you don't you'll end up regretting it. Just do it, you won't feel like an idiot, you have to go up there," Ike argued.

With a heavy heart, Kyle got to his feet and slowly made his way up. It took a minute for him to regain composure as he wiped at his dripping eyes. "Stan… he was my best friend," he began. "I- I loved him. We- we were best friends since preschool. Our moms forced us to meet during preschool orientation. That was the greatest things they could have ever done for us." Sheila smiled through her tears.

Kyle sucked in shakily. "Crap, I don't know how to go about this. Stan was just p-perfect. In every way. Of course we had our fights growing up but what friends don't? Silly things like who had more toy cars to who had the biggest scoop of ice cream." A murmur of chuckles. "But I always knew in my heart he'd be back there for me in the end. We- you couldn't separate us. And you never will. I- I'm in denial he's even gone. My best friend… I didn't actually think he'd…" Kyle cupped his mouth to calm himself. "I can't say enough great things about Stan. From day one he was this really sweet kid. He would rather help a baby bird find its mother than do his homework. He never cared if he'd be grounded, as long as he helped a bunch of baby cows from being turned to veal, it didn't matter." A great rush of strength suddenly flew into Kyle's heart. He looked on with a look of determination on his face. "And even though he was dying from cancer he still made sure it didn't stop him."

"Hear hear," Cartman raised a hand.

"Stan didn't give a crap about being sick. He was going to go out and play football even if it landed him in the hospital. He was nothing more than a little boy who wanted to live life. And in some ways you can say his illness was a good thing. Stan got to work at an animal shelter. He got to inform others about animals and did things his way for once. He was able to adopt a kitten there, another one of his biggest wishes since he was two. It didn't weaken him at all; it only made him have a reason worth living. Worth fighting. And that determination never once left his body. Just because he was this sensitive little kid doesn't mean he never had a reason to not do something or that he didn't have a purpose. Heck, Stan was the _leader_ in our group!"

"Damnit he was!" Cartman cried.

Kyle slowed down as tears burned his eyes. 'I hate knowing he won't ever get to do so many things I know he wanted to do. But he did do a lot. He had a good life and great people around him. He was just your average American kid living life. And that's the Stan I want you all to remember. The kid who would go up to you giving you a play-by-play account of the last Rockies game. Who begged you for just _one_ more piece of candy with those big blue eyes of his and crooked child-like smile. Because he knew he could."

Tears poured down the grandmother's faces.

"The kid who was blunt and honest but had a big heart. That's how I want him to be remembered. He was my best friend and- I'm going to- to"- Kyle couldn't go on. He touched the casket behind him. "I miss you so much already dude. I miss you."

No one else went up to the stand. The service soon ended and the caretakers gathered Stan's casket into the hearse where he was to be buried. Shelley stood watch as the cherry casket holding her little brother was lowered into the ground. People all around broke out into an audience of different shrieks, cries, and mourning. Each one of Stan's family members, the Broflovskis, Cartmans, Stotches, and McCormicks threw in a rose into the ground. There was no point to stay now, there was to be a gathering of everyone back at 2001 Bonanza Street to remember Stanley. But Shelley didn't leave right away, nor did his friends.

Finally, Butters broke the ice. "I- I wonder if he knew. That he was going to die…"

No one spoke for a full minute. Shelley didn't look at the boys, only the ground where fresh dirt now was being piled onto.

"He knew," she said simply.

"Wh-what?" Kyle choked.

Shelley turned around with a look on her face as if she just noticed they were there. "He knew. That he was going to die. He knew."

"What the fuck do you mean?" Kyle demanded. "What the _fuck_ do you mean you fucking bitch?"

Shelley glared. "I don't think Stan would want you talking to me like that you stupid turd."

"Stan knew… he was going to- to-?" Cartman got out.

Shelley sighed. "I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone until I knew it was ready. And look at your faces, it's a good thing I didn't."

"How long has he fucking known?" anger seemed in Kyle's veins.

A blank look shown on Shelley's face. "Months. I don't know the exact length. But he's known for a while. He had a feeling it would happen sometime this year. He didn't want anyone knowing but he trusted me with it. He had to tell someone. And I was most trustworthy."

"I'm his fucking best friend and he"-

"Do you really think you could live for months knowing he knew he was going to die? I don't think so. It's a privilege being his sister in case you never _noticed_."

"He was fine," Cartman then stated out-of-the-blue.

"What?"

"He was fine. Remember, whenever someone asked him how he was he would always reply 'I'm fine'? He was okay all this year. He never got upset or anything this year. His eye problem. Hearing he needed braces. None of it fucking bothered him! He was always 'fine'! He would always say 'Don't worry guys, I'll be okay, promise.' He knew! That bastard knew this whole time he was going to die!"

It was an exhausting day for everyone. After gathering at the Marsh house to reminisce about Stan there was a knock at the door and a balding man was seen. He shook hands with Randy and informed him he was Stan's lawyer.

"What? Our son was twelve, he didn't have a lawyer."

"I assure you that I am and that Stan has left me with his last will and testament, to be disclosed to those whom he mentioned. I will be going over everything tomorrow in my office at 10:30 AM. Thank-you."

Sharon, Randy, Shelley, Kyle, Cartman, Butters, and Kenny arrived at the lawyer's office the next day looking cautious and confused. Sharon however was looking elsewhere, again unaware almost as to what was going on. "Good morning everyone, my name is Christopher Belwash and I was Stanley Marsh's lawyer. I am so sorry to hear of your loss," he greeted.

"Now what the hell is going on? How the hell did our son get a lawyer?" Randy demanded.

Shelley wanted to say her brother had things planned months ahead of time but did not. But she was curious as to why Stan hired somebody; it wasn't as if he had much to give away.

Mr. Belwash pulled out a legal file and began to read: "'Family and friends- You are reading this in the event that I have died. I cannot imagine what each of you might be thinking of this. Hopefully I have made an impression even in the darkest of hearts. Some might be wondering how I got a lawyer but that isn't important. What's important is my loved ones. Also my stuff. I assume I did not make it past 20 so I have little to give that isn't mere sentimental value. Sorry Cartman.'"

Cartman chuckled. "Jackass."

"'But what I do own I would appreciate my family and friends to take care of. Please do this; these things are important to the average kid. Here I go: To Kyle Abraham Broflovski- I leave you all my toys and board games. I know this will not be too exciting as I am 12 writing this, thus have outgrown a lot, but I hope you find some use for them. I did leave our 'secret box' to you for obvious reasons. Again, up to you if you want to share. Dude, you have been the greatest friend I could have ever asked for and more. I love you so much and know you will go on to live a very successful life. SBF always! ! !'"

Kyle sniffed. "Aww man…"

"'To Kenneth John McCormick- I leave you and your family all of my money. There should be a total of $282.13.'"

"What?" Kenny gasped.

"'All from allowance, my paper route/hockey coach gig, and various savings I did not know I had stashed in old boots or something. Use it for GOOD, not on beer or drugs. I beg you to do something good with it. You were a good friend and I'll miss the real reason all us guys became friends in the first place. You always rocked and I'll miss ya man.'"

Kenny shook his head, not knowing how to feel now.

"'To Leopold Butters Stotch'"-

"Oh wow, I get something?" Butters looked surprised.

"'I give you Wubzy the owl. I know you always loved him, now he's finally yours! I also give you all my Animal Planet DVDs since you liked animals almost as much as me. I'm going to miss your puff of yellow hair and happy smile. Thanks for being so kind and sticking up for me dude. Don't let others drag you down okay? GOOD LUCK!'"

Butters wiped at his eye. "Wow, what a- a great guy…"

Mr. Belwash cleared his throat. "'To Eric Theodore Cartman'"-

Cartman's eyes were alert now and Kyle glared his way.

"'Yes, even you get something. In fact, I am giving you the most important thing, my cat Chelsea.'"

Everyone gasped at this and turned Cartman's direction. "You've gotta be _shitting_ me."

"'I have decided she will enjoy going to you above anyone. You're my residential cat friend and I want you to have her. Naturally, all cat toys and such go to you. Please promise me you'll take good care of her. You have no idea how important this is to me. I love Chelsea with all my heart and I know you do too. You have the biggest responsibility Cartman, you are taking care of my kitty. Give her love okay? It isn't that hard. Cartman, you really were a cool guy and a cool friend. I'm going to miss you man. I know you can be successful too dude, with killing as little people along the way as possible. Trust me, I wouldn't lie to you dude.'"

Cartman rubbed his eyes and shook his head, unable to say anything but, "Oh shit man. Oh _shit_…"

Mr. Belwash went back to the document. "'To my big sister Shelley Heather Marsh'"-

Shelley raised her eyebrows; sure Stan had talked to her more than anyone about everything the past year but she didn't think she'd be mentioned in his will. "'Unfortunately we didn't share much. Many memories or items. But there is one thing I want you to have- my lovey Ruffy.'"

Shelley gasped as tears filled her eyes. Of all things, of all things he wanted her to take care of that was his… the one thing that made him feel safest…

"'I know it's not much but I want you to have it. It's my hope you associate all the good times we had together whenever you hold him, not how you used to torment me with him. You may also keep anything in my room you feel holds a special significance. I always knew you cared about me and I'm so grateful to have finally have had an actual big sister for me the past few years. Thank-you sis. I love you so much.'"

A tear rolled down Shelley's eye. She could hear Stan's voice in her head as if it were yesterday…

"_Are you sure you want to do this?" she had asked._

"_Very sure. I know everything; at least I think I do."_

"_But Stan, this is Ruffy. Your lovey. The thing you've carried around you since you were two."_

"_I know."_

_Shelley blinked. "Hello, stupid turd- _Ruffy_. That dog you held whenever you were scared. You slept with since you were eleven. Played with almost as long. Talked to in private. How could you not want to, you know, hold him- forever?" she said uncomfortably._

_Stan was holding said stuffed animal at that moment. "I just don't. I told you what I want to be buried with, should it happen. Don't worry about it Shelley."_

Shelley had Stan buried with a framed picture of his family, tucked into the right side, a framed picture of his friends on the other. Just as he wanted.

Mr. Belwash continued. "'To Mom and Dad'"-

Sharon did not seem to hear this.

"'I leave you everything else. All my clothes, books, video games, TV, computer, stuffed animals. Socks. Old homework. Everything. As my parents you should gain ownership of my most personal belongings. You have every right to do what you want with my stuff. If my friends want to fight over my CDs, DVDs, and video games, it's fine, let them. You don't want that stuff. Mom, I want you to gain full custody of my books. You were the one who read them to me; you should be the one who gets them. Please don't fight over who gets what with Dad though if you two do split up. As long as my stuff is cared for, that's all I care about. I'm not asking you to do anything. Keep my room the way it is or not, it's your decision. If you think a little kid will want Honey the Bear, you can gladly give it to charity. Thank-you both so much for being the coolest, best parents ever. I was lucky to have you both. I love you Mom and Dad more than words can describe. '"

Mr. Belwash looked up briefly before finishing the letter. "'This concludes my final wishes. All I ask is that my things are well-cared for by those who will gain ownership of them. It's important to hoarders such as myself our stuff will be fine! I am sorry for leaving before I knew I should but I promise each and every one of you I will be okay wherever I go. Please accomplish many things and dream BIG. Give hope to others who need it. Find the good in the bad. Quoted from Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series: 'Death is but the next great adventure.' And anyone who knows me knows I love a good adventure. Take care everyone, I love you all, Signed Stanley Quintin Marsh,'" Mr. Belwash concluded.

The room was filled with soft crying. Sharon's expression had not changed since she arrived; she just clutched her tissue as if it were the thing holding her alive at the moment. "As Stanley's friends and family I will allow you to find the items he listed he wanted you to have. All should be at his house. You may pick them up at any time. Also, he wanted me to give you this…" he opened up a folder and passed an envelope to each and every one of them.

"What's this?" Kyle asked softly. His name was written on the front.

"I'm not sure; he just wanted you to have them. I have a few others here to give out as well. Can any of you tell me how I may contact… an Alice Freedman, Dr. Brent Fohlkoly, and Dr. James Davies?"

They shared a look. "I'll- I'll make sure they know about it," Randy said as he pocketed his own envelope.

"Thank-you. Well that may be it. If you have any questions I'll be glad to help."

Numbly all seven of them left and before they knew it they were in Stan's bedroom going through his things. Kyle however was standing back, shaking his head. "This doesn't feel right," he noted.

"I know. Stan hardly ever allowed me to play with Wubzy the Owl all these years but now he's mine," Butters said as he took hold of the stuffed blue owl from the shelf in Stan's closest that held his stuffed animals.

"No, I mean this. Going through his things. I just- I don't want to think"- tears filled his eyes again.

Butters sighed and patted Kyle's back. "I know Kyle, I'm really sad too."

"All this time, everything. As soon as Stan was diagnosed I went and researched on everything I could. What causes it. Treatment. If it could be cured. I promised him I'd help no matter what. I promised him, I made him believe he could beat it! But it wasn't enough. None of it was damnit!" Kyle cried.

"Hey, don't beat yourself over it dude, this isn't your fault. It's no ones," Kenny said.

"But I feel like I failed him," Kyle choked out.

"You- you heard it from Stan himself, he's in a happier place now. We- we have to start moving on," Kenny said with difficulty.

Kyle sniffed. "But I don't think I can. I can't. I fucking miss him so much already. I can't fucking believe it happened. He fucking knew he was going to die. His sister fucking knew it too! What the _fuck_ was he playing at? What the fuck?" Kenny sighed and brought Kyle over to him and allowed him to cry on his shoulder. It was around dinnertime when Stan's friends finally departed the Marsh house.

Before Kyle left he turned to Sharon and Randy, both who were sitting on the couch. "Listen you guys, um, I just wanted to tell you"-

"You're welcome here anytime Kyle," Randy cut across. "We'll even make you a house key. You've done so much for this family already, it's the least we can do in return."

Kyle shut his lips and nodded. Randy got up and gave him half a hug. "Take care of yourself Kyle. It's- it's what he would have wanted."

Kyle looked over at Stan's mother, still looking off into nothing. "I'm going to come back again soon okay Mrs. Marsh? I- I want to make sure you'll be okay." No response. With a nod, Kyle left.

But he wasn't the only one having a difficult time leaving. Cartman didn't have the heart to put Chelsea in her cat carrier and so Shelley had to do it for him. "I can't take her dude," he kept saying.

"You have to. I'm going to miss her but Stan wanted you to have her."

"That asshole gave me his cat!"

Shelley sighed. "Don't make this harder than it already is Eric. Take her. I think you need her. You're the only one of us who'll be able to give her the attention she needs." Cartman sniffed as he lifted the carrier in his arms. Shelley took hold of the bag of cat toys and such and carried the cat post in the other hand.

"You can come over and see her whenever you want," Cartman told Shelley. She just smirked and helped him carry the stuff eight houses away.

July 28th. It had been one week since Stan's memorial service but to Kyle it felt hardly any time had moved at all. It was so recent. So sudden. So new. The pain still weighed him down more than anything ever had. He hardly ate much and spent hours on in staring at the ceiling in bed. Every time he thought of Stan he got chills. His friend had been so sick already and with one trip outside on the Fourth of July was all it took to take his life. No one still knew what it was that actually killed him. He was sick, but how did he get sick? He took all the precautions he needed. If there was one thing that might have allowed an infection to develop inside him was when he suffered an asthma attack that night. He had the whole of his mouth and face exposed for a few short but then again long, minutes. Was it possible he breathed in something at the same moment he was trying to catch his breath? No one would ever know.

_That bastard had it all planned out,_ a voice said in Kyle's mind. What brought him chills again was how staged it all seemed to be. Stan, Stanley Marsh, his very best friend in the world was afraid he would never make it to the extraordinary age of thirteen. So he made sure he'd go with a bang. He had died on July 13th, at 1:13 in the morning, in the year of 2013. He knew it. He knew it would happen like this. Exactly? Maybe not, but no doubt Stan could see his life coming to a close by then.

Kyle turned his head to the right suddenly to see boxes full of Stan's toys and games by his desk. He didn't need them but he couldn't let them go. Stan would be furious. So there they sat, a constant reminder the child who had played with them so dearly was no longer there. Kyle placed his hands in his pockets then and frowned when he felt something. He pulled out a white envelope with Kyle B. written on it in a green Sharpie pen. He had forgotten all about the envelope since he was passed it last week. What was inside? Heart heavy, he slid it open and pulled out a folded wad of paper, three pages long. _Super best friend,_ was written in Stan's untidy scrawl at top. A letter. Heart pounding mad now and tears filling his eyes, Kyle began to read.

_**A/N**__: Well there you have it. I actually did it. It was incredibly hard to do but it had to be this way. I had this planned out before I started the story and couldn't back away from it after chapter one, otherwise there would be no point in writing it. I hope you aren't too angry with me but sadly, this is how cancer works. Any anyone who knows me knows I like to look at things in a realistic viewpoint. If you look back on chapters, the clues were there. But don't fret! There is one more chapter left so I urge you to stick by one last time._ _Much love,_ _Rose, October 1, 2011_


	26. I Close For Now

**I CLOSE FOR NOW**

Kyle's POV

_Five years later…_

It's weird how you can go on walking in life when one of the most important things in it has been suddenly snatched away. People expect you to crumble, and at times you do; but then you have to try to look at things in a different perspective, however painful it might be. Personally it made no sense for me to hold my head up high or do anything once my best friend in the entire world succumbed to leukemia five years ago. To this day I cannot believe I'm standing on my own. The year of 2013 is one I'd love to be able to forget, nothing good happened there. Nothing to remember. And the one thing I'd love to forget more than anything is the boldest image in my mind. Like a broken video, playing the same shit over and over again. Unfortunately there isn't anyone out there who can fix something that's been beaten like a jackhammer. And so the show must go on…

Honestly I didn't think Stan would actually fall victim to it. It was hard enough processing the fact he had the disease but no one ever sits and wonders what life would be like if their best friend or whoever died from it. You just buck up, move on, and be there to support them no matter what. And I did. I did what I could to help Stan and to show him he didn't have to worry. I set up the Smiles for Stan fund which collected money for his family each month to help pay for medical bills, rent, gas, and everything in-between. And Stan was reassured then he'd be okay. Sure I had the occasional nightmare that he died but again, never thought he would. There was such a determined little spirit trapped in that sick boy; he'd be okay. So when Stan's sister called me the afternoon of July 13th, I could not bring myself around to believe it.

Stan's funeral was the worst day of my life. I felt I was leaving behind a piece of me as I watched him being buried. It wasn't right. It was always the same: he'd get sick, be treated at the hospital, then go home. I only forced all sorts of cancer facts down his throat to prove to him he had a huge chance at making it. And there he was, under six feet of dirt, a testimony of how wrong I had been.

I'll never forget that day. I can remember not being able to fall asleep at all the night before which was weird. Unlike Stan I wasn't picky when it came to sleep and never had problems sleeping in a motel bed. But I was tossing all night long. Later when Stan was buried I found out from the others they had the same problem as well. It was Mrs. Marsh herself who couldn't sleep and ran to see Stan right after he died in the first place. But his father couldn't sleep. His sister was having troubles. Even his cat was acting funny and howling all night. Cartman told me he never slept either, nor did Butters. Kenny had gotten some sleep but it was difficult as well. It's kind of funny that when someone dies they somehow let their loved ones know. Maybe I shouldn't have been as shocked then when I did get the phone call. I don't know.

I didn't eat much or leave my bedroom for almost three months after. Once eight grade started I was in a sea of fog. I received my first C in all my life in social studies. Mom was worried for me but I told her I'd fix myself and didn't need help. Ike tried to make me laugh during those dark months. But he didn't know and still doesn't know what it feels like to lose someone you were so close to. How often does a best friend _really_ die? The guys weren't much better off. Butters would erupt in tears randomly during lunch or as we sat around the basketball courts, not saying anything. Cartman seemed to be taking it surprisingly hard too. Now he has always been full of bullshit but for just once I felt he really was tearing apart inside. He went weeks without messing with us. Whenever someone asked him something he'd lash out. In fact, he was eating normal-portioned meals when I saw him! He might have lost a little weight but I never asked.

And Kenny… well, things were complicated. As sad as he was for the loss of Stan he was able to be normal, somewhat. He had spent fifty of the $282 Stan had left him on a pair of new shoes and thirty on a nice steak dinner for himself. He had saved the rest, not knowing what to do with it. He was tempted to buy himself beer for the first time when he was fourteen with the money but I had to remind him Stan specifically stated in his will that's not what he wanted him to do. Funny enough, after Stan had died Kenny himself seemed to die less and less each month. He seemed to be a tad more careful in life and not get himself involved in (many) stupid situations, although he did like to hang out with a few kids from school who spent their free-time smoking and drinking.

It had been six months since Stan had died and as we hung around the park after school I had to ask Kenny something.

"Do you- do you think you might be able to… I mean, have you, you know…?"

Kenny looked up from his beer (that thankfully _wasn't_ purchased with Stan's money). "Seen Stan recently?"

I sighed. "Yeah, that."

Kenny took a while to answer. "I haven't actually seen him since I last died. But that was two months ago. It might be different now, I don't know."

Butters' eyes were wide. "But- but do you think you could? I mean what happens after you die anyway?"

Kenny frowned. "It's complicated. It's different for everyone. It isn't something I can easily describe."

"Maybe you should go kill yourself and find out," Cartman retorted, not looking at any of us.

It was a tall order really. We didn't think he'd actually go through with it. But seeing how desperate we all were to know of something, anything about Stan's afterlife, Kenny went for it. He finished his beer can and we followed him to his house where he took out his dad's gun from his drawer and faced us.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this but hell, I want to see Stan too. I'll try and see if I see anything. I won't come back until I know something okay?"

"Be careful Kenny," Butters said.

"I do this all the time. Don't worry. Well, here goes"- Kenny shot himself in the head and died instantly. And so we waited, all day and night to hear back from him. I didn't feel too confident; if Stan was easily accessible in the afterlife Kenny would have met him on a previous death.

I remember the next morning at school, waiting around with the others for Kenny to show up. When he did he gave us a heavy sigh. Not good.

"_What_?" I said, already frustrated.

"No dice. Sorry guys."

"Well what happened?" Butters had asked.

"I went to heaven; at least I think I did. But he wasn't there."

"No way is he down"-

"He's not," Kenny interrupted me. "Look, Stan was right years ago. There is no heaven and hell. And if there is it's different for each person. I think that's why I haven't been able to see him yet. My version of eternal happiness might be different than his. He may very well being living it up in his own version of forever after, but it's not mine. I have super hot chicks whenever I go. I don't really know how it works; it may not be feasible to ever see him when I die."

I was extremely disappointed by then. Kenny sensed this.

"But that doesn't mean it's legit. I can keep trying but, look guys… we all miss him terribly. Maybe it's best to not rush into it yet. I know Stan's happy wherever he is and maybe I'll see him next time. Maybe he wants me to tell you guys something. Like I said, it's complicated. We just have to wait and see."

Ever since then Kenny had tried to look for Stan whenever he died. But with that meant he had to keep on his toes and not do anything stupid for sometimes he'd go to his version of hell and again, no way was Stan there. Finally, after years of trying, something amazing happened. It was one year ago and Kenny had been hit by a car and died. He had been dead for two full days and when he returned, he gave us what we had been searching for.

"_I saw him_!" were his first words that cold winter morning.

We gathered around him, asking him twenty questions.

"…I think I did," he corrected. "I was wandering around forever trying to find him. But I _think_ I saw him. I saw a very faint person in the distance. I can't tell you exactly what I saw. I tried running to it but I couldn't. All I heard were words inside me and I _know_ it came from that figure."

"Wh-what were they?" I choked.

Kenny looked at us, seriousness written all over his face. "It said he was okay. And to not worry."

And that was that. The only time he really heard something from him. Four months ago though Kenny had died from being shot at on the wrong side of Denver and when he came back he told us something he saw different than the other time he tried reaching Stan. He explained how he saw the distant shape of a little boy in the clouds. There were lots and lots of clouds where he went. But that boy looked very peculiar. He had big eyes that he could have sworn were blue and had shaggy black hair. The boy smiled at Kenny for a moment before walking off and disappearing into the distance. It never said anything. I was instantly chilled at this when Kenny told us. Cartman on the other hand didn't believe him.

"It couldn't have been him though. I mean, he was older and bald when- when it happened. It can't be him."

"Do you know how hard it is to find people after you die? It _was_ him," Kenny shot.

"You saw a _little_ _boy_ assmunch! He- he only looked like- like"-

"Maybe his soul exists in the way he wants to remember himself as," I had choked out. It made sense. I'm sure if I were Stan and I had free reign over my life after death I'd forever exist as I was before I had been diagnosed. But it seemed too much for Cartman to believe so I just let him think what he wanted. I believed Kenny had seen Stan that day.

Since then Kenny has not seen or heard anyone or anything when he has died. And like I said, he doesn't do it often anymore. It's comforting to think that he very well may have seen Stan but it's still frustrating knowing it was his only time. And apparently Kenny can't play our little messenger, going back and forth from the living world to the dead, giving Stan our messages and coming back with his own. And it makes it that much more painful, to know there really isn't a way to contact him.

But I had to believe he was okay otherwise I wouldn't be living myself. It took some time to get back to my old self, as much as I possibly could without thinking on Stan, but it did happen. When I did start to recover from the death I found myself burying my nose in all sorts of books and whatnot about cancer. I would be online researching it for hours and wrote down all I could about it. And funny enough, reading up about cancer was a way to deal with the pain and cope with the loss of my best friend. It's extremely interesting and now at the age of eighteen I know where I want to go in life.

I am going to go to Denver University and medical school and become a doctor. Stan told me a few times before how good I would be at it. I can use all my logic, science, math, and communication skills and help others. But I don't want to be any ordinary doctor, if I can; I'm going to eventually become a pediatric oncologist. I keep having doubts about it; I don't know if I'll be able to cope with such critically ill kids but Ike always tells me I will be able to do it. And I know I will. I have to do all I can to keep Stan's spirit alive and do what I know he'd be proud of me to do. Help others who were in the same situation as he was.

That's why the first order of business was what to do about the Smiles for Stan Foundation; originally set up to help Stan's family pay for his medical expenses and such, now useless. But I couldn't stop it. Instead I gave it a new purpose: all donations would be given to all families in Colorado who have children diagnosed with cancer and to this day it has received over $44,000 in donations. But that's not all; I was determined to do more for Stan since he needed it. Two years ago I set up the Happiness for Stan Fund which gives money to help animals who have been abused, starved, and money to help people cover the costs of veterinary bills. Stan's passion for animals would not die with him.

Somehow life had gotten a lot more dull and unexciting since July 2013. All those Stan knew changed in some way. Some in weird ways. Kenny like I mentioned didn't die as often, Butters stopped taking crap from people, even his parents. Cartman on the other hand...

I admit, I had always been annoyed at anything Cartman and Stan shared. I hated the fat boy but when my best friend laughed at what he did or took his side, it really did not do any favors. But when Stan did die Cartman changed. He did lessen his torment on people but when he did do something, he did it to the extreme. I can't possibly count all the times he was sent to the principal since eight grade. And forever I was in denial he actually cared about Stan or was sad to see him go.

"Think whatever the fuck you want _Kahl _but I don't need you getting in my face!" he had screamed at me a few years ago.

"You never liked Stan! Admit it! He was just there for you to pick on, just like the rest of us!"

"I _did _like him you fucking Jew! He was my best friend too!"

I gasped, eyes wide when he said this.

"I- I..." he stammered. He shook his head and glared. "We shared some great memories too you rat. So don't you fucking ever think I hated Stan. If I ever said it it was because you were with him and as usual, acted like a duo. When Stan was around me and laughed at what I did, it was special. We hardly fought and had fun. He was my best fucking friend and I miss him so much it makes my chest hurt every single day. Every fucking morning I wake and sit on my bed and do nothing but _want _him to be there. Not to call a pussy but to play a video game or talk about cats to. No one but us understood them. And there's not a moment I'm looking at his cat Chelsea and I see his face looking back. She's a constant living reminder of what _I _lost. All you have is some train he played with when he was five. So don't you dare say I never cared. I'd shut the _fuck _up if I were you Kahl."

I never did speak much to Cartman after that. I know it was in Stan's wishes to keep all four of us close but there was too much resentment to say anything to Cartman. He'd want me to apologize which I never did and even if I did nothing would change. Kenny, Butters, Cartman, and I all hung out regularly but I haven't said anything to the fat boy for weeks.

Since Stan had died I have been trying to keep in some form of contact with his doctors. Dr. Fohlkoly had been subdued to the fact Stan had died but he had recovered quickly enough. I managed to talk to him over the phone a few months after Stan's passing. He told me how horrible it felt whenever another child he was caring for died but he also said it was something anyone working in this field had to accept.

"He was a really smart, great kid. I'm sorry I couldn't do more," he told me heavily.

"No, don't be. You did all you could," was the only response I had. I had expressed my interest in becoming a pediatric oncologist during our second phone conversation and he has been filling me in on information and I even had a few hands-on experiences with him since then. Spending my allowance for a bus ride to Denver to work with the man and around children for a day is worth it. But it has been difficult to walk down the same floors Stan once did. I still have not had the guts to visit room 1312 yet. As of now there's another little boy who occupies it but from Dr. Fohkoly's word, he feels the kid has a very high prognosis of beating his cancer.

I have talked with Dr. Davies as well although it has not been as smoothly. He was only in his mid-twenties when Stan passed away and admitted he had never had any of his patients die yet. He has worked at the emergency department in Hell's Pass Hospital and has only lost two patients before, both old men. I guess it is different when it's a child. He's doing okay now, since, as Dr. Fohkoly's stated, a doctor has to pick up and move on even in the most dire of situations.

I have taken to heart Stan's wishes of following up on people and making sure they're okay. And more important than anyone, Sharon Marsh. But I'll get to her in a moment. I'm going to bring up Shelley first. I know she cares for her brother and all the things she said and did for him were out of love. We sort have been a team almost, checking in on her parents, again, meaning her mother, the past five years. Shelley went off to college as soon as she finished high school but decided to stay behind and go to Middle Park Community College for her associate's in photography since she knew it would damage Sharon if she decided to go to school in Boulder like she originally wanted. At the age of 22 Shelley is living in an apartment in South Park with her boyfriend Amir. She goes to school three days a week while the other days she's working at the South Park gym. She hopes to open her own gym and teach self-defense or boxing to women someday as well as her own photo studio. Amir is into art as well and paints for a living. They're really happy together and I admit it's kind of funny to see Shelley with someone even though she had been seeing Amir since she was thirteen.

Shelley overall has changed slightly. Since she was sort of forced into caring for Stan years ago she has gone slightly softer. Any time she sees any of us guys she doesn't call us turds or pick on us like she used to. I guess without Stan there there's little point. Shelley had gotten attractive after she turned fifteen or so and now at the age of 22 you'd never think she was the same horrible girl in headgear. She only uses a light layer of makeup each day and her hair is naturally long and thick so she really doesn't need to try. She's not girly in the slightest but she's grown into one of those young women with a tough attitude you sort of wish had a girly side. When Shelley turned 21 she went and got a tattoo on her shoulder: a special black cat she had designed herself with a curved tail with the words little brother written in a fancy font along the tail. The guys and I agreed we'd get matching tattoos in remembrance of Stan when we turn 21 as well although we are still working on a design. Funny how when someone dies there is no end to what you can do to honor their memory.

I'll mention Randy Marsh now. He had taken the death of his son as hard as any father would. He had his period of self-loathing and hatred after it happened. But he didn't have time to dwell on it much because of his wife. He was the only one who was able to continue living a relatively normal life with the thought of his son in the back of his mind.

But now I have to get to Mrs. Marsh. You see, ever since Stan died she has never been the same. There is nothing worse to a parent's mind than the death of their child. Sharon is the living example of the horrors such a thing can erupt in a person. And it pains me so much to see her the way she is now. It's as if she's living in a state of permanent shock, she can't function normally and has become unhealthy in several ways. Ever since Stan passed away his mother had not been able to focus long on any simple task, listen to what anyone says. To this day when you talk to her it takes her a few seconds to register you are there and answer. I'll never forget my first visit with Stan's parents after he had died. It was three months or so since the memorial service. I had to keep my promise I'd be there to see how they were. It was Shelley who actually called me and said maybe visiting her mother would make her feel slightly better. That did not happen.

I stood outside 2001 Bonanza Street, looking at the ground as I waited for someone to answer my knocking. The door opened to Shelley.

"Oh, thanks for coming. I- I hope you can do something for her," she had said softly.

"I don't know what I can do dude," I confessed. I was still trying to mourn myself.

Shelley led me in and turned to the kitchen. I didn't follow but I could hear her talking.

"Mom, Mom- someone's come to see you."

A pause.

"See…me?"

"Yeah. See how you're doing. It's Kyle."

I had to stop myself from breaking down as I stood in the Marsh living room as memories of past sleepovers in this very spot flooded my mind. Shelley had walked back out, this time holding the arm of her mother. Sharon was clutching her daughter and walking as if she were an old woman. I gasped at her appearance: her hair was a little longer, just around her shoulders and looked unkempt. Her skin was pale and she looked very thin. Her eyes had lost their shiny blue and now looked lifeless. I shuddered, remembering Stan's eyes looking just like this when he began going downhill. She even had a couple wrinkles on her face and looked as if she hadn't slept in weeks.

"Mom, you remember Kyle don't you? He was Stan's- he was Stan's best friend. He came to see how you were," Shelley nodded to me.

Mrs. Marsh looked at me with wide eyes as Shelley sat her mother on the couch.

"How- how are you… doing Mrs. Marsh?" I asked.

Tears instantly filled her eyes. "Stanley…"

"Yes Mom, this was Stanley's best friend. He came to visit," Shelley encouraged. "Remember Dad told Kyle he can come over whenever he wants? He has a house key? It's so he can check up on you and make sure you're doing okay. Getting outside. Things like that."

"Stanley…"

Shelley sighed and she went over and pulled me to the side so her mom couldn't hear, not like I think she listened in.

"What happened to her?" I choked out.

Shelley rubbed her eyes in frustration. "It's been a rough few months. Mom's done everything I feared she might if Stan were to ever die. She's tried drinking away her problems. Tried talking but that's no use as no one can get more than a sentence out of her. She's spent weeks on end crying and wailing and screaming. She still has horrible nightmares and has almost become partially deaf and blind. She just doesn't focus in on anything." Tears were in Shelley's eyes now. "She's tried committing suicide at least five times."

"_What_?" I shook my head, sick.

"Sad thing is, I don't think she's been aware of doing it. Since she's so out of it she won't watch what she's doing. She's on a few different medications for her anxiety and overall health. She tried OD-ing twice. Luckily Dad was there both times to stop it. Now someone is always there whenever she takes her daily medication. She… sprained her leg not long ago, falling into a six-foot hole in the snow. Wasn't aware of what she was doing, wasn't looking where she was walking. Won't call it a suicide attempt but it was dangerous," Shelley concluded.

I shook my head as tears spilled down my cheek. "No, no. Damnit what the fuck?"

"It's pretty bad Kyle. She's been losing weight and now more than anything has become lifeless. She hardly eats without being told to. She hasn't returned to work or- or returned the calls from my grandparents and all my family back in California. She… she goes around every day saying 'Stanley', almost as if- as if he were simply a lost cat or something."

I wiped at my face. I was so into my own mourning I never stopped to think how Stan's own mother was dealing with it. And it made me feel guilty at that moment I had not come sooner. Shelley told me blandly I would not have been able to help three months ago as everyone was in a mess. To put it short I did not feel very confident my presence would do much to help now.

"We have to show her life isn't over," Shelley emphasized. "She'll fall off the rocks if she has nothing to live for. And she sort of doesn't. The most important thing in her life has been taken away. But we have to show her we still care, okay?"

I sniffed. "I don't know if I can do that Shelley. I'm barely getting by myself. Maybe I should come back another time."

"_Don't_," Shelly grabbed my arm roughly. "I am _not_ going to be the only one to be there for her damnit. My dad can't do it all himself either. He's still hurting too but Mom has been so bad he's had to put his own grieving on hold. C'mon, you said you'd be there for us now _do_ it."

It had been a bad visit. I was crying a lot of the time and seeing how low Stan's mom became was horrible. At one point she had shot to her feet and looked up.

"Stanley. Stanley's upstairs. I have to go see Stanley." And she indeed went upstairs on her own and did not come back down.

I had to leave shortly after that. I gave myself another two months before I went back over again. I would not let Stan or Shelley down and do what I could to bring Sharon Marsh back to earth. I have been over the house many many times since then, each visit different yet the same. Mrs. Marsh never really made many improvements and several months after Stan died she began to hallucinate for lack of a better term. Shelley would tell me how her mother had begun acting as if she was seeing Stan or hearing him. She'd spend hours held up in Stan's bedroom as if she were watching him play. I can recall a rather uneasy visit to the house two years ago. I was talking with Shelley and Randy when Sharon had come out from the yard with a slight smile on her face.

"He was just out there," she told us as she joined us over coffee.

"Who was?" I asked.

"Stanley. He was just out there. Right outside there." It was the look on her face, that slight smile and ease to her tone that made it very weird.

"What do you mean Mom?" Shelley asked carefully.

"He was just out there. Playing. Had his favorite remote-controlled car there. Running around. He was so happy."

We had all gone stone-cold.

"Looking at me. Smiling. 'Hi Mom!' he said to me. Such a happy little boy he is."

It's unfortunate when she does have these odd moments for they are some of the only moments she's truly smiling. But she has been doing it a lot. A lot of it is the same to this day. Sharon wakes in a daze, is forced to eat, cannot focus for long periods of time on anything, is content to be in the house all hours of the day, spends eerie amounts of time in Stan's room, and walks around like a zombie. At least once a week she makes claims she sees or hears Stan. And it starts all over again.

And this is how life has been the past five years. It has taken time to get used to it all and some of it I still haven't been comfortable with. I have done all I could for Stan and I know there are still things left that will make him even happier. I hold onto the hope that some day Kenny will give us another report of seeing and or hearing Stan in the spirit world, whether it's his twelve-year-old self or that black-haired little boy he saw last time. And the hope I can help others is what gets me through the day as well. Stan has been right all along, I will make a great doctor. I wonder if I would have picked this same career path had Stan still been alive but Ike tells me all the time I would have. And maybe he's right. I can't see myself doing anything else. Perhaps I'd have picked a different course in the medical field; I don't think a pediatric oncologist is what would have been my first choice. But things happen for a reason I guess.

It is now August 2018 and at the moment I am looking around my room one last time. My bags and everything have all been packed. I am about to make the long four-hour drive to Denver University and take those first steps into becoming a doctor. I'll be sharing a dorm room with someone but I don't know who yet. School starts in days and I am really excited. The nerd in me is ready to pour over notes and books and research. Of course I can't help but wonder with a twinge of sadness just where Stan would be at this exact moment if he had hit remission. We had always talked how we'd go to the same schools and colleges our whole lives. But would he have chosen a university like me? Or the local college like his sister? What classes would he be taking? What would be his number one choice of study? He had all these different interests and talents. Would he had become a rock star or have a band? He had a good singing voice and was so interested in playing guitar. Or would he have become really good at a particular sport and gotten a scholarship? So many questions I wish could be answered but seeing how things happened the way they did, they aren't meant to be answered.

"Dude, are you coming down or not?" the voice of my thirteen-year-old brother breaks my thoughts.

"Huh?"

"Dude, Mom wants to know if you're leaving now or not. You said at 10:30. It's almost eleven now. Hurry up."

"I'll be down in a minute"-

Ike rolls his eyes and goes downstairs. I take one last look at my bedroom before running a hand through my wavy red hair, take hold of my backpack, and shut the door. Mom already has her tissues ready.

"Do you have to leave right now bubbeleh?"

"Yeah. I want to get to know the area before school starts. It's best I leave today."

Mom nods and sniffs. Dad places a hand on my shoulder.

"I'll help you put the last of your things in the car son."

Mom and Ike look on as Dad helps me place my last few boxes into my used car. It's not that bad a car either; it's nice and white and made in 2009 so it's pretty okay. After closing the passenger's seat I turn to my parents and brother.

"Are you still going to the Marshes today?" Dad asks.

"Yeah," I sigh. "I have to say goodbye to them too before I go."

Mom has tears in her eyes and wipes her nose. "Poor Sharon. Oh Kyle please do what you can and tell her I'm thinking of her. I'm just a call away if she needs someone to talk to."

I nod. "I know Mom, I tell her that every time."

Mom nodded, still holding onto the hope one day Stan's mother would call her.

"Make sure they know we're thinking of them," Dad holds onto my arms.

"C'mon you guys, you're supposed to be upset I'm leaving, not how Stan's family is doing," I half-smile.

Mom shakes her head. "Of course we're sad you're leaving bubbe. What- what am I going to do with your room?"

"Well I would still like a place to sleep when I come down to visit," I grin.

"Not fair, you told me I could have his room for all the stuff that doesn't fit in my own room," Ike whines.

Unlike me Ike had ended up becoming a rather messy kid. His room is not some place you want to step into unless it's an emergency. I share a final hug with my parents and that's when Mom begins to sob. It's been hard convincing her I'll be okay and will visit every chance I get. I finally get into the car and with one last wave good-bye and calling out 'I'll miss you!' to my family, I begin my drive to 2001 Bonanza Street. Randy's car sits in the driveway so I know he is home with his wife. I take a moment to gain my composure in my car after I park on the curb. Sighing, I get to my feet and make my way to the door and walked in. Randy is sitting on the couch but looks up with a smile when I step through.

"Kyle! Hey, how are you doing?"

"Okay, you?"

"Same." He studies me up and down and shakes his head. "Man, off to college already huh? Where has the time gone?"

I smile. "Had to see you guys before I headed off."

"Of course. Sharon's in the back, I'll go get her. Just a sec…"

I stand around in the living room as Randy goes to get his wife. This house has gotten a creepy feel to it years ago when Sharon began to talk of Stan as if he were still alive. I don't think his spirit is wandering around here but she seems so certain of the things she has seen. I know Stan is in his own personal afterlife with all the animals, sweets, and adventure he could want. Kenny saw him himself. Yet whenever I step foot into this house I can't help but look over my shoulder and feel, well, spooked. Nothing about this house has changed in the five years since it happened. Nothing of Stan's has been moved or thrown-out. The same pictures of a happy little boy still hang on the walls, if not a few more since he had died. Random ones too such as a small framed picture of Stan on his fifth birthday looking at the camera with a grumpy face on. Nothing special, not a moment to remember yet it sits on the kitchen counter in a nice wood frame. In fact at this moment I'm noticing a few more things have been taken out I can't recall from my last visit.

A small box labeled Stanley: 2003 is by the couch. What looks to be an old baby blanket is hanging from the couch as if there is still a baby living there. And on the dining room table is a photo album, opened. I go over and flip through the pages; they all seem to contain pictures taken from a vacation in California when Stan was around eight. What is interesting too is the dish of gummy worms on the table in the living room. Random. At that second the sliding door opens and Sharon walks over to me.

"Sharon! I- how are you?" I stammer.

It takes a moment for her to respond of course. "I'm doing good. How are you? Kyle?"

"I'm doing good too."

Sharon is now looking at me with the same distant eyes and nods before taking a seat on the couch.

"Kyle's come to see us before he went to college. Pretty nice huh?" Randy says to his wife.

Sharon blinks and nods slowly. "Nice." Her eyes go wide at that second as if she has suddenly remembered something. "Oh, Kyle, would you like one?" she indicates the gummy worms.

I have to grin. "Sorry, not much of a fan of sweets. You know that."

"Oh. Most kids like sweets. Stanley loves them."

Randy hesitantly places a hand on her shoulder. "Y-yes, Stanley _did_ love sweets."

I take a seat across from them. "Have… you seen anything recently Sharon? Out of curiosity."

Sharon smiles. "Oh, it's anytime. I was down here by myself days ago. Late night. Was watching The Lion King. He joined me. Sure you don't want a gummy worm?"

This is what I'm talking about. Sharon has given this house a creepy feel to it. She would always complain about a few select movies Stan loved. The Lion King was one of them since he had played that movie over and over again since he was three. To watch it one random night and to say he was watching with her…

I rub my eyes. "I just want you to know Sharon; I'm going to be going off to Denver today. For University." No response. "I'm looking to become a doctor."

"Isn't that great Sharon?" Randy says, nudging her. "Kyle's going to be able to help all sorts of people. He'll be great at it."

I smile. Sharon however looks confused. "Where is Stanley's kindergarten book dear?" she asks her husband.

"I'm not sure Sharon. Let's not worry about that right now. Kyle's here and he might not be able to see us until Christmas."

"I have to know where it is. Shelley said she put it back but I _have_ to see it." She tries to get to her feet but Randy sits her down gently.

There is a thick silence for a few minutes. Finally I try to talk to her again.

"Sharon?"

Her eyes travel to me in slow motion. "Yes?" she isn't really focused on me.

"I want you to understand that I'm going to Denver for school. I'm going to be a doctor. I won't be able to be here to visit as often as I used to. I don't want you to be upset about that."

Sharon smiles. "Why would I be upset silly? I'll be okay. You have fun."

I sigh. It is such a task getting her to listen or understand anything.

"I know you have Shelley and she's going to continue to look out for you. But she has school and a job and life of her own. And now I'll be gone for a little while. I don't want you to worry or be lonely. I could see if Butters will stop by. Maybe even Cartman. They'll both be staying here for a while."

"That's fine," she says shortly.

"Are you sure you'll be okay?" I squeeze her hand.

Sharon squeezes gently back, tears in her eyes. "Baby. My baby… my baby boy…"

I sigh and stand. "You make sure to call me if you need me okay? I'll see what I can do if I can't get to you right away. But I'm going to be calling every Saturday, okay? Just to see how you're doing."

Sharon nods, a tear spilling from an eye. She looks over to the dining room table. "I need to look through the pictures. Do you want to with me Kyle? They're of our summer vacation in California. Stanley was eight. Such nice pictures…"

"No, it's okay. I should be going soon." She has showed me countless photos of Stan all these years, each have a story attached to them.

Apparently it didn't matter if I was there or not, Sharon went over to the photo album and began looking through them.

"Randy! Randy come look! Stanley at the San Diego Zoo. Look at how happy he is with the tigers in the background," Sharon suddenly calls.

"I'll- I'll be there soon honey." He looks at me.

"Is it okay if… I…?" I point upstairs.

He nods. "Of course. Take your time. But try not to mess anything up, she'll know."

I nod back and go upstairs and make the familiar path to Stan's old bedroom. I crack the partly opened door wide. It looks exactly how it did five years ago. His bed is a little messed up, the sheets wrinkled and the covers pulled back a little. I hadn't been in this room many times but I can tell not much has changed. The same stuff is in here minus the things he gave to friends and family in his will. I admit it looks a little weird and empty without all the toys and games he passed onto me. I hadn't taken every little thing for they seemed too personal like this giant T-rex he used to play with all the time that his grandmother bought him. It still sits on his baseball themed toy box like it did many years ago. His bookshelf is still full of books. Two are on his bed however. They weren't there last time so I can only guess why Sharon had put them there. I walk around slowly, taking in the sights. I have to see this room one last time before I leave. I could see a small package of mini Oreo cookies on the floor. I picked it up and saw the expiration date was August 12th 2013. Sickened I put them back where they are on the floor. Stan's TV and computer are still hooked up although I'm not sure when or if they had been used since he died. There is defiantly a good layer of dust on them both.

I go over to the closet and open the door. All his jackets and his suit and other clothes are still hanging. I see strewn parts of old Halloween costumes inside. I smile as tears flood my vision as I pick up the little child-sized Devil horns he wore for Halloween when he was six. All his stuffed animals line the top shelf. There's a lot of useless junk inside, not that I'm surprised. He had been a little hoarder for as long as I can remember. I gently close the door again. That's when I trip over something- a medium gray box. I bend down and realize what I'm seeing; Stan's old nebulizer. I see the corner of the bag of its tubing and pieces poking out. With a heavy heart I sit on his bed and hold the items in my hands. So many memories of Stan's asthma attacks fill my mind. They were such scary moments and when I was younger I did not fully understand the disease. But I have seen these things since I was four. For some reason, on Stan's bed is his medicine bag where old inhalers sit. There was never much purpose for it as he only carried around one if he went somewhere. I look into the bag and at the inhalers and old attachments for his nebulizer as well as pills and his peak flow meter. I hold an inhaler in my hand.

"Oh dude…" I sigh, closing my hand around the blue canister.

I sit on his bed for close to ten minutes. Suddenly I get the feeling it's time to leave. I make sure to put all of Stan's asthma stuff back how they were as I stand up. I get ready to put the inhaler back but can't. I hold it in my hand and look it over. I shake it. Nothing inside, not like I expected there to be. I look on its side and see the expiration date for the Ventolin was March 2010. That month everything changed. I think fast before pocketing it. There are plenty of other old bits and bobs in the bag, I'm sure Sharon will hardly notice. I look behind me one last time before leaving the door partially open like it was and hurry downstairs. Sharon is still showing Randy pictures in the album.

"Well, I think I'm going to take off now," I announce.

They look at me.

"Let's walk Kyle out Shar," Randy helps his wife up. "C'mon, we can look at the pictures after."

We are at the door. I hug Sharon to me tight.

"I'll be checking in every week Sharon. Don't forget to eat and sleep and take care of yourself okay?"

She's crying.

"See me soon Kyle," she sobs.

"I will, promise. Take care."

Randy wraps his arms around me in a man-hug. He pats my back. "Thanks for everything Kyle. Have a good time in Denver. You're going to make a great doctor. You're going to change so many kids' lives for the better. I know it."

"Thanks, that means a lot to me Randy."

We break apart. I give them one final wave before reaching my car. I look over the roof before I get in.

"Take care of yourself, both of you," I say again. They stand there and wave with tears in their eyes. I get into the car and drive out the street until next time.

I look around the streets as I drive. Where I'm headed is a little way on the outskirts of South Park. That's when the daunting white gates reach up. SOUTH PARK CEMETARY reads. I drive up the gravely road and make a stop at the small Gift Shop. I make my purchase before driving a little ways away before I reach the curb of the lot I'm looking for. As I step out of my car I see the clouds begin to roll ahead of me and the cold breeze kick in. So much for summer weather here. I tighten my jacket a bit before I begin walking onto the grass, passing by several statues, big and small, simple placer's in the ground and fancier tombstones, a couple with an image of the deceased person who's buried under it. His is a bit of a way in the back of the lot. I then see a giant oak tree ahead and know I am near. Then it's there- a nice red granite headstone with the words etched in white, four graves to the left of the tree:

_Stanley Quintin Marsh_

_Born: October 19th, 2001 Died July 13th, 2013_

_Precious son, brother, and friend. May you rest in eternal peace and suffer never more_.

I stare at the words a minute before I bend down and place three red and three white tulips on top it. I sniff loudly as I get to my feet. I find my voice.

"H-hey dude. It's me." Pause. "I wonder what it is you're doing at the moment. You told me before you think you'd go to your own personal heaven. I hope it's true. (_sniff_) I hope you're having the time of your- your afterlife, ha, wherever you are. Do you get to ride giraffes where you are? I know it's always been a dream of yours. How- how fun is it to eat chocolate ice cream for breakfast, hm?" I shake my head knowing I might sound silly in front of the common stranger. I kneel now. "Hey, I saw your parents just now. Your dad's doing okay. But I'm afraid your mom's the same as she's always been." I sigh. "I try talking to her dude but she won't listen. I'm not going to give up but it's hard you know? She- she misses you so much Stan. She isn't the same woman I used to know and it's really hard seeing her like this. I don't know if you can do anything to show her life goes on but if you can…" I sigh. "I'm going to be going off to University here shortly but I had to see you before I left. I'm going to medical school; it's going to be great. What I know I'm meant to do. And someday, I really really hope I get to help some kids out who are suffering just like you were. Dr. Fohlkoly has been a great mentor for me so far dude."

I can hear the footsteps and voices of a couple walking not too far from me now.

"Look man, I should wrap. I'm sure the other guys will see you here soon too. But I'll be back around Christmas okay? I'll get you a real nice gift, promise. Not like that fake little tree like last year. I know you were embarrassed by it," I smiled as tears filled my eyes once more. "Okay, I'm going to take off right now Stan. See you soon then." I pause before I get to my feet. I touch his headstone. "I miss you dude, we all do," I say softly. I take one last look at the final resting place of my super best friend before making my way back to my car. I start up the engine and shudder in a painful breath as I leave, off to begin my own life.

_I'll be back soon dude. Just like I always am. You know I will never forget you._

End.

_A/N: Well there you have it, the end. I have had the best time writing this story. As difficult as it was it was a fun challenge and I got some fascinating information along the way and can now add cancer onto my list of general interests. There are several songs I feel go with it. I will mention a few: My Chemical Romance- Cancer, Red-Nothing and Everything, and Evanescence October, and My Immortal. I would love to see what songs you guys come up with. Something I have planned is making a series with the letters Stan writes to his friends and family. I have written them for my own personal use, but if any reader would like to see them I will gladly post them. All I can say is thank-you so much to all who read and reviewed. This was another story I was uncertain about how it would be viewed. So a big thanks to each and every one of you. I promise I shall not write another character death again, I can say that much. I cannot believe this is the end as again, this has been a fascinating thing to write. _

_I have much planned for the rest of the year and in 2012 so stay tuned!_

_Lots of love to all: Rose, October 15, 2011_


End file.
